First Mate: the officer second in command to the captain

“Wait… WHAT?!” the kid leader exclaimed when her best friend revealed her news. In fact she was so shocked she had to lie down on her bed while Tiffany knelt down by her and gently patted her head.

“TaeTae, are you okay? Is this… too much of a shock? I mean… I don’t really know if it’s anything serious, really. You know what she’s like. But this thing with her has been going on for a while now and to be honest it’s kind of driving me crazy,” the American sighed as she laid her head on the bed next to her best friend’s.

“Is anyone else dating that I don’t know of? Aside from Soo and Yoongie of course,” Taeyeon asked, still in a daze.

“No… not that I know of. And really, Yul and I aren’t even official. I just wanted to tell you now just in case. I mean, I think I’m more serious than she is about this but I don’t know. She’s been kind of hot and cold about everything,” the mushroom buried her face into the side of the pillow that Taeyeon was lying on.

There was a short moment of silence before Taeyeon let out her trademark laugh. “Oh, how ironic…”

“What do you mean?” Tiffany asked, perplexed as to what her best friend was referring to.

“Think about it. You have to admit that when we were together, I was in your position and you were in Yul’s. It was partly why it didn’t work out between us. We were in completely different places emotionally and we wanted different things. But either way, we both know we are better off as best friends,” the elder girl elaborated.

The younger girl paused in thought for a moment. Then she crawled over her best friend and laid on her side of the bed before responding. “Wow… I totally did not even realize… it IS ironic isn’t it? Perhaps it’s karma. And I agree, somehow, we work better like this. It’s weird when people want us to define our relationship. I mean, we’re more than best friends maybe even more than sisters but not quite lovers. We are what we are and there’s no explaining it. I don’t understand why people are so keen on putting labels and defining everything,” she sighed.

“Yeah, not every relationship can be defined or explained but it’s just the way it is. People generally don’t like things they don’t understand,” Taeyeon said with a shrug.

Tiffany nodded in agreement. “You’re probably right. Hey… uhm… Taeyeonie… did I… hurt you… you know, when we were together?” the mushroom asked nervously. It was the first time she had really asked her ex-girlfriend/best friend about their relationship as a couple.

“It’s not so much as you hurt me as it just did not work out. Did we love each other? Yes, and I know I still love you but I think somewhere along the line we both realized that our love wasn’t romantic. In the end be broke up mutually, knowing we were better off this way,” the kid leader answered profoundly.

“Is it… different with Jess? Don’t take this the wrong way TaeTae but you and Jess are probably the most polar opposite amongst all of us. Are you sure that it’s not just a temporary feeling?” Tiffany voiced her concerns, still ultra-protective of her best friend.

“You know how sometimes you can be so blind even if something is right in front of you until one day, when you least expect it, you finally see, as clear as daylight what has been there all along. And then you wonder how you could have ever been so blind as to not notice something so blatantly obvious. Well… that is how I feel about Sica. Just because I did not notice it earlier doesn’t mean this is something impulsive. I admit, I hesitated but only because I was scared of what it meant but not because I doubted my feelings for her,” Taeyeon confessed.

“Wow, Taeyeonie… You really do have feelings for Jess, don’t you? You should just tell her what you told me instead of whatever is going on between you two,” Tiffany told the kid leader honestly.

“Ohmigod, this is so rude of me. I can’t believe I’m just spewing my guts to you like this and expect you to understand. I’m sorry,” the elder girl apologized.

The younger girl chuckled. “Oh please, TaeTae. Are we not each other’s secret keepers? Besides, you wish I was still caught up on you enough to be upset.”

“So what are you going to do about Yul? Are you going to tell her how you really feel?” Taeyeon wondered out loud.

“I don’t know really. I don’t want to pressure her but it’s hard when I feel like she’s just stringing me along. And then there are times when she just makes me feel so… well we have a really good time together when she actually gives me the time of day,” Tiffany sighed.

“Fany-ah, I think you should really tell her how you feel. It’s not good to drag this out if she’s not serious about it,” Taeyeon advised her best friend.

The mushroom bit her lip and let out another sigh. “I know TaeTae but I’m afraid she might really just be playing and that she’ll want to break things off. I guess… I’d rather be in denial and pretend everything is fine.”

“Hey I get where you’re coming from but if it’s within the group, you know how tricky things can get. That’s partly why I was scared about these feelings I have for Sica. And aside from me being blind and stupid, if only she had said something earlier and if we stopped talking in riddles, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now,” the kid leader elaborated.

The American grunted but she knew her best friend was right. “TaeTae… how did we get here?” She turned towards Taeyeon and held the kid leader’s hand for comfort.

Taeyeon followed suit and turned to face Tiffany. She placed a gentle kiss on her best friend’s forehead, something she was used to doing to make Tiffany feel better. “I don’t know Fany… I really don’t know. But I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“So… are you going to talk to Jess and tell her how you really feel?” Tiffany snuggled closer to Taeyeon.

“I have to. I don’t want to do this dance anymore,” Taeyeon replied. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the younger girl’s, drifting off into a slumber even though her thoughts were filled with another girl.

“What is it, unnie?” Krystal asked, waiting for her sister to reach her conclusion.

“I think you know… You know, don’t you…?” Jessica dropped her head, avoiding her sister’s eyes.

Krystal walked over and hugged the elder Jung, her hair to comfort her. Usually the younger Jung was the one always in need of comforting from her sister but this time the tables have turned and she’s never seen her elder sister in such shambles.

“Unnie, it’s okay to be scared and I can absolutely understand. Even if you don’t feel the same way about Taeyeon unnie, it’s alright. But you shouldn’t avoid yours and her feelings forever. Whatever it is, you two need to work it out. Especially because you’ve been friends for so long and there is no way you both can avoid each other. But… if I’m not wrong, I know you feel something for her too, am I wrong?” the younger Jung spoke with wisdom beyond her years.

Jessica shook her head. “You’re not…”

“So… you really like Teayeon unnie?” Krystal checked to be sure.

“I… I think I might… Wait. I mean, I’m sure… but it’s too late. She hates me now. I’m pretty sure she won’t forgive me,” Jessica sobbed.

“Unnie, I doubt that Teayeon unnie would have changed the way she felt in just overnight. And also, hate is just what happens to love when someone is hurt. If she didn’t care about you anymore, she would be indifferent. What you need to do, what you both need to do is be upfront about your true feelings. No more tip-toeing around,” Krystal told her sister.

“But I don’t even know how it could possibly work between us-” Jessica started to spew more of her concerns but she was stopped by baby Jung.

“Unnie, look… No one ever knows if any relationship will work out but if you don’t give it a try then you’ll never know,” Krystal urged her sister.

Jessica took a step back and stared at her baby sister for a short moment. “Who are you and what have you done with my baby Kryssie?” She made a playful suspicious expression.

Krystal giggled. “Why are you so surprised? I can be quite deep sometimes you know?” the younger Jung joked.

“I know. It’s just that I can’t believe you’re all grown up now. My baby is no longer a baby,” Jessica teased as she rubbed her sister’s cheeks.

“Unnie…” Krystal whined as the attempted to free herself from her sister’s grasp. “Stop… I’m always your baby anyway.”

“And don’t you forget it,” the elder Jung kissed you younger girl’s cheek.

“You never let me forget anyway,” the younger Jung pouted but then returned her sister’s kiss on the cheek.

Jessica giggled. “True, because you are my cute baby sister except now you’re taller than I am.”

Krystal let out a playful evil laugh. “That’s my one advantage. Don’t be jealous.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. At least I’m taller than Taeyeonie,” Jessica chuckled to herself.

“Oh, you’re in so much trouble! I’m going to tell Taeyeon unnie you said that!” Krystal threatened her sister jokingly.

“Yah! How dare you threaten your unnie?” Jessica shook her head at her sister.

“I was just playing. But seriously, are you going to talk to Taeyeon unnie?” Krystal asked.

Jessica bit her lip. “Yes.”

After having a talk with their respective confidants, both the kid leader and the ice princess had decided to seek each other out and confess their absolute true feelings for each other. So the first thing the next morning, Jessica headed over to the Girls’ Generation dorm. Usually nothing could get Jessica to wake up that early but the fact was that she couldn’t even sleep the night before. Surprisingly, the dorm was still liveless. Jessica could hear music coming from one of the rooms but that was about it. She decided to head over to Taeyeon’s room quietly, not wanting to make a big commotion because if anyone saw her, they would definitely want to know why she was there.

She crept her way to the kid leader’s room and gently knocked on the door.

“Taeyeon, are you awake?” she whispered, hoping that the eldest member could hear her through the door. But there was no answer.

So Jessica decided to just make her way in. She opened the door as quietly as possible but just as she peeked in the door, her body froze. She hadn’t even thought of the fact that Tiffany might be there let alone locked in an embrace with Taeyeon as they slept.

“Taeyeon!” she exclaimed in shock.

“Yes?” Taeyeon answered but even more surprising, the voice came from behind Jessica.

Realizing this, the ice princess turned around and was met by the figure of the kid leader yawning and then looking back at her in puzzlement.

“Wait… What?! But… then who…?” Jessica was so flabbergasted that she couldn’t even form a coherent sentence.

Taeyeon quickly slapped her hand over Jessica’s mouth and dragged her out of the room, closing the door behind them. She then peered around frantically to make sure no one else had been alerted and then proceeded to drag her out of the dorm.

Once the initial shock had worn off, Jessica finally realized that she had no clue as to where Taeyeon was taking her.

“Where are we going?!” the ice princess asked, feeling a little agitated that she was being taken without being told where they were headed.

“I need to ask you something but I don’t want to do it with everyone around. Just come with me and I’ll explain everything,” the kid leader replied without stopping. She was holding onto Jessica’s hand but she wasn’t really aware of it until the other girl tightened her grip on her hand.

The truth was Taeyeon had no idea where to take Jessica. All she knew was they couldn’t be at the dorm. They needed to sort things out before people started bombarding them with questions. She was walking aimlessly when they passed by a small little shack that was still quiet.

“Are you hungry? Let’s have breakfast,” Taeyeon suggested to Jessica. Actually, she was not so much suggesting as she was insisting.

“What?” Jessica pondered in confusion.

“Are. You. Hungry?” Teayeon repeated as she led Jessica into the shack.

At this point, Jessica didn’t bother resisting. She just went along with whatever Taeyeon had in mind. She still had that image of Tiffany being embraced by whom Jessica had thought was Taeyeon but it wasn’t. Unfortunately, the ice princess did not get a good look and had only assumed who the girls were.

“If it wasn’t Taeyeon… then who was it?” Jessica thought to herself.

“Ahjumma, can we get two gomtang and one bindaetteok?” she called out her order for the both of them.

“Taeyeon, what are we doing here?” Jessica sighed, having given up on trying to figure out what the kid leader was up to.

“I told you, I wanted to ask you something,” Taeyeon explained.

“Then why are we here?” Jessica was exasperated. She had gone to the dorm expecting to work things out with Taeyeon and confess her true feelings but having been thrown for a loop had caused her to lose her temper.

“Had you already had breakfast? Well I haven’t and I’m really hungry, and we can talk while we eat, right? Right,” Taeyeon babbled nervously.

“So what is it?” The ice princess was impatient and just wanted to move things along.

“I’m going to get to it. But first why were you back at the dorm? Were you looking for me?” the kid leader threw a question back at Jessica.

“W-What makes you think that?” Jessica replied.

“You were in my room and you called out my name?” Taeyeon answered.

“Fine… yes… I admit, I was looking for you,” Jessica admitted. She fidgeted nervously having been exposed so easily.

“So… what was it you wanted?” Taeyeon continued her interrogation.

Both girls had so many questions and yet neither wanted to speak up first. Silence. Even until the arrival of the food, both girls refused to give in. And even though Taeyeon was the one whom had ordered the food, all she could do was stir the soup until it got cold.

“Are you just going to play with your food? I thought you were hungry,” Jessica said.

“I… uhm…” Taeyeon took a deep breath. “Look Sica, I just wanted to set the record straight. I really do have feelings for you. It’s not a joke nor is it an impulse. I didn’t notice it earlier but once I did it was all so clear. And to be clear, there is absolutely nothing romantic between Fany and me for a long time now. The way we are is just… the way we are. And if you tell me now that you don’t feel the same way then I guess I’ll just have to accept it. But I need you to tell me truthfully, did you not feel anything when I kissed you because I could have sworn you kissed me back and the feeling I got was insane. And frankly, I would really like to do it again.”

Taeyeon bit her lower lip and stared at Jessica’s lips, unable to help but imagine the feeling of kissing those lips again.

“I did…” Jessica responded quietly.

Taeyeon could barely make out what she said. “Sorry?”

“I… I did feel something. That’s why I kissed you back. And when I said it was wrong, it wasn’t because of you but it was because I wasn’t sure what I was feeling and it would have been wrong to lead you on when I wasn’t sure or rather I was scared and I hesitated. But what I came to tell you was that, you were right. I do have feelings for you too and that I’m sorry for just leaving you hanging like that and to ask you if you still felt the same,” Jessica finally declaring her true feelings.

Taeyeon smiled then said. “I’m hungry again. Let’s eat.”

It was definitely not what Jessica had expected as a response from Taeyeon. “Really? That’s all you can say?”

The kid leader reached across the table and took hold of the ice princess’s hand. “Sica-ya, while we are here, let’s enjoy our first date, okay?”

Jessica couldn’t help but blush. She thought about scolding Taeyeon for her haphazard, impromptu talk-during-breakfast turned date but she actually rather liked the randomness of it all, especially the fact that nothing had gone the way she had expected. It was casual and there was no pressure.

Jessica stared at Taeyeon for a while. The kid leader was, for some reason, suddenly full of confidence and she had a smug yet goofy grin on her face.

“Just eat your soup, you dork,” Jessica finally said.

Taeyeon laughed and let go of Jessica’s hand so that she could actually hold her chopsticks.

For a while, both girls ate silently but even in the silence it was not awkward like it would have been before. Both girls had had silly grins on their faces. Every once in a while, they would look up at each other, blush and then continued eating. It was as if they were two school girls in puppy love. But after all that drama, both girls were just giddy with happiness.

Halfway through the meal, Jessica suddenly remembered that she had wanted to ask. “Ohmigod! Taeyeonie…! Who was that with Tiff?!”

Taeyeon coughed hard, nearly choking on her food. “Sorry… what?” she responded while frantically grabbing for a napkin to contain her cough.

“You know who it is don’t you? I mean… where were you sleeping?” the ice princess interogated the kid leader.

“Uhm… yours?” Taeyeon lied. She wasn’t sure if she should be revealing Tiffany’s secret.

“You’ve always been a terrible liar, Kim Taeyeon,” Jessica said with a cocked eyebrow.

“Sica-yah, you know I would tell you if I could but it’s not my secret to tell. However, I will tell you this, Fany is in over her head,” Taeyeon chuckled.

Jessica’s eyes widened a little in disbelief. “Seriously?”

Taeyeon simply nodded to confirm.

“Oh, alright… I’ll interrogate Tiff myself,” Jessica snickered gleefully. “You’re off the hook this time, Kim Taeyeon.”

“Thank you…” the kid leader sighed with relief. Taeyeon would have been put between a rock and a hard place if Jessica had insisted on knowing. So she was glad Jessica was so understanding about not forcing her to tell on her best friend.

Then again, it wasn’t like they were strangers and Jessica knew she could go directly to Tiffany especially since she had a little bit of dirty little secret on the latter.

The most surprising thing about the situation was that both girls had thought that they would be awkward around each other after confessing their feelings but the truth was it was such a load off both their shoulders that things had gone back to normal; and by normal meaning they could once again be comfortable around each other and speak freely without having to withhold their feelings.

As they left the restaurant, Taeyeon did not even hesitate to take hold of the ice princess’s hand. However, there was one question that they were both thinking of…

“What now…?!”