Dead Water: the period at the turn of the tide when there is little or no horizontal motion of tidal water

“Unnie… Are you alright?” Krystal caught her sister staring silently at something in her hand for over a few minutes.

It was getting late and the other girls had left, leaving Krystal and Jessica to unpack and settle back in at her parent’s house. The move had been extremely awkward between the ice princess and the kid leader after Taeyeon’s confession was, yet again, interrupted by their best friend, Tiffany. In fact, the girls knew each other well enough that they could feel something was definitely up, but since both Taeyeon and Jessica had insisted on everything being “fine”, the mushroom and the dancing queen decided to let it be.

Now that the Jung sisters were alone, the place was quiet, especially since Jessica hadn’t said a word since the other girls left except for “Kryssie, are you hungry?” to which baby Jung answered “not really”, and then they resumed unpacking.

“Unnie… What’s wrong?” the younger sister repeated herself when the elder one did not reply.

“Hmmm…? Oh, sorry Kryssie… I… I was just thinking…” Jessica mumbled, still staring at the thing she was holding.

“About what? You’ve been acting a little weird the entire day… Are you sure there isn’t something wrong?” the younger Jung pressed on.

Jessica finally looked up at her sister and forced a smile. “I’m fine, Kryssie. Don’t worry. How did your schedule go? Did you guys have time to go out at all?”

“Uhm, it went pretty well. Usual, I guess. Ssul had to leave right after because of her other schedule. Luna unnie and I came home together because she also had a different schedule, whilst I wanted to surprise you, and Vic unnie and Amber stayed behind for a radio interview,” Krystal replied.

“I’m actually really glad you’re home, Kryssie… I missed you,” Jessica walked over and threw her arms around her sister, burying her face into the taller girl’s shoulder.

“U-Unnie… seriously, you’re worrying me. I missed you too. Why won’t you just tell me what’s wrong? It is… Is it something to do with Taeyeon unnie?” Krystal asked her big sister as she wrapped her arms around the shorter girl protectively.

“W-Wha- H-How did you…?” Jessica looked back up at her sister in surprise.

“So it does have something to do with her? I’m not blind, unnie… You kept peering at Taeyeon unnie but not saying anything the entire day… And you guys disappeared for a while after you arrived… and the air between you two was just… kind of weird… I don’t know, I thought I was just imagining things but I guess not,” the younger Jung explained cautiously, not wanting to pry more than her sister wanted to talk about.

“Was it… really that obvious…?” the older Jung sighed.

“Unnie, it’s me you’re talking to. Do you really think I wouldn’t notice?” Krystal patted Jessica’s back gently to comfort her. “So… do you want to, uhm, talk about it?”

“Kryssie… something happened… between Taeyeonie and me,” Jessica started to explain.

“Whatever it is, you’ve been friends for years. I’m sure you’ll work it out. You guys are like more than just friends, even beyond sisterhood. You have an indestructible bond,” Krystal tried reassuring her sister.

“No, Kryssie. I did something really stupid and I don’t know if I can ever take it back. Even if Taeyeonie could ever forgive me, I don’t know if things will ever be the same again. And… and… I… I’m really confused about how I feel right now,” Jessica spewed. She was now close to tears.

“Unnie, what can be so bad? And what are you confused about?” Baby Jung was beginning to get more worried.

“Kryssie… If I tell you, will you promise not to judge me? Will you promise to still think of me the same way?” Jessica asked timidly, apprehensive of what her sister might think of her little secret.

Krystal nodded. “You’re my sister. No matter what, you’ll always be my sister and I love you.”

“Taeyeonie… we… we kissed. Actually, she… kissed me last night and I flipped out. And then she kissed me again earlier, when we went missing for a bit, and I… I kissed her back. I-I don’t know why. I’m so confused. But then I broke it off and… I told her it was wrong because honestly I didn’t know what I felt, I still don’t. But she got mad. I can’t blame her. I embarrassed her because I kind of started it. It’s my fault. I made a huge mess of this, Kryssie. Now I don’t know what to do,” Jessica broke down in her little sister’s arms.

Krystal was surprised but not in a bad way. Like so many others, she had assumed that Taeyeon and Tiffany had something going on. And perhaps, sometimes, there was even the possibility of Jessica having some kind of relationship with Tiffany but she had never thought that her sister had that type of feeling towards Girls’ Generation’s kid leader. So now that this has come to light, Krystal too was confused about how this has come to be.

But before Krystal could even ask Jessica another question, the older Jung already knew that her sister would be puzzled and so she proceeded to tell the younger Jung the entire incident leading up to the falling out she had with Taeyeon earlier that day.

“So you see… It was really my fault. I confused her and I don’t know how I feel exactly so I thought it was wrong of me to kiss her back when I wasn’t sure. But she thinks I was just playing with her feelings and I didn’t know how to explain myself. I made a big deal about feeling jealous of her and Tiff but then when she confessed, I-I was thrown for a loop and I got scared. But it wasn’t like I didn’t feel anything when she kissed me. And even when she told me that there was nothing between her and Tiff, that they were just best friends, I have to admit that I felt a sense of relief and even… joy? Did I really wish for them not to be a couple that badly? Does that mean that I actually have feelings for Taeyeonie? I-It can’t be, can it?” Jessica thought out loud.

“Unnie… are you unsure of how you feel? Or are you scared?” Krystal asked, suspecting something that her sister doesn’t even realize herself.

“I… I don’t know, Kryssie…” Jessica hesitated.

Krystal gave her sister an insistent look.

Jessica sighed and took a moment to herself. She thought hard about what exactly it was she felt for Taeyeon and she thought back on Taeyeon’s confession… and the kiss, or actually, the kisses.

“Yes, I was jealous of Taengoo’s relationship with Tiff. But I was just jealous because I was being neglected. But what was that feeling when she was close to me? Why was I so nervous? Why did my heart beat faster? Did I really hate that first kiss? No, not really. I was just surprised, wasn’t I? And I… I thought she was messing with me because I thought her and Tiff were together. But then when she said her and Tiff were just best friends, I was actually happy. But still that doesn’t mean anything, does it? So when she kissed me again, I… I let myself give in to her. I… I kissed her back. Why…? I wanted it… Then why did I stop it? I told her it was wrong but… but… it actually felt so right… Am I just scared?”

Then Jessica entertained the idea of kissing Taeyeon again.

Dugeun… dugeun…

Jessica clutched her chest.

“Kryssie…” Jessica gulped. “I think…”

(Back at the dorm…)

“TaeTae?” Tiffany called to her best friend but there was hardly a reaction from the kid leader. “Taeyeonie?” she tried again, this time a little louder, just enough to win over Taeyeon’s attention.

The two girls were back at the dorm after a long and somewhat eventful day, or at least for one of them. The dorm was relatively quiet with most of the other girls resting after their respective activities as well, except Sunny who was watching television and Yuri who was out with friends.

“Oh, Fany-ah... what’s wrong?” the eldest member responded absentmindedly.

“Hello… I should be the one asking you that. What’s up with you? You’ve been acting weird since you got back this morning,” the mushroom corrected the kid leader and patted her back.

“Uhm, have I? I don’t think so,” Taeyeon lied. She knew full well what Tiffany was talking about but she couldn’t bring herself to admit the truth to her best friend just yet.

“You’re lying. Don’t even try to deny it,” Tiffany said knowingly.

“Well… I was just… It’s nothing, really,” Taeyeon tried denying again.

“You what, TaeTae? Just tell me. You never hide anything from me,” the American pouted, trying to guilt trip her best friend.

“You’re right… I don’t. But…” Taeyeon started but then hesitated.

“Does it have something to do with Jess?” the mushroom took a wild guess.

“W-What?!” the kid leader stuttered in shock. She wondered how Tiffany could have possibly guessed that it had something, or rather everything to do with Jessica.

“I’m right, aren’t I? It’s something to do with Jess, isn’t it? What happened last night? And this afternoon? Ohmigod, what’s going on?!” Tiffany rambled on.

“Fany, relax, okay? It’s nothing really… I mean, I just, you know… I, uhm, I…” Taeyeon took a dramatic pause to summon up the courage to reveal her secret to her best friend and ex-girlfriend. “I kissed Sica…”

The American’s eyes slowly widened as she tried to figure out how to react. The truth was, she was completely speechless.

“Uhm… Fany, are you… okay?” Taeyeon asked cautiously when Tiffany gave no verbal response.

“YAH, KIM TAEYEON! YOU DID WHAT?! YOU-” Tiffany yelled when she finally managed to come to her senses. But before she could complete her sentence, Taeyeon slapped her hand over her best friend’s mouth to silence her, for fear that the other members could hear her.

“Shhh! Fany, please, the others can’t know about this,” the kid leader pleaded and slowly removed her hand.

Tiffany took a few deep breaths to calm herself. “You… You kissed Jess?!” the mushroom asked in attempt to confirm what she had heard, hoping that perhaps she had misheard the kid leader.

Taeyeon hung her head to avoid looking directly at Tiffany. “Twice actually…”

“TWICE?!” Tiffany raised her voice again.

“Shhh!” Taeyeon shushed her again.

“Sorry, TaeTae… but this is… mindblowing! You? And Jess? I just… Ohmigod! Are you guys a thing now?” The American struggled to contain her disbelief.

Taeyeon lifted her head to look at Tiffany but she knew her eyes were red and on the verge of tearing. Taeyeon didn’t usually cry, well she tried not to anyway but within 24 hours she had already cried over Jessica more than once.

She shook her head at the younger girl. “No… I kissed her, but… she…” Taeyeon gave in and tears began streaming down her cheeks.

“Oh, Tae…” Tiffany wrapped her arms around the older girl to comfort her. “Did she reject you?”

Taeyeon sobbed harder. “I… I thought… She… She told me… And then I… But then she… no…”

“Wait, wait... Taeyeonie, I don’t understand what you just said. You need to slow down,” Tiffany gently her best friend’s hair, hoping that it would calm her down.

Taeyeon wept for a while more before she was able to regain her composure again. Then she finally told Tiffany everything that had happened between her and Jessica within the past 24 hours.

“So… You actually have feelings for Jess? Our Jess? Jung Sooyeon?” the mushroom asked incredulously.

“W-Why is it so surprising?” Taeyeon wondered, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“It’s not that it’s surprising but you’ve never really showed any signs, so I just never realized. And what did she mean when she said it’s wrong?” Tiffany replied.

“I don’t know, Fany, I never really got to finish that conversation,” Taeyeon sighed.

“Why not?” Tiffany walked over to her bed and sat down. Then she gestured for Taeyeon to join her knowing that they might be getting into a long conversation. “Ohmigod… Wait… It’s because of me isn’t it? Of course, it was me… Hwang Miyoung you are so oblivious sometimes!” She face palmed herself. “I’m sorry, TaeTae.”

Taeyeon sighed again as she joined Tiffany on her bed. “It’s not your fault. It’s not like you knew.”

“Ohmigod, wait! This morning… when I came back from the shower… Were you two…?” Tiffany continued her inquiry.

“We were just talking, but you walked in on that conversation too,” the kid leader collapsed onto the bed.

“I’m sorry,” the mushroom apologized, feeling guilty that she had been an interruption on more than one occasion.

“It’s really not your fault. I doubt it would have been any different even if we had managed to finish our conversation. She obviously doesn’t feel the same way,” Taeyeon grabbed Dookongie, her stuffed peas-in-a-pod plushie, and hugged it tightly.

“But at least you would know why,” Tiffany insisted.

Taeyeon shrugged. “Maybe.” At this point, she had convinced herself that Jessica just didn’t feel the same way about her and it didn’t matter what the explanation was. She wasn’t even mad at Jessica even though she wanted to be, so badly.

“So when exactly did you realized that you feel this way?” Tiffany nudged Taeyeon playfully.

“I… To be honest, I don’t know when exactly. Sometime between last night and this morning? Whenever it was, it hit me like a ton of bricks and now I can’t go back. I think I might have messed everything up, Fany. Why did I have to kiss her?!” Taeyeon told her.

“Oh, TaeTae, our bond is stronger than you think. I don’t think you’ve messed anything up. You just have to talk to Jess and clear things up. If she really doesn’t feel the same, then so be it. You guys can get over it… I mean, we did. And look at us, we’re still fine,” Tiffany tried consoling her best friend.

“It’s different between you and me. We’ve always had a good relationship and it was a mutual thing between us. But Sica and I have a very different relationship dynamic. Still, I definitely have to talk to her. There’s no avoiding each other, is there?” Taeyeon said worriedly.

“No, not really. There are no real secrets within the group either, Taeyeonie. You know that. Some things we acknowledge but never speak of but we all still know about it. Some things we speculate. And some things reveal themselves in time,” Tiffany told Taeyeon, her voice suddenly serious.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll talk to her the first chance I get,” Taeyeon agreed.

“Uhm, Taeyeonie, since we’re talking… I also have something to tell you…”Tiffany said in a quieter than usual tone.