Shipwreck: a ruined or destroyed ship

“Kids! Gather around for a second… I have something I need to say…” shouted Jessica from the living room, her shrill yet quiet voice hardly making a dent in the dense air of the Soshi dorms that was filled with the chatter and laughter of the nine girls.

Jessica had an important announcement to make and as luck would have it, the moment was perfect. All the Soshi girls were in the dorm, having a rare day off where all the girls had no schedule. However, none of the girls seemed to want to respond to Jessica’s call for a meeting.

“Why isn’t anyone gathering? Can they not hear me?” she thought to herself in frustration when her demand wasn’t met, even after numerous attempts.

Just then the youngest of the American girls came out of the leader’s room, a wide smile plastered on her face while humming a random tune.

“Fany-ah! Are you the only one who heard me?” Jessica asked, thinking that the younger American had heard her call and responded.

“Huh? Heard what? Did you wanted something?” Tiffany countered with her own questions.

Jessica groaned in frustration. Her disgruntlement was now reaching boiling point.

“I was calling for everyone to gather… I have something to say…” Jessica explained to Tiffany, trying to keep her impatience under control.

“Sica-ya… You wanted to gather everyone?” Taeyeon’s voice suddenly made its entrance into the conversation without the prior knowledge of either American.

“TaeTae… Sica is being a grump because no one would listen to her…” Tiffany told Taeyeon in her usual aegyo filled way whenever she was around the eldest member. The two have had an unbreakable bond since the start of their trainee days and they made no attempts to hide their affection for one another, especially not when they were in the comfort of their own dorm.

“Oh… Really? I got it…” Taeyeon said coolly, after all she was the group’s eternal kid leader for about 6 years now and despite her initial hesitation about her abilities to be the group’s leader, she had taken to the role like a fish in water.

“HEY KIDS! COME OUT AND GATHER AROUND!” Taeyeon yelled. She wasn’t usually the loudest in the group, that role was obviously reserved for her best friend and pink gangster of the group, but then she was used to having to gather all nine rowdy girls.

The response was immediate and the complete opposite of that of Jessica’s attempts.

Jessica crossed her arms in discontent. “I don’t need your help… I could’ve done this myself.”

“Hey, what’s going on?” Sunny asked, the first to respond.

“Unnie, is this going to take long? I’m in the middle of my assignment,” the maknae of the group chimed in after that.

One by one, the girls gathered.

“Kids! Shush! God, can’t you girls just calm down for a second…? Sica has something to discuss…” Taeyeon announced.

All eight girls immediately turned their heads and attention towards Jessica who was now more agitated than ever.

“Listen… I’ve been thinking about this for a while now… I kept changing my mind if I really wanted to do it or not… I wasn’t sure if it was going to hurt the group or not… so I’ve been hesitating. But I’ve finally made my mind up… I just… I just need to do this for myself… for my own sanity. You know I love you girls but I can’t do this anymore…” said the beautiful girl with sharp features whom her fans affectionately call her MaoMao.

“What on earth are you talking about, babe?” Tiffany asked on behalf of all the other girls who now all have confused looks plastered on their faces.

“Unnie, a-are you… are you leaving us?!” the worst scenario had crossed Yoona’s mind.

Each member of Soshi had a unique relationship with another member, specific only to the two. In Jessica and Yoona’s case, Jessica took Yoona under her wings and treated her like a younger sister from day one because of how much the latter reminded her of her own sister, Krystal.

“I’m sorry, Yoong… It’s been too much for me lately…” Jessica replied apologetically, her heart softening to the face that reminded her of her baby sister so much.

“Yah! Jung Sooyeon! You just spring this news to us all of a sudden? Have you even thought about how this will affect the other girls not just you? How can you be so selfish?! You should at least have discussed with us first before making these kinds of decisions!” the leader barked at her.

“Yah! Kim Taeyeon! You don’t have to yell at me, okay! I’ve already thought about everything and I’ve talked to all of our manager oppas. They said it wouldn’t be a problem…”

“I can’t believe they’re allowing this! Did President Lee approve this?” asked Sooyoung.

“I doubt he needs to directly approve this. I’m sure the manager oppas have dealt with whatever that needed to be dealt with…”

“Wait! Hold on a second… Sica… what exactly are you trying to tell us? You’re not quitting the group are you?” Yuri asked calmly, trying to defuse the situation. She understood Jessica in ways that sometimes escaped the others and she knew the way Jessica spoke could sometimes be a little confusing.

“What?! NO! Of course I’m not leaving the group! What the heck! I’m just talking about moving out of the dorm… I’m moving back in with my parents.”

The room fell silent for about a second before all the girls erupted into a heated shouting match again.

“What?! You’re moving out?!”

“Wae, unnie?! Do you hate us?”

“What the heck Sica?! Are you abandoning me?”

“Why are you moving out all of a sudden?”

“Yah! Which one of you made her move out?!”

“I know you’re not moving out for no reason. Tell us!”

“Sica, which one of us are you mad at?”

“Unnie, why didn’t you tell me you were unhappy?”

Opinions and questions were being thrown left and right, and everyone was shouting so much so that Jessica couldn’t even tell who said what.

“Why are they treating this news even worse than when they thought I was quitting the group?!”

“QUIET DOWN!” the kid leader finally intervened. “Sica… I’m sorry for what I said earlier… Just tell us… what’s wrong?” Taeyeon reached her hand out slightly, about to take Jessica’s hand when Tiffany threw herself onto Jessica.

“You can’t leave me, Jessie!” she cried out affectionately in English. The two Americans have always been way too affectionate and touchy feely. To others they may seem like a couple but in fact, they were just a pair of kindred spirits.

“Oh, come on… I’m just moving home… My parents have finally moved close enough to mine and Kryssie’s dorms that we can both live at home now… I know it’s sudden but I’ve already thought about it a lot. I knew if I told you girls sooner, you’d change my mind. I’m sorry girls… but it’s not the end of the world. You should all come visit me often and I’ll come back often too. We’re all still together, I just won’t be sleeping here…” she explained.

Her explanation had seemed to suffice because the girls’ cries of outrage simmered down to soft whines of disappointment.

“Awww… Unnie, I’ll miss you so much!” Yoona joined Tiffany in hugging Jessica.

“Sica-ya… next time don’t shock us like this, okay? You know that we’re always here to support you but you shouldn’t hide things from us…” Yuri told Jessica, putting an arm around her and her hair gently.

“Hey, does this mean that I get the room all to myself?” Sunny asked cheekily.

“Dibs! Sunny, I’m moving in…” Sooyoung called out.

“Aigoo… Unnies, please…” The youngest shook her head in disapproval.

“Sica, I feel really disappointed you didn’t tell me this earlier…” Hyoyeon told her.

“Ah! Mian, mian everyone! I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal… I mean after all we spend every waking moment together… I thought one less in the dorm would free up some breathing room…” Jessica responded.

One by one they all joined in to hug her forming a group hug with Jessica in the center. All but one that is… the eldest girl. Taeyeon just stood in place until the girls finally broke the huddle and dispersed back to where they had left off before they gathered.

“Sica... can I talk to you in private?” Taeyeon asked with a serious expression.

“Taeyeonie… you’re not going to yell at her again are you?” Tiffany asked, trying to protect her other best friend.

“No… I’m not. I just need to discuss something with her in private,” Taeyeon replied. She then turned to Jessica, grabbed hold of her hand and pulled the latter towards her bedroom. “Let’s go, Sica…”

Jessica didn’t really feel like being lectured nor was she interested in hearing a reasoning for her to stay, especially not from Taeyeon, but she also couldn’t bring herself to resist with Taeyeon gripping her hand so tightly. Taeyeon closed the door behind them once they were in her room and then locked the door.

“What is it you want, Taeyeon? Make it quick…” Jessica said, annoyed that she was about to get reprimanded by the person who was fueling the problem in the first place.

But then to her surprise, Taeyeon didn’t scold her nor demanded a proper explanation nor even lectured her. Instead, she wrapped her arms around Jessica and pulled her into an embrace, something Taeyeon would never usually initiate, not even with Tiffany.

“Taengoo-ah… W-Wae geurae?” Jessica asked in shock, her affection toward Taeyeon peeking out from under the resentment that had been building up over the past few months.

Taeyeon herself wasn’t even sure why she was behaving so oddly but the news was a bit of a surprise to her and she found herself strangely unable to accept the excuse that Jessica had given as the sole reason for her moving out.

“Why are you really leaving, Sica? I know you told the girls it’s to move back in with your parents but why? Why now? You could have moved back a while ago but you didn’t… only now…” Taeyeon asked, knowing that there was more behind the story.

Jessica and Taeyeon had the most unique relationship amongst all the members. There was no denying that their personalities were opposites, and not the type of opposites that attract, they just straight up clashed. Somehow, they secretly adored each other, they secretly cared a lot about each other. But it was difficult for them not to disagree and heads all the time.

“I-I was still deciding… I had only just made up my mind…”

“There’s something else isn’t there… You can tell me… If there’s a problem, we should fix it…”

“There’s no problem Taeyeon. Don’t dig too deep… You’re not going to find anything,” Jessica told the older girl, trying so hard to keep up the façade she had been wearing for months now. If she didn’t she was afraid that she might very well break down.

“I don’t believe you… You may have convinced the others but I know you better…”

“Tch! You’re too conceited. You’re mistaken Taeyeon… the one you know well is Fany, not me…”

“What has Fany got to do with this?” Taeyeon thought to herself.

Taeyeon took a few steps towards Jessica. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me you’re not lying… then I might believe you,” she told Jessica as she locked gazes with her peer for a moment but Jessica quickly looked away again.

Unconsciously, Jessica was taking steps backwards with every advancement of Taeyeon’s, trying to keep a bearable distance between them. But alas, she had run out of space and was now trapped between the locked door and the determined girl whom unbeknownst to her was the reason why Jessica needed to move out in the first place.

At this point, Jessica started to panic. She couldn’t even think of any excuse to give Taeyeon, not any witty comment nor give a sarcastic comeback. Most of all, she definitely couldn’t look Taeyeon in the eye. And now, Taeyeon was too close… too close for comfort… so close that Jessica had to hold out her hand, pushing against Taeyeon’s shoulder to stop the girl from getting any closer. However, Taeyeon responded by taking hold of the hand and removing it only to use it to pull them even closer together. But the sudden jerk had caused Jessica to lose her footing and stumbled towards Taeyeon. Quick to react, Taeyeon caught Jessica but when Jessica looked up again, their faces were only inches apart.

Dugeun… dugeun…

Whose heart was that…? Was it Taeyeon’s? Or was it Jessica’s? Or perhaps… it was both…

Time stood still for just a moment… just a fraction of a second had stretched out into infinity…

Both girls stared at each other, their hearts drumming loudly in their own chests but neither knew that the other was experiencing the same sensation.

“Sica-ya…”

“Taengoo-ah…”

They both silently called out to each other

Jessica was the first to break the eye contact, coming to her senses once again.

“What are you doing?!” she forced herself to sound aggravated but she was more vulnerable than anything else.

“I just… You keep avoiding me… It’s me isn’t it…?” Taeyeon asked but her voice was now small and filled with guilt.

“It’s not you, Taeyeon… Not everything is about you,” Jessica replied, half-resentful and half-guilty herself. Yes, she was angry at Taeyeon. She was angry that she could have what she wanted and yet Taeyeon was just flaunting it in her face… all the time. But she was guilty about the anger because it really wasn’t Taeyeon fault at all. She was just being herself and she isn’t even aware of how Jessica felt. If anything, Jessica was just angry at herself.

“I know not everything is about me… I didn’t mean it like that… But you’ve definitely been avoiding me. And you’ve been really abrasive towards me lately. And you don’t even call me Taengoo anymore…” Taeyeon pressed on.

“I already told you… it’s not you! Please, Taeng- Taeyeon… just… just let it go… I’m moving out and that’s the end of it. It’s not like I’m quitting the group… Why does it matter?”

“Because…”

“Because what?!”

“Because it’s YOU!” Taeyeon shouted and then quickly covered with her hands. “You hardly speak to me anymore, you don’t even look my way… Now you’re moving out! How do you expect me to ever get to see you?” Taeyeon lowered her voice but she was obviously now just as agitated as Jessica.

“Why is this girl being so stubborn?! Just tell me already!” Taeyeon shouted in her head.

Instead of fighting back again, Jessica just stayed silent. She was tired of having to explain herself and she couldn’t be bothered to deal with Taeyeon’s weird behavior at the moment.

“Just tell me what it is I did wrong!” Taeyeon exclaimed as she grabbed hold of Jessica by the shoulder and shook her rather violently.

Jessica swung her own arms up and pushed Taeyeon’s away roughly. “Yah! Kim Taeyeon! Geumanhe! Get a grip! You’re blowing this situation out of proportion. What the heck is the matter with you? What are you getting bent out of shape for? I’ve already told you numerous times that it has nothing to do with you… so stop being so emotional about it!”

“I… I can’t help it… I don’t even know why I’m being like this… The words are just coming out of my mouth involuntarily…” Taeyeon answered in shame, now covering her face with her hands.

Seeing Taeyeon break down like that tugged at Jessica’s heartstrings. She looked at the other girl with concern in her eyes as her ice cold heart melted a little. She hesitated for a bit but she couldn’t stop herself from pulling the kid leader into her arms for a hug. They had been friends for too long to be behaving like this.

Even after Jessica release Taeyeon from her arms, the latter couldn't bring herself to show her face to the ice princess. Jessica decided to pry the hands from Taeyeon’s face.

“Taengoo, I’m sorry I made you feel this way… I’m just dealing with my own issues. You need to trust that it has nothing to do with you… We’ve been friends for so long, you should know I care about you and that you’re important to me. Just give me some time… I think things will get better once I move back home…” she said to the girl who meant a lot more to her than she realized.

“I’m sorry I’m behaving like this… The news was just so sudden I just wondered if it was because of me. You’re right… I’m blowing everything out of proportion. When are you planning on moving out then?” Taeyeon asked, slowly calming down.

“Oh… uhm… didn’t I mention that it was immediate? I need to start packing my stuff, I’m going home tonight… I’ll be back for whatever I can’t finish packing some other time.”

“WHAT?! Tonight?! I didn’t think it would be so soon…!” Taeyeon started hyperventilating again.

If anyone else witnessed the bickering between these two girls, they would be perplexed as to why there was so much drama just because one of them was moving out and back home with her family that lived maybe about half an hour away at most. The two girls were behaving as if they were being separated for good, when in fact they would still see each other almost every day but just sleep under different roofs. But for the two girls who had spent every second of the most important years of their lives thus far together, it felt exactly that.

“Please, Taengoo… Let’s not start this again... Seriously, I’ll probably still be here all the time. I’ll miss the girls too much,” Jessica sighed.

“So you’ll miss the girls but not me?” Taeyeon wondered out loud.

“Why do you have to keep twisting my words and draw conclusions that don’t even make sense?” Jessica said as she struggled with her impatience again.

“Sica… What happened to us? Didn’t we used to be close? Why don’t you come to me anymore?”

Jessica looked away as she thought about the reason why they weren’t as close anymore. It was the eye-smiling girl who was both their best friend. But it really wasn’t Taeyeon’s or Tiffany’s fault in the matter. Neither of them knew of Jessica’s feelings and it was no secret to any of the girls that their leader and the cheery American girl had more than affection for each other. The two were inseparable and their chemistry were off the charts. No one ever spoke of it, nor did the two ever mention it, but it was assumed that the two girls were a sort of item and as long as it didn’t harm the group, the other girls wouldn’t bring it up. Besides SONEs could never get enough of the TaeNy ship so the two girls never bothered to take too much precaution in keeping their relationship a secret, or at least this was Jessica’s opinion.

But the Titanic of the Soshi fandom had crushed the TaengSic boat, and along with it Jessica’s heart. She had long had an admiration for the leader of the group despite their incomprehensible relationship. But over the years, her feelings had grown from admiration to adoration to a crush and before she even realized it, she was jealous of the relationship that Tiffany, her best friend, had with Taeyeon.

“But jealousy doesn’t mean anything. I just don’t like how Taengoo gives Fany all her attention. She hasn’t even bothered hanging out with me on our days off,” Jessica told herself.

And the manager oppas just aren’t helping. They kept scheduling Jessica for individual activities on Taeyeon’s days off whilst Taeyeon’s schedule would be packed on Jessica’s days off. However, Taeyeon and Tiffany would almost always have the same schedules…

“Life is so unfair… Why is everyone trying to keep Taengoo away from me?”

Even the choreographers and other members were all Locksmiths. Jessica and Taeyeon were almost always placed in opposite ends of their dance formations, apparently to provide “balance” but Jessica didn’t buy it, not for a second.

But she didn’t want to be mad, she didn’t want to be petty. They were both her beloved friends and it was fine with her that they were a couple… She just didn’t appreciate them always flaunting their perfect relationship in her face. At least Tiffany was still her same old self. She didn’t treat Jessica any differently. She was still as affectionate, as flirty and playful, and she was still there for Jessica. But Taeyeon… well... Jessica had completely fallen off Taeyeon’s radar.

“I don’t know, Taengoo… You tell me… I wasn’t the one who abandoned ship…” Jessica finally answered Taeyeon after what seemed like an awkward amount of time to wait for a response.

“Abandoned ship? What are you talking about?” Taeyeon asked, genuinely confused and oblivious.

“Ugh! You don’t even get it, Taeyeon! Did you not even realize that you had abandoned me for Fany? You were the one who gradually drew away from me, you were the one who stopped coming to me…” Jessica finally cracked, shattering the glass that had kept her feelings bottled up.

Taeyeon could only look back at her friend with wide eyes.

“So… it IS me! I’m the reason… I-I abandoned her…? Did I… did I hurt her?” Taeyeon wondered to herself, scolding herself for not realizing what she had done sooner. “How did I not realize that I had caused her so much pain?”

Taeyeon wasn’t sure of what she could possibly say to mend the situation. It had obviously been brewing for a long time now and had now boiled over and spilled all over the ground. There was no possible recovery, she could only try to clean up the mess…

“Sica… I’m so sorry… I’m really truly sorry… I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am…” she started as she reached out her hand, hoping to capture Jessica’s.

“Don’t… Please, don’t touch me right now… Just… just leave me alone…” Jessica said in a whisper. She was emotionally spent.

“Didn’t I tell her not to dig so deep? Didn’t I tell her to stop? Why couldn’t she just leave this alone? Now what? What’s the use of me whining about my stupid emotions…? It’s not like she could or would do anything about it…” Jessica grumbled to herself.

She turned around, hand on the door handle, ready to leave. She had had enough of this conversation. She needed to pack. But before she could even turn the handle, Taeyeon had somehow managed to turn Jessica back around and pin the younger girl’s arms to her sides.

“Dammit, midget! Let me go! This conversation is o-“ she started yelling but was abruptly silenced.

Taeyeon had done the most unexpected thing, the unspeakable… She had pressed her lips against Jessica’s and the two were now locked in a kiss, one that Jessica had tried her best not to image because she knew it would never happen, not it this lifetime. But here they were; it was definitely Taeyeon and she was definitely kissing Jessica. It wasn’t a friendly kiss nor a sisterly kiss. Not even the closest of friends would kiss like this. No… it was a real kiss, and it had lingered on for long enough.

Jessica freed her hands from their confinement and pushed Taeyeon away as hard as she could.

“K-Kim Taeyeon! What the was that?!” Jessica asked, livid at what the other girl had done to her.

She was angry… furious… irate! She couldn’t believe that Taeyeon had just kissed her.

“Why would she do that?! Is she playing with my feelings?! How can she do this to Fany?!” Jessica’s mind enraged with the thought of Taeyeon’s offense on so many levels. She didn’t bother waiting for an explanation. She finally managed to escape Taeyeon’s room and back out to the living room where she stopped to calm herself down while Taeyeon was left, her head hanging in embarrassment and self-loathing for what she had done.

“Hey, Jessie… what happened in there?” Tiffany approached Jessica, curious as to what her two best friends were discussing in such secrecy.

The moment that occurred just a mere minute ago replayed over in Jessica’s mind.

“She just wanted to make sure everything was alright with me because of my moving out tonight… boring stuff…” Jessica said indifferently, so convincingly that she should have won an Oscar for the best actress.

“Oh, okay… Do you need help packing?” Tiffany asked cheerily. “Oh, TaeTae… I just offered to help Sica pack… You want to help?”

“She can’t!” Jessica jumped in to answer for Taeyeon. The last thing she needed was to be in the same room with her and Tiffany; it would just be too awkward and uncomfortable.

“Really?” Tiffany checked with Taeyeon.

“Oh… yeah… uhm… I just remembered that I had to meet my brother. I haven’t seen him in a while and I promised to hang out with him for a bit,” Taeyeon answered.

“Tch! Unbelievable… She can just make up an excuse on the spot so easily… Do I even know her anymore?” Jessica thought, completely shocked at Taeyeon’s complete lack of any trace of guilt or embarrassment at what had happened just moments before.

“Awww… that’s a shame… You’d better not be lying just to get out of helping Sica pack!” Tiffany joked, not noticing any tension between the other two girls.

“No. I promise I’m not…” Taeyeon lied. Well it wasn’t a complete lie but it was definitely not the truth.

“Hmmm… okay… We’ll just have to recruit the other girls to help… Right, Jessie?” Tiffany flashed Jessica a smile.

It amused Jessica a little at how innocent and oblivious Tiffany was.

“I guess so…” Jessica replied.

“Come on, Jessie…” Tiffany said as she linked her arm around Jessica’s and started dragging her towards the largest bedroom in the dorm to recruit the help of Yoona, Yuri and Sooyoung. “Bye, TaeTae… See you later… Have fun…” Tiffany said farewell to Taeyeon.

“Yes… Have fun…” Jessica repeated but it definitely had a different tone to that of Tiffany’s…

Fanart by Jelly

Author's Note: Gah! I really don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this... I just wanted to commemorate TaengSic's return... But it's out there now... This is to be continued... I've only planned it as a 2 part story, but it will depend on how much I can write for the second part.