Flotsam: floating pieces, parts, etc., from a ship that has been wrecked

“Isn’t she supposed to have moved out? Did she change her mind? Were they celebrating last night? But then why was Sica spending the night in my room? Or rather with Fany?!” Taeyeon’s mind flooded with questions causing her to imagine all sorts of possible scenarios of how Jessica ended up sleeping in her bed, none of them to her liking.

The kid leader stood there for a long moment, wondering, staring, mouth gaped open.

Tiffany found it a little odd that her best friend did not greet her back after barging into their room so loudly. She rubbed her eyes as she forced herself up from the bed and walked over to the leader of the group.

“TaeTae? Hellooo…?” the youngest American waved her hands in front of the eldest member’s face to snap her out of whatever trance she was in.

Taeyeon blinked a few times before she could finally respond to Tiffany. “Uhm… What…? You… Sica… Huh?” The ability to form a coherent sentence escaped her; her brain was just too busy trying to calm itself down.

Tiffany looked back towards her other best friend who was still lying in bed, curled up like a kitten, looking as adorable as ever. “Oh yeah, we convinced her to stay and then we had an impromptu girls’ night,” she smiled.

“She’s staying? She’s not leaving…?!” Taeyeon exclaimed a little too excitedly; her voice rising just a little. In a split-second Taeyeon’s heart leapt with joy at what she thought was great news.

“Oh no, I mean just for the night… in exchange we’re helping her move. You’re free aren’t you? Everyone who doesn’t have a schedule today is lending a hand,” Tiffany explained, not picking up any strange signals from the kid leader.

Just as quickly as she got excited, Tiffany’s clarification sank Taeyeon’s heart again.

“So she is definitely leaving… At least I got to catch her before she does…” she thought, her feelings conflicted.

“Uhm… yes, sure…” she answered without really giving it a second thought.

“Great. Well since I’m up, I’m going to wash up. I’ll let you wake her up…” the eye-smiling girl gave the dorky leader a sneaky grin as she headed out to the bathroom knowing that waking the ice princess up was something no one willingly wanted to do. So she was happy to pass that along to their fearless leader.

“Wait! But…!” Taeyeon called after Tiffany. Yes, she adored Jessica but hell hath no fury like one foolish enough to interrupt the ice princess and her beauty sleep.

Taeyeon approached Jessica with the caution of any normal person would when approaching a tigress. Jessica was still facing towards Tiffany’s side of the bed which was towards the inside of the room so Taeyeon decided to walk over so that she would face the American. She crawled onto her best friend’s bed and was about to wake the sleeping princess up but she was momentarily distracted by the cuteness overload of Jessica letting out a little sneeze followed by the crinkling of her nose.

“Should I wait a while before waking her up…? Maybe…”

The kid leader wondered if it was alright if she laid next to the sleeping beauty. She was feeling a little sleepy herself since she got up early in order to get back to the dorm early. But she wasn’t sure if she should since Jessica was probably still angry with her.

“No, I shouldn’t… but… she looks so… peaceful…”

But Taeyeon could not resist but to lay down next to Jessica, just like how she found Tiffany earlier. She reached out her hand and brushed the girl’s hair back that was beautifully tousled over her face.

“What are you doing, Kim Taeyeon? You must have lost your mind…!” Taeyeon sighed to herself. She was behaving so oddly; she knew that this was not normal behavior for her.

She quickly retreated her hand but not quickly enough apparently because even the sleeping princess was able to catch hold of her hand while unconscious. Taeyeon’s heart stopped for a short moment when Jessica started stirring but relaxed again when the other girl settled down again.

“Sica, are you still angry with me? Do you not know how much you mean to me…?” Taeyeon whispered to the sleeping girl.

To the kid leader’s surprise, a tear trickled down the ice princess’s cheek.

“Did she hear me…?

It broke her heart a little to see that even in her sleep, Jessica cried at the reminder of her.

“I’m so sorry, Sica… I hate being the one who makes you cry…” Taeyeon whispered again and wiped the tear from the girl’s face but somehow the drop had turned into a gentle stream. “No, please don’t cry… Can’t you just hit me instead? It would hurt me less…”

And to Taeyeon’s even bigger surprise, so big it nearly gave her a heart attack. Jessica hit her on the arm even while her eyes were closed.

”S-S-Sica…? A-Are you awake…?” the eldest member asked the girl lying beside her whom she thought was asleep.

The ice princess slowly opened her eyes and they were immediately greeted by those of the kid leaders. She didn’t smile but she didn’t look away either. Instead, they just stared straight into Taeyeon causing the Korean to blush but she too couldn’t look away; her eyes fixated on the American’s captivating facial features, moving from the latter’s eyes then down to her alluring lips. Ever since she kissed Jessica the evening before, Taeyeon’s thoughts kept being interrupted by the memory of the kiss playing over again in her mind. The only girl she had ever kissed before that was of course Tiffany and even then only after they were officially in a relationship, but now she found herself oddly pining to kiss Jessica again, something she had never thought about before last evening.

“Uhm… have you been awake this whole time…?” Taeyeon asked again since Jessica did not answer her the first time and she was starting to panic wondering if the American had heard everything she had said when she thought Jessica was asleep.

“You’re back early…” Jessica said, completely avoiding the question.

“I really wanted to talk to you… I was planning on heading over to your place…” Taeyeon answered truthfully.

It took Jessica a second to process what the kid leader had said and when she did, she was taken aback. She wasn’t expecting that answer at all. She was expecting something along the lines of her having some kind of schedule or errand or that her ride had to come back early… but definitely not because of her.

“Why? You know what… It doesn’t matter anymore… I’m over it…” Jessica told Taeyeon.

“We need to clear some things. We can’t go on like this…” the kid leader pressed on. She was determined to bang the problem out once and for all.

“Well… I’ve said all I needed to say yesterday. It’s fine, I’m not delusional… I was just emotional. But now that I’ve let everything out, I can move on…”

“But you didn’t let me say anything, you didn’t let me explain anything, you didn’t let me tell you how I feel…”

For the third time, Jessica shocked Taeyeon when she reached out and pulled herself closer to the eldest member and then tucked the arms in, snuggling up to Taeyeon like they didn’t have a fight the night before. In fact, it was probably the most intimate the two of them have been in a while. But then Taeyeon realized that Jessica was actually quietly sobbing.

“Eotteohke?! Sica, I-I thought you said you’re over this? Please don’t cry… Please don’t put up a wall and keep me out. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you. I’m just an idiot. Everyone knows that…” the kid leader panicked.

She wasn’t very good at expressing herself and she always felt awkward when people cried around her. Usually, she would revert to humor to lighten the mood but it was utterly inappropriate to be funny at a time like this. She wasn’t sure what Jessica wanted her to do. She was getting mixed messages from the girl that was making her so confused. Should she pull away? No, that would be a terrible… Should she embrace Jessica? But she wasn’t sure if the American wanted that…

“Screw it… She needs me now…”

Taeyeon wrapped her arm around Jessica tightly and her hair gently to comfort her. The kid leader still felt really awkward but she understood that it was no reason not to be a good friend and be there for the ice princess even if she said she did not need it.

“Sica… I know I’ve apologized a few times now but… I really mean it. I’m sorry. It was my mistake that I let it happen. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or that I care about the others more than you. It really doesn’t. Can you not forgive me, Sica?” Taeyeon said soft as she held Jessica close. She knew that she sounded like a broken record saying the same things over and over but she didn’t know what else to say.

“I-I’m not angry a-any more. I j-just can’t help the way I-I feel around you. It h-hurts me, i-it drives me crazy. Y-You ask if I can’t forgive you… I c-can and I h-have b-but I don’t k-know what to do about m-myself…” Jessica sobbed.

With each passing moment, Taeyeon’s heart broke more and more. Jessica’s confession the evening before had already broke her down but hearing the ice princess say that she hurt when she was around her made the kid leader guilty beyond all measure.

“I-I understand… I came back early because I wanted to tell you that I’ll do anything to make this right again but how can I when I hurt you just by being around you…” the eldest member said, completely dejected. “I’ll give you the space you need… and once you’re ready, I want to mend our ship again even if it means building a new one.” She didn’t want to be the reason why Jessica was unhappy so if it meant she had to retreat, she will back away for the time being.

Taeyeon let go of Jessica and pulled away, rolling away from the other girl and ready to get out of bed.

“Wait…” the ice princess called after the kid leader. “That’s not what I want…” Jessica’s sobbing had subsided but she was still sniffling.

Taeyeon felt a hand grasp onto her shirt from the back, tugging at it.

“Is Sica high on something?!”

Taeyeon was confused beyond confused. She couldn’t wrap her brain around what it was that Jessica wanted from her or what she should do about this problem. On top of that, Jessica was behaving extremely… unpredictably. But then again, so was she. The eldest member was usually so level headed but… she was such a mess that morning after seeing the ice princess and the mushroom together. She reached behind her and grabbed the hand that was holding her back.

“You know… You’re not the only one who feels that way…” Taeyeon said, feeling tired of being the bad guy and Jessica claiming to be the victim.

“What are you saying?” Jessica asked, unclear of what Taeyeon was getting at. Her hand was still being gripped by Taeyeon’s.

Taeyeon spun around slowly to meet Jessica’s gaze. “This. This is what I’m talking about. The way you look at me. Your piercing gaze… Sica… Do you even know…? Every time you look at me, I come unglued. And not just after last night. No. It’s been that way for the longest time…”

“H-How is that possible? You don’t even give me a second glance.” The ice princess was now composed enough to engage in a proper conversation.

“No… It’s you who always looks away when you think I’m looking at you. So I have to steal glances… You say that I’ve been neglecting you but I never stop thinking about you, worrying about how you are… It’s you who have been hiding from me. You know very well that I’m not the best at communicating my emotions. So it’s not that I don’t care, I’ve just been reserved. Do you even know how I feel when I see you with Fany? Or Yul? Or Soo? Or Hyo? Or Yoong? Or Sunny? Or even our maknae? You’re always so chummy with everyone except for me. You don’t even give me the time of day… But I’m not blaming you. It’s my fault I haven’t made more of an effort. But you should really know that you’re not the only one who feels like they have been abandoned,” the kid leader admitted, finally able to express her true thoughts to the American.

“Yes, well I’m sorry it upsets you when I get close to Fany… but she’s my best friend too… Don’t worry, I’m not trying to steal her away from you…”Jessica replied, slightly hostile again.

“God! It’s unbelievable how hot headed she is! Can she not hear what I’m trying to say?!” Taeyeon started growing impatient herself.

Taeyeon had had enough of this stupidity. Jessica wasn’t hearing what she was trying to tell the girl and they were both getting nowhere; it was like talking to a brick wall. She pulled on the hand that she was still holding onto to get the ice princess to sit up. And when Jessica did finally sit up, Taeyeon grabbed the girl’s face with both her hands and fixed her eyes on Jessica’s.

“You’re not listening to what I’m saying, Jessica Jung!” Taeyeon said, actually it was more like yelling. She needed to make sure she had the American’s full attention.

Taeyeon was half expecting some form of protest from Jessica but the latter just stayed silent, eyes wide open.

“Good… Now hear me, Jessica Jung… I’m not worried about you stealing Fany away and it’s not you being close to Fany that’s upsetting…” the kid leader paused, summing up the courage to be honest. “It’s just… It’s more like…”

“Just spit it out, Taeyeon!” Jessica huffed, annoyed that Taeyeon wanted her to listen but couldn’t just be completely honest and open.

“I’m jealous OF Fany, okay?! I hate seeing you being all affectionate with everyone else and not me… Why not me?!” Taeyeon finally blurted out.

Jessica was caught off guard. For the first time, she was actually, really at a loss for words.

“Isn’t it obvious why…?” Jessica wondered.

“Tae- Taengoo… It’s because I-“ the ice princess started but was interrupted by the bedroom door suddenly opening.

“Hey, what are you two doing?” the eye-smiling girl asked, completely oblivious to what her two best friends were going through.

The two girls turned to look at the mushroom standing at the doorway, drying her hair with her towel, and then turning back to look at each other.

“Fany…! Interrupted again…” they both thought to themselves, although not in the same way. Taeyeon sighed while Jessica felt frustrated… but both equally desperate to finish the conversation…

Fanart by Jelly