“Fallen Azalea”

They say that first love will always last and you couldn’t forget about them even if you wanted to. You could find a new career, new friend, new home, new love and even move on, but no matter what you do, you can’t really seal them away and forget about them. Because they always give the best impression that makes this little kind of mark in your heart, unnoticed and inerasable.

And this man with a bandaged eye and lab coat proves this very theory so true.

~

“Dr. Suho!” a young petite girl, four inches shorter than Suho, called out whilst waving her arms quite frantically as if something happened, but really, nothing happened and everyone could see it in plain sight which leads to Suho to look at her in amusement. Chuckling at the frantic patient, Suho goes over to her and flashes a soft smile.

“What’s wrong, Jhea? Are you in pain? Or did Professor Lee ignored your love confession again?” he teased merrily and Jhea punches his arm weakly before putting up a scowl on her pale face. Suho snickers at her reaction and the latter could only do was whine in distress.

“No, no! It’s none of that, you idiot! I’m here to complain about him!” she indignantly says and Suho already knows where this is going. He nods his head tiredly and waves his hand off to her, cutting off any conversations that may come up and Jhea stares up at him in shock.

“Suho!” Jhea calls at him in irritation and the doctor could only do was give her an exasperated sigh resulting to a cold glare. Suho finally gives up after Jhea’s incessant pestering and tried his best to listen to whatever Jhea has to complain.

After moving to a comfortable location which is the lounge plus several curses and words, Suho raises his hand making Jhea stop mid-way on her sentence, a displeased look crosses her face at the sudden interruption and Suho apologetically smiles.

“Sorry. Jhea, I’ve heard these complaints several times and we’re getting nowhere if you’re not going to stop being a little chick and face him. Admit it. You like the guy and you’re just jealous because he’s popular with the nurses and patients, even close to having a girlfriend. And to make your jealousy worse, he only sees you as a sister, thus having this brother-and-sister relationship,” he paused and takes notice of the pink tint on her cheeks, complimenting well her beauty more and he continues, “you’re upset because you can’t say what you feel for him since you’re scared of destroying the relationship you have. Am I right?”

Suho stares at the girl in front of her, shoulders once proud sinks down to a defeated position, head hung low, and she speaks in a small, weak and trembling voice that the action reminds Suho of someone he knew.

Suho’s eyes soften for her as he saw the weak girl stammers on her words. “Wh-what should I do then?” Anxious, stiff, weak, and small were her words, yet in it lingered this small confidence that needs this one spark that’ll change the future and maybe even deny any disastrous plan of fate and settle on with destiny instead.

Suho’s voice was gentle and calm, soothing the tremble musings of the latter as he speak, “Let’s take it easy, shall we? Why don’t you just confess to him? A simple sentence would do you good. Adds femininity, innocence and elegance in your part,” Suho jokes at the last part and Jhea blushes madly in embarrassment at his words and tries to kick him under the table.

Footsteps were heard along the corridor and Suho stands up with a soft sigh.

“Guess I better make my leave then,” he says and Jhea looks at him, confused.

“Huh?”

Suho doesn’t respond, but instead walks pass her and pats the man in subject on the shoulder then turns his head to meet Jhea’s shocked expression.

“I’ll leave it to you Jhea. Good luck!” He winks at her before leaving a blushing Jhea and the confused nurse on the lounge.

~

Jhea reminded Suho of her. From top to bottom, face, voice, height and even mannerism reminds him of Ji. Nothing was out of place except for the fact that Jhea and Ji are completely different person and that the latter was dead. When Suho first saw Jhea, he thought he was hallucinating by the fact that he saw Ji, but there are two things that made him know that Ji is, very in fact, dead: One, is that Jhea is loud, boisterous and playful while Ji wasn’t. Second and probably the very evidence that Jhea wasn’t Ji was that his heart doesn’t beat as they used to be when he looks at her.

It was an obvious answer, yet Suho can’t keep his eyes off from Jhea due to her close similarities with Ji. He had this urge to protect her, take care and look out for her no matter what. It was the feeling of the lost love that made him reach out to Jhea and vowed to do everything to save her. He can’t afford to make the same mistake thrice. He won’t let fate ruin his life any longer.

~

“Brother?” Ji calls out from the entrance to the forest. She looks at the never-ending darkness at the end of the road and shifted her gaze to look at the pathway that she couldn’t walk on, let alone make a step. She eyes the pathway a few more seconds, before calling his brother’s name again. To her disappointment, Yixing didn’t reply.

“Come out, please? I know you have a lot of questions and I-I promise to answer all of them,” she pleads loudly to the empty forest and a breeze passes by that made her shift her gaze to the side before looking back to the front and saw Yixing with a sombre look on his face.

“You’ll answer them all?” he asks, voice low and of a whisper, but Ji could hear him just fine. She smiles at him, eyes turning crescent and extends her arm, palm up and waiting for him to take her hand. He warily stares at her form, but he had decided that he would know the truth and he takes a few steps forward and takes her hand.

Ji pulls him out from the entrance forest and Yixing found himself at the meadow where he first visited the paradise. The sudden change didn’t shock him as much as he thought he would and he guessed it may have been his body had been used to of the unusual things that had been happening since the first time he arrived.

Ji had him sit down on the grass and followed suit, lips pursed as she thinks about something for a moment before she beams at her brother. “So what do you want to ask?”

Yixing blinks, taken aback by the cheerfulness of her voice. He looks down, words stuck in his throat for a moment before swallowing heavily. He casts her a mournful gaze and Ji still had her cheery aura, but Yixing could only see was a tired girl, born from a family of death. His silence puts a frown on her face, expecting countless of questions to be bombarded at her and she looks at him in concern.

“Brother?”

“Ji,” he starts, unshed tears glaze his eyes, lips pressing into a thin line before he continues, “Is it wrong to be alive?”

Ji looks at him in shock. Out of all the questions he could have asked, this was not the question she was looking forward to answer. If anything, she doesn’t want to answer it at all, but when she looks at the eyes of her twin, she sees her broken self and she gives in.

“No,” she finally says. “It’s not wrong to be alive. Fate has allowed us to be born and also, to die. It’s just a matter of the story of our lives that takes us to our final chapter.” And she gives him a grin, solemn and knowingly.

“Then, is it wrong for me to love the lover of my own sister?” he asks, voice of like a child that is scared to be reprimanded. Ji shifts her gaze at the side, watching the everlasting meadow that is beyond her reach. “No, it’s not wrong,” she replies with a tender voice that broke the dam that Yixing was trying to hold in.

One, two and three tears roll from his eyes down to his cheeks and he mutters an apology. He repeats it again, a bit louder this time and repeats it again and again until he was bowing before her. A sob rips from his throat and he wails, and Ji lets him be. The wind whistles and rushes through the grass and two children runs across the field with a smile on their faces—Ji smiles at them.

“It’s not your fault, you know? It’s also not your fault that you couldn’t remember him. It’s not your fault that you lost your memories when you found him covered in my blood and blamed him for my death. It’s not your fault that you found your path once more when he became your private nurse. It’s not your fault that you were charmed by him and felt safe whenever you were with him.”

“Yixing,” she takes his hand and he looks at her with a tear-stricken face. “It’s not your fault that you fell in love with him.” Another sob and Ji held her brother, patting his back and hums a lullaby that she used to hum when she was alive. It takes a few minutes before his shaking form calms down, and Ji pulls away and wipes away the tear-stains on his face.

“I’m glad that you fell in love with him. He’s a nice guy, right?” She beams at him with a smile and a smile pulls up from his lips as he nods.

“An angel,” he replies.

She laughs and nods her head in agreement. “An angel, indeed.”

Yixing takes a better look at his sister, young and fairy-like. ‘Ethereal’, he thought. No wonder Suho fell in love with his sister, she was the same as him. He smiles at her and it falters as he asks his last question.

“Then, why did you appear that day?”

Ji hums and lets out a sigh. She had been expecting that question since the start and it’s finally here. The earth rumbles and the meadow starts to crack like a broken shard placed together to form a picture. But the two were unbothered and the ground stilled and the broken picture returned to its former state and the wind bellows.

“I was supposed to pick you up,” she starts, chewing her bottom lip a bit.

“I was out on a supposed date,” Yixing retorts, but his voice was calm and Ji nods.

“Yeah, you were. And you were destined to die on that day whether or not I had participated in it.” And just like that, she drops the final piece of their wretched fate. Yixing looks at his twin quizzically, the information had not yet sunk too deep and before he could ask what she meant, Ji continues.

“We are one and of the same soul, our bond is the same as of our fate. There is no happy ending to our tale and yours was the same as mine,” she stops when a sudden pain shoots through her chest, beating wildly that it knocked the breath off her for a second before she regained her composure.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters and Yixing purses his lips as he puts the pieces together and he finally realized what it all meant. He laughs bitterly after and another set of tears fell from his eyes. He stood up and turns away from his sister before he howls in anguish.

Ji doesn’t comfort him nor does she looks at him. She knows of his grief and she knows too well that she was in no position to quell his pain. She lets him shout and cry for an unfortunate life that was given to him. As he continues to cry, the sky turned grey as dark clouds loomed over and rains pours down heavily. Ji stares at the monochromatic meadow that was once full of colour only to be dyed by grey and white.

She sees a couple with a smile on their face, hands entwined together and she lets out a shaky breath. The girl leans forward to her boyfriend, whispering something that made the latter laugh and the corners of her lips tug up and she walks a bit further from him, turning around and sticking her tongue out. Ji could hear the latter calling out the girl’s name and she hears her respond back ‘hurry up! We’ll be late for the movies!’, and there was a familiar screech. She closes her eyes at the yell of the man to ‘watch out!’ and as her brother’s cries tone down, she opens her eyes and gazes at the blurry image of a man cradling the cold figure on his chest that soon was met with the piercing drops of the heavy rain. She waits for him to call her name for one last time as she continues to stare the once paradise.

“Ji,” he calls out to her. She hums in reply, not trusting her voice at the moment as she could feel hot tears flow to her cheeks along with the cold patter of the rain. “I can’t go back, can I?”

And she supresses a sob, closing her eyes once more as tears continue to run down her face. She clasps both of her hands together and with a voice clipped and tight, she replied.

~
Soft footsteps pad along the smooth ground, short strides that almost look melancholic. The forest trees dance along with the hum of the breeze and the road seems longer than before when Suho looks at the monochromatic view. Few people were walking away as opposed to his direction and some rode their bicycles along his way. He almost smiled as he watched them while he walks. He tore his gaze away when he felt the emptiness of his heart pound against his chest.

Walking aimlessly, grass between grass and trees with trees; Suho lets out a sigh, taking in the sight before him. Outside the forest, the view of the ocean came into sight. The smell of frosted desertion lingers along the cream coloured sand. The sun hangs on the horizon, painting the sky in summer darkness.

‘I’d better hurry,’ he thought, not wanting to arrive late in evening where he’s supposed to be.

~

“You can’t. Your time is up.”

~

A man sits beside the lying figure, the constant beep of the heart monitor cuts the cold silence that lingers in the room, filling it with a shred of hope and a bit of faith. In contrast to the wilted flowers, the blinds had been pulled up and the night looks beautiful with the stars and bit of moonlight that seems to fade away.

The man looks tired, exhaustion settles on his face that makes him more aged than usual. He had his back hunched, shoulders stiff and lips pressed into a thin line. It looks as if death had visited him, but he looks at the sleeping form with adoration as he reaches out to caress and trace his face as if he is trying to memorize the younger’s feature, fearing that he may forget what he looks like as the years go by. He lets out a soft sigh, letting his body loose a bit once he had a got a better picture of the younger’s face in his memory.

He smiles and he wants to call his name, but is unable to. He found the words he wanted to say stuck on his throat and he could feel his chest burn with an unknown feeling. He calms himself, thinking of all their happy memories together and he smiles at the memories. He briefly looks at the clock plastered on the wall, eyebrows furrowing a bit before tearing his gaze away and looks back at the lying figure.

‘A few more hours,” he thought to himself. Nodding to himself, he tells another tale for the night, hands clasped together, hoping that his story would be heard and keep him company.

~

“Can’t I at least say goodbye?”

~

“Ah, Suho, you’re here. You’re quite late,” a middle-aged man says, eyes crinkling with tenderness as he hands the keys to him.

Suho bows to him and mutters, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize the time when I had finished my last surgery in the hospital.”

“Is that so? Good thing I stayed back or you won’t be able to get the keys.” The man chuckles and gives a few pat on the doctor’s shoulder. They both know that even if Suho did end up arriving later than the scheduled time, the keys would be left underneath the flowerpot for him to take. Suho humours him with bright laugh and bows again when the man had bid his farewell. He looks at the big gate in front of him, painted in crushed emerald and crafted with different kinds of flowers of different hues. The gate stretches out long walls on each side and beyond the gate, Suho could see another forest, but this time there was no pathway to guide him.

He reaches out for the lock, keys turning and the chain fell along with opened lock. Pocketing the key, he opened the gate and takes a few steps in before noticing the bouquet of flowers left for him by the man. He reaches for it and takes a good look at the bouquet before letting a smile paints his lips. He ventures onward and lets his heart take him where he should be.

~

5:00:36

The doctor finishes his tale, lips tight and worry paints his face as he let himself be lost at the figure in the bed. He lets out a shaky breath that he didn’t know he was holding when he had finished his story. The night sky was replaced with cross dye of orange and blue and the clouds that weren’t visible the night before became evident and that was enough of an indication for him. He hears some shuffling behind the door and a creak as the door slides open.

“Dr. Suho?” a voice asks and Suho doesn’t turn around, knowing full well who it was. He nods his head instead to let them know that he heard and there were now footsteps coming into the room, breaking the peaceful silence that it once had. There was a sniffle and hushed whispers but Suho couldn’t care less at the moment.

He stands up, lets his look linger on the younger for a few moments, before he turns away to face the crowd. Dir. Xing looks at him with a sombre look and the Wu family was no less great from the director. Mrs. Wu already had tears shed as it continues to trickle down while she attempts to wipe it off while Mr. Wu along with Kris had unshed tears glaze their eyes instead. Suho gives them a crooked smile and met with the piercing gaze of the director which he simply returned with a mournful gaze.

“I’ll leave you guys for a bit and when I return, you must all leave.” And with that, he left the room.

5:35:54

Suho returns back with a straight face and a clipboard in his hand. They didn’t notice him entering the room, too busy crowding over the patient on the bed. It irks Suho a bit as he continues to watch them and when he couldn’t finally bear it, he coughs loudly, gaining the attention of the people inside the room. He doesn’t look at them, eyes casted downward as he bows slightly.

“I’m sorry, but please, leave,” he says, a bit harsh and forced.

Dir. Xing reprimands him, told him that it was very unprofessional of him to force the guardians to leave and that they are entitled to stay whether he likes it or not. That he should not let personal feelings mingle with work just because he already had an attachment with the younger and that—

“Please!” he yells, not moving from his position. “Just leave. That’s all I ask. You had your time. But mine’s not going to be enough. It’ll never be. So just—just go, please. I’m begging you.”

And he sounds tired. So, so very tired that it rendered the whole room in silence. A few moments, Mrs. Wu closes her eyes and nods, eyes puffy and red as she tugs her husband away to leave the room. Kris looks at him, eyes boring to his soul, but Suho doesn’t care. They had all the time they need, but his time with the younger was robbed and he’ll forever be lost unlike them.

The doctor lifts his gaze, meeting with Kris’s and the latter understood from those eyes that bore eternal loneliness and grief. He cannot and will never understand the feeling, but he knows what those are and he doesn’t harbour the feelings he should have and instead, he places a hand on Suho’s shoulder. Giving it a light squeeze, he murmurs an “I’m sorry” before taking his leave. Dir. Xing stays at the end of the bed with a crestfallen look, hands balled into a fist for a moment before letting it loose. He shifts his gaze to his son, a longing look and he moves towards him and held his hand.

Suho watches him leans his forehead to the back of the younger’s hand and murmurs of what seems like a goodbye. He watches him pulls away and moves to plant a chaste kiss on his only beloved son’s forehead. He cups his face, eyes searching for life and memorizing his face before crumbling and places one last kiss on the crown of his son. He takes a step back and with one last look, leaves the room with a loud click, never sparing the doctor a glance on his way out.

Suho feels cold, chest aching and had never felt solitude weighing down on him as if he’s drowning.

5:43:28

He presses his lips onto the younger’s, filled with ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’. He couldn’t say it out loud anymore, the words already crumbled and pushed away before he could even attempt to speak it out. The words had died on his throat and he wishes he could have said it out loud just to let himself know that he was there for him. It’ll never enough, even with the kiss, it’ll never be enough.

The kiss felt eternity for him and he missed the feeling of it as he pulled away and his heart ached when droplet of tears had fell on the younger’s face. Lips trembling, he cups Yixing’s face and wipes away the tears away with his thumb. He supresses a sob and leans once more to kiss the latter’s forehead, letting it linger for a moment before placing the younger’s head back to the pillow gently. He doesn’t bother wiping away the tears that trickle down to his cheeks, but lets his hand wander to find Yixing’s hand instead.

It feels warm.

5:56:13

A cord on his hand, his hand trembles. He gazes at the male on the bed, longing and begging for one last miracle. But instead he got the constant beep from the heart monitor, the dry coldness of the room and an aching heart.

“Yixing,” he whispers, voice tight and there is an edge in his voice, one that is similar to grieving and he really wants to cry again, but there are no longer tears that he could give for the younger. It only takes just a little bit of a tug then everything is over. All these years of waiting will be reduced into nothing and Suho thinks he could bear it. It’ll take a few years, but he’ll manage, but as he lets his gaze stay longer at the younger, his resolve weakens and crumbles into nothing and there’s a sudden pain in his chest, unbearable and—

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do it. He can’t. He just can’t. Not when he still hopes for the younger’s recovery, not when he’s not done yet praying to the highest being above to save the man he loves. He won’t do it.

He won’t.

And in that moment, he could feel someone embrace him from behind. Chest pressed on his back, arms wrapped tightly on his waist, he could faintly hear the person say ‘I’m here. I love you’ and his whole body relaxes, his rigid form loose and he feels calm. Suho doesn’t need to look back, doesn’t need to question the feeling of someone hugging him even if he can’t see it and doesn’t need to think twice that it’s Yixing.

He could honestly chalk it up as a hallucination since he had no sleep for the past few days, but Suho doesn’t. He won’t. Not when he could truly feel the younger. Not when it’s the closest thing he could have for a miracle. A smile tugs on his lips and he doesn’t bother with the tears, which he thought he could no longer shed, fall as he closes his eyes and the hug tightens.

“Thank you.”

5:59:59

He pulls the cord.

6:00:00

Suho lets his back rest on the wall, lets his body slip down on the floor and lets his gaze linger on the bed. Tears no longer run on his face, but instead his eye burns and he wishes he can carve the feeling out, but he feels too tired. His energy had been spent up and he had lost the control over his body wherein he feels like he’s floating in the ocean. He hums a lullaby, one he used to sing with Ji, a lullaby of regret and he thinks it’s alright to succumb to his body’s desire at that moment.

He could hear voices outside the room, murmurs of the Wu family and of the director and faintly, he could hear Daehyun’s voice among those murmurs. It brings a rush of emotions inside him, up and pushing him to stand and feel—but then, there is a voice, one that is unfamiliar but familiar at the same time that soothes his nerves and puts out the fire that threatens to scorch him. The voices outside the room soon reduces into a buzz and he lets the drive of sleep engulf him, not minding the creak of the door as it slides open and the rush of footsteps inside the room.

He feels tired. So very tired.

And yet, he feels calm and at peace.

The cord that lies on the floor and the constant sound of the flat line from the heart monitor grow cold and forgotten.

~

Suho founds himself at the centre of the forest. Yixing stands a few feet away from him, a smile on his face as he watches Suho moves towards him. The doctor stops a few meters away, gazing at him lovingly from the distance he had created and Yixing returned it with an equal love.

“Hey,” Suho starts, voice trembling, but happy.

Yixing lets out a chuckle, before replying with a much sturdy and clear response. “Hey.”

There was an abrupt silence, it wasn’t the awkward or tense one, but rather it is comforting and warm as if the general pause was needed to have them relive all their memories together and catch up the years that they had lost. Yixing looks at the man in front of him, who had aged fine as a wine despite losing parts of him that he could no longer get back. His raven hair had grown longer, maintained it pass the ears but above the shoulders and though it was quite unkempt and far from his usual hairstyle, Yixing thinks he looks dashing either way.

“How are you?” Suho asks, voice lilt with affection and tenderness and Yixing’s heart swelled just from it that it took him a moment before he could reply.

“I’m doing fine, honestly. I just wandered around and waited for you to come,” Yixing responded and though he doesn’t want it to come off that he’s lonely, he just wished the other would ignore it thus he continued. “How about you? How are things in the hospital?”

Suho blinks, pondering for a moment before he lets a small smile grace his lips. “The hospital is busy as always, never changing. Daehyun still resides in the hospital as well as Sehun. Both of them had become friends and it’s quite strange to see them together honestly.”

Yixing chuckles, nodding his head in affirmation that indeed the two doctors are quite a strange pair if partnered. Suho grins and continues, “Do you remember Jhea? The one I told you about who looks like your sister?”

“Yeah. You told me about her. Why? What about her?”

“I may or may not have pushed her to confess her crush to our nurse,” he casually says with an innocent smile. Yixing stares at him in shock, then proceeds to grimace at the thought of the nurse rejecting Jhea’s confession, but didn’t say anything after.

There was a pause. Suho debated whether to bring it up or not, but the more he thought about it, he realized that he should indeed bring it up for the sake of the younger to know. Yixing notices his nervousness, immediately catching the whiff of what Suho might say next and alas, he was right—it’s about his adopted father and his accursed family.

Suho casted his eyes downward, tensed nerves getting better of him. “The Zhang’s had moved back to China a week ago. Something about family business expansion or so I have heard from Kris.” Yixing is unfazed at the news, not that he really cares about his family. He doesn’t hate them anymore, but he no longer wants to associate with them and he hopes this would be the last time Suho would bring them up.

The doctor breathes in and the younger blinks. “Dir. Xing, your father, he—he misses you.” Yixing waits for him to continue and he does after a moment. “So, so much and I told him that I would tell you because he’s scared, scared that you’ll never forgive him if he’ll be the one to come and say it.”

The younger was silent, heart troubled at the confession of his father thought. He could feel his tears well up, but he didn’t want to cry. No. He was done crying and instead, he whispered, “I don’t blame him at all.”

The doctor hums and Yixing continues with a strained voice, pushing back a threatening pained sigh. “I miss him too so, so much.”

“I miss you too, you know?” Suho whispers, but Yixing heard it anyway—loud and clear. The forest was quiet, saved by the sound of a distant waves crashing together at the ocean and hum of the wind, Yixing could feel his knees weaken and lets himself fall to the ground kneeling.

Suho moves a bit closer before crouching to be at the same level of the younger. Yixing noticed his eye is glassy, tears held back and he could see the years of waiting at the wrinkles near his eyes and the younger thought how sorry he was for letting him wait for such a long time.

Suho repeats his last words, much firmer this time and full of longing and exhaustion. Yixing thinks he knows why the older is here, a vague idea, but closer to the truth where his gut is telling him that it is, indeed, true.

“You were the greatest gift that could ever happen to my life. No matter how many times I apologize to you, there’s still a gaping hole in my heart and I thought that it’s alright. That I could bear my sins as long as I live and continue to move forward with it. I know you wanted me to move on without my sins on my shoulders, but I just can’t. I can’t forget about your sister, whom I was unable to protect, about Kyungsoo, who had fixed me and about you, who I had to let go because I had no choice and because it is what you had wanted.”

Suho bit his lower lip, struggling to say the next words he wanted to say and Yixing wants to hold him, tell him that it’s alright and that he should take things one step at a time and that soon he’ll learn to forgive himself.

But he doesn’t and when Suho spoke again, he closes his eyes and lets the tears flow. “I-I came here today not to apologize, but to say that I won’t be visiting you again. I’ve come to accept the truth that I had been running away from and I want to move on forward with healing, even if my sins doesn’t wither away, it’ll be alright, because soon, I’ll be able to learn to breathe once more and face the day with our memories, untainted and warm.”

Yixing sobs and nods his head, understanding full well what the older meant and even if it hurts so much that he could feel his heart ripping in half, he knows that he needs to let go. Suho lets his tears fall, not bothering to wipe it way by his free hand, instead he leans whilst Yixing moves to hug him, arms around the doctor’s neck as he sobs on his shoulder as Suho reaches out with his free hand to touch the gravestone behind the younger. He lets his fingers trace the words engraved on the middle of the stone, memorizing the name of the person who he still loves.

Xing Yixing

The sunset is almost over, twilight taking place and Suho knows it’s time to go home. He could feel his heart weighing down, heavy and torn. He lets out a long, deep, trembling and pained sigh, closing his eye and murmurs a prayer. Yixing had let go of the older, memorizing the older’s face as much as he could as his lips tremble to say anything but a choked sob. As the prayer comes to an end, the doctor opens his eye, blinking away the remnant of his tears before letting a small smile appear on his face that appeared to the younger as an acceptance and letting go.

“I love you,” Suho murmurs, placing the bouquet in front of the gravestone and Yixing’s breath hitches, heart grieving for Suho and for himself. He closes his eyes and nods his head, accepting the doctor’s wishes and soon his form had started fading away, breaking into small lights up into the air. Suho stood up and had turned away, leaving the gravesite of the younger and Yixing decided that it is enough.

“I love you, too.” Yixing knows that the older couldn’t hear him, but he might have just wished that he would and before Suho leaves the area and return home, he looked back and Yixing might have imagined it, but when the doctor had turned for the last time, it was as if he was looking at him, as if he knew he was there in front of him because even if he hadn’t heard the older say it, he knew the words mouthed before he makes his way out for good. And from there, Yixing smiles, unrestrained and contented as his form finally dissolves into nothingness.

‘Thank you, Xing Yixing.’

[END]