because even when you don't exist, i am always in love with you.

There were 3 lifetimes that were so vague and blurry to me and I don't remember much. All I remember is that you hadn't existed in those lifetimes. And for the first time in so long, I felt alone and empty because someone who did not exist had occupied my heart.

The first lifetime in which you don't exist, it was long. That life, i felt, was the longest i've lived yet it was like i wasn't living a life because you weren't there. You weren't even living or existing. This was when i found out that we were not destined to meet each other in every life. It's just that I happen to bump into you (if you do exist) and i just happen to fall in love with you even more each time no matter how scandalous it is. In this lifetime, i lived to 87, and trust me, it was the longest 87 years ever. I had waited and waited and waited for more than 60 years, actually. And when I died, that's when I realized you didn't exist.

The second lifetime in which you don't exist, i don't remember anything up until i was reaching my 50th birthday and I had died from lung cancer. Smoked too much as a teen and adult (because somehow i knew that you did not exist in that life and i took it out on my body, refusing to live a long life if you weren't in it). I'll be honest, i did this just so i can just skip to the next and see you there but a las, that was not what happened.

The lifetime after that, you still didn't exist. I realized it when i was 22 and I met another girl. She loved me. So much. Probably as much as I loved you, but i could not bring myself to love her the same way she did me. But I didn't want her to be unhappy and I proposed after 3 years of dating and we were married in a huge ceremony, complete opposite of ours in my second lifetime. The guys wore grey a