When you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me

I remember a few lifetimes when we were close. Oh. We were so, so close. 

One lifetime, you were a very quiet girl. 19 years old (so was i ), attending the college i went to. We were in the same psychology class, right? I don't even know why I was in that class, to be honest. You had long, black hair with a middle part and you wore glasses sometimes. I sat near you all the time. I was always either next to you, a few seats next to you, or behind you. Never in front of you because how can i see you if I'm in front of you?

We didn't become friends instantly. For a while, I just watched you from a far. And from watching, i noticed a lot of stuff. You come to class never dressed nicely like the other girls. You either wore leggings or sweatpants (gray or black), accompanied by a sweatshirt or a sweater and your favorite black hi top converse (which i also noticed you wearing in MANY other lifetimes). Your straight hair, wild and loose and all the way down to your hip. You'd be holding your bag to the side with your long fingers (in which you wore one jade and gold ring) and rushing up to a seat while adjusting your glasses. During class, you prefer to write down notes rather than type them because it helps you understand more. If you get frustrated, you constantly push your hair back, or run your fingers through your hair. When you're really tired and just want to get the class over with, you tie up your hair in a glorious ponytail and lean your head onto your palm as the teacher lectures.

This is the kind of stuff you notice just unconsciously when you've been in love with the same girl for the rest of your life.

One day, our professor asked us an incredibly life changing question.

"What is being lonely and unloved?" He asked.

It was a very simple question actually and a lot of people in the class seemed to think it needed a simple answer.

They said that being unloved was nobody loving you, and that being lonely was being alone with no one around you.

Then you raised your hand, quite obscurely and even I barely noticed. You were so quiet, i don't know how Professor noticed your hand go up. I expected a simple answer from you, too. But your answer had truly surprised me. You said,

"Being lonely is not being alone. Loneliness in general is not being alone. I think that you are lonely when you want to interact but somehow you just can't find it in yourself to interact with those who are important to you. I think being lonely is thinking that you are not good enough for people to be friends with or to be with or general. You find yourself not talking, not interacting and that makes you a lonely person. Being unloved isn't quite as complicated. If you think you are unloved, then it is probably because you don't love yourself. If you do not start loving yourself first, then how can other people come to love you? The first thing they see is your charm, your love for yourself and it discourages them to see that you don't love yourself as much as you should, so that's why you would feel unloved." You said, words flowing out of your mouth. Like... I don't know how to describe it. It was just so beautiful and I think I teared up a little because everything you said was so true. So incredibly true.

The professor gave you props, for your incredibly accurate answer, but also because you explained it in a way that was so easily understandable.

After that class, I approached you. You looked like you could care less about my confrontation but I could see it. Your eyes can't lie to me. I've seen them too many times.

They gleamed with hope. Hope for what, i didn't exactly know. But at that time, I felt as though through the description of the lonely and unloved, you had been describing yourself. So I approached you, hoping, praying that we can be friends.

And we did become friends. Close friends. Best Friends.

I think that this one specific day had changed our relationship from close friends to best friends.

That one day, during psychology, the professor asked us what we thought love was. Of course, I answered.

"To me, love is knowing that you will spend the rest of your life with this person. Not just imagining, knowing. You can compliment this person and tell them you love them more than a million times every day and it still won't convey the love you feel for them. You know you love someone when you know that you will end up with them, and if the unlikely thing happens and you don't end up together, you are ready to chase that person through however many lifetimes, until you can finally be with them again." I said, unconsciously tearing up a little.

You, who sat next to me, looked at me and rubbed my back.

After that class, you dragged me to a part of the campus that I had never even knew about. It was near the football field, you dragged me up a long flight of stairs until we reached the top of the building. You let go of my arm and immediately sat next to the dangerously fragile railing. 

"Hey, careful there. we're at least 10 stories up and that thing looks like it's going to ing break any time soon." I said, "besides, what are we doing here?"

You turned you head to look at me and i swear, that scene in front of me was so unbelievably beautif