I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together

I remember a few lives that i've lived where we got to grow up together and i remember those most fondly. They are honestly the second best lifetimes i could ever live, well, some of them.

The first lifetime in which we grew up together, i recall vividly. I didn't know it at the time (because i was a baby and only a few months older than you), but our mothers were the bestest of friends and well.. they got pregnant at nearly the same time. Pregnant with you and me of course, so they made a pregnancy pact. You know what that is? It's like a pact that if the females are pregnant at the same time, they raise their children together and so they basically grow up with each other and that's exactly what happened with us. You and I growing up together was the all because of a pregnancy pact, but i'm not complaining because that lifetime was amazing in some ways.

It was only tragic because when we were only three years old, your mom had taken a trip to Japan to visit some friends of hers for a designing project and the flight she took back had been hijacked and landed in the sea of Japan. There were no survivors. You and I had no idea what was going on at all. All I remember was that you were staying with me and my mom and we were playing in my play room when all of the sudden we (or I) heard a crash (plates that my mom had dropped when she heard the news) and we ran down the stairs (carefully, of course) and we saw her crying on the couch with bloody fingers.

"Mommy? Ok?" I remember asking her (though my speech was still slow and slurred).

Her head shot up and she quickly wiped the blood from her fingers onto her apron but as soon as she saw you, standing behind me and clutching my shirt, she started sobbing. She came up to us and huugged the both of us while still crying and then she let go of me and cupped your face. You had absolutely no idea what was happening so you just stared at my mom.

"Auntie, are you okay?" Obviously your speech was sooo much better than mines.

She nodded and sniffled.

"Honey, from now on you're going to live with me and uncle okay? Mommy is going away for a while so we'll be taking care of you, okay? Do you understand, baby?" She said, sometimes cut off by her own hiccups and sniffles.

You just nodded and although I did not know that your mom passed away at that time, I felt a sudden sadness rush through me. So after that, we lived together and grew up together and we were basically brother and sister (kinda weird, right?). It took me a while to fall in love with you in this lifetime because you irritated me to no end, but i knew you were just joking and you loved me. And I loved you, too. Always did. 

One day, i came home from hanging out with my friends (I was 17 and you were 16 going on 17).

"Sohee, hey! I'm home. Where are you? I brought you food." I yelled throughout the house.

When silence was the answer I received, i stalked up the stairs and stoof in front of your room. Even when i was that close, i still couldn't hear anything so i assumed you were out with your friends. I opened the door and noticed that a light breeze was coming in through your black curtains (and in this lifetime, i noticed that black was your favorite color) and your black bedsheets were messed up and so were the items on your desk. I looked in your bathroom and experienced real horror.

I don't know if i wanted to cry or puke or both but I was just disturbed to the highest level. I think I was already crying as soon as my eyes hit you. To be honest, i don't want to go in so much detail but i feel as if i need to because no matter how many lives you live, you're different from me. I remember all of my lives but you don't and I'm so, so sure you don't want to remember this one. I know I don't, but it was a significant part in all of my lives with you.

I opened the door to your (extremely and unusually) large bathroom and i saw red. Literally. There was red almost everywhere. Blood, of course and I was so confused at first but then I saw your lingerie-clad porcelain body lying lifeless in the bathtub full of water mixed with blood. Who's blood was it? I walked over to your body not even minding all of the bloody mess on the floor and noticed so many cuts, old and new, on your body. Your perfect body, scattered with scars. No, that's definitely not how i remembered your body. The last time i saw it, it was scattered with moles on your chest and stomach and thighs and back. But this time, in addition to those moles, there were long, short, thin and thick slashes. I don't know. I don't want to remember it but now the image is stuck in my head and it's so vivid and everything is in black and white except for your cuts and all that blood and i don't know anymore. I don't want to think about it. I swore I could have lost my mind, and maybe i did because i don't remember anything after getting into the bathtub and hugging your limp body as the water poured out. Your body was so cold and I remember j