January 17, 2011

Dear Diary,

Doctor Leeteuk-sshi called me about a week ago and checked my health again. At first, I told him I thought I was actually going to get better. In addition to the lack of dream visits from unnie, I also feel better and more energetic. Then he broke the news to me.

Apparently the disease I have is so rare that it there isn't much to study from. In fact, I could count the number of people alive who have this disease on one hand. There isn't much known about it, but apparently from what he saw from unnie's health records before she passed away, the disease plays a cruel, cruel joke. You know the battle strategy where an army pretends to retreat  to fool the opponent and lure them into thinking they won, but then strikes back suddenly in an ambush so the opponents have no chance? Yeah, the disease kind of acts like that. Just before it controls the victim's body completely, the symptoms seem to wear off. Isn't it amazing how cruel Nature can be? 

I think that someone must have cursed our family, kind of like the curse the Greek gods placed on families who offended them. I mean, what are the chances that out of the handful of people who have had this disease, two of them happen to be from our family? And as far as I know, it isn't even a hereditary disease! 

Anyway, I should be in class now, but Doctor Leeteuk seems to always want me in the hospital so he can keep an eye on me, in case something happens. The teachers know about my condition, but that's it. I haven't even told my best friends yet! The last time I went to class, Minzy, who's in my gym class, cornered me in the locker room and said, " Nice job, Kim Taedork. You have the teachers all over you. What excuse are you giving them to get out of class? You're probably just cutting so you can smoke in the park or work in a strip club, not that anyone would actually want you, you ."  She proceeded to pull my hair and was about to punch my stomach when Jessica came over and slapped her makeup-caked face. I told you, the girls were amazing, didn't I?

Anyway, since that incident, I haven't been back at school. The girls don't know because Leeteuk lets me go home when umma comes home from work. The girls aren't out of school at that time yet. At the moment, they just think I have the flu, so they don't stay long after coming over to drop off my homework. Honestly, I do feel a bit guilty for not telling them the truth, but I don't want to upset them, not yet at least. They'll probably be hurt and mad, but right now, I need all the support I can get, so if they do get mad at me, at least I'll be dead by then. 

At times like this, I really miss unnie. I miss having someone to talk to. Someone who would understand my pain. I wish she were here. She would hug me and comfort me and tell me everything will be alright, even though I know it won't be. But just hearing the words would be enough to mollify me. I miss her hugs, her voice, her laughter. I guess right now, I just need a friend. I'd give anything to have her back. But at least she isn't suffering anymore...

Hey guys, yep I'm still alive. Gahhh I'm so sorry for not updating T_T 

Please comment! I don't know if anyone is still reading this :( No motivation to continue!

I'll probably end the fanfic soon, maybe 4 or 5 more chapters?

So Taeyeon is pretty sure she's dying. Looks like she accepts her fate.

Comment and let me know what you want to happen :D  

<3