Do listen to this piano piece when you read, it helps to build the mood.

Yiruma - When love falls (YirumaLOVE)

Lying sleeplessly on the bed, I could feel your hot breathe smouldering my cheek as I embraced your slender body in my arms. Snuggling closer to you, I tried to immerse myself in your warmness but an inexpressible coldness surrounded me.

It was an inevitable coldness like the chilly breeze of the bleak winter

That always seeped through the crack of our shuttered window

It is a nerve-racking coldness, icy and frosty

That always froze my hands despite the heat from the fireplace

It is a coldness I always fear because

I will lose control over my fingers

I will lose control over the first love of my life

My gift to play the piano

A coldness that I thought would be gone if I still have you by my side but I was wrong. Now, I finally understand that your warmth wasn’t able to take away the draughtiness that engulfed my desolate self. And it hurts me because I am hurting you too.

It hurts me deeply

Knowing that I took everything from you

Knowing that you have gave me everything

Everything you have once owned

Everything that you have once cherished

Your love

Your freedom

Your determination

Your pride

Your joy

Things that make you unique

Things that make you my source of energy

Things that gave me the strength

Were now all destroyed

I couldn’t forget the pain shattering my heart when I felt the sadness radiating from your lonely silhouette sitting on the piano, playing the melody that once meant so much to us. But now, it means nothing to me. Nothing more than;

A piece of my love trapping you with me

A string of my love tying you down to me

A burden of my love holding you back to me

A memory of my love bounding you to me

“I’m sorry, Taemin. I’ve blinded myself from your suffering” I whispered softly into your ears. “Mianhae. I should have set you free”

These were words lingering on my pale lips

Words bottled deep inside me

Words that reflected my conscience

Words that I don’t have the courage to confess

Because I am too selfish

I can’t bear the thoughts of leaving you

I can’t bear the thoughts of living with nothing

If only I could turn back the time and erase every fragment of our memories, would I be able to ease you from all these misery and agony. Would I stop myself from committing a grave sin; my greatest regret in my life. Would I stop you from becoming the pianist you despised, trying to fulfil the dreams that I lost.

You gave me life, Taemin

 But it on the same day

You had died

I have destroyed you

Changing you into a person

A person I couldn’t recognised anymore

A person empty inside

A person that has lost his soul

A person pushed down a pained pathway

That has no return

“I am sorry, Taemin. I’m really sorry”

How could I not notice the bitterness flickering past your dark brown eyes every time I uttered the phrase in front of you? How could I not notice the pure wrath you resent when you clenched your fist hopelessly by your side as you took in my words? How could I not know that I am hurting you but glancing at the melancholy expression draped across your face but I can’t stop those malicious words escaping my lips?

You’re my brilliant pianist

Taemin

A phrase full of mockery

A phase to disdain myself

A phrase filled with self hatred

To remind myself that I’m hurting you

The one I loved

The one I’m supposed to love

But I’m not sure anymore. Do I still love you? I really don’t know. If I do, how can I bear to hurt you like this? How can I bear to see you suffer? Why would I hurt the person I loved? I can’t help thinking is this really love; my diminutive love for you.

Closing my eyes brimmed with tears; I allow reminiscences of our past to blur over me. Memories that I am afraid to recall; memories I can’t wait to forget.

Vagel_91:

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