Do listen to this piano piece when you read, it helps to build the mood. Listen in order to where the title appear.

Yiruma - Lost in Island (onlinepianoru)

Yiruma - Love hurts (mitsukai89) 

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Tick………….

 

……..Tick……………

 

…………….Tick………………..

 

 

12.26

4 minutes

 

12.27

3 minutes

 

12.28

2 minutes

 

12.29

1 minute

 

Staring silently at my watch, I tapped my fingers impatiently on the table; waiting patiently for the teacher to dismiss the class but it seems that he didn’t have any intention to end his lessons just yet. He was still frantically trying to explain how to solve the mathematics equation written on the whiteboard but my mind wasn’t following him anymore because it was drifted to a faraway place.

 

 

My mind was lost in island

Lost in the dense forests without any trees

Lost in the blue ocean without any water

Lost in the hot desert without any sand

Lost in the Milky Way without any stars

Lost in a universe without you

 

 

Frustrated, I swept my books and stationeries spread out on my desk straight into my bagpack. Swinging it firmly over my shoulders, I dashed out of the classroom not waiting for the school bell to strike one. Not caring about the angry screams and chattering gasps echoing behind me, I skipped down the stairs towards the direction of your classroom in the other end of the school.  All I could think of was to grab hold of you before you runway again.

 

 

“Ring………..”

 

“……Ring…………….”

 

“…………...Ring………………”

 

 

Cursing under my breathe, I pick up the speed of my legs, sprinting through the hallways that was now filled with students strolling out of their classes, chatting and gossiping about everything under the sun which I simply have no interest in. All I could think of was to stay focus and locate you inside this blind sea of blue and grey.

 

I was glancing around in circles like an idiot, scanning every direction for your presence but I found nothing.  Feeling desperate, I forcefully pushed my way through the crowd, knocking over others, apologizing to those I’ve unintentionally hit but I still couldn’t find you. I was losing hope, nothing I’ve done seems fruitful and it made my heart heavier every second, time ticked down. 

 

Taemin

Where are you?

 

I questioned innately as I leaned my weight on the wall, trying to catch my breath. Bobs of sweat were trickling down my forehead as I panted. Tears of depression were swelling in my eyes as I slammed my fist on the hard concrete in rage.  

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

“What are you doing here, hyung?”

 

A cold questioning voice snapped me out of my wrath as I wheeled my gaze to meet his vacant hazel eyes. His gaze glancing back at me looked distant and gloomy making me momentarily at a loss of words.

 

“I’m going if you’re not going to speak up.” he commented, furrowing his eyebrows as he tighten his grip around the books he was carrying in his arms. Slightly shifted his weight, he leaned onto his left foot to stand more comfortably. Tapping gently on his right foot, he waited quietly for my response.

 

 

“I’m………..I’m……….”

 

“I’m leaving for New York tomorrow…………”

 

 

What is going to happen to the both of us?

Is this the end of our relationship?

Will you wait for me, Taemin?

 

 

“I know, Minho hyung…………..”

 

“Chuka haeyo………………..”

 

“Bon voyage…………”

 

“Take care…….”

 

“………….”

 

 

Is this all you had left to say to me

Do I not mean anything to you anymore?

How could this be the only words you had for me?

This can’t be true

Please tell me you are lying, Taemin.

 

 

“Is this all you’re going to say, Taemin…………..” I questioned dolefully, grabbing onto his slender shoulders, shaking them vigorously in my arms. Tears I hardly shed, starting rolling down my cheeks, dripping down the contours of my face onto his blue blazer.

 

Flinching away my grip, he tilted his head to the side, avoiding my gaze. “Yeah…………I have nothing more to say to you, Minho hyung. Goodbye.”

 

“No…………Don’t go, Taemin” I screamed inwardly as my legs went weak and my body slide down onto the floor while I continue to glance at his physique that was now lost in the crowd again.

 

 

How could you just walk off like this?

Why won’t you even turn and look at me?

Why are you hurting me like this, Taemin?

 

 

My tears continue to flow down, slowly blurring the vision in front of me. Slowly, blurring the vision I had of him.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

“Omma, please stop the car. Let me see him for the last time.”

 

 

Let me bid my farewell to him

Or not I could never go in peace

 

 

“But Minho, you’re going to be late for your flight.” she glanced worriedly at me, trying to persuade me out of my decision but gazing at my crestfallen expression, she finally gave in.

 

“Just promise me that you would come back soon”

 

“I will. Thanks, umma” I promised, planting a kiss on her cheek before dashing out of the car door, towards the pure white mansion in front of me.

 

 

Please let him be home

I want to see him for the last time

I want to say my goodbye

 

 

Pressing hysterically on the door bell, there was no response from the speaker, not matter what I did and it made me anxious. Clenched firmly on the metal gates, I started screaming out his name at the top of voice, making a big fuss that was disrupting the serenity of quiet evening.

 

It wasn’t long when I heard the soft click of the door knot and the main door was slowly yanked open. Peering through the gates, I could see a familiar figure glancing at me apologetically with her forlorn eyes as she walked towards me.

 

 

Why won’t he come and see me?

How could he be so heartless?

 

 

“Seohyun noona, please call Taemin to come out and see me”

 

“I want to see him”

 

“Even if it’s the last time, I want to see him…………”

 

“Noona, please help me” I howled, tightening my grip on the metal bar in my hands as I bite my lips, holding back my tears that were on the verge to flow.

 

 

“I’m sorry, Minho. Please go, Taemin doesn't want to see you.”

 

“I know you’re suffering but he is nothing better than you so stop forcing him. You will understand if you read this” she said gravely, passing me a torn and tatter book that somewhat looked like a diary. It was in a pathetic state with all its pages crumbled and ripped, the only thing that was holding it back together were endless clear tapes that ran through the pages, sticking the paper fragments and its edges jointly like a jigsaw puzzle.

 

Holding the book in my hands, I noticed the neat, orderly words and slightly tilted sentences. There were also a few ripple of smeared ink across the pages that seem to be made by teardrops trickling down the paper. This was certainly Taemin’s writing and he was probably crying when he had written this. The thoughts of him crying was making my heart thumped uneasily.

 

Gazing nervously back at Seohyun noona, I tried to get her approval if I should read the pages spread open in front of me. As though she felt my struggle, she gave me a light pat on my shoulder and prompted me to start reading. Taking a deep breath, I brought the book to a readable distance and started reading the words off the pages.

 

 

9 September 2009                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Rainy

 

 

How I wish I could let you know love hurts

Love hurts because of you

 

 

Love hurts because I don’t know what love truly is

I don’t understand your heart

I can’t comfort you

Minho Hyung

 

 

Love hurts because I can’t grant your wish

I don’t want to become a pianist

I can’t follow you

To the music college you going to

 

 

Love hurts because I can’t make you feel better even when I’ve apologised again and again

You just won’t listen to the explanations I gave

Everything I said were nothing more than excuses to you

I’m sorry

Mianhae

 

 

Love hurts because I can’t clearly explain my actions

Everything I’m doing is not just a rebellion against my parents’ control

I know I’m still immature

But this is me

A pabo fighting for his autonomy

 

 

I don’t want to be a pierrot anymore

In front of them

 In front of fame and money

 I’m nothing

 I’m not their son

I’m just a puppet that they can string in their fingers

 

 

I want to live under a wider sky

I want to know the meaning of freedom

I want to do things that I like, not live the life they want me to.

I want my life to be filled with only thoughts of you and me

I want to be the master in control

I want to have a say in my future

 

 

But I can’t if I’m trapped in their musical hegemony

I won’t be able to escape their invisible web of dominance

I will always live under their shadows

I will always be in their prison cell

Living a life filled with misery and pain

Living a life I dread but you just don’t seem to understand my despair

 

 

I know I’ve hurt you because of my insensitivity

Every day you would sigh,

You would frown when your gaze meet mine

Every day I would cry,

I would run or hide when my gaze meet yours

 

 

Trapped in this vicious cycle

Our hearts were slowly torn apart

Our trust for each other was broken

Our love for one another was strained

 

 

You start questioning my love for you

But I couldn’t do anything to salvage our relationship

I felt so helpless

I felt so useless

 

 

Every day I could only pray

Pray for a miracle

Pray for your forgiveness

Pray for your understanding

Pray for your faith in me

Pray for your faith in our relationship

 

 

Love hurts because I can’t ease your uncertainties, I can’t confess to you

How much I love you

Because I’m young, it’s awkward for me to say “Saranghae”

All the words I mustered to speak out were so cold

Words with obliviously no feelings

 Words with absolutely no sincerity

 

 

Please forgive me

 Minho hyung

How I wish I could tell you

I really love you

Saranghaeyo

I am willing to wait for you

To come back to me

 

 

But I just can’t say it out

That why love hurts

Hurt like crazy

Hurt like hell but I’m still thankful

Because it will always be a remembrance of you

 

 

My love

My angel

My goddess

My soulmate

 

 

 

Lee Taemin

 

 

 

 

 

I

 

 

Love

 

 

You

 

                     

Too

 

 

Taemin

 

 

I’m sorry for questioning your love for me

 

 

 

I’m sorry that I didn’t believe in you

 

 

I’m sorry that I have so little trust in you

 

 

I’m sorry that I have made you cry

 

 

Wiping away my tears that were falling like raindrops, I nibbled on my lower lips to stop the pitiful wails escaping my mouth. Regaining my composure, I turned and give Seohyun noona a 90 degree bow.

 

“Komawoyo, noona. Thank you for letting me know this, if not I would never know the truth. Could you please help me to tell Taemin that I will definitely come back for him after I become a successful pianist. I love him. Please call him to wait for me.”

 

“Araso……………”

 

“Thank you Seohyun noona. Goodbye, I going off already. Help me to take care of him.”

 

“Minho, don’t worry. I will help you to take care of him. Promise me that you will take care of yourself too and do call us, he would be undeniably elated to hear your voice even though he would stubbornly deny it” she yelled, waving her hands in the air as I walked further and further away from the mansion.

 

“I will, Komawoyo”

 

 

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Vagel_91:

                   I've updated this because I have the inspiration to write, one point to take the word "pierrot" and some of the words I wrote were abit similar to the lyrics from JYJ's pierrot because that was where my inspiration came from. Hope you enjoyed reading this and listening to the two piano pieces by Yiruma.

 

Please comment and subscribe. It will motivate me to continue writing. Thanks.