Do listen to this piano piece when you read, it helps to build the mood.

Yiruma - A sad memory (sounds08)

Just a note: From chapter 3 onwards, the chapters are Minho's flashbacks which will not be in chronological order. Hope it doesn't become too confusing.

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Red

A colour of pure wrath

Engulfing me into a sea of fresh blood

Drowning me with its intense metallic scent

Pulsing fear trough through my veins

Trails of crimson tainting the tiles

I see Red

 

Red

A colour of passionate romance

Surrounding me in a sea of rose petals

Drowning me with its sweet flowery fragrance

Sheer blissfulness slink up my lips

Touches of crimson curling into a grin

I see Red

 

Red

A colour of immerse audacity

Suffocating me in the bleakness of the burgundy sunset

Drowning me into its turbulent streak of dusk

Shattered memories flicker in my eyes

Droplets of scarlet smearing my broken lips

 

I see Red

Marred my delicate skin

I saw death

Wavering before me

 

I saw my pending death

 Awaiting me

At the gates of my sanity

At the vulnerability of my humanity

 

Closing my bloodshot eyes, I averted my vision away from the withered roses resting in the long slender glass vase situated at the edge of the window. The bronzed blossoms hanged feebly on its dried stalks were rustling softly in the touch of the whirling breeze. Its deep claret petals had shriveled under the harsh challenge of time, leaving behind the lifeless remnants of its once stunning splendor. 

 

Fading

It’s fading away

As vivacity seeps through its petals

Back into the eroding earth

 

Hope

How I hoped

I could turn back the time

Preserving its transitory beauty

Forever

 

Yearn

How I yearn

I could dwindle away like welted roses

Into the embrace of the freedom

 

Wish

How I wish

 I could leap into a mystifying dimension

 

Free of everything,

Choking me out of air

 

Free of everything,

Strangling me out of life

 

Free of everything,

Draining me out of my soul

 

 

Flickering open my eyelids, a lonesome tear slipped down the corner of my eye onto my pillow.  Glancing around the once familiar room, I totally lost count of the days I had started lying on this unadorned bed, piled up with white pillows and a plain colored blanket. Everything in this particular room was pasty white.

 

White walls

 White tiles

White ceiling

White door

White table-top

White wooden chairs

White curtains

White framed clock

 

I loathed the whiteness surrounding me which never fails to remind me the purity of his innocence. The pureness of his angelic face always surfaced in my mind and the thoughts disgust me, knowing that I am totally different from him.

 

He was a chaste angel clueless about the sinister thoughts tarnishing the thin thread of my existence. While, I was a sin mortal corrupted with endless thoughts of destruction and harm.

 

Claustrophobic

Yes, I felt claustrophobic

Locked in this colourless space

Small and cramped

 

Agateophobic

Yes, I’m agateophobic

I’m afraid of losing my mind

Afraid of become lunatic and eccentric

 

“HAHahAhaha……………”

“UHm……………..hahahaha……………”

“Why should I fear it when I’m already crazy………..hahahaha”

 

 Powerless mocking chuckles emitted my quivering lips as I felt my cheek getting wet again. I knew I was crying but I can’t stop my floodgates that had burst open. Tears were streaming down, staining the dark blue pajamas hung over my gaunt self.

 

Why are you so weak, Minho?

Why are you always tearing, why?

Can’t you control your emotions?

Can you still do anything worthwhile anymore?

 

Guys should be strong

They shouldn’t be crying

They shouldn’t be shearing tears like a fragile woman

You are totally useless

 

A hopeless bastard like you shouldn’t be living

It is a waste of resources

You should kill yourself

End your pitiful life, Minho

No one will even care if you are gone

 

 

“You don’t understand……………….I’ve tried…………I really did…….”

“But they just won’t let me die………………they won’t let me go”

“They keep saving me………….saving a like me…………..”

“Leaving my hollow shell behind………………….”

“Fighting for my worthless existence….”

 

I yelled inwardly against the fierce hoarsely voice hollered in my ears. It was a fuming voice that was reprimanding me and I felt myself snapped because of his accusations. It wasn’t my choice to be living. It was their choice to sustain my existence. I hated them subjecting me to this pain but I couldn’t do anything.

 

The more I hurt myself, the more resistance I get from them. They started restraining me to end of the bed. They started watching me like a hawk, preventing me from leaving my room unaccompanied. They keep on checking on me from time to time, to ensure I didn’t do anything stupid.

 

“Knock ah Knock”

 

A light rhythmic tapping sound on the door caught my attention, jolting me out of daze. Recognizing her unique knocking on the door, I immediately shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep because I am tired of seeing the forced smile that curled up her lips as she uttered words of concerns.

 

How are you feeling today, Minho?

Is your arm feeling better?

It is a beautiful day, isn’t it?

 

The same customary questions that I had gave up answering. I am totally fed up lying in her face, knowing that she would easily see through my lies. She was aware of the pathetic state I’m in and had given up reassuring me, knowing that I wouldn’t buy any of it.

 

“Knock ah Knock”

 “Minho, I’m coming in”

 

The sliding door was slowly shoved open and soft footsteps echoed in my ears as flat slippers made contact with the floor.

 

 

Click Clack

 

 

Click Clack

 

 

 

Click Clack

 

 

 

Click Clack

 

 

With each step she took, I could feel her moving closer to me until her overshadowing presence draped over me, sending jolts of uneasiness down my spine. Peeking through my narrowed right eye, I would see her busy physique pacing around the room, getting everything tidied up before settling on a chair beside my bed.

 

Gently, she took my numb motionless arm into hers and started releasing the soiled dressing on my wrist. I gritted my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut to endure the appalling burning tingling sensation that was spreading down my spine with her every touch. I want to pull away but I know I can’t.

 

“Bear with me………….”

“Let me clean your wound……”

“And wrap it up……………”

 

After uttering those few words, she started dressing my wound without saying anything else. There was an odd silence between us that was making me uncomfortable. Whirling my gaze away from her, I glanced toward the slight gap between the open door and felt a familiar innocent gaze directed at me that instantly back off when our eyes interlocked. An apparent spurt of panic glinted through his dark hazel orbs as he ripped his gaze longingly away from mine.

 

Could you

Please take me away

 

From this world filled with darkness

I’m tired of running with endless fear

I’m tired of walking without a direction

 

Please

Please take me away

Taemin………….

Cuz I really can’t take this pain

 

Could I not just follow your light?

Run into your embrace

When the world turned its back on me

When everyone denied me

 

Could I not?

Just stay by your side?

 

“Uhmmm……………”

“UHm……………..hahahaha……………”

 

What a stupid question to ask?? I sneered ridiculously at myself as the words formed in mind.

 

Am I not the person that pushed him away?

Am I not the person that accused him of pity?

Am I not the person that humiliated him?

 

 

“Isn’t this what you always wanted, Minho?”

 

To force him out of my life

To make him fear me

 

“Yeah, umma……………” I answered cynically, gawking into her eyes filled with anger and disappointment. She clearly noticed I had saw Taemin hiding behind the door. “So why did you let him in when you know I would hurt him?”

 

“I….I won’t if he didn’t beg me every day to let him in. Why would I let such a good boy get abused by you?” she shrieked dreadfully. “You don’t deserved him, Minho”

 

I don’t deserve him

Is that also what you think, umma?

A useless person like me shouldn’t own an angel like him

 

“Hahaha…………….Umma, you got it wrong. I didn’t abuse him nor did I force him. He willingly did my bidding. It was his choice”

 

“You…………” she snarled, biting her lower lips in fury as tears streamed down her face. Shaking her head desolately, she grabbed onto the head of my bed to support her trembling body that was on the verge of giving way.

 

 “Why had you become like this, Minho? Why?” she questioned, clenching onto her aching chest in pain as her face was drained of colour.

 

Smirking with my brows rose, I scowled. “Stop your act, Omma. I won’t fall for it. You are the one who is trying too hard to keep a devil like me. Get Taemin in here now or not I can’t promise what I will do”

 

“………..ok……….don’t hurt yourself…..I…..I’ll get him in here now…………………” she screamed frenziedly with fear in her eyes, wiping off the tears that were blurring her eyes as she scurried out of my room.

 

Hurt myself?

How?

Did she forgot my movable hand was still tied

That dumb woman

She just cared too much for a freak like me

 

Hate me, Hate me……..Omma………

Abandon me, your worthless son

Please…….. Just let me die

Don’t save me anymore

Please………….

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 “Come here, untied me……………….”

 

I call out to the brunette standing at edge of my room. He was standing silently there like a little boy punished by his father for committing a mistake. His head was hung low as he fiddled his fingers nervously, clearly avoiding my glare.

 

“Don’t make me repeat myself”

 

 Startled by annoyance in my voice, he finally took small heavy steps towards me. Still shunning my gaze, he sank his weight on the edge of my bed and reach out to release the strips that were wrapped around my wrist, freeing my hand.

 

Gaining freedom, I lifted my fingers to cup his chin, forcing him to meet my eyes. “Missed me, darling?” I hissed, exhaling my warm breath on his pallor lips as my fingers traced the smudge across his cheek.

 

“………………..”

 

Pissed off by his quietness, I rubbed my thumb against his bruise causing him to groan in pain as he flinched away my hand. “Why, don’t like my touches, babe? Then off, didn’t I warn you not to appear in front of me anymore? Why don’t you listen??? Your sickening face make me disgusted” I yelled heatedly, stretching out my leg to kick his frail body down my bed, causing him to crash against the wooden chair, landing with a loud thump.

 

 

“Give up on me, Taemin."

 

Leave me alone

I don’t want to hurt you anymore

 

I muffled towards his trembling figure, curled up on the cold floor. He was guarding his aching shoulder as he gritted his teeth tightly to prevent the whimpers of pain to escape his lips.

 

 

“Leave me. Taemin.  Find someone that would love you”

 

I can’t love you anymore

A broken person like me is not worthy to love

 

 

“No…………..” he confessed, staring at me with eyes clouded with tears of sympathy. Pulling up his battered body, he dragged himself across the floor towards me. Wrapping his hands around my waist, he leaned his head against my chest. “I’ve made this mistake once but I’ll never leave you again”

 

“Do you know what you getting yourself into?” I questioned the younger boy, nuzzling in my embrace as I riffled his soft russet hair with my fingertips. The same softness I missed dearly, it seems like a decade since I last hug him so innocently which was different from the passionate embraces I’ve been showered him to allure him into my snare.

 

“Uhm………..” he answered, raising his head to meet my gaze, acknowledging my question. Glancing into his misty eyes, I couldn’t see anything except my own smirking reflection curved with sheer malice.

 

The malice of the devil

Craving for the taste of blood

Yearning for the sweetness of his sacrifice

 

 

Immersing my thoughts in the racing thumps of my heart. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against the croak of his neck, my way across his collarbone, relishing the salty taste of his milky skin as I sink my teeth into his shoulder, earning a loud growl from him as he grated his nails into my flesh under my pajamas.

 

“…….Pain………….hyung…..........stop……….” he groaned, arching closer to me.

 

Feeling my bulge pulsing tightly against my pants, I released my bite and crashed my lips against his, sticking my tongue into his parted entrance. “I want you…………” I moaned into our shared kiss as I guided his hand onto the buttons of my pajamas, motioning him to strip me.  

 

Sensing my distress, Taemin did what he was told; he started ing my shirt and worked his way down my pants. Within seconds, we were facing each other like two newborns, bare and exposed. With minutes, the room was filled with our zealous moans and passionate whines.

 

Don’t regret what you wish for, Taemin

I will never let you go ever again

 

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 Vagel_91:

                 Another peek to painful Minho's past, hope you enjoyed reading it. I know it is confusing and dark but I've tried my best. Please do subscribe and comment. I'll like to know how I doing (I hope it is not becoming worst) and I need the motivation to keep on writing, thanks alot.