Do listen to this piano piece when you read, it helps to build the mood.

Yiruma -  If I Could See You Again (yummmeeRoyaltee)

Just a note: Seohyun noona = Taemin's older sister.

If I could only see you again, I’ve promised myself that I’ll do almost anything……..no I would give up everything just to see your sweet smile again. This was the desire flaming in my heart like the undying spark of a fire since the day I had got on the airplane and left for college.  

Dreaming of you was my only source of motivation that pushed me through these endless lonely nights in the dormitory when I closed my eyes and felt depressed about the stressful days that had passed by. It was my source of enthusiasm to make me preserve through the long tiring hours of piano practices trying to prove myself worthy to become pianist before the world despite the hardship and setbacks I’m facing every minute in my life. I am totally exhausted struggling to be notice in a campus filled with so many talented and skillful individuals that were miles beyond my level of expertise. Honestly, they made me feel inferior and my dream of being recognized was becoming more and more distant like a mirage in the desert.

I’m scared Taemin about the uncertainties that my future holds but I’m more afraid of losing you. It has been almost a year and a half since I’ve last seen you or even talked to you. I’m afraid what time could do to me and you. I’m afraid that it would gradually make me forget about you; forget your looks and my feelings for you because I’ve found your physique in my memories slowly fading away, turning grey like a black and white photograph, vanishing into thin air.  

I can’t remember the colour of your orbs that I always loved glancing into when I’m with you. Whether was it a darker shade of brown like a dust of freshly grounded cocoa or a lighter tint of hazel like a simmering jasper stone?  I can’t remember sweetness of your lips that had always made my heart fluttered. It was a sensation so immersing at that very moment when my lips captured yours pulling you into a passionate kiss which simply took my breath away but now everything is just seems so misty and vague.  

I don’t know why is this happening to me? How could I actually gradually forget someone I am so in love with, I don’t understand……these emotions………I really don’t and the worst feeling that is devouring me is living with the thoughts of you finally moving on. There is a small part of me aching just thinking that you might had given up on me and our relationship which is why you had never made any effort to contact me all this while.

Do you not miss me, Taemin when I’m dying to see you again??

Do you not think of me when I’m thinking of you each time my mind is vacant???

Do you not remember me when I trying so hard to recall everything we had done together so that our memories would never disappear….drift away from my heart??

Taemin-ah, could you feel how desperate I becoming…. being afraid of losing you?? Every time, I talked to Seohyun noona I felt the same way. I felt a strong urge that you would one day vanish completely from my life because I always hear the panic and pity in her voice directed to me whenever I mentioned your name. It felt like she is trying to hide something; something about you that you are not willing to let me know. Even though I can’t grasp what it is but an inexpressible bitterness would lump in my throat and tears would swell in the back of my eyes.

Ring Ring Ring

“Seohyun noona, how is he doing?? How are you???”

“I’m fine……………Tae…….. Taemin is doing well too. Thanks for the concern.”

“……………………” So he is doing fine without me, I should be glad……Shouldn’t I???

Silence

“Noona, ca…..can I talk to him?”

“Urgh………ugh……I’m afraid not, Minho. He………he’s not home at the moment” But it is 11 pm in Seoul, noona. How the hell could he not be home???  I want to scream but I held it back.

“He is outside???............”

Silence

“uhm……I mean yes…….”

“But………he knows I always call on the first Friday night every month, don’t he………..”

Silence

“humph………………he knows.” But he chose not to be there…………

.

Silence

“I’m sorry, Minho………………”

“You don’t have to be, noona. It’s not your fault that he is avoiding me………..”

“But………I should…….”

“I understand………..I’m sorry to be a bother, I’ll call again next month……..” Please let him take up my call next time, god I missed his voice…………

Silence

“I’ll try to get him to talk to you………..I’m really sorry, Minho…..”

“Don’t be, noona. Just help me to take care of him………….”I just want him to be happy…..

‘Uhm, take care of yourself too, Minho. Remember to take your meals regularly and sleep well…”

“I will…….bye Seohyun noona……….” Bye Taemin………..

“Bye………….”

Sigh

How could I not lose hope in you, Taemin if history always repeats itself every single month??? Why won’t you talk to me?? Why are you shunning yourself away from me??? What had I done wrong?? What am I supposed do?? I know I need to go back to you….I need to see you to feel your presence once again. I need to feel you in my life once more just like before.

“Minho……..”

“Minho, are you in here???” 

A muffled voice echoed across the large empty practice room from the doorway into my ears as I placed the pen I’m grasping in my fingers down on the piano stand. Raising my head, I gazed into his smiley face peeking through the door acknowledging his existence. Knowing he is none other than Kim Jonghyun, my roommate aka my only friend in this whole campus that would always come searching for me when I’ve been missing from his sight for days.

 Letting a smile gaze my lips, my eyes trailed his footsteps across the marble floor as he approached the piano I was seated on. A loud guttural crumble grunted from my stomach as I sniffed in the fainted smell of baked chicken wafting from the plastic bags he was carrying. Swallowing in gulps of saliva rushing up my throat, I suddenly felt a pang of hunger churning at the pit of my gut. It made me recall the fact that I’ve not eaten for two days straight and I can’t deny that I was really starving.

“Groan…………..”

“I just knew you’ll be hungry…….” he smirked in triumph, stretching out his hand holding the bags of food right in front of me. “Your favorite chicken sandwich, eat it before you continue writing…………”

“Groan…………..” My stomach rumbled again before I was able to reject him and my hands intuitively reach out to receive his snacks, trying to relief the tiredness of his extended hand. “Komawo………”

“Nah!!! This is nothing……….” he commented, giving a playful nudge against my arm. “How is your piano composition going……….is it rejected again???”

“Yeah…………..but I’ve just finished refining the melody………and I’m confident that he would accept it this time, I have a great feeling about it………”  Because it’s a melody specially for him…… I replied, preparing to sink my teeth into sandwich in my hands when I seek a glimpse at the clock on the wall and immediately jolted up from my seat.

 “Gosh, it’s 10.30 pm……….I’ve……….I’ve to go……………” I shrieked, placing the sandwich down on the chair, swooping up my written piano sheets and made a run to the door. “I’ll be back, hyung after I passed up my composition to Dr McMorren……wait for me………..”

Oh my god, please still be in your office. Dr McMorren…………please accept my summer assignment this time, I can’t wait to go back to Seoul for a short term break. I want to see him again…………….

“………….Why is the lift still not here………….” I cussed under my breath as I continued pressing on the button vigorously. “Aish, I should have just taken the stairs” I cried irritably, turning hastily around to the direction of the nearest staircase and speed down the steps as quick as my feet could take me, hopping a curb at a time.

Abruptly, as I was skipping down, a swift dizziness spin in my head. My eyes started getting heavy as my vision slowly turned pitch black. I felt my motions dampen drastically and my body went limp as fatigue overwhelmed me…………….

Vagel_91:

                  Finally an update after so long, I’m sorry for the long wait and hope you have not given up on the fanfic. It was difficult for me to write this considering the responses I am getting. I’m losing motivation but I really hope to finish the fanfic though since I have some spare time now.

Honestly, I can’t help thinking is this fanfic just plain boring or my writing is lacking that why no one is reading, commenting or subscribing. Anyway, please comment and let me how I could improve on it. If you can recommend your friends to try to read it, it’s even better (sorry if it’s too much to ask for *hide in embarressment*......). Thanks for reading.