_______________________________________________________________
                                                                                       

 

 

 

The idea wasn’t completely his, nor was it offered to him. It was something he overheard as he cleans the windows with his work mates.

 

 

The taller male by the name of Chanyeol beams as Baekhyun approaches with a snack in hand; a sandwich and a plastic cup filled with water from the office' water dispenser. Baekhyun offers him part of the sandwich, telling him that they could just share but why would he? How could he? There's only one sandwich which the two will share and it makes the proportion smaller if Kyungsoo accepts the offer. So instead, he shakes his head and politely bows in gratitude. No words spoken. Chanyeol and Baekhyun hardly ever hear Kyungsoo speak anyway.

 

 

"Here, you can have the bigger part.."

 

 

Kyungsoo heard the taller say in a hushed tone.

 

 

"No, Chanyeol, I can't. You need more energy than me."

 

 

"But you're the one taking care of Jesper. You need to eat more.."

 

 

Kyungsoo silently continues to clean, hearing everything the two says without meaning it. Kyungsoo wonders how the two who obviously are having a hard time keeping up with their financial needs can still afford to add another to their family, a young orphan named Jesper. But then again, Kyungsoo was also like that. An orphan abandoned in the streets. And Jongin willingly accepted him just like how Chanyeol and Baekhyun did to Jesper.

 

 

 

"Alright, instead let's divide it equally, okay?"

 

 

Kyungsoo can almost hear the pout in Baekhyun's voice.

 

 

"Alright..."

 

 

Kyungsoo tries very hard not to look the couple's way as he continues to hear their conversation.

 

 

"Did you hear about a Minseok who works in the left wing?"

 

 

Baekhyun visibly freezes before nodding.

 

 

"He was a nice person. I have talked to him once when I was delivering water gallons in the left wing departments. He was very kind and even offered me food."

 

 

There was a pregnant silence before Chanyeol speaks again.

 

"I know he has a big debt to pay but he was happy with his family. How unfortunate for him to die while working.."

 

 

There were a few moments of silence with the smaller looking bothered before he speaks in an lower voice.

 

 

"I heard he did it on purpose," Baekhyun tentatively says.

 

 

"Why would he do that? He has a child and a beautiful wife.."

 

 

It's then that Kyungsoo hears it.

 

 

"Don't you know that the company pays for anyone who gets hurt while working? He has pension too so I believe his family received a great deal of money since he has been working here for more than ten years.." What follows comes as a whisper, like Baekhyun feels guilty for even saying it. "I bet it's more than enough to pay their debt."

 

 

 

Kyungsoo pauses, trying to erase the idea floating in his head because how could he have such thought? He promised to wait for Jongin and to wait for Jongin, he would. He has to be the first person Jongin sees when he wakes up.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo continues working.

 

 

____

 

 

 

No words could come out.

 

 

“Mister Kyungsoo? Did you hear what I said?”

 

 

Kyungsoo continues to stare at the paper in his grasp.

 

 

There were lots of zeros on the paper. It scares him. He could not cover all those amounts in a short amount of time. How could there be so much they covered for only two years?

 

 

“The insurance company, Mister Kyungsoo. It won’t cover the expenses anymore. And you still haven’t paid for the past six months. I understand even your house is being leased. If this continues, Mister Jongin will have to be—“

 

 

“I’ll pay. I’ll pay for it. By sunday. Please give me just a few days. Just until Sunday, please?”

 

 

But he had been asking for extension of the due date for more than six months now. He knows the young employee has already already been having hard time because of him. Kyungsoo looks up at the young man, trying to keep his gaze as strong as he can—as convincing.

 

 

The young man averts his gaze, ultimately giving up. He pities Kyungsoo but it has been months and if this continues, he’s going to be the one losing a job. He has his siblings that he needs to support too.

 

 

“Alright, Mister Kyungsoo. Just until the next Sunday. I hope you can keep your promise this time.”

 

 

Kyungsoo wanted to smile even just a little. Even just a  little. For the young man who had been helping him but his face must have been used to frowning or not showing any emotions for he couldn't even muster a smile. Instead he looks the other straight in the eyes. It was the other who smiles at him. Jongdae's smiles had always been fascinating to Kyungsoo. How can someone just give away his smile like that? Even his smiles are precious to him. His smiles are only for Jongin to see.

 

 

His everything is only for Jongin.

 

 

That night, before he goes to his next work, he makes sure to visit Jongin in the hospital. Jongin's cheeks are warm in contrast to his cold hands. He couldn't even afford to buy mittens to shield his hands from the cold. So instead, he runs his fingers through Jongin's hair and sings the lullaby that he used to sing to Jongin when they were little. During the time they were kids who aren't afraid of the real world for they are together. Having each other had always been enough for them. Together.

 

But together isn't enough anymore. Being together but not being able to see each other's smiles, unable to hold each other close, it will never be as enough as before.

 

 

He didn't mind the middle aged woman on the other bed who had been staring at him.

 

 

"—because we're together."

 

 

He finishes the song with a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes. He continues to stare at the man on the bed, wondering, making decisions.

 

 

There was a knock on the door. The nurse has arrived. It's eight in the evening already. He's late for his next work.

 

 

Kyungsoo stands up from his seat, hands still clasping Jongin’s as he leans down to whisper, "I'll try to visit as soon as I can, okay?"

 

 

Of course there was no answer. The lady sharing the same room shakes her head in pity. How long she has been watching the young man talking to the man in comatose? Months, years. But the young man never gets tired.

 

"Sleep well, my Jongin. But not too long, okay?" Kyungsoo places a soft kiss on Jongin's forehead. "I'm still waiting," he mouths.

 

 

Taking one last deep breath, Kyungsoo stands up, bows down at the lady looking at her in pity, then leaves.

 

 

 

###

 

 

 

The time is eight in the evening. Kyungsoo couldn't visit Jongin so instead, he walks to the telephone booth to call the hospital. It's the time for the nurse' visit and so he's sure there will be someone answering.

 

"Can I speak to Mr. Jongin, patient 00426."

 

There was a long pause. Kyungsoo hears the shuffling of papers.

 

"I'm afraid you cannot reach Patient 00426 right now. He's under--"

 

"I know," Kyungsoo cuts in. The nurse must be new. He doesn't know that Jongin receives call from him. Even if there's no answer from the man in comatose. "He just needs to hear my voice.."

 

There was slightly a short pause, the nurse must have been staring at the phone in disbelief, he must be thinking of how stupid the person on the line is for wanting to talk to a person under comatose. Kyungsoo doesn’t care. He just wants Jongin to hear his voice, or maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe he just wants to speak to Jongin even if there is no answer; maybe he just wants Jongin to keep hearing his voice so that he won’t be forgotten. So that even though Jongin is unconscious he wouldn’t forget that somewhere, someone is still hopefully waiting for his return. Maybe Kyungsoo just wants a reassurance that when Jongin wakes up, he still remembers and loves the Kyungsoo he welcomed in his life.

 

 

“Okay sir, I’ll… I’ll just..” A few shuffling is heard. “You can speak now sir.”

 

 

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath before he speaks, voice not showing of how tired he is.

 

 

 

###

 

 

 

When a person keeps ignoring your advances, what would you think? That he dislikes you or is really just uninterested?

 

Kim Joonmyun thought of both. He wasn’t a very interesting person but he wasn’t very boring as well. At least not that boring. After years and years of being ignored by Kyungsoo, Joonmyun finally realized and accepted that there really might just be someone else. He was never really rejected because he wasn’t even able to ask in the first place. Kyungsoo kept the boss-employee relationship between them. The wall Kyungsoo had built around him is sturdy and it seemed like nobody can ever get past through those walls.

 

It was the day an unknown person came by the company parking lot, carrying with him a delivery box, while caressing Kyungsoo’s cheeks that he finally understood why. Never in Kyungsoo eight years of working in the company had he seen him smile as beautifully as he does every time he is with the unknown person. He never got to know the man for he didn’t think he is in right position to try and get to know more things about Kyungsoo’s personal life. Although he wanted to get to know Kyungsoo more.

 

The time is eight in the evening. Joonmyun is just coming out of his office, getting ready to end the day and go rest in his flat, when he spots a small figure of a man, hunched under one of the telephone desks, one hand clutching at his stomach while the other is gripping the phone.

 

Not once had he heard the young employee singing until now, as he watches Kyungsoo's small figure hunched over. Kyungsoo's voice is melodious and smooth although it sounds obviously weak and breaks at some point. The song was of eternal love and promises of being together. Joonmyun's heart clenches at how the emotions being expressed by the song doesn't quite reach Kyungsoo. It's as if Kyungsoo was instead singing of painful good byes and endless longing.

 

"I'm sorry I can't see you again today, Jongin'a." The man pauses, Joonmyun saw how Kyungsoo's face gets distorted as he grits his teeth and his grip on his stomach tightens.

 

He must have been skipping meals again.

 

"I'll try again tomorrow, okay? Or not... maybe the other day. I promise I’ll visit you as soon as I can.”

 

Joonmyun began to walk away hastily in silence.

 

 

Kim Joonmyun, the son of the small publishing house, believes in Destiny. He believed that good things always result from any events, whether good or bad. It is destined to be like that. He believed it was destined for his parents to break up during their senior high only to meet again after they graduate and fall in love all over again. He believes it was destined for his father to be one of the lay-off employees in the old company he used to work in only to be able to build his very own company. He also believed that his dad was destined to be in that car accident and be saved by an unknown person who turns out to be the man his own son would fall deeply in love with, so much that he would wait for years in an obviously hopeless unrequited love.

 

Kyungsoo rejected every reward that his dad offered, saying it was the right thing to do so he didn’t any compensation. The only thing Kyungsoo agreed to was when his dad offered him a job in the company.

 

 

“Kyungsoo?”

 

 

The said man jumps hearing his voice, but more of the fact that someone is still in the office.

 

“S-sir Kim,” he says, eyes downcast and voice weak.

 

“Why are you still here?”

 

Kyungsoo’s brows knit together, his eyes falling on the paper bags he is carrying.

 

“Oh, this!” Joonmyun lifts both of his hands that are holding the paper bags. “I’m still not done with the papers so I decided to eat here instead, would you like to join me? I bought too many..”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer and although he visibly gulps, he looks away from the bags of food and shakes his head. “I have to go to my next job sir. But thank you for offering, sir.”

 

“Nonsense!” Joonmyun says, trying to laugh it off, “Come let’s eat! You haven’t had dinner yet, right?” He walks to the nearest table and places there the paper bags. “And how many times did I tell you to call me Joonmyun hyung instead? Calling me ‘sir’ makes me feel old.” He turns to look at Kyungsoo whose eyes are downcast and brows drawn together.

 

“I’m sorry, sir, I can’t..”

 

It was then that Joonmyun’s smile falls.

 

“Kyungsoo, it’s just a meal. I just want you to eat. Please, you need to at least eat.”

 

Staring at the food on the table and still not meeting his eyes, Kyungsoo answers.

 

“Then can I just… bring them with me?”

 

Joonmyun sighs, finally giving up.

 

“Alright then. Will you let me send you to your next job?”

 

Kyungsoo only looks up then. “No, sir!” He says in quite a panic. “Please. This is more than enough. Thank  you so much, sir.”

 

Joonmyun nods. He doesn’t open his mouth for he might end up saying something he shouldn’t if he does.

 

“I’ll go now, sir. Thank you for the food.”

 

 

“Alright. Take care.”

 

 

Joonmyun also believed that Kyungsoo was destined to fall in love with another man and not to him. But he doesn’t know what good would result from that. Especially now that Kyungsoo lost even his smiles. He began to wonder where his lover had been and why he has not been visiting Kyungsoo anymore. It’s only at those times that he sees Kyungsoo smiling brightly.

 

Even if it’s just a glimpse, even if it’s not for him, he want to continue seeing it.

 

 

 

####

 

 

 

Joonmyun takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair. There will be a snowstorm this week and that means he cannot deliver the published books to Gwangju and that would cause a lot of problems. Not only will they have to stop the deliveries to make sure their employees are safe but also, supplies won’t be coming in this week. That’s too much loss for the company.

 

 

Standing up from his seat, he takes his mug of coffee and stands next to the window. The sky is dark although it still is nine in the morning. The snow is beginning to fall heavier and he would not have noticed it if he did not stare at it for a long time.

 

There on the other side of the building, he can see someone cleaning the right wing smoke lid from getting blocked by the snow. The figure was so small from his view that if he had not seen the site lift shake a little, causing the person on it to move and hold on the handles.

 

 

Kyungsoo.

 

 

It was Kyungsoo. His feet moved faster than his brain could to analyse why in heavens is Kyungsoo standing outside and cleaning the damn tube.

 

 

“Who let him work outside? Who allowed any of you to let any of my workers outside when there is supposed to be a snowstorm?!”

 

The supervisors were quiet; hands clasped together in front of them and head hanging low. Never have they seen the young man this angry and it took them by surprise. Kim Joonmyun, the son of Kim Jeongsik, had always been gentle and respectful but just because of this one employee…

 

 

“Sir?”

 

A head peeks out from inside Joonmyun’s office and all heads turn to it. Joonmyun rushes to the young worker’s side, an act that makes his employees wonder what the blue-collared worker has done to deserve this much care from the young CEO. He even has their boss’ navy blue jacket on.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Kyungsoo isn’t blind nor is he numb. He knows that his young boss likes him romantically. The young CEO hasn’t told him about it but the display of affection gives it away. More often, he would take pity on the young boss for feeling that way towards him. And although unproved, he believes what his boss really is feeling towards him is gratefulness for saving his father’s life and was wrongfully thought of something deeper, stronger. It’s impossible. For someone to feel that way towards him, no one but Jongin is possible to feel that way.

 

 

“I volunteered to do it sir, no one forced me to.”

 

Joonmyun was pacing back and forth in front of him and rubs his face with the palm of his hands. The frown on his face deepens as he observes Kyungsoo’s current appearance. It’s just been a week yet the dark circles under the smaller’s eyes have become too apparent. He hasn’t been sleeping; Joonmyun knows for he had once followed after the smaller. He isn’t aware how many jobs Kyungsoo has but there must have been many for the smaller to be this desperate to earn more money.

 

 

It must have been for that man; Kyungsoo’s lover.

 

 

“What is it? Is it the salary increase? Kyungsoo, it is dangerous! And my father would never allow anyone’s life be risked.”

 

 

“But I was fine sir. Nothing wrong happened to me.”

 

Kyungsoo was still stubborn despite his visible shivering. Joonmyun exhales in worry. Kyungsoo looks like he would collapse any time soon.

 

 

“Kyungsoo,” he starts in a softer, calmer voice. “You need to rest too.”

 

The smaller closes his eyes, already feeling tired. “I’m fine, sir. You don’t need to worry about me.”

 

Joonmyun stares at him as if he’s examining his  health and for some reason, Kyungsoo feels smaller, weaker.

 

Seeing Kyungsoo shivering and flinching at his obvious stares, Joonmyun breathes heavily again.

 

“Alright. You will not go back in there. You will receive the pay for it, I assure you. You’ve done enough risking your life. You will continue to do your indoor works.”

 

 

“Thank you, sir.”

 

 

“Joonmyun. It’s Joonmyun.”

 

 

He waited but nothing comes after. Kyungsoo still refuses to call him by his name. The boundary still stands strong. And even if he can feel his heart breaking, Joonmyun cannot seem to make himself stop.

 

 

 

 

####

 

 

 

 

A blizzard is starting and the employees and workers were all dismissed and to go home before it gets too strong. Everyone is already hurrying home except for one. Joonmyun decides to stay a little longer. Being in his office lets him think clearer. Being in his flat, it’s too silent that it hurts him. Being alone in his make-shift home makes him think of Kyungsoo even more.

 

But when did he ever stop thinking about Kyungsoo ever since he got to know him? He can’t remember a day passing by without Kyungsoo in his thoughts.

 

 

He sighs remembering what he heard the night before.

 

 

Kyungsoo was gripping the telephone tightly as he speaks.

 

 

“No. Please. You can’t do this. Where is Mister Kim? I promised him! I promised him I will pay on Sunday! What are you saying? No! He did show signs of recovery! You know that!” Kyungsoo already starts to tear up as he grips the phone with both hands. “It doesn’t matter if it’s months ago, Jongin will be okay! You can’t just—Hello? Hello? Please don’t—“

 

 

Kyungsoo stares at the telephone in his trembling hands. Joonmyun’s heart was clenching in pain as well. He couldn’t take seeing Kyungsoo in so much despair. He wanted to hold him close, show him how much he loves him and tell him everything’s going to be okay but he can’t. Kyungsoo will only push him away more. Unable to bear the pain of seeing Kyungsoo crying, he walks away, heart breaking with every step he makes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The world outside is noisy as the blizzard grows. Joonmyun looks out the window, heart twisting and head in the same chaos.

 

Giving up was never an option for him. He believes there is always a way to have what one desires. Years were invested in hopes of Kyungsoo feeling the same way or at least giving him a chance. Now he knows how he will never succeed in that path he had chosen. He will never receive Kyungsoo’s love for it already belongs to someone. His years of waiting are fruitless. He is now ready to let go. It will hurt but he knows prolonging this pain is a foolish action. Acceptance and letting go is the only way to ease the pain.

 

 

Joonmyun presses his palm on the window glass as he stares outside. The ground now is covered with snow. The glass had turned icy and cold. He remembers the day he first met Kyungsoo. It was a beautiful and the sun was shining bright but nothing compared to the beautiful smile on Kyungsoo’s face as it lit up in joy. It was his first day on working in the company. After that day, Joonmyun had been hoping to see Kyungsoo smile again. His smiles are precious. They don’t come often but once they do, they couldn’t compare to anyone else’s smiles in Joonmyun’s eyes.

 

 

He sighs. He will talk to Kyungsoo later. He needs to tell him more than just about him giving up.

 

 

The snow is falling hard. It’s almost impossible to see what’s happening outside. Despite that, Joonmyun was able to make out something falling from the left wing building lift.

 

 

It’s covered in navy-blue.

 

 

Joonmyun’s heart hurts, his throat dries, and his world fell.

 

For the second time, he’s running to the other side of the building again, mind devoid of any other thoughts except Kyungsoo, wanting to stop time and save him.

 

 

Don’t.

 

Please don't.

 

 

Tears began to spill from his eyes as he sprints. The snow is falling hard onto the ground,

 

 

 

...and so is Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

 

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I apologize for being a poop to this fic for so long. There's still a last chapter for this.