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                                                                                                     "I will be waiting.."

It was a young, innocent love. Something that both of them were not aware of—or if they were, it was something they could not admit even to themselves.

Their love blossomed and they both kept it hidden in the mirage of what they believed were love for a family, for a friend. Both were determined to hide the truth. If possible, even to themselves as they were scared the knowledge of it would cause the other to drift away—something that would break their hearts and crumble their world into pieces.

It was at the age of 16, with the raging emotions of a teenager, that they started acknowledging the possibility that what they could be feeling for the other is more that of a friend or of a family. It was Kyungsoo who realized and accepted it first. But even after realizing how he really feels, he was able to keep it hidden from Jongin. He tried to bury down along with all the memories of the past that he wishes to forget forever. But he was wrong. He could not forget about it. So every day, as he watches Jongin, as Jongin cared for him, stayed with him, gave him strength and warmth, he realized just how much he loves Jongin. How much it cannot be measured because it is immense. The feelings he realized that has been feeling since when he cannot even remember. He does not know when it is started. It wasn’t love at first sight at all. At least to Kyungsoo, it wasn’t. It was more of curiosity and confusion of why the skinny boy stayed and why the skinny boy cared. So there, as he witnesses the beauty of Jongin, as he realizes he falls deeper in love with him each day, Kyungsoo silently suffers on his own. He suffers and ignores the twisting pain he feels deep inside, accepting the fact that he will never have a happy ending with Jongin. That Jongin will not ever look at him like how a man looks at his lover.

Being with Jongin, seeing him every day was enough for Kyungsoo. It was more than enough.

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It had a different effect to Jongin when realization hit him. It was during the summer. He woke up and sees Kyungsoo lying next to him, wrapped in his arms. He watched as the first ray of sunlight graces the handsome face of Kyungsoo. It was then that he realized his heart was beating too fast. At first, what he felt was confusion. Why was his heart beating so fast at the mere sight of Kyungsoo? He knew even before that he loves Kyungsoo. But he did not know that it was already up to that extent. Fear immediately looms on him. What if Kyungsoo finds out and he goes away from him? It was difficult for him in the first place to get Kyungsoo to welcome him in his life, what more if the smaller man finds out about his true feelings? Kyungsoo has always been a reserved person—he was never someone who wants to be the center of someone’s life in an intimate manner. It confused him and scared at the same time.

As days pass by, Jongin realized just how much his feeling gets even stronger. It made him angry towards himself. He cannot lose Kyungsoo. He cannot. So in his efforts to forget about his feeling, with the anger towards himself, Jongin wasn’t aware he was already beginning to throw his anger towards the person that is the main cause of his conflicting emotions. It made Kyungsoo sad. It made him think maybe Jongin was already starting to get tired of him. Jongin decided to take another job just so that he would have lesser time to spend with Kyungsoo and maybe, possibly, forget about his feelings or at least make it subside. Days passed by with Jongin trying to avoid Kyungsoo or answer his questions with a short ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or a simple nod or shaking of his head. Soon, Kyungsoo began to catch up and so he decided to make it easier for Jongin and ignore him as well. The once lively house filled with Kyugsoo’s heart shaped smile and Jongin’s laughter turned quiet. The house was isolated as both the owners chose to work to avoid each other. It hurt them both but they decided to keep it to themselves.

Maybe they would have stayed like that if Jongin had not decided to visit Kyungsoo in his new work place and there, he saw the most beautiful thing he feared all that time. Kyungsoo was smiling brightly. He was smiling his heart shaped smile and crescent eyes to another man. And it doesn’t take two to know that the man Kyungsoo is smiling to likes him. Kyungsoo was never the type to smile that brightly to someone, Jongin knows. It scared Jongin. And so with the fear in his chest, Jongin barged in the coffee shop and dragged out Kyungsoo in anger and fear. He shouted and complained at the silent and almost teary-eyed Kyungsoo.

“I am here working my off day and night for the both of us and you’re there smiling with some other men and you’re ignoring me and who’s looking after the house? No one. Who said you should take another job, huh? Is the money I bring home not enough for you? Am I not enough for you? Didn’t we promise we’d stay beside each other forever? Did you already forget about that promise, Kyungsoo?”, And Jongin would have continued blabbering and shouting and cursing at the other man Kyungsoo was smiling at without really touching the real subject that he’s jealous if Kyungsoo did not look up to Jongin, with tears swelling down his big round eyes.

The sight of Kyungsoo looking up at him with sad, tearing eyes pricked Jongin’s heart and concern completely took over.

“No Kyungsoo, Please don’t cry.. Please don’t cry.. I’m sorry, I’m sorry now, okay? I was wrong. Please forgive me, please don’t cry”, a thousand more apologies were whispered into Kyungsoo’s ears as Jongin hugged him and rocked their body. The smaller man only sobbed in Jongin’s chest and the other man hugged him tightly as he soothingly rubbed the smaller man’s back while whispering sweet nonsense and asking for forgiveness. And in that moment, as Jongin was whispering into Kyungsoo’s ears, the three words slipped out of his tongue. Kyungsoo immediately pulled back and looked at Jongin, big round eyes widening in an initial shock.

Jongin was panicking deep inside but he decided to just say it out loud.

“I’m sorry—I know I am not supposed to feel this way towards you. I betrayed you. I tried, Kyungsoo. I tried not to feel like this. All these weeks, I tried so hard. But I just couldn’t I—“  And Jongin was interrupted by the soft, plush lips on his.

Jongin was surprised. At first he did not understand what was happening, why Kyungsoo is kissing him but the soft lips of Kyungsoo lingers and he could not help his hands when they reached up to cup Kyungsoo’s face and his heart skipped when he felt Kyungsoo sigh into the kiss. The kiss was something innocent yet romantic. There were not tongues involved—Just lips connected as the other tries to keep his pulsing heart calm.

Kyungsoo was the one who pulled away first and Jongin rested his forehead on Kyungsoo while looking at him. Kyungsoo’s cheeks were the color of a red rose as he lowers his gaze, still embarrassed to look at Jongin. But he did whisper back the three words that Jongin had been wanting to hear.

“I love you too, Jongin.”

“Jongin’a, there’s a new job opening at the company today. Mostly because of the snow. I think I will take the job. It’s a good opportunity for me  to earn more money during the winter.”

Kyungsoo takes the damp face towel and rings it before starting to gently pat it on Jongin’s right arm. He makes sure not to rub it on Jongin’s skin harshly to avoid hurting him.

There was no answer.

He stands up to put the water basin in the restroom and comes back quickly, sitting at the side of the bed. His eyes wander back to Jongin’s eyes that were staring at nothing. He smiles, although his eyes are stinging as he bites his lower lip to stop the raging tears that are threatening to fall down again.

He shouldn’t be crying. Not in front of Jongin. Not when Jongin can hear him.

Letting out a shaky breath, Kyungsoo takes a hold of Jongin’s hand, soothingly rubbing his thumb in circling pattern. His heart twists in pain as he tries to avoid touching the tube attached to the needle attached to Jongin’s wrist. He watches as the blood from the tube disappears into the needle and gets into Jongin’s system.

Kyungsoo reaches up lovingly caresses Jongin’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“I’ll be a bit busy these days because there a lot of works I was able to get.. I’ll make sure to visit as often as I can, okay?”

It was stupid to wait for an answer, but still. Kyungsoo waited.

After a few moments of silence, he puts down his hands and envelopes Jongin’s right hand kissing it before clasping it with both of his hands lovingly.

Jongin likes it when Kyungsoo sings for him. He said he could fall asleep easier when Kyungsoo sings for him.

Kyungsoo starts humming a song that Jongin has always liked, making sure to not have his voice crack as memories of him and Jongin snuggling together, sharing their warmth runs in his head.

“I’ll be waiting, no matter how long it will take. I’ll wait.”

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ugh am I disappointing you with this? ㅠㅠ

credits to: ( h a r l e q u i n. )