Moving. That word makes me very uncomfortable. I never imagined having to move to another country with my brother without my mother. I had already gotten used to being without a father but without a mother? I don’t think that’s possible. I was having a hard time, each passing day I got worse, the time to move was coming closer and closer. I was going to the hospital for consultations with the psychologist; she said that if I did my part though it was difficult I would feel great in no time. Accept the loss of my mother as a normal and natural part of life, but for me there was no way that was going to be. I was mad at myself, I was angry with the world because it was very unfair.

"Ji Ji." Jun Myeon said, interrupting my thoughts.

"What?"  I ask a little annoyed.

"Sorry, but I wonder what's wrong with you. You do not say anything, you are suffering a lot, I can tell just by looking at you. I would like you to be open with me, to tell me what makes you feel so sad."

"Want me to be open with you? Okay, I will. I hate my life. Jun Myeon, I hate it. I hate myself too. Dad abandoned me when I was 4 years old; I barely remember how he looked like. Mom worked all day, I hardly saw her, though I know she worked for me and Joon for us to live without any worries. My brother was very busy with school, he was popular, went out a lot... and I was very lonely, I never really had many friends."

"Ji Ji, baby. I know it was very difficult for you, but you've always been strong. You could surpass that stage and I'm sure you can overcome this one too."

"Jun Myeon, you should know that I'm tired of people thinking that I'm strong because of what they see on the outside. It doesn’t demonstrate how I feel. I'm sick of all this."

"You are also tired of me?" He asks me with sad eyes.

"Yes, yes I am." When I finished saying this, I quickly regretted it.

What did I say? It was the first thing I thought. Jun Myeon was hurt; I saw it in his eyes. Jun Myeon stood up and walked away from me. I panicked, I could not stand loosing someone else, I could not bear the suffering of someone leaving me again and least when I felt so small, alone and helpless. I wanted to enjoy the last few days I had with him as much as I could. I made a decision and it was that when the day of the move, I would leave him so he could live a happy life without someone like me who would bother him. I got up quickly and hugged him from behind.

"Sorry Jun Myeon. I did not mean that." I said as tears were falling down her cheek.

"What you mean?"

"Just forget it please. I need you Jun Myeon. Please, do not leave me. I only have a few days left with you."

"A few days? What do you mean by a few days?"

"Yes, a few days ... I know I've been slow to tell you, but I made a decision ... I will live with Joon in California. We are in the process of moving."

Jun Myeon turned to face me. I do not know why he did it but he put his hands on either side of my cheeks, leaned over and gave me a long kiss. Through the kiss I felt his pain and a bit of desperation. He pulled away a little and he my cheek with his thumb. His eyes were piercing mine.

"Tell me that even if you leave, you will not break up with me." He said with a serious tone of voice, almost as a demand.

I didn’t answer him, I remain silent and took his hands in mine.

"Ji Ji, tell me that you will not do it."

"I'm sorry."

Jun Myeon squeezed my hands a bit and looks at the floor. He was obviously very hurt.

"No, it's fine. I get it."

Jun Myeon forced a smile.

"I love you." I said, because finally I knew that I loved him, loved him with all my heart. He was perfect in my eyes but I had to let go, I would no longer see him again once I left to another country. A relationship like this would most likely fail.

"It's the first time I hear an 'I love you' out of your mouth and I’m happy to finally hear those words. I hope that you actually mean them."

"I do mean them. I love you."

"I love you too. When are you... leaving?"

"I'm going in a week."

Jun Myeon nodded and kissed me on the forehead. He my hair, hugged me and inhale my scent. Jun Myeon, I’ll miss you…. I’ll miss you Yeon Young… I’ll miss London and everything about this place. But I think a new environment is all I need to heal all the wounds that this place has made me all these years.

Kai is coming soon.

Maybe... next chapter?

hehe

love, 

GGO