My eyes shot open. I was awake all of a sudden and when I looked out my window to have an idea what the time was, I immediately knew that I woke up too early. I didn’t have to check out the clock but I still did and found out it was just 3:46.

One of my classmates in high school said that If you wake up at 3 in the morning, it meant that someone was watching you sleep. He said it would feel like someone woke you up or that you could feel eyes on you. The idea sent chills down my spine at the time. When I first experienced it, I quickly closed my eyes, afraid that I’d subconsciously search my room for the watcher. It wasn’t that I wanted to see, of course, but at times like such, there’s always a certain curiosity tugging at my brain. I failed to fall back asleep then. I guessed it was true that someone was indeed watching because when I opened my eyes today, I knew that sleep was not coming, even if  I died trying.

I wasn’t afraid of the dark this time. I didn’t even give much thought to it. I got busy instantly, with thoughts from last night, thoughts I wanted to forget.

I realized that I didn’t make progress on the composition that was due tomorrow, and I still had no idea how to go about it. Maybe if I hadn’t asked Mino to help me with it, I would still be fine now. Or would I?
I was up on my feet, my hands on the doorknob and I didn’t realize what I was doing until my feet led me to the couch where Mino was sleeping.

My heart ached at the sight of him. His mouth was slightly parted, his breathing steady and his eyeballs were rolling under his lids. It felt like my ribcage would break because of the weight.

I sat down on the floor, just like how I did hours ago but this time, I had tears running from my eyes.

But what was I crying about, exactly?

Was it because of my emptiness that I couldn’t help? Was it because of my loneliness, to which Mino was the only cure? Was it because I realized late how much I needed him, how much his presence put me at ease and made everything seem okay? Was I crying for him? Or was I crying for my own?

Is this how friends should react?

I might have been crying loudly because Mino stirred in his sleep.

“Byul,” he whispered sluggishly and my sniffing came to a halt.

I turned to him alarmed, afraid that he had caught me crying. His eyes were closed though. He looked sound asleep and it made me wonder whether I heard him or I was just imagining things.

“Byul,” he called again and proved me wrong. I saw it with my own eyes. He was wearing a smile and I couldn’t help but smile back. The longer I looked at him, the more my heart broke. It felt like it was torn into pieces, and someone was stepping on them.

“Stupid,” I muttered under my breath and soon, I was crying again.

It was around four when I decided I would hit he shower. A low gasp escaped my lips as soon as I saw my bedhead, tear-stricken cheeks, red nose and my horribly mugged-looking eyes. I looked like a mess. No, I was a mess. I didn’t want to go out looking like that messed up stranger on the mirror that I was. But it wasn’t like staying home was a choice. Mino would see me and would surely fire questions. I would worry him.

No,I shook my head and water started to run at me.

It took me almost an hour in the shower, most of it were wasted on thinking.

By five thirty, I was ready to go out. I hesitated by the doo, wondering if I’d arrive with the school gates open. The distance would take about ten minutes. I should be in the campus by six.

My breath was just starting to stabilize when I got to the locked classroom. I didn’t pass by anyone in the hallways, just the non-teaching staff who were prepping the hallways.

A guard saw me. He looked divided as to whether he’d assume I was a student or a new employee. What was I doing outside a classroom, plopped down with a bag beside me, looking like a mess? He decided I was the former.

“Rooms don’t open until six-thirty,” he offered.

“I heard,” I said even though I didn’t. I was lucky I didn’t have to go wait out in the cold.

He then gave me a smile before he disappeared to the elevator, something I didn’t take because I took the stairs instead.

I hugged my knees and let out a yawn. It came late, or should I say early, judging by the time. I rested my head on my knees and closed my eyes. Sleep was finally coming to me.

I was woken up by the sound of keys clinking. I lifted my head and saw a man in a blue shirt unlocking my classroom’s door.