The petite boy sits in the middle of what used to be his bedroom, boxes towering around him. He remembers the nights he’d study, silently wishing that his room was bigger but seeing everything packed up, his blue walls look as if they’re as deep as the ocean, forever sailing away from him. Oh how he wishes they’d take him where they were going or better yet, staying.

His mind travels to the heartbroken look his best friend had once he announced the news. It was sad since just a few days before then they finally agreed that they’d go out and see what else is there besides the hot pockets and pizza rolls made for their movie marathons every weekend. In a way, wasn’t he fulfilling their promise? No, because I’m not going with Hyunsik.

A small whimper escapes past his plump cherry red lips, bouncing off the ocean walls. The small boy’s mop of black hair turns towards the bedroom window and how he wishes it was like the movies. Where it’s gloomy and raining so the earth could cry for you but alas, the birds were singing and the sun was shining;  Nothing like the movies, nothing at all.

The sound of knuckles hitting wood wakes him up from his trance and he turns towards the sound, setting his big doe eyes on the figure in the doorway.

“Kyungsoo-ah what are you doing? We have to get your stuff loaded up on the van; we’re paying by the hour for it already! Come on, come on, come on we don’t have much time before your uncle wants us to leave.” The stern voice of his mother echoes throughout his room and hits his heart. His eyes show sadness and his shoulders slump forward before he quickly straightens up his back and hops to his feet.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I just got lost in how big my room looks!” Kyungsoo smiles at her, lips sewn together and feelings boxed away like his things. He dusts off his jeans and picks up the first box he could get his hands on; rushing downstairs to escape the façade he created.

Kyungsoo was a smart boy. He paid attention in school and always did the extra assignments to stay ahead. When the bills came in with red marking on the envelopes and his dad left for a job overseas, he knew they were struggling. His mom told him it was because there were opportunities out there that they couldn’t say no to; they were right. They couldn’t say no because his dad had been out of work for two years and they were running behind on payments for the house. His parents tried hard to keep him unaware of their situation, always buying him new knick knacks for his shelves or keeping their weekly “delivery food Friday” routine in check. Kyungsoo overheard them yelling at each other one night when he was supposed to be in bed- so he stayed up late a few times in a week it wouldn’t kill him. What did was the broken sobs of his mother and his dad trying to comfort her after it all calmed down. That’s when he decided that he’d play along with them just like they wanted him to. So he tried to be happy about the move because like his dad, there were opportunities in Seoul that they just couldn’t say no to, no matter how much he wanted to.

●●●

“Hyunsik didn’t want to say goodbye to you?” Kyungsoo’s mother asks, trying to get rid of the silence that’s settled in the car.

“We, ah, already said goodbye. I promised him I’d call once we got there though,” He answers back, his voice small as he watches the familiarity of the outside escape him. His mom’s driving while he sits in the passenger seat, hands folded on top of his lap.

“You’re going to love the new house, Kyungsoo. We won’t have a guest room anymore but it’s not like we had any guests to begin with. Besides Hyunsik, I mean. He’s more like a son to us anyways and he always stayed in your room so it won’t matter.” She chuckles and keeps talking about the house and Kyungsoo smiles. She seems happy. Soon enough they’re talking to each other and Kyungsoo can’t help but feel excited. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all. He thinks once the conversation dies down and he’s able to feel the aching in his muscles from all the work. Sleep takes over his petite frame and his eyelids droop before bringing him to where he can finally rest.

●●●

Kyungsoo bolts up in his seat at the squeeze at this side and slaps his hand to his forehead, wishing the sudden pain to go away. His eyes look up to meet the contorted face of his uncle. Did I hit him or a bus!?

“Aish, Kyungsoo! I was trying to wake you up and you attack me?!” The booming voice of the elder rings in his ears and the doe boy’s eyes water, not liking to get scolded. His lips pout and he whimpers, rubbing the spot that hurts on his head. The old man turns to the small boy and he suddenly stops his complaining, taking his nephew in his arms and coos. “Ah, my nephew looks so cute! You can hit my head as many times as you want okay? Just warn me before you make those adorable faces. Are you trying to give this old man a heart attack? I know I don’t look a day over 35 but you’ll send me to the hospital with all that aegyo.” He rants on and on, bringing a smile to Kyungsoo’s face from the nonsense. Aegyo; what aegyo? I’m a boy, silly uncle!

Kyungsoo’s finally able to get out of the car once his mother calls from outside and he steps out from the napping machine to take a look at what he’ll be calling home. Wow it’s pretty! Looks like it’s part of a dollhouse and it’s even blue, my favorite! Those big eyes beam happily once he gets a look at the two story house. Right in front of the door is small rose bushes and the yard’s as green as it’d be during the middle of spring. While his mom and uncle start to unload the van, he takes curious steps towards the door, wondering what the inside could look like.

Once he’s indoors, Kyungsoo’s greeted in the foyer that leads him to the openness of the living room, right behind where the dining table should sit then connected to that and next to the stairs, is the kitchen with a small island and sliding door to the backyard. On the other side of the stairs is a door that brings him to the first floor bathroom. The stairs then take the fragile boy to a hallway with three doors. The first on the left is the smaller of the two; my new room- and the first on the right, the master with its own bathroom. Then the last door that’s next to the first bedroom? I’ve never had my own bathroom before and my new room does seem bigger than my old one. It’s bright too. I get to see the front door from it. Ah, there’s Umma!

His name’s called soon after and he’s flying down the stairs, the excitement in his eyes spilling out from his mouth once he sees the owner of the voice.

“You’re right my room is bigger here! And the roses are pretty and I have my own bathroom!? I’ve never had my own bathroom! Plus the kitchen, wah, Umma! You didn’t tell me it’d be so nice!” Kyungsoo bounces around her as she laughs and pulls him into a hug.

“Calm down my little rabbit! You’d think since you just woke up from sleeping for two hours that you’d still be trying to wake up.” She shakes her head and smiles. “I wanted it to be a surprise for you. I told you you’d like it didn’t I? Come on, we have to get everything inside. It’s almost one and your uncle doesn’t want to spend the night on the couch.” The small boy nods his head and makes his way outside, new found energy fueling him to start unpacking.

By the time they’re finished, it’s already six. Kyungsoo hugs his uncle goodbye and thanks him for helping set up the furniture with him and his mom. He then makes his way upstairs, finds his pajama’s in one of the many boxes then collapses onto his bed, the familiar feeling of the sheets against his skin soothing him into a haze of drowsiness and he cocoons himself into his blanket.

His eyes find their way onto the new school uniform he’ll be wearing next week, it’s blue blazer with thin white lines carved into the color along with plain dark blue slacks. The tie and emblem are what throw him off- the horizontal stripes of the silk tie and the red and gold embroidery sewn onto the left of the blazer; where’s he going to school again? The thought lingers as he falls yet again into the rabbit hole where his dreams become reality and his reality is just a dream.