I stared at the invitation that my aunt gave. I couldn’t just go to the event and show up in front and Taemin. What was I even going to say to him? There are so much things plastered on my mind, both fear and indifference. I am scared that he has changed and has thought less of me after I left but on the other side, I feel like there’s not much to lose if I do so.

My mind debated over this over and over again. My eyes stared at the clock as my chances are slimming down. The party will start anytime soon and my aunt is already expecting me to arrive later. After so much consideration and longing to see Taemin, I thought ‘what the heck’. My aunt was right. It’s been 3 years of finally staying away for him. Maybe I needed this. I needed to see him, to see myself and to finally realize if I have got over him after trying so hard.

Dressing up for the party was the least of my worries. I just took whatever I felt that was comfortable for me and then I walked out of the apartment door, rode a bus to SM Entertainment and took a detour at a café first. There was no need for me to be punctual, I’m no guest to that agency. The last time I was there, I was forced to sign a contract.

Ordering the usual latte at the café, I realized that this area of the place had less people than usual. I’m not the one to complain but everything about this area is a place for an idol to walk around to get his morning coffee and then leave right away. Is that weird? I think it’s weird. I called my aunt this time:

“Where are you?” she asked.

“I’m somewhere near”

“You can come after 30 minutes. You don’t want to be the first one here.” She giggled.

Who would be the first one there really? Not me definitely. 30 minutes is not that long, all I need to do is just relax at this café. Looking around, I saw one person whom I think is very familiar to me.

“We meet again!” he smiled and greeted me as he stood up from his seat to move over the empty seat in front of me.

“JongIn right?” I wasn’t bad at names. He’s also known as Kai, if I remember him correctly.

“Smart” he smirked then took a sip from his frappe. “So you’re here to see Taemin?”

I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of hearing even just his name. It feels like he’s getting closer and closer to me and especially because Jong In looks somehow like Taemin. I bit my lower lip and smiled only to see that JongIn is staring at how ridiculous I look right now. I immediately stopped and got serious. “I was invited by my aunt.”

“Ah, I’ve heard” he said.

WAIT?! He has heard of what? Of my aunt? How would he know who my aunt was when the first time I have met him was at the airport and we barely even know each other, other than our names really.

“Taemin talked about you a lot” his smile was no longer there when my eyes followed his. “Especially to me.” he sighed. “After you left, you were all he could talk about. I think there wasn’t a day where I could never hear your name in his conversation. At first, I thought it was annoying that you were the only topic that he could talk about to me but as I tried analyzing his stories, I slowly realize that his stories were not even based on factual events. They were dreams that he was still having… or I guess, nightmares”

Everything that Kai just said suddenly gave me a heart attack. I think at this instant, any time soon, I will be having a mental breakdown. He was still dreaming about the two of us after I have left him. He tells them to Kai so that he can always remind him about these dreams. Taemin has always shared his dreams to me from 3 years ago. He has told me that he forgets his dreams quickly which is why he usually tells them to people. Hearing that break my heart. I looked away trying to be strong, trying to hold on with a little bit of sanity in myself. You can do this, Krystal.

“How about now? Has the stories stopped?” I asked. Maybe if he said yes, I would feel a little bit better.

“Remember what I told you at the airport? I told you he was doing fine nowadays.” I nodded back. “3 years is a long time. I don’t know how much he has recovered from you but we’ll soon find out if you show up.” He drank his drink to the last drop.

I was left speechless right now. I don’t know exactly how this will sink in to me but I know when it does, I won’t handle it well.

“I don’t know much about you except in his stories but your time is numbered, Krystal.” Kai said as he stood up “I do know that your relationship at least needs that correct closure. Both of you needs peace in your relationship as an ex or as a friend.”

I sat at the café as his words stuck to me and replayed for the next 15 minutes. Kai is right, we do need some things to patch up in our relationship--- or whatever it is that is left of. We haven’t been in contact for 3 years and for the first time I’m finally going to meet him. As the time passed by, I stood up and walked into an alley where leads to the parking space of SME idols. So basically it is deserted. Fans usually stay at the entrance of the building.

I am ready for this. The adrenaline in my pulse started to pump. I’m meeting Taemin and no one is ever going to stop me. I stopped half way through the alley as I fixed myself for awhile. I am giving myself a mental prep talk; telling myself that there is no backing out. Once I’m inside that building I will meet him no matter what.

And then I heard footsteps.

My eyes widened as I stopped breathing or at least I think I did. Taemin.

Am I dreaming? Is he really that tall boy with black hair a few feet away from me? His back was facing me so I can’t really tell but his profile, his nature of standing and the way he’s moving his hands--- it’s Taemin. If I thought Kai was Taemin then I’m pretty sure this one is the real Taemin.

“Taemin”

“Taemin~!”

Someone called him as well, which left me forever speechless.

A girl came up to him about the same height as me. Her hair was long, black and wavy at the bottom. She has finesse when she walked up to him as she reached for his arm and held it like it was hers. I couldn’t see her face but she was pretty much above and beyond anything who I was when I was with Taemin. She had great fashion, great hair and probably is better in so many things that I yet to find out. I succumb and immediately hid from the shadow of the tall walls of the alley. I looked at the ground. What was I expecting? Of course he’s over me. That’s why Kai said my time is numbered. He wanted me to see Taemin but he knows Taemin is already with someone else.

Some more footsteps were heard coming from the other side. I immediately hid half of my face with my scarf and walked away, as fast as I could. I was watching the ground so I didn’t really cared who the footsteps belonged too. I did bump into someone but I didn’t stop to look at who it was. I just wanted to leave and just stay away from this place ever again.

“Was that Krystal?” was the voice I heard.

“It can’t be. She’s back?” another voice

“Does Taemin know she’s here?”

“You don’t even know if it is her.”

Truthfully, I wanted to stop and stared at the people who managed to spot me but I couldn’t. My head had so many things to think about that I don’t have the time for it. For something that I thought that I could manage, I now know I couldn’t. This was it, this was something Kai told me earlier. He said we needed to both see this to know for ourselves if we both have gotten over each other already. As the tears fell onto my face that’s when it hit me, I still loved Taemin. More than ever before. The sight of him earlier created too many flashbacks that I can’t even begin to start with. Memory after memory and all the emotions boiled into one. Everything that has happened to the two of us suddenly came back in a  instant shot.

I told my aunt that I decided to feel sick after drinking 2 cups of espresso. I had to lie to her but at the same time I had to make it convincing. After my phone call with her, I realized that I was standing at the couple place that the two of us dated 3 years ago. This park now has tons of activities for couples to enjoy. Other than the boat ride they now have a small souvenir shop. From time to time I keep seeing glimpse of the two of us from way back. We were both happy or at least at the time he was. I also tried to make it convincing so he wouldn’t notice.

My feet dragged me to the souvenir shop and to my surprise it was the same shop that Taemin bought me the butterfly necklace and well, where I also bought him his butterfly bracelet. It wasn’t the same 100% but the interior design had the same exact aura.

I had the hardest time to digest what I am seeing right now. Everything about this place had happy memories but in an instant turned into a bad one. It was the shop that led the two of us to break up in the first place. What if the two of us didn’t go inside? What if the two of us just stayed at the same place where we always meet? What if I just bought him a gift instead of asking him what he wants?

There are so many ‘what ifs’ that half of me regret every single one of it.

I walked and walked until I finally reached the place where it all began. I looked at the place, it’s still abandoned as usual and I have no idea as to why it is. I walked towards the oak tree and stared at it. I wanted to cry, I wanted to shout at it, I wanted to just destroy this very place but I know I could never do it. I watched the scenery and closed my eyes. Breathing it all in as I tried to recall what I saw earlier. A girl had her arms wrapped around his arms. I know Taemin, and I know he’s not the type to just let anyone do that. He’s happy as she was. She looked at him like the way I used to look at him before. She smiled at him like the way I smiled before. She made him happy like the way I did before. The same with Taemin, he looked at her like he used to look at me. He smiled at her like the way he smiled at me. He was happy because she made him feel that way.

I felt envious but now that I thought about this, I can only remain as envious as I can be. He loved me and I broke his heart. He didn’t want for our relationship to be over but I decided on it. I gave him dreams that he wishes to happen while we were together and that makes me a bad person. I left him here 3 years ago and it’s my fault. I don’t deserve him.

My thoughts halted as I heard someone panting behind me. I opened my eyes and turned to look…

“Taemin” was I dreaming again this time? Did the heavens hear my thoughts? Or was this an illusion?

“You… You’re back.” Was all he could say for the meantime. I was about to reply when he raised his hand. “You were the one who talked 3 years ago so today you shut up. I’ll do the talking” he said as he slowly gained his breath and looked at me from top to bottom. For awhile it got really awkward, I didn’t know what he was thinking. He immediately walked straight up to me and hugged me tightly this time. It was the same hug he gave when he tried to stop me. It was suffocating but I felt happy.

“Stupid!” he started “I waited for so long and it took you 3 years to come back! I overworked myself because if I didn’t I would just magically see you and it’s making me insane.” He rested his chin on my shoulder. “The contract said 1 year, I waited for 1 whole year for you to come back. I was waiting in vain”

“you knew?” I sighed.

“My manger told me 5 months after you left because I couldn’t sleep for 5 months. I tried but I couldn’t”

“I’m sorry” is all that I could utter. There was nothing else to say.

“I tried contacting you whenever I’m alone but I don’t know anyone who lives in LA. It made my work very hard. I never really told my members about this.”

“Wait! Wait!” I slightly pushed him off to get a good look of him “How’d you know I was here?”

“My members saw you and a few days ago a little bird told me about seeing you. I didn’t believe him at first because how would he know you. I haven’t showed him any picture of you. However, after my members told me about seeing you, I realized my friend was telling the truth.”

Kai told him about seeing me… That guy, really.

“I saw you earlier…” I spoke up as I followed him to sit down under the old oak tree. “…I saw you with a girl.” I smiled.

[ OST! <<<- LISTEN while reading towards the end]

Taemin looked at me as his fingers brushed my cheeks. “Was that the reason why you walked away?” he asked. I couldn’t help but sigh and nod at him.

“I had to come here to keep my mind sane and to think things over and seeing you with her was something I have always wished for you.” It’s sad to talk about this but we both needed this closure. “I always told you, your smile makes me smile even though it’s no longer coming from me”

He smiled.

“Don’t worry. You two are perfect together. Krystal approved!” I giggled. I tried to hide the pain. Taemin moved on from the pain we both used to have and having to accomplish that makes me happy.

“Really?” he looked at me, observing my features and checking if I am lying.

“Of course” I smiled widely. “So tell me all about her.”

We sat there the whole time as we talked about his new girlfriend. Sure it stung hearing her name from time to time but I just kept enduring it. I’ve always promised to cheer on for Taemin and I will support him forever. I will always be here when life gets tough.

A man once told me that a butterfly symbolizes time. I admit that I haven’t got over Taemin yet and that I’ll still accept him back in a heartbeat if ever he asks me again but getting over someone doesn’t mean over working yourself or going away and avoiding everything. No. The best way to get over him is through time. Maybe someday I will meet my own prince charming and be as happy as I was with Taemin. I can’t just fast forward time, I’ll just have to wait.

I will get over you too someday, Taemin.

-Krystal Jung

END!

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