A/N: I just miss this story. And somehow I got stuck with my story 30 Days Marrying You I'm currently writing. Also, this chapter should clarify the last chapter. For HyoHan shipper, hope you like this update! ^^

For HyoLay shipper, spare me please~~~ *make aegyo*

Luhan was still lying on the bed. He only watched uninterestedly as Hyoyeon was getting ready to go out. She was changing from her sleeveless top into a long sleeve blue blouse. Suddenly, she stopped when she felt a pair of eyes was staring at her.

Hyoyeon frowned, “Stop staring at me.”

“I’m not staring. I’m gazing,” Luhan tried to deny.

“It’s creepy.”

“It’s romantic.” Luhan smiled playfully.

Hyoyeon chuckled. “By the way, why are you not ready yet?” she asked. She rummaged through her wardrobe and took a black skirt.

“Do we have to go there too this year?” Luhan sat up but he was still lazing on the bed.

Hyoyeon put the skirt in the wardrobe back. Now, she was paying full attention to him, trying to read his face. “Of course! We are going to that place. It is sort of like meeting Lay, don’t you think?”

Hyoyeon stepped closer and sat next to Luhan.

“Lay is already here.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his chest.

“That’s Lay, our son. I mean Lay, your friend.” Her fingers was tracing across the skin of his arms.

“And your first love…” Luhan muttered silently under his breath.

Hyoyeon twisted around so that she could see his expression. “What did you say?” Her brown eyes were softly penetrating into his eyes.

Luhan opened his mouth to say something but he decided it was better not to. Then, he shook his head. “Nothing.”

Abruptly, he pulled himself up into a more formal posture, shifting Hyoyeon to the side so that they were no longer touching.

He cleared his throat, resisting the urge to shower her with thousands kisses. “You better get ready,” he said.

“Okay.”

Hyoyeon stood up and went through her wardrobe again while Luhan sunk into deep thoughts.

To this day, Luhan still wondered whether Hyoyeon truly loved him or not. He already knew Lay was her first love and he already knew Lay was not here anymore. Yet, he could not shake this jealousy. Being jealous of someone who was not in this world anymore, that was a shameful act. Yet, he loved Hyoyeon and to see Hyoyeon showing concern to other man, he was jealous though Lay was once his best friend. He felt like he’d lost. Then again, how could he ever win against a dead man? If it was someone alive, maybe he could think of something to beat him. However, Lay was dead and only his good deeds remained. That’s why, in this lifetime, he didn’t think he could ever surpass Lay.

“I’m all set to go. Now, you go and get ready. And make it fast,” Hyoyeon said as she tapped Luhan on the shoulder.

Luhan was pulled back into the reality with the sudden touch.

“Hyoyeon, I don’t understand. Why do we have to go there every year?” He looked at Hyoyeon hopefully. “Can’t we skip this year?”

Hyoyeon was clearly startled when he brought up the issue suddenly. “Why are you questioning it now? We have been going there every year for five years now.”

“I could understand it for the first three years. But, are you intending to make this an annual event? You still love him, do you?” A trace of pain could be seen in his face as he said those.

“Luhan, it’s not like what you think…” The words came out of . She felt horribly guilty for making him to show that painful face.

Luhan turned his face away, not wanting her to see his jealous expression. “You don’t have to make up an excuse, Hyo. I always know you still love Lay. And I know I can’t win over your first love. You even named our son after him.”

He could feel Hyoyeon was standing so close to him. Her hand was gently grabbing his arm, making him to turn to face her again.

“Are you mad about my persistence to name our son after him?”

“I wasn’t mad but don’t you think five years should be enough to be grieving over him?”

Luhan tried to turn away from her again but she held him fast.

“You were mad,” she insisted.

He sighed. “Yes,” he admitted.

“But you just said –”

“That I wasn’t mad at you.” Her sentence was cut off by him. “Can’t you see that, Hyo?” He was suddenly intense. “Don’t you understand?”

“See what?” Hyoyeon demanded, confused by his sudden mood swing as much as his words.

“I’m never angry with you. How could I? You are the person I love. You are so strong, so brave. The mother of my son.”

“Then why?” She asked.

He put his hands carefully on both sides of her face. "I infuriate myself," he said gently. "The way I can't help but getting jealous of my own best friend. My inferiority that I can’t win against a dead man. I feel ugly. Sometimes, I truly hate myself. If Lay is still alive, I am sure he could make you happier than I am. I –”

Hyoyeon placed her forefinger over his mouth. “Stop.”

Luhan took her hand, moving it from his lips, but holding it to his face.

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