CHAPTER 3

written in Jaejoong POV

It's here. The first day of shooting. You avoided all pre-screening readings and promotions so far but today you must come. There is no escape. I should be afraid but oddly I am more excited. I will finally see you. I smile. After such a long time, today we will meet again and no matter how scared I am, the happiness I feel overpowers all of the other emotions.

I arrive extremly early and everyone's a little put off. I go and greet them, trying to remember all the names and faces but my mind is already elsewhere. I reread the script, I check out the set, I chat with the staff. The time flies and there is still no sight of you. You will come, right? They couldn't pull something off again... The roles were already published, the posters are done, there is no going back... I try to convince myself but perhaps... If it's SM then maybe... I shake my head. No. Just NO. There is still time. I am just overreacting. I take a deep breath and anxiously pace around the set, checking the time like 100 times per minute. I am lost in my own world when someone approaches me. I haven't met him before but I know who he is. The director. My biggest worry. I tense. I've heard he doesn't like me very much and judging by the frown on his face the rumours were right. 

"Good morning." I greet and bow deeply, hoping I will win him over with my politeness and good manners. 

"You must be Jaejoong."

"Yes, sir." 

"Well, I will be perfectly honest with you. I despise idols who turned into actors for I believe the most of them can't act at all. Yes, there are a few exceptions but those are very rare. I've seen Yunho's acting and while he is still lacking a bit, I see potential and I think the role is perfectly suited for him so I have high hopes. However, you... I've seen a little bit of your acting and let me tell you, that was horrible. Moreover, your role in this drama is pretty complex, pretty deep and hard to act. With your skills there is no way you will portray the character to my liking so don't even try meeting my expectations. I will try to make this drama as good as possible though. So prepare yourself for many retakes, criticism and work hard. I may go easy on you if I see you doing your best but half a scene and I will reap you apart. If you are a wuss, I suggest you go see your psychologist and take some pills 'cause this will be very hard and your tears will only anger me more. So did I make myself clear?"

I am stunned. I like that he is being honest but I feel hurt and wronged. He hadn't see me playing this role yet so how can he be so sure I won't do a good job? I need to really pull myself together and prove him wrong. 

"Yes, sir. I will work very hard and follow your advices."

"Okay. Now go prepare yourself. We will start shooting soon."

"Yes, sir." I bow again and leave even though I am completely ready for the shoot. Actually, I've been ready for quite a while. Where is Yunho? My stomach clenches up in knots. The director confirmed he is taking the role so why hasn't he come yet? 

They give me a signal so I move to my spot. Are we starting? But he is not here yet... Why hasn't anybody said anything? I'm confused. Am I missing something? The director yells and so I snap back to myself and try to channel my character. I am still put out though. How will we shoot this scene without him? 

I start saying my lines and out of nowhere he appears and delivers his. As if nothing happened. As if this was not the first time we saw each other. He comes only when his character is supposed to and is only portraying his role. I freeze. The feelings that erupt inside me are so strong I actually sway on me feet. Dear God. He really has no interest in speaking to me. My throat goes dry, my vision blurs and I wonder whether I will pass out.

"Jaejoong!" The director shouts and I look at him. Still out of it.

"Get yourself together! Do you remember your lines? It's the first scene and you are already messing up!" 

"I apologize." I reply quickly and bow down. Come on, Jae. You need to do your job first. I lock the feelings back inside my heart and play my role. 

Since it's the first day, we don't shoot for long. Once the director shouts "cut!" I approach Yunho. He is already trying to escape from the set but I catch up with him.

"Hey. Hi." I say. He ignores me. I... I feel my heart breaking all over.

"Yunho, please..." He stops and looks at me. His eyes cold, distant.

"What do you want?"

"Can't we talk?"

"Do you want to discuss our roles or something related to the drama?"

"No. I want to talk about us." 

"Then we have nothing to talk about."

"Wait, please! I... I'm sorry but we..." He doesn't let me finish.

"Sorry? You are sorry? Hah. Please, Jaejoong-shi. Don't make me laugh. I don't want your apology. Actually, I don't want to do anything at all with you so unless you have important matters to discuss with me regarding THIS DRAMA, don't ever approach me again. I don't care how you feel, what you think or what do you want to tell me. There is no US. So just focus on your character." He finishes and walks away, not looking back even once. 

I stand there, my eyes all watery. I... What was I thinking? What did I expect? Why? Why after all this time I am still hoping? I take a shuddering breath. I wanted to believe he couldn't contact me. That it was all SM fault but this... This is too much. Was this a mistake? The closer I go, the further you get. Will I be able to continue this drama if you will ignore me? Is there really no chance for us? I can't hold back the tears anymore. What have I done to you that you hate me so much? I break down.

to be continued

a/n: I am moving from the deep and philosophical chapters to the ones with actual storyline in it :D more action, finally some dialogues... this story will be a mix of both styles so I hope you will enjoy it :)

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