CHAPTER 1

written in Jaejoong POV

How can you say, that being beautiful is hard? It makes so many things easier... You don't need to be smart or talented, you just need to know the right way how to flaunt yourself. You don't get turn down on dates, you are always the center of attention... For sure, it's better to be pretty than ugly. However... If all you had to do in your life was to smile and get what you want, how long would it take you to completely loose yourself? If people would always get smitten by your looks, when would they have time to see what's inside? Would they even care? Would you? 

It's the trend nowadays to say, that looks doesn't matter... that what's inside is more important. Just like the wise words from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: "Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."  which could be translated as: "Here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye."

I say, we are all hypocrites. The first thing we notice about someone is his appearance and we are either attracted to it or not. If we are and only if we are attracted, then we start to be interested in the personality. Sometimes we find beauty in someone who is close to us even if the person is not exactly our type, and yet with time we started to see things we would miss otherwise...  But those cases are very rare to the point of being almost non-existent.

Why am I even talking about this? Well... no matter how narcissistic it would sound, I was born beautiful. I was born to be admired. Now, I should say, that it started form the moment I came to this world, but that's not true. I was a cute child and people liked me but I grew up in a small town, my father is strict and I have many sisters. So even if I was pampered a little by them, I am pretty sure it had very little to do with my looks and everything to do with my . Afterall, I was finally the long-awaited male member of the family. I guess, my father worried about the number of women in my life and in order to prevent me from I don't know.. turning gay?... he was very harsh, very stern and I, striving to make him happy, tried to be as manly as possible.

There weren't enough people around for me to grasp just how much my looks could effect them. Some of them seeked me out a lot, some were a little forward, but I was a kid and I was oblivious to all of the signs... However, the older I was, the girlier I looked like. It hit me for the first time when I was 13 and I've got into a very bad argument with my dad. I wish to forget the words he said to me that day and yet, I think, that even if I was to forget everything, I would always remember those words. There were more fights after that... crueler words were spoken, but it always hurts the most, the first time it happens. And so I left...

Seoul. Our capital. The city that never sleeps. The city, where you can accomplish your dreams. Or I have thought so... but the reality is always ready to catch up with us just when our dreams finally start to feel real. I've learned how it feels to be hungry, how it feels to be cold, how it feels to be lonely... how it feels to be beautiful. 

to be continued

a/n: This is just and introduction to the story. There will probably be more flashbacks to what happened to Jaejoong in his life but I will probably focus more on his relationship with Yunho in the future. I hope, you can be patient. I believe it's important to grasp Jaejoong's character in this story first before we move onto the storyline with drama shooting. Thank you for reading. Please subscribe to the story and leave a comment :)

(btw I have a twitter: https://twitter.com/dionfortune so if you want to know, when I wil update or get some hints at what is gonna happen in the fics, please follow me ^_^ I don't give away too much, don't worry. - but I do spazz over random stuff so consider yourself warned)

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