‘They found a heart’ was the first thing Junjin heard when he got into the car without having even closed the door. Andy was biting his lip, his hands on the steering wheel and Junjin gawked at him, not understanding what he meant by it.

His condition he suddenly realized and everything he’d been thinking about lost its meaning just like that. He didn’t care about his past, his future, his happiness or his pain because all that mattered was Andy.

He was going to live.

‘You mean, like, a donor?’ Junjin asked with caution.

‘Yeah. Like a donor’ Andy nodded, still looking straight in front of himself. He hadn’t moved since Junjin came, sitting there motionless.

‘I’m scared’

Junjin blinked, not quite understanding what he was talking about. Andy scared? But he was the one who told him he wasn’t afraid to die. Why would he be scared to live? Andy was strong and good-natured, always worrying about his friends above anything else.

‘I know that you think it’s stupid’ he held his stare as if aiming to drill a hole somewhere in the windshield. ‘You must be thinking right now how does it comes that they tell him good news and instead of being happy he’s running away from everything like a scared little but –‘ he sniffed, withholding the sob that was threatening to escape ‘I’m just scared. I don’t know what to do’

And as Andy looked at him he looked like a small child seeking comfort.

‘I just always thought- I would die and that’s the end of the story-’ he shook his head. ‘But now I may actually have to start thinking about living. Things like where to work and what to do and how not to be a bother to everyone-’ he wanted to say more but his voice broke.

Without thinking Junjin grabbed him close and hugged him.

‘You’re not a bother to me. You won’t ever become a bother to me, ever, I promise’

And as if those were the words he needed to hear most Andy’s self-control broke and Junjin felt hot tears soak his shirt, matching the pain in his heart. What would he do now? How could he leave him now?

‘But you’re going to leave’ Junjin heard Andy saying through the sobs, his heart pouring full with lead, weighting him down. He squeezed Andy’s shoulders tighter as if he was afraid to let go. As if he let go there would be questions to answer and things to explain. And all the questions he would have to ask himself and all the answers he would have to find on his own.

‘No I won’t’

And he won’t. He made a decision here and now and he was tired of running. With so much running he was only going to run out of place to run to. Junjin needed to stop and breathe and figure out the mess that was his mind and his heart. They needed to stop running. They had been running away from everything for too long.

‘I won’t leave you, Andy, I promise I won’t’

He chanted as he rocked them gently like a mother would calm her crying child. He trusted Andy. He had to trust him.

He let him go, not daring to look at his face yet. From the corner of his eye he saw Andy rubbing the tears off his face, sitting back straight in his seat and getting a handkerchief. When he started talking his voice was so very calm it was almost scary.

‘If it’s a promise then I want to make a promise as well’ Andy turned to him, taking Junjin’s hand and making him face him.

‘If I live- ‘ he squeezed his palm almost painfully ‘I want you to be there for me. You cannot run away because I want you to teach me things. Teach me what the world outside is like. I want to hear everything that’s ugly and everything that’s nice. Can you promise to do that?’

Junjin hesitated but nodded. He couldn’t stop wondering how much he could teach him. Could he teach Andy about the life when the only life he’d known was hell? But he could try. He could try explaining how the world worked and how one person’s life could mean nothing to some and so much to others. He could try to explain how you could trust no one yet had to find in your heart the ability to trust everyone. There was too much bad in the world yet he could try to explain everything worth living for.

‘Only if you want me to’ he mumbled, turning away. If Andy was willing to listen, he would try explaining. It didn’t matter if Andy had only few months or few decades left. He wanted to stay beside him.

The younger nodded, smiling at him weakly.

‘Then I’m content’ he said, inhaling deeply, a hand on his heart to calm its rapid beating.

He didn’t say anything afterwards and Junjin left without a word, going back to the apartment where Dongwan and Hyesung were still sleeping. He laid in his bed without getting undressed and watched, staying perfectly still, how the few rays of artificial light shone through the holes in the curtains. All these years his mind was the only safe haven he knew. Dongwan and Hyesung were his support when he was awake, his two pillars to hold onto during stormy days. He had never been the strong one, never stood up for anything, but now he had a promise to keep.

Junjin fell asleep only in the morning before Dongwan started stirring, moving closer to Hyesung in search of some warmth, before Hyesung elbowed him in the stomach grumbling that it was too hot with the other getting too close to him, before they both woke up, before the smell of burnt bread filled the air, before they started quarreling over who had to bring out the trash.

In his dreams there were no dark clouds or spider webs this time and Junjin slept soundly until the evening came.

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a/n: Shortest chapter to date.