The weather outside was getting bleaker. November had started colder than usual, promising a harsh winter to follow. A short man shuddered and hid his hands in his pockets, looking at a seasonally decorated windows and sighing. He took out his phone, scrolled through contacts until he found a name that read ‘Eric’. Lingering on it for a moment he scrolled back and dialled a different number instead.

‘Hey’ a voice came almost immediately, sounding like its owner had just woken up.

‘Sorry. Did I wake you?’ the little yawn on the other end gave it away and Minwoo grinned. Their Andy was too cute.

‘No’ came the reply, then another yawn.

‘Well, good’ he turned away from the colourful decorations and went over to a different shop across the street, ‘because I need your help’

There was silence for a moment. Andy seemed to be busy with something which made Minwoo wonder what could he be doing.

‘Ok, shoot’

‘Well,’ he looked right and left and crossed the street despite the red light warning him against it. ‘I’m looking for a present for a friend’ he looked through the glass, frowning at its offerings.

‘For Eric?’

Minwoo laughed. When had he ever needed Andy’s help when buying presents for Eric? When had he even last got Eric a present?

‘No, not Eric. Someone else’

There was a bit of a hustle on the other end before an ‘ok, whom?’ followed.

He’d thought about telling Andy about Dongwan. He felt guilty that he hadn’t yet revealed his love interest to the other but he just hadn’t come around to it. And when the three of them were together it seemed selfish to talk about himself. Eric also hadn’t mentioned anything about it so he thought it would be fine.

‘Well, it’s for a – friend of mine- who has someone he really likes and I wanted to help him out so-’

‘You like someone?’ Andy’s voice was full of surprise.

‘No! It’s for a friend!’ Minwoo tried fabricating a story but gave up once he realized how stupid he sounded. Defeated, he admitted to everything.

‘So yeah, it’s for me. I need to get something that would seal the deal’

‘Seal what?’

‘My feelings’ he spat through gritted teeth, glaring at the people daring to slow down and look at him. Minwoo had no feelings. He was cold and heartless except for that now he apparently wasn’t and his ‘feelings’ were making his uncomfortable. Andy was making this unnecessary difficult, maybe he should have called Eric instead. Then again-

‘Hmm’ came after a longer pause ‘I think you should-’ Minwoo knew he probably looked like an idiot but he was hanging onto every word ‘-just tell him how you feel'

‘Bullcrap’ he grumbled the moment he heard the other laughing. Their Andy was so not cute. He hung up and shoved the phone back into his pocket. So it was him and him alone to make the decision of a lifetime. He’d never bought a present for anyone he liked because there had never been someone who he liked like that. He needed something that was significant enough but also subtle. He didn’t want to get Dongwan a ring which screamed 'marry me I want to spend the rest of my life with you' although he really wanted to get him a ring. But he couldn’t. It would be tacky and if there was one thing Minwoo wasn’t it was tacky.

‘Maybe a bag’ he wondered as he passed another shop. ‘But what’s that going to symbolize? Pack your things and go? No way’ he mumbled as he moved along the streets deep in his thoughts.

‘What would he like?’ he reasoned as he observed a couple walking hand in hand, whispering something to each other. ‘What if he doesn’t like me at all?’ he worried as he entered one of the largest supermarkets he knew in the area.

They had been meeting for more than a month now yet Dongwan managed to escape his advances every time. He’d almost given up asking him to come home with him.

‘Handcuffs would send a clear message’ he wondered as he passed a costume shop. All the signals were there, Dongwan liked him back. Why was he acting like that? He couldn’t be a , could he?

‘Maybe a trip to the spa then’ he looked through different holidays offers before giving the catalogue back to the shop assistant. That would probably be way too much.

He’d been way too much already when he’d looked through Dongwan’s job application to get to know his birthday date. The other had refused to tell him which was weird but the application was weirder as it only indicated that the birthday was ‘sometime during the autumn’.

‘Silk sheets would seem like I’m some kind of a ert’ he huffed, getting up from the soft bed in the large furniture section. What would Eric get for someone he liked? Talking about Eric, that one had been avoiding him like the plague, making him wonder if he and Hyesung were meeting. He should invite both of them to Dongwan’s surprise birthday party which would make sense as they were the only other people who he knew that knew Dongwan.

He dug through every album in the music store before realizing this was useless.

‘Ok, I give up’ he plopped down on a bench feeling drained. The shop in front of him glowed all the possible colours, the singn above it reading ‘pharmachy’. A sudden idea came over him and he grinned, getting to his feet.

‘Ok, I can do that,’ he decided and entered the shop.

---

‘Your birthday’s in two days’ Junjin jumped at Dongwan and hugged him as soon as he entered the apartment.

‘I swear’ the older let out an exhausted breath, ‘If they don’t do something about the elevator, I’m going to kill someone’

Junjin nodded joyfully, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Dongwan took off his hat shaking his head and pushed the taller off to get to the kitchen.

‘Where’s Hyesung?’ he asked looking around. The guy was usually found loitering around but the table was empty and the only cup on it belonged to Junjin.

‘Went out, didn’t tell me where’ the younger pouted, pouncing on the other again. ‘But anyway, your birthday is tomorrow, what do you want to get most?’  

Despite never getting him anything, Junjin asked the same question every year. Dongwan appreciated it because the thought alone mattered to him.

‘A sack full of money’ he joked, trying to get to the table with the taller on his back slowing him down.

‘Sure,’ Junjin said before letting him go and skipping to the kitchen. He grabbed another cup and poured some water in it. Dongwan sat down, watching as the younger put some tea in the cup, absolutely immersed in watching the clear liquid turn brown. Sometimes he wondered what exactly went inside that head of his when he kept looking at such mundane things with such interest. Sometimes he decided it for the best he didn't know.

‘I was thinking about telling him’ suddenly Junjin spoke, his voice was barely audible and eyes glued to the cup. Dongwan felt himself tense up knowing exactly what he was talking about. Junjin had told him everything about Andy. He’d told him about his illness, about his friendship with Eric and Dongwan, he’d promised him that he would only see him for as long as he could if Dongwan didn’t tell anything to Hyesung. If Hyesung knew they would immediately move out, leave the town, and abandon everything. They absolutely could not tell Hyesung.

Lately he’d been thinking more and more about how did they start keeping secrets from the older. He was in as deep trouble with Minwoo as Junjin was with Andy. He knew he had to be careful to not raise any suspicions. It was a rule to never get too close to anyone, especially not anyone involved in Hyesung’s schemes and Minwoo was as close to the scheme as it got. He and Eric were like Siamese twins who looked nothing alike.

Dongwan had long ago crossed the forbidden territory.

He kept lying to Hyesung that he needed to work during evenings while he was meeting Minwoo instead. More than a month had passed since they first met but it felt like he knew the other for years. He tried stopping his heart from jumping from joy whenever Minwoo's name was mentioned but failed. He longed for the other’s touch, his skin, and most of all his lips.

‘Don’t you want to tell about us to Minwoo?’ Junjin put the cup of tea in front of him and sat down. Dongwan shrugged, looking at the black liquid inside the mug with disgust because he knew it tasted like cheapness and regret.

‘I can’t’

Telling Minwoo would risk losing everything they had. They didn’t have much but they still had each other. He couldn’t afford losing Hyesung despite loving Minwoo.

‘I guess’ Junjin nodded, resting his chin in his hand. ‘But I want to. It so unfair-’

‘Life’s not fair’ Dongwan snapped back and turned away to avoid the hurt look on the younger’s face.

To say that life wasn’t fair was an understatement. They had been living like rats for years, scamming people and doing jobs nobody else wanted. They kept living from scraps when everything else failed. And now when he finally had someone who made him forget about all of it, he could not be together with him in fear of losing that excuse of a life they’ve been living so far. Hyesung had told him they would get through with his plan till the end of the month and then they would be rich.

If happiness could be measured in money, Dongwan would have no problems with that. Hyesung was meeting Eric often, he knew as much. Minwoo always laughed that Eric was head-over-heels for him without realizing that he himself was in the same situation. How could Hyesung stay so cold-hearted when Eric was giving him his honest attention and admiration, was something Dongwan could not understand.

He could only guess it was because of that accident years ago.

He felt a hand settle on his shoulder and turned to look at it in surprise. It was Junjin trying to comfort him. 

‘What are you going to do when he dies?’ he suddenly asked without trying to tone it down. He’d been worried about it since Junjin had told him about Andy’s condition. There was little hope for him to get a suitable transplant in time. Even if he did, there was a very small chance that his body would accept it.

‘He’s not dead yet’ Junjin pulled him in a hug, rocking him from side to side ‘and Minwoo’s not gone either’

a/n: Finally I'm posting the chapter where it's supposed to be. and thanks everone who's still reading or has taken interest again. That's pretty amazing considering I just straight out abondoned this fic for years D: 

*hides away in shame*