“You can give me Taeyang so you can take a shower,” Luhan said. He knocked onto Hana’s bedroom door. He opened it, and she was already in a bathrobe. “Where is he?”

She pointed to the bed. “He’s already asleep, so you can just watch over him.” She grabbed her towel. “If he happens to wake up, just pat him at his side and hopefully he’ll go back to sleep.” The entire time that she was speaking to him, she avoided eye contact and scratched her jaw.

He realized something had happened but decided to act as if he didn’t notice. “Okay.” He walked over to the bed and lay down near Taeyang. “Take your time.” He got up in a hurry. “Wait, did you do your math homework for tomorrow?” He pleaded. “I forgot to do mine.”

Hana finally laughed. “Yeah, sure. At the desk over there.” She finally left to the bathroom.

Luhan walked over to the desk and sat on the chair. Pulling out the drawers for a binder paper to copy the answers, beside him was an opened laptop that caught his attention instead, well, in particular, it was an email addressed to Hana.

To: [email protected]

Subject: What happened?

Hana, is it true? You have a baby?! Since when? With whom? How come you never told us about it? I thought you trusted us and would be the first to tell us anything important as this! I’m so excited for you. I know how much you love kids, and I know you’ll be a great mommy, but this was much unexpected! Lols. Hey, you know how we always joked about whom would get knocked up first? Well, it seems we know who now. It’s weird because you’ve never spoken about a boy, or at least told us anything about any of your relationships, and then, all of the sudden, you have a child! He better loves you—or else I’ll come and find him to show him what kind of nice person you are.

…..Speaking of finding him…is it also true too…that you’re never coming back? Everyone was talking about it. We’re sorry that you’ve felt that way during all those years you’ve babysat us. But we really love you. Without you, my sisters and I wouldn’t be so close as we are now. It’s thanks to your love that got us together, honestly. You will always be a Mommy in our hearts because you were there for us. There were some nights that I’d wake up to see you running into my bedroom when I had a nightmare, or to just simply cover me up with a blanket.

I miss you. Please come back home.

Your nieces who love you and want to see you.

P.S. I want to see my baby cousin!

Luhan exhaled after secretly reading the email. That’s why she looked so down. He turned away from the screen. They can’t contact her by phone but they can still contact her by email.

He decided to check if there were more emails from her family since it had been two months that they’ve started a new life. He found out that all the family emails were sent to the spam section and she never replied to any of them, but it seemed that they had been read. Well, unless she just marked them as ‘read’ before sending them into the spam section. Feeling guilty and feeling as if he was one of the main reasons why she and her family ended up this way, he decided to copy down her nieces’ email contact information.

Logging Hana out, he logged onto his. Oh, Hyung sent me an email? Guess he’s already in Jinsari. He was about to click that message but changed his mind. I have to write this one first.

To: [email protected]

Subject: Replying for Hana

Hey, this is a friend of Hana. I accidentally stumbled upon one of your messages to your aunt. She’s doing fine I can assure you that. I’m sorry that this had happened, but I can also assure you that she’s not the one at fault; in fact, there is something that she is dealing with personally. Even I, a friend of hers, can’t even help her even if I want to. You don’t have to keep sending emails to her to ask how she’s doing. I can send you updates about her and Taeyang. Oh, he’s our baby boy….You’re right. She’s a great mother. Assuming that you are Yuri’s oldest daughter who wrote this message on behalf of your younger sisters, please don’t tell anyone about this—not even your parents. As of now, seeing and knowing anything related to you guys will hurt her more than not being able to watch over you kids anymore.

Thank you, and take care.

He quickly sent the email and logged himself out right on time when Hana came out of the shower. “You finished?”

She nodded. “Yeah.” She glanced over at the laptop and sat down on the bedside. Without looking at him, she asked, “Hey…I’m horrible, aren’t I?”

He got up and sat beside her. “Why’d you asked that?” He knew her question was somehow related to the email. “I don’t think you are.”

She painfully smiled. “I just realized that I’m using Taeyang as a guinea pig just for something so stupid.”

He took the towel from under her hair and turned her around.

As he helped air dry her hair, she continued to explain. “My intention is wrong, and I wasn’t thinking about Taeyang at all.”

He put the towel over her head and hugged her from behind as they lopped back and forth. “Pabo. Even if you just wanted to see where you stand with your love-hate relationship with kids, what will be important for Taeyang if he were to ask you why you had him or whatnot, part of your answer will be because you wanted to continue giving love to someone.”

He looked at Taeyang and Hana looked back. “I’m sure Taeyang wouldn’t care about how he came into the world, or who brought him into the world. I’m sure…that little boy would have a heart to reciprocate the beautiful love his fantastic Hana has given him.” He patted her as he ruffled her Yes. “Don’t worry too much about something so pointless.”

On the verge of tears, she hugged him to not let him see it. Sniffing, she quietly said, “Thanks.”

*

“So, how many months have it been?” Luna whispered to Hana in the hallway at school.

It was lunch break and the girls had just come out of the bathroom and had entered their class room to get their bento boxes.

Hana looked at her friend confusingly. “What?”

“Taeyang,” Luna said. “How long have you two had him?”

Hana raised a hand and started counting the months on her fingers. “It’s November, so...two months since he’s been with us, and five months since he was born.” She took out her cell phone and looked happily at her cell phone wall picture of Taeyang. Every day, it was a new picture of him. “He gets cuter and cuter every day.”

‘I know, right.” Luhan hopped in front of her cell phone as he posed with a peace sign. He stopped them in their tracks. “Just compliment me straight out.” He walked over to look at the picture. “I won’t mind—Taeyang?!”

Hana laughed. “Duh! Who’d you think it was? You?!” She glared back. “Never will I compliment you.” Before pulling Luna to the side to walk away from Luhan, she handed him his bento box.

He caught up to the girls on the staircase leading to the rooftop. “Oi, we’re going the same way, so stop being secretive.”

Hana scowled. “We’re not being secretive. We’re just casting you out.”

They opened the door and the two friends, Xiumin and Lay, were already sitting down waiting for them. They walked over. “We’re here.”

“Hurry up, and let’s eat.” Xiumin said as he rubbed his stomach. “I didn’t eat breakfast because I was going to be late.”

Everyone looked at him.

Luna scorned him. “You were late by an hour.”

Xiumin flashed a shy smile. “Can’t blame me. Blame this girl.” He showed his friends a secretly taken photo on his cell. It was the back of a girl standing outside their school. “I stood behind the trees waiting for her.”

“To do what?” Luhan asked with his mouth full.

Hana grimaced and handed him a napkin. Because he didn’t take it, she wiped off his mouth for him. He put out his chin for her to wipe off, too, just like a baby who couldn’t do anything for itself. She scowled playfully at how childish he was.

He childishly requested, “Wipe here too.”

“To come and talk to me,” Xiumin answered.

Everyone looked at him with a confused and stupid expression.

“But she left without looking at me.”

Hana put her chopsticks down. “Xiumin, you were secretly looking at her. Of course, she didn’t notice you.”

Xiumin gasped. “Ah, that’s right.” He leaned back in regret. “Oh!”

Luna sighed and shook her head. “Sometimes, you prove yourself to be dumber than Luhan.”

Luhan glared back with his mouth full again.

Hana gave him a napkin. “Oi, slow down with the food or else you’re going to choke!”

Xiumin clicked his tongue. “Lucky. Luna cooks for Lay because they’re dating, but you!” He angrily pointed at Luhan. “You get food because she’s Mrs. Lu”

Hana and Luna covered his mouth.

Hana hissed, “Don’t say that—ever!”

Xiumin removed their hands/ “I know you two aren’t a couple but—”

“It’s not that,” Hana said, “We never know who might be listening.”

“But no one’s hardly up here.”

“That’s why she said that ‘we never know who might be listening’.” Luhan repeated. “The family register makes us an official couple and is accepted by the government, but that doesn’t mean that the school knows or accepts it.”

Xiumin nodded. “Oh, that’s true. I forgot.” He apologized.

“But what Xiumin said has a point.” Lay commented. “Why couldn’t you carry your own bento?”

“Because I carry our books,” Luhan blankly answered, as if he was doing the hard work. “She carries the food.”

Lay uncapped his water bottle. “Makes sense.”

Everyone smiled.

“Hey, you guys got any plans for winter break?”

Luna scowled. “Why are you talking about winter break already?!”

Everyone confusingly looked at Luna for suddenly becoming angry.

She noticed and explained, “My father and his stupid ugly fiancée are going on a trip celebrate their three-hundred day anniversary.”

Xiumin perked up in excitement. “Oh, where are they going?”

“Paris,” Luna sadly said. “That was the place my parents went on their honeymoon.”

“Are you going?” Hana asked. At the same time, she was pouring water over a napkin to wet it to wash Luhan’s hands from the oil of the food.

Luna shook her head. “I’m going to stay. I can’t go to Paris knowing that they’re going to be in the same place my parents were once in love with each other!”

“You’re going to be alone?” Lay asked.

Luna nodded.

“Then, do you want to come over to my place?” He stuttered to explain himself when he realized he had indirectly implied something else, “Oh, no—not that!” He looked away. “It’ll also be Christmas, so…”

Without having to hear anything more because she understood, Luna nodded. “I’d love to.”

Xiumin cheered his two love-bird friends. “Whoo!” He raised his eyebrows a couple of times in a happy mode. “I think Taeyang will have a playmate next year!”

Understanding what Xiumin had just said, everyone playfully hit him for his erted comment.

Christmas… Hana smiled to herself. It’ll be my first Christmas with Taeyang…A Christmas I can finally have.

Amidst the playful fighting, Luhan happened to look at Hana and saw her happily thinking to herself. He knew exactly what it was about, and he was already hoping it would be the best too.

*

“Hello!” Hana said as she peeked into the daycare center with Luhan behind her. She entered the room and said, “We’ve come to get Taeyang.”

The Day Care Center lady came out with a smile. “Welcome back. Your son is still sleeping in the nursery center.” She pointed into the room. “Would you like me to get him?”

Hana shook her head. “No, thanks. We’ve got it.” She turned to look at Luhan. “Can you give his stuff to Luhan instead? I can go get Taeyang.” She brightly smiled. “I miss him.”

The lady nodded and led Luhan to where Taeyang’s baby bag was. Looking back at Luhan, she said, “She’s always so happy to see him again at the end of the day.” Handing Luhan the bag with everything, she added, “Not every parent I see picks up their child with a smile like hers.” Tapping Luhan on the shoulder, she said, “You have a wonderful family.”

Luhan thanked the lady and waited at the door for Hana. A family…but we’re not really one. “Got everything?” He asked Hana when he saw her.

She nodded.

“‘Kay, let’s go back home.”

Onto the cold streets of the place, Hana made sure Taeyang was warm by ensuring that he was covered at all times. “Hey when we get home, can you turn on the heater to warm the house up?”

“Sure,” Luhan answered. “Oh, he’s awake.”

Hana smiled. “Yep. He’s no longer sleepy.” She tugged the beanie on Taeyang’s head. “Your neck isn’t as wobbly as before.” She kissed him. “Today, we gotta exercise again.”

Luhan tap her knees with the backpack. “Aren’t those stretches going to hurt him?”

Hana shook her head. “No. I stretch him to get his body used to moving. It’ll be helpful when he starts crawling. I did that to my kids to help them crawl faster.” She frowned when she realized she spoke of her other kids.

“Hey, want a Christmas tree?” Luhan helped change the subject. “It’s only a month away.”

“It doesn’t matter, really.”

They a block.

“I just want to spend Christmas with my family.”

They look at one another. At times like this was when they asked themselves if they were portraying their roles correctly or if it was really how they felt. This thought usually ended up being unspoken of.

“Let’s get a medium-sized one.”

Luhan nodded. “Sure. Sounds great.”

“It’ll be our first Christmas together.” They both said in sync. They laughed at themselves.

As they entered their house, they set everything in its place. After Luhan the heater, Taeyang was given to Luhan while Hana went upstairs to change into her clothes before cooking dinner.

Opening the slide door to their backyard, when she saw the Christmas lights being hanged at their neighbor’s house, a thought came across her mind.

Christmas presents! She exhaled. What should I give Luhan this year?

*

“Today needs to end soon! It’s going to be winter break in three hours!” Xiumin exclaimed on the rooftop.

They had finished eating and since it was the last day for the second term, things were leisure at school, especially since the holidays of Christmas and New Year were just right around the corner.

“I can’t wait!”

“I can’t wait, also,” Luna said. She bashfully glanced at her boyfriend. “Today’s Christmas will be very special.”

The three friends covered their mouths as they simultaneously thought of something dirty.

Luna frowned. “Oi, not that. It’s just...”

“We’ll be together this year,” Lay answered. “Our first time together on Christmas.”

“EH?!” The friends exclaimed.

Hana blinked. “But you two have been dating for three years, and not once have you guys spent Christmas together yet?!”

“Impossible!” Xiumin interrupted, “Last year, you guys were with us- together.” He frowned, “So, you guys did spent Christmas together.”

Luna shook her head, “No. Christmas is one of those romantic holidays where couples have to be by themselves for it to be considered romantic.” She scowled at Xiumin. “Not at a place where a group of friends were celebrating it in a small karaoke room.” She whispered to Hana, but it was purposely loud enough for everyone to hear. “Hana, you were so lucky you didn’t get to spend Christmas with us that year. Xiumin’s idea was a bore!”

Xiumin raised his voice. “Hey!” He pointed at her. “You were the one who sang most of the songs and didn’t let us go home until two in the morning.” He looked away. “It was just because you had the money that they let us stayed without reporting us.”

“Then, where are you two going?” Luhan asked. “What about you, Xiumin?”

“We’re going to have a dinner date before waltzing down the streets of Seoul,” Lay answered.

Xiumin smirked to Lay. “Are you two shopping or spending Christmas together?” He got smacked by Luna for mocking them. “As for me, well, my grandparents are visiting this time instead of doing their usual visit during the New Year holidays.” He got excited. “Hey, since we can’t spend Christmas together, let’s spend New Year together!”

Everyone nodded. “Sure. Sounds great.” It was a mutual agreement.

As the gang got up to head back down to their class, Luna came over to Hana and asked her. “Hey, what about you and Luhan?”

Luhan looked back to listen to the girls’ conversation.

“How are you two going to celebrate Christmas?”

Hana answered. “Well, Luhan got a medium-sized Christmas tree. We’ll be decorating it on before Christmas together.”

They turned at a corner.

“I’ll be preparing a small little celebration too.”

“Celebration?” The friends asked.

Luhan nodded. “Yeah. Because Taeyang will be exactly a six-month baby.”

“On Christmas?” Xiumin asked. He opened the classroom door and walked in as he headed over to the desks of Luhan, Luna and Hana. His was all the way at the front row seat and Lay’s desk was in the middle. “Exactly on Christmas?”

Luhan nodded, “Yeah. Why?”

Xiumin shook his head. “Just confirming.” He smiled. “Eh, so he’s a six-month baby already.” He looked surprised. “I can’t believe you two have kept him for so long.”

“No news yet about his real parents?” Lay asked.

Hana and Luhan shook their heads.

Hana said, “Your brother will be visiting us over the break to give us more direct information.”

“Well, that is if there isn’t anything that requires his urgency to not come back.” Luhan expanded. “So far, we’ve only gotten two messages from him—once when he landed, and second was when he only asked for the confirmation of our address, which was just yesterday that he had sent.”

“So, basically, he hasn’t been updating you guys about anything.” Luna commented.

“It could be that, or it could be that he really doesn’t have anything to update us about.” Hana defended Kris. “Besides, he’s in a place where he knows no one and doesn’t even have any concrete trail to find them.”

“Hey,” Xiumin began, “you know how he said that he had to go through many connections to find that they were in Jinsari?”

His friends nodded.

“What do you think were the connections he used? Why would those connections have any connection to the parents whom none of us don’t even know, especially him?”

“And how would he know where to start or what to start with.” Lay added.

Luhan looked at his two friends. “What do you mean?”

Xiumin couldn’t defend his questions, but thanks for Lay’s incoming question, he was saved. “What bothered me most is that he’s willing to help—but in secrecy.”

“In secrecy? How is he helping us in secrecy?” Hana asked.

The bell rang before Lay could explain. Everyone dispersed into their original seats.

She tapped Luna. “Hey, do you know what Lay meant by that?” <