V
Crooked
After:
Jiyong pulled up into our driveway right on time. It was a shocker for me since he was always late. Not once did he come on time before, not even for school. When we were still friends, I practically had to lie to the boy about what time his appointments were so that he would come early.
Then again, he used to drive a beaten down, mustard coloured Jeep before. Now he was driving a sleek, white, sedan. So maybe a man could change. I wouldn’t really know though. I’m still driving my brother’s old pick-up truck.
I waited for Jiyong on the porch with Hana on my lap. There was no way I was going to stand up for him. He was going to come here, get my baby bag, and try his best to get into my good graces. Then we would leave.
But it wasn’t too hard to do that, especially since he was, you know…him.
Most of the time, because he was my friend, he was always such a douche. I had to ask him to help me carry my stuff before, but that didn’t happen now. Nope, not at all.
He came up to me, and smiled.
“Hi,” I told him in reply. He didn’t say anything though, he just got the bag filled with Hana’s stuff, and I stood up.
I thought the silence was getting pretty awkward when finally he spoke.
“Hey there pretty girl,” he said, and I could feel the lightness in his voice.
My eyes widened in shock. After being so quiet, this was the first thing he was going to tell me?? So I looked at him, only to see that he was looking at Hana who was already grinning widely! —I feel embarrassed.
“You ready to play?” He asks her.
She shakes her head shyly at Jiyong, then she turns to me. “Where we going, Mama?”
“Anywhere you wanna go, sweetie.” I tell her, earning a tug on my hair due to excitement.
“The froggy pond!” She squeals in absolute delight that neither Jiyong nor I could hide our laughter.
“Where the hell is that?” He says, and I intentionally pretend to ignore that he even said hell.
“It’s near the playground that you liked so much.” I tell him.
I see the glint in his eyes when he tells us “let’s go.” The knowing smile he gives me isn’t of much help either.
How could it be? The froggy pond was our place. And I clearly remember he dislocated his shoulder once, falling off of the monkey bars upside down. He was always such a monkey.
-----//-----
We never called it the froggy pond. It was always good old “park” for me, for us. For me and Jiyong, I mean.
The Froggy Pond isn’t technically a pond, it was a wading pool for kids. And I’ve never seen a single frog swim in this pool before, so it isn’t froggy either. Hana was actually the one who named it what it is today. I think it’s most probably because of the posing frogs standing beside the wading pool.
It was wide, but clean, and about 6 inches deep. No child should be able to drown here, nor any adult, so it was safe. It was cool here too, and breezy. And when the sun came out, it wasn’t too hot either. It was warm, the kind of warm that made you feel happy. The kind that warmed your insides, and woke the butterflies in your tummy.
“Let’s play,” Hana said, suddenly falling towards Jiyong so he had no choice but to catch her. She knew her capabilities; she was very manipulative.
The moment we got here, I saw Jiyong’s face light up with a smile, and for a while, he looked like a boy again. A teenage boy, or the boy I grew up with. Not this man, this stranger who had gone missing for three years and was trying to fit himself back in, if that’s what he was indeed trying to do.
“Okay,” he said, and took her from me. “You wanna go play first or go to the water?” He asks her, excellently like he’s been talking to kids his whole life.
“Play!” She says, and immediately points to the swing with the baby seats.
-----//-----
So I followed the two wherever they went, and believe me they’ve gone everywhere. We went through the entire park, and slid down countless slides. We even wet our feet by the Froggy Pond. Hana was happy, and it looked like Jiyong was, too.
The whole time, I saw him playing with her. The whole time, I saw her enjoying him. The whole time, I felt more torn apart than I was to begin with since he arrived because I don’t know what to do. Because right now, all I can think about is how alike Jiyong and Hana look.
Sure, she has the same dark curly hair that I do, but that smile on her face and those dimpled cheeks aren’t mine. And those brown eyes that fell asleep on me countless times after crying in the middle of the night definitely aren’t, too.
By the time we were all ready to head back home, Hana wouldn’t leave Jiyong’s side. But he was fine with it, he told me. He looked slightly amused, too. So the least I could do was drive, and of course, Jiyong told me that was a good idea. But before I got to the driver’s seat, he said “wait.”
I asked him why, of course. But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he gave me a flower. It was a white tulip, from one of the bushes in the flowers in the park.
A lot of people would view this as an act of crime since picking flowers in the park was a pretty illegal thing to do. But for me, they were part of a memory, an old tradition of his that included me, that was now blossoming in my head once again.
-----//-----
“I’d make a good dad, don’t you think?” He asks me when I put the car in drive. “Right?” He continued, earnestly this time. It sounded so true a question that I had to look at him.
On his lap, I saw Hana fast asleep, slightly open, and I see her about to drool, but surprisingly, Jiyong catches it with one of Hana’s towels before it even falls. Then he shifts her in his arms so that it looks like he’s cradling her. Now Hana is lying down face up with her head on the crook of Jiyong’s elbow like a pillow.
"Right?" He asks me again, like he's waiting for my approval.
I’m not ready for this sight, so I turn to look forward immediately at the road ahead. I step on the gas, then I tell Jiyong the only thing I could think of saying.
"Sure,”
Before:
"Do this for me," he begged me as we walked up to her driveway. The music was loud in my ears, and so was the shrill laughter of girls getting drunk at a party.
"Please," he begged again. "Please, please, please!"
I stopped walking up the path and crossed my arms in front of my chest. "You're such an , you know that?"
He smiled at me now, hands in front of him and holding both my wrists. I think he's only holding me because he thinks I'm going to hit him. He definitely knows he's an . And I'm stupid for going along with this.
'We're staying for a while only, okay?' I ask him, reiterating my conditions, because I don't want to smell like cigarettes at all. I mean, you know how college parties can get, right?
Jiyong and I went to the movies earlier, but this was not how I expected my night to end. I would have stayed at home instead of gone out with him had I known that we would be going to the party of his girlfriend's friend's friend. Screw this. The whole thing was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But I never found it in my heart to tell him no. Ugh, I was such a push over.
"Yes!" He said, pumping both his fists in the air. "I love you!" He yells and hugs me.
I laugh at the way he reacts, and I hugged him back, too. Just like that, I'm at ease with him again. Sometimes I hate how I could never stay mad at him, but it had it's rewards. I could smell his familiar scent of aftershave and lime, and soap. It was such a shame that in a while, that would all be masked by the smell of beer, and other stuff that inhibit people's senses.
Then a voice breaks us up, and suddenly, it's like the Great Wall of China popped in between us.
"I thought you loved me," there was a girl behind us who said. She emphasized the me in her sentence, I wanted to punch her. I didn't have to turn around to guess who it was. I've spent enough time with her at school to know.
"Hey, Babe." And just like that, Jiyong left my side to be by hers. Of course, I knew what I was getting into. Why else would I be here after being at the movies? I was here to support him, even if that meant he wasn't going to be beside me.
"Hey, Babe," she cooed back. She looked at me briefly, challengingly, before landing a kiss on his lips. It almost looked like she was threatening me. My eyes widened in disbelief. But no, it could have been a figment of my imagination. Right? She couldn't have. Right.
I went back to thinking about how upset I was, watching them kiss. I felt like I was about to throw up, and there wasn't even anything in my stomach. I felt my insides twist and turn, then I realized I was just disgusted.
First and foremeost, that was my best friend and some other girl swapping spit. Nothing will ever comfort me after seeing what I just saw. I cringed in place and swallowed back the bile rising in my throat. God, I'm not even drunk but I already feel like puking. I came here as his best friend, and I will act like his best friend. And this is how a best friend would act if they saw their best friends making out. Sure, it seems like fun, but really, just do it in the privacy of I don't know, a room? I thought Ji knew better than to just make-out anywhere.
Secondly, I know I came here as his best friend, and I am his best friend, but I can't deny that I was kind of jealous. His girlfriend's mean eyes got to me. They made me wonder if she really was an angel or a in disguise.
I stopped looking at his girlfriend, and started looking at Jiyong.
His eyes were closed, and his arms were all around her, and all he did was kiss her. And watching him kiss someone else, someone that wasn't me, someone that most probably didn't even know him, kind of hurt.
He's my wonder boy. My first love.
I mean, what's it going to take for him to see that I'm here? What's it going to take for him to know that I'm the one who loves him? I'm the one who takes care of him when he's feeling bad. For God's sake, I'm the one he calls at 12 midnight for cooking advice just because he doesn't want to wake his mom up! I'm not extremely pretty, but I'm not ugly either! I'm the one who's always been there. Through and for everything, it's always been me.
So what more can you want? What more can you ask for, Ji?
I felt a stinging in my eyes, but bit my lip to hold the tears back. Then I clear my throat and tell them I'll go get a beer or something. Lia doesn't bother to look at me because she's too busy trying to mesh herself into Jiyong's body. Ji on the other hand just nods his head, says something about finding me later, and then goes back to looking at his girlfriend.
So I go inside the house, grab one of the cups people were passing around on trays filled with ice cold beer, and search for the kitchen.
Nobody was there, except for a few people Jiyong probably knew who were trying to find more dip for nachos.
I sat on the kitchen counter and took a sip of the beer. I never liked it, but I always ended up having one in my hand. I think I just held on to it to look cool, but I didn't get the point now. I wanted a vanilla milkshake. Alas there was none.
11PM turned to 12 midnight, turned to 1AM. People have been making it in and out of the kitchen, girls kissing girls, or guys grabbing a hold of their girlfriends' asses, then guys kissing guys and some more. People smoking, drinking, getting high and all of the above; I've seen them all whilst still in my spot. I've seen them all except Jiyong. It was like no one even knew I was there. I had two hours alone, and I let myself cry.
Maybe it was a good thing I didn't see Jiyong. I don't think I could ever prepare my heart for the time I see something like that between his girlfriend and him.
So I left the party, alone and still crying until I got home. I was thankful nobody saw me crying, thankful Ji didn't know I was feeling like crap. He was still most probably having a good time. He did forget about me after all.
When I reached my bedroom, I brushed my teeth, took off my clothes and jumped into bed. I didn't even bother getting into pajamas. I just wanted to feel the cold all around me.
I counted sheep until I fell asleep.
-----//-----
When I woke up the next morning, I swore I could feel my eyes all puffy.
My lips were chapped and my throat felt dry. I actually felt like dying.
But when I turned to look at my window, I saw a single white tulip on my sill.
My eyes widened when I saw it. Suddenly conscious that he could be around because I was just in my underwear, I put on a shirt, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and fixed my hair.
I stood up, checked outside my window and below just incase he felt like climbing up my trellis. But he wasn't there.
I sighed as I saw the flower he left for me. I took it with me inside my bedroom tossing it on top of my bed. Thinking about him coming all the way to my place before I woke up just to do this killed me. He was never a fair player.
Tulips. He always gives me tulips when he was asking for forgiveness. And I always did, forgive him, I mean. It was a weakness.
Back to loving you again, Ji.
In the mean time, I've started a new fic to keep you company while I iron this one out. :) It's entitled "Stay With Me." I hope you'll like it, too! :)
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