We walked off the stage, hands barley, really in each others. Hangeng was my friend, nae, but his hands were nothing like Siwon’s. They weren’t warm like this, loving like his... used to be.. As soon as we were off stage and out of camera view, Han and I laughed off what had just happened. But was I laughing, or just crying softly, too tired to give tears? Our Manager-Hyung came up to the both of us, thanking us for completing his ‘one little request’. It nearly made me sick.. He didn’t know. He had no idea what that ‘little request’, that ‘innocent request’ had done to Siwon and-.

Siwon.

My face froze for a split second as Hyung walked off, my head whipping around. My heart raced as I looked around for him, pounding in my ears as I ran to our dressing room. Just as a shaky hand rose to knock on the door, it gave way, forcing me to catch my breath, eyes wide. There I stood, face to face with the other whom I’d nearly kissed only a moment ago it seemed.. and he wouldn’t look at me for more than a second. Maybe it was better when our eyes didn’t meet, because when they did, it was cold..  Cold eyes looked back at me, shocking me into silence. They used to be so warm... especially when they looked at me but now? It was almost like... like he didn’t know me anymore, and didn’t want to. This was my fault.. I’d been the one to take all of that happiness, warmth, all of that love out of his eyes.

How long did we stand there like that? It could have been seconds, it could have been hours. But with each ambiguous time interval, my heart broke at that icy gaze.. I wanted to explain. I needed to... A hand rose slowly, shaking as it began to make its way to My L-.. to Siwon’s cheek. I didn’t care if there were others around.. I needed this, to say that this would be okay, that we would go home tonight, and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“Hyung, good job tonight” And with an incline of his head, he was gone. He walked off, leaving my hand in mid air, cold, contact deprived, and shaking. My lips parted to speak. Something.. I needed to say something, anything! But only stuttered air left my lips, which soon closed..

What.. What had just.. what happened just now? I stared into the space around my ever trembling hand, not sure how to answer myself. Wait no, I had answer. My hand clutched into a fist and I walked into the changing room. Shutting the door, I leaned against it, sliding to the floor with a hand over my face. What had just happened? I knew. I had just ended the single best thing that had happened in my life.