Weeks passed.. But to tell you the truth, it felt like decades... I sighed as he sat on Siwon’s bed, as is was just.. too empty to come in contact with unless I had to. A hand glided across the younger’s bed sheets. They looked almost untouched, third week in a row. 
“Paboyo..” I murmured to myself, as if the younger was there with me. “Don’t you know you’ll get bags under your eyes if you don’t sleep?” A sad half smile (if you could even call it that) passed briefly over his face. “As good of an actor as you are, you can’t fool me about how awake you are...”

Yah, what was I doing? Sitting here on Siwon’s bed, talking to myself? But what else could I do? The younger wouldn’t have anything to do with me anymore. I had given on up counting all of the times when I’d try to explain the situation.. Siwon just.. He just wasn’t going to listen was he? “Must have gotten that from all the time with me.. nae?” Another sad smile. That’s all I ever did now. Sad smiles. Unless I was on camera, I didn’t smile for myself anymore.. 

But what was there to smile about.. anymore? I leaned my arms on my knees, head in my shaky hands. “Aigoo...”

It was almost funny as I thought through those recent weeks. I’d spent the first two weeks forcing myself not to break from the thought of falling asleep alone in my bed.  Before this... this mess, the two would cuddle and hug for a good hour on one of the respective beds. Kisses would be exchanged until one of us fell asleep against the other.. But I remembered coming in the room that first week to see the younger already asleep in his bed, back turned away from the door... Away from me.

But the following mornings were even worse. We’d wake up apart.. If words were exchanged, Siwon would never look me in the eye. It almost made me sick... He was so polite, but he just.. wouldn’t look me in the eye.. We washed alone, dressed alone, ate on other ends of the table, for the first time in... ever it seemed. 

The next week and a half was filled with the me, older of the once and former couple, trying to convince myself that this was a good thing. ‘We needed our space’ I’d tell myself, nodding along with my painfully unconvincing thoughts. ‘This is just a nice break. This is a good opportunity for us to uhm.. think...’ Nope. That was the thing about thinking to yourself. It’s a hell of alot harder than lying to other people.

And what now? Here I sat on my former lover’s bed, talking to him as if he were there as if nothing had ever happened... To be honest, I didn’t know how I felt anymore, or if I even felt anymore. I missed the love in everything Siwon did towards me, his looks, smiles, hugs, all of it.. Life was so dull and colourless without those little things the other used to do.

A sudden creak of the door disrupted any thought processes churning through my mind. ‘’ I thought in the fraction of a second. ‘What if he sees me sitting here on his bed? Aniyo, what if he ... what if he heard me talking to myself?’ Just as I literally jumped from Siwon’s bed, the door opened.

“H..Hyung? Annyeong?” That wasn’t Shisus... I blinked, head tilting just a little as Hangeng poked his head into the door. I must have looked like a total idiot, or a deer in headlights, because the younger just kind of... stared at me for a few seconds before he mentally slapped himself back into the moment, or , that’s what it looked like at least..

“Ah.. Annyeong, Heechul-hyung” He smiled, bowings a little at me, smiling. I returned a shaky greeting to the other. He started talking.. But I couldn’t listen. Well maybe I was listening but I sure as hell wasn’t hearing a single word. I was busy looking at his smile... It reminded me alot of a certain religious man..

Looks like it was going to be ‘week one’ all over again..

“So.. how about it?”

OH right, Hangeng... I blinked at the other, my lack of concentration more than apparent judging by the exasperated look he gave me. But that also disappeared in his smile. “Mianhaeyo.. Could you say that last part again?” I asked, hoping that I could pretend to have heard the other ninety percent of what he’d said.

“Will you let me take you out tonight? You need to get out of this place more than just when we have concerts...”

...Bwoh?

I looked at him with a blank, confused stare and a tilted head

”...Bwoh?”