"I can't take this anymore! Choose, me or this?" I bursted out of anger.

"You know I can't. I want to be with you, I love you but I can't quit. I feel like I can't live without it. Please understand." He begged as if I asked him to choose between his parents and I. Normally, I would forgive him if I see him like this but I couldn't take it anymore. It had been three years since we dated but he couldn't change his habit, his obsessive addiction. I thought I could change him, I thought I could be the reason for him to be strong and quit but I was wrong. It was merely a delusion I created.

"Let's break up, Eric-ah. I can't take this anymore. It's my limit already. Goodbye." I said to him as I was about to leave the car.

"Why? Don't go Wannie. Don't leave me." He tried to grab my arm but I was quicker. That was the end of us.

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After I got home, I immediately went to bed, just to find myself flashing back all the memories.

I had fallen for him at first sight, he was like my destined partner but it wasn't a fantasy. He was a heavy smoker and I was on the complete opposite, I hated smokers. I was a healthy freak, he called me that, because I followed strict healthy diet. I setted a drinking limit, no smoking, no junk food or unhealthy drinks. I had always disliked smokers since my dad passed away because of lung cancer, he was a smoker. I couldn't understand why people smoke when they clearly understand the consequences. They know that they are killing themselves but why do they still insist on smoking. I avoided smokers at all cost since I believed they are wasting their lives, yet, upon meeting Eric, I couldn't stay away from him. I couldn't hate him even though he smoke much more than others. I was love struck, blinded by love that I perceived myself that I could help him quit smoking.

When we began dating, Eric could go through a pack a day, his body always had the lingering smell of cigarette, a somewhat irritating, bitter and choking sensation. even if he had sprayed perfume all over. I was patient, very patient as I tolerated the smell through out the first few months. I couldn't bear it anymore so I asked him to quit, and to my surprise, the amount had reduced significantly after a few months. There was once we had a meeting with my mother, he had left during the middle of the conversation to have a smoke.

"Couldn't you hold back? We were with my mother! Don't you know how much it hurts her to see a smoker?" I screamed out of anger.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't even have one since the morning. It just didn't feel right and my body was demanding for it. I reduced the amount already, isn't that enough?" He whined.

"Not until you quit completely."

"Can't you be more understanding? Why don't you try to smoke and then quit? Then you can show me that it's possible to quit."

"No way. It is bad for your health, you should know that. It affects people around you as well, don't you care for me? For your family? For my family?" I questioned at his ridiculous idea.

"I got it, don't nag anymore. I'll try. Happy?" He said reluctantly as he hugged me. I was a fool to believe in his words.

I had researched for everything so that he could quit. I bought him chewing gums, nicabate and many other ciga-replacement products. I even spent most of my time with him so I could divert his urge to smoke away. More than two year passed by, I thought I succeed since there wasn't any smell on his clothes. I didn't see any cigarette packages in his house nor anyone caught him smoking. I was relieved because my love had moved him but I was so wrong. He said he could quit anytime he want but he lacked determination.

On our third anniversary, he drove me to the beach, it was a nice date until I found a package of cigarette in his car. It was almost emptied. Realisation struck me hard, Eric had been lying to me, he was smoking behind my back even though I had put so much effort to help him. 

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I though I would be relieved to leave, to be free from the burden, the worries but I was wrong. My life was peaceful but within me, there was emptiness that I couldn't fill. Eric had disappeared from my life, completely vanished without any traces for me to follow. I didn't know how much he meant to me, when I noticed, he had already filled every space in my heart and mind. My body was longing for his touch, his warm embrace and gentleness. After the first month, I felt like I was about to go insane. I was lying on my bed, memories of us suddenly flooded into my mind. I missed how we snuggled agaisnt each other, how I whined at the stinking smell of cigarette from his body. I missed how he would caress my cheek in the morning, whispered to my ear that I'm his only love. The thought was driving me crazy. That was how I started smoking, my very first cigarette was because of him. 

As time flew by, I became more addicted, I couldn't be separated from the smoke anymore. It gave me illusions of our happy times, a sense of security by resurrecting the memories. I could visualized him with me through the white smoke that float idly in the room. I could see his smiling face in the smoke that would disappear once I stop so I kept on smoking. Smoking was keeping me sane, keeping me away from the cruel reality. I knew I was a coward. Everything was meaningless anyway. I knew that I was addicted, too addicted but there was no backing out. This was the only method for me to remember him, remember of our love.

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One year later

"Long time no see. How have you been? You seem to be thinner." Eric asked but I was stunned, I couldn't believe he was in front of me.

"Nothing much.... How about you?" I asked, trying sound nonchalant.

"I had been travelling around the country, taking photos. I know you love photography, I wish you were with me."

"Sorry but I couldn't. Why are you back?" I coldly retorted.

"It was fun but it was empty without you. I couldn't enjoy it to the fullest as I missed you so much. I had completed my goal anyway. Are you smoking?" He asked, bewildered as I lit up a cigarette.

"I started smoking because of someone I loved. Now, I've became too addicted to quit. You still smoke, don't you?"

"No, I quitted because of someone I loved. It was the purpose of my trip. I'll show you the photo." Eric opened his wallet and showed me a photo of myself. The photo that I had told him to look at whenever he had the urge to smoke.

"I look at it everyday and it gave me strenth to quit. I thought I couldn't pull through but I did. Amazing, isn't it?"

I couldn't say a word, my body was trembling, my fingers were shaking violently that I dropped the cigarette. I couldn't believe that Eric actually quitted smoking for me. I was such a mess, I was drowning myself in smoking when he was quitting by himself.

"Can we date again? I will help you quit this time." He held my hands, asked me with a bright smile. All I could do was nodded.

I should be studying but writing was so tempting because I rewatched Shinhwa Broadcast ep 9 and 10 when Eric said he willnot quit smoking for his wife. Hope you like it :) My first one-shot attempt and it's Ricwan because Dongwan always cares for his health and I want to write for many pairings, not just the typical ones xD