Chapter 4

Lonely

1 week later.

One week passed and there hasn't been any changes in my condition.

I didn't feel any different and I still couldn't remember what happened to me. But right now, it was the least of my worries. All that mattered at the moment was to find out the reasons why only he could see me.

A complete stranger.

Ever since the incident, he seemed to have accepted the idea of having a ghost following him around even though he was still feeling uncomfortable about it. The worst part was that he wasn't even talking to me, he tried his best to ignore me but I knew that he wasn't capable because I was still around.

"If you don't want to see me, then stop thinking about me."

"I… can't"

"Then talk to me…"

It was night time and we were in his room. He was lying in his bed, looking up at the ceiling while I was simply sitting on the floor, having my thoughts to myself. "I don't-… I'm going to sleep." I saw him turn his back to me, something that made my heart ache because I knew what he wanted to say in the first place. I tried to control myself from crying but I wasn't capable of doing it.

I got up and walked out of his room, ignoring the tears that were falling on my cheeks.

I never thought that I'd be feeling so lonely on the other side. There isn't anybody but me and I can't stand this. I had enough being an outcast when I was still conscious but now its worse. I don't feel cold, I don't feel warm, I can't feel anything and it's almost driving me crazy. The worst part of it all is that stupid Angel of Death that still appears whenever he wants.

I see him and sometimes I feel tempted to go with him, just to get out of my misery of being a loner.

I hate this, all of this.

Sometimes when I close my eyes and opened them, I can't see anybody. Everything that is surrounding me is grey and seems so cold, there isn't anything that looks pretty. It's dark and disgusting. The city looks the same, but the atmosphere is so gloomy that it makes me want to wake up from that coma to escape the strange sensation that runs through me whenever I'm here.

In limbo.

That's when I know he isn't thinking about me, because at that moment, I found myself wandering the empty streets of Seoul, looking at the vacancy that is this place, having no where to go.

Right now this is where I was. Since it was night time, the streets were practically dark, no light coming from the buildings or the street lamps, nothing.

I stopped in my tracks and simply lied down on the ground, looking straight at the sky. The stars were there but they were barely shining. There wasn't any life in them as there wasn't any life down here. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, calming myself down, still praying deep inside that all of this was simply a dream. That my body wasn't lying in a hospital bed, that my life wasn't hanging in the balance between life and death and that Death wasn't after me.

All I wanted was to wake up and be back in high school where I was… nobody. At least I was alive then, even though school wasn't my best part. Actually my whole life so I guess I'm fine with dying! Who would care anyways?

I mean… I'm sure not even the boy would care if I disappear forever.

I wasn't feeling sad anymore, but angry. I'm so mad at the world for what is happening to me, it's becoming ridiculous!

What did I ever do in my life to end up like this? What bad karma did I freaking caught to be where I am right now?

x    x    x

He still couldn't sleep.

It's not that he didn't want to, it simply because it wasn't happening. He wasn't even feeling tired at all, not that he had a load of energy to spend either. He was simply out of it. Ever since the hospital incident, he wasn't himself anymore. It was such a drastic change, even s noticed the difference and they didn't know what to do to bring him back. The idea of having a ghost following him around was slowly sinking in but at the same time, he didn't know why the curse was falling on him when there was a whole planet roaming around, ghost free.

He didn't like this at all and he knew that she was hurt but he couldn't care less at the moment. He didn't know who to talk to about this either as he remembered the reaction of the rest of the guys when he told them about her. They all thought it was because of the shock so he ended up giving up about convincing them.

He never felt so alone at the moment, it was practically tearing him apart.

He turned around and sat up in his bed, looking around. He didn't find her and thought that she mind be outside so he got up and walked out of his room and into the living room only to find it empty. He ruffled his hair and let himself fall on the couch closing his eyes as he tried to recollect his thoughts.

"Still thinking about me?"

He jerks up from his seat as he opened his eyes to see the girl standing on the other side of the room, her back towards him as she was looking through the window. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I don't know… you tell me, you're the one that was thinking about me…"

"I wasn't"

"You don't need to be so mean, it's not like I'm enjoying being here, you know"

A moment of silence passed through them as he lets her words sink in. Truthfully, he never thought about how she felt being like this since he was to busy thinking about how to get rid of her, but looking at her now, he could see that she was hurt and felt as if she was as lonely as he was, making a small part of him feel sympathy for the girl.

"I'm sorry…"

She turns around and slightly nods at his words, not really knowing where to go from here. She turns back around, letting another few minutes of silence pass through them. He got up from his seat and joined her by the window, looking out to the view he had in front of him. "How… long have you been… like this?" She turns her head to him as she saw the light of the moon reflect on his face, letting herself bathe in the way her heart was reacting to her sight. "I don't know, a week I guess?"

"Do you know what happened to you?"

"No. I don't even remember what I did for the past couple of days before that. I don't think I want to know though, it wouldn't change the fact that it happened and that I'm here"

The moment he turned his head, she was still looking at him, making his eyes land on hers. For a small moment, all they did was to stare at each other, trying to read each other's expressions across their faces. Even without the lights on, he could see her eyes shimmer, realizing that she was on the verge of tears. He wanted to hug her but the moment he wanted to wrap his arms around her, he knew that he couldn't touch her, making the situation between them a little bit awkward at first but only to be reminded of a sudden pain aching in both of their hearts.

"You should go to sleep." He simply gave her a nod and walked away, closing the door behind him. Once alone, she lets a shaky breath out of and closes her eyes, only to find re-open them and find herself in another room. The beeping sound of a machine quickly reached up to her ears, making her look to the bed where her body was peacefully lying, the bruises still visible all over.

She walked towards her physical self, not able to contain her emotions as she eyed herself from head to toe.

"You're only torturing yourself by doing this, you know"

She jerks her head up to see that Death was at the door of her room. She huffs out annoyed and wipes her tears away. "Are you stalking me or something? Can I just have some time alone?!" Anger was slowly building itself back up inside of her as she raised her voice to the angel, clearly pissed off about her situation. All he did was smirk  and lightly shook his head.  "I'll leave you alone once you come with me."

"Please, not now. I don't even know how I got here, can you at least give me some time? And I'll come with you once I'm really dead, please."

He lets out a sigh as he reflected on her words. Truthfully, he wasn't really in a hurry to take her, but since she was here, he simply wanted to have the chance to get his job done. He took one last look at her and barely nod as he slowly disappeared, leaving Hea Jung alone once again.

She hugged herself tight, bringing her arms around her and let her held up tears fall on her cheeks as she let her thoughts wander to her memories of her younger days. It should have brought some sense of nostalgia but nothing of that sort was felt in her heart.

In reality, she hated her life.

She barely had a stable home when she was younger, which was one of the reasons she moved from the country side to the city and because of this, she was an outcast, being bullied all the way through her school years.

She was classed as different by the others, thus ending up alone while she grew up. She was strong enough to keep on waking up every morning but even a small part of her wished to simply end her life so she wouldn't have to face another miserable day. But all of this changed the moment she graduated from high school, marking a new chapter in her life.

But the thing is, once she stepped outside, she found herself lying in the hospital bed, deeply wounded as the days were slipping by out of her reach to at least being able to enjoy one of them.

"Mom… I need you so much right now"

x    x    x

Another few days passed and nothing really happened.

Mir was constantly out all day with the rest of the boys while I was either with him or simply wandering around the city, having my thoughts to myself. Either way, I still felt lonely.

But during those days, I noticed a little change in the boys attitude towards me. I knew that he tried his best to be friendly to me but I also knew that he was forcing himself. I was happy about the effort but it still stung my heart  little.  I knew that he felt as if he had to do it, not that he actually wanted to befriend me.

Nobody ever wanted that, so I don't really blame him.

I was the problem.

Always was.

"What are you thinking about?"

I didn't realize that Mir was standing next to me until I heard his low voice, bringing me out of my deadly thoughts. "About whether I want to stay alive or die…" At my last words, he looked at me with eyes wide open, clearly shocked at my statement. "Wh-what?"

"You don't have to pretend to care about whether I die or not… It's going to happen eventually."

"Not if you fight."

"Fight what exactly? I mean freaking Death is after me ever since I'm like this! There's no way that I'll make it, unless a miracle happens, which would be pretty doubtful considering the fact that it's me"

"What do you mean?"

"Look at me Mir-ah…" He turned around to stand in front of me and looked at me right through my eyes, taking me a little bit by surprise but barely showed it to him. "I'm a ghost, okay? Ghosts are, usually, people that are dead and don't go away for some reason. I'm dying, if not, I may already be dead and stuck here for some unknown reason. Do the math."

"Why are you being so pessimistic?"

"I'm the most unluckiest person you could have ever met. I grew up to be like this. I'm not special like you nor like any of the other boys. I grew up to be alone and hated and that is who I am, Mir. I mean… I didn't even had the chance to experience a first love or even a first kiss. I didn't even have friends growing up, because to the others I was always thought as someone weird and would be an outcast and - … I just don't have anybody. I'm on my own. Even in this."

I could clearly see the pain in his eyes when I was venting out my desperation. He took a step closer to me, slowly reaching out for my hand. I looked down as he placed his palm against the back of my hand, enclosing it in a fist, pretending as if he was truly holding me.

He couldn't touch me and yet I still felt the warmth traveling through my body.

"Don't worry about being alone anymore, because I'm here. I'll help you."

"Help me with what?" From his grip, we both looked back at each other. I could see in his dark eyes some kind of determination that was being born, strangely making my heart skip a beat.

"Bringing you back"

Next: Help Me