thirty-seven

  Her heart sank as she stared forward, her eyes latched upon the sofa and the man who sat upon it. For several days she had held her tongue, keeping her silence though she very well wanted to voice out her thoughts and her feelings. It was ironic, especially since she was supposed to be happy, supposed to be circling cloud nine, yet she was down on her dumps, distressed and dismal.

  She shifted her gaze towards the tub of ice cream that was in her hands. That was her, Krystal Jung. She could describe herself to be like a tub of ice cream – sweet, cool and worldly loved, but yet, could melt ever so easily. She was vulnerable, she was, though she could seem icy and cold at the beginning. And no one knew, no one would know until they understood her on their own.

  That man sitting on the couch, he understood her. In fact, he understood her all too well, to the extent that he was able to tolerate her when she was temperamental, able to swallow in her frank and forthright words. But even so, he could give her no warmth in return. And even without warmth, she melted at the slightest touch. It was like her vulnerability had doubled whenever she was near him. As much as she despised it, she could not change it.

  “Sehun, do you want some ice cream?” She called, and for a moment, she hoped that he wouldn’t hear her.

  But no, he did. “Yeah, Krys. We still have chocolate chip?”

  Her tone faltered. “Yeah… We do.”

  Reluctantly, she picked up the tub of ice cream and shuffled towards the couch. She plopped next to him and as though it was an automatic reaction, he slipped his arm around her shoulder. As she gazed at him, she noticed that his eyes were still transfixed upon the television screen, and she wondered whether his simple action was merely due to the fact that he was used to having her around, or whether his feelings for her were truly present.

  Sehun wasn’t a man of many words. He was a man of many thoughts. He had a complex train of thought that she often struggled to comprehend. He was courteous, gentlemanly and polite, at least on the exterior he was, but inside, he had a different character altogether. Not that he was bad, since the world could not be divided to bad and good, but rather, he was obstinate. He regarded his own opinions highly and believed in nothing but his own perceptions.

  Krystal never minded his obstinacy. She liked a man who could think on his own and not rely on others to decide his life for him. But what she didn’t like was that he wavered a lot, contradicting his own obstinacy. He wavered about the wrong things, he was stubborn about the wrong things, and thus, everything was in shambles. But even so, she loved him.

  But things had to come to an end. Love could not be fabricated, nor could it be conjured out of pretense. It was either love, or no love at all. And as much as Krystal Jung didn’t desire to admit it, she knew that she had to come clean with the truth – Sehun could love many people, but to be in love, he could only have one person. And if that person wasn’t her then… tough. 

  “Sehun?”

  “Hmm?”

  “…I think we shouldn’t get married.”

  Sehun blinked, raising his eyebrows as he turned to look at her. “Krys?”

  “In fact, I think we shouldn’t even live together. We shouldn’t date either.” She was hesitant, doubtlessly hesitant, but she knew it was the best choice for the both of them.  “We should just be friends, Sehun… And maybe that was what we were meant to be all along – friends.”

  “Krys, don’t be ridiculous,” Sehun brushed her off, thinking that she was merely being insecure and childish once more. “Everyone knows that we’re going to get married, and there’s no way we’ll call off the wedding when there’s no reason for us-“

  “No one needs to know the reason, Sehun. It’s best that we call it off before things become worse for us,” Krystal fought to control her emotions, biting her lip to repress her feelings. “I don’t… I don’t really care what anything else thinks about this. It’s about us, it’s not about them.”

  “I love you, Krys, you know I do,” Sehun said simply, still barely affected by her argument. “Stop being a worrywart and-“

  “I know you love me, Sehun. But I don’t just love you. I’m in love with you,” Krystal accentuated on her words. “You can love a lot of people, Sehun, but you can only be in love with one person. And you know… I don’t think that person is me.”

  “I-“

  “I just want the both of us to be happy,” she heaved a sad sigh. “So, for once, listen to me. I’m not doing this just for myself, alright? I’m doing this for you. I don’t want you to spend your life watching someone else from a distance… If you’re like that, I won’t be happy either. Please, Sehun? Let’s break up…?”

  Sehun did not reply, lost in his own thoughts. Tears brimmed Krystal’s eyes, threatening to spill any moment. She knew that he could see her hidden tears, but even so, she didn’t want him to see those tears roll down her cheeks. She stood up, accidentally toppling the tub of ice cream to the ground, and she rushed towards the bedroom. And Sehun, he made no attempt to stop her.

  And that tub of ice cream could easily display their relationship – melted, destroyed and in sad little puddles all over the ground.

  “Daddy?”

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  “When can I get married?”

  Kyuhyun nearly spit out his food as he heard his daughter’s innocent question. Seonjung looked at him with her wide eyes, expecting a quick and witty answer from him, for she knew her dad could supply her with the best answers, even to the oddest questions. But Kyuhyun pondered on it for quite a while, unsure of how to answer her decently.

 “…Well, when you’ve grown up, sweetheart,” Kyuhyun responded gently, slightly wavering. “Now you’re still daddy and mommy’s baby, so you can’t get married yet.”

  Seonjung frowned, dissatisfied with his response. “But I’m not a baby and I don’t want to be a baby. I want to be a big girl, daddy! I’m the eldest, you know! Well, there’s only Huiling who’s older than me by a few months but that’s all! Why can’t I get married now?”

  “Sweetheart, you have to find someone you love before you can get married,” Kyuhyun explained intently. “And there are laws that you can’t get married before you reach the age of eighteen… Why would you think of getting married, Seonjung-ah?”

  Seonjung took a deep breath. “I watched a show on TV about couples getting married and all… Mommy was on it.”

  “’We Got Married’? You watched that show?”

  Seonjung nodded her head vehemently. “Yes, that show! On that show, everyone gets married though they don’t even know who they’re getting married to! Even Mommy was married to Uncle Yonghwa for awhile, and Auntie Victoria, Auntie Taeyeon, Uncle Kangin and Uncle Leeteuk too!”

  Kyuhyun let out a small sigh. “Well, Seonjung, that stuff ain’t real. What’s on the television and what’s in real life – it’s all two different things. That’s a reality show, alright? It’s for the public to watch and enjoy, but it’s not actually real… In real life, everyone else is in love with completely different people, and all the stuff on the show is being scripted by-“

  “But Daddy, you and Mommy were singing together as well, right? Wasn’t that on TV too? …The both of you are real. Uncle Kangin also did marry Auntie Yoonji,” Seonjung argued purposefully, her curiosity still growing. “You said it’s all fake.”

  And Kyuhyun paused. Sure enough, there was only one person in the world who could leave him completely speechless and that was Cho Seonjung, his eldest daughter. She had inherited his gift for arguing and debating, and due to tha