I was crying on my way to the shop, not minding the people who were looking at me as I took long strides. How come this is happening? Why is my heart aching? Why do these tears keep flowing out of my eyes?

 

I completely stopped on my tracks when I reached the park, seeing those colorful walls. I was standing in front of that certain wall, my eyes goggling at the sight of that butterfly pattern in the drawing.

 

Flashbacks came after. That pattern, I thought.

 

I gasped. That butterfly pattern looks exactly identical to the butterfly pattern I saw on Suho’s ring. “H-how?” I muttered.

 

Fuming on the inside, I searched for the name of the artist who had drawn this artwork, pushing some bushes covering some parts of the wall.

 

Then I found the name. No, there are two names.

 

Shin Daeun and Kim Junmyeon. Holy Mary High School Art Society. It said.

 

My knees suddenly became weak and I dropped down the ground. I noticed my hand made its way on my lips, cupping my mouth in surprise, shock evident on my face.

 

“I-it was me and S-Suho?” I asked myself for confirmation, my eyes starting to well more tears. I noticed there was a signature year included beside the artists’ names—the date was from two years ago.

 

“Two years ago, I left the country to pursue a business course…”

 

“How many years you two have been a couple?”

“Four years. If we haven’t parted, it’s supposed to be six years now.”

 

“Kim Junmyeon? I thought Suho’s your real name?”
“Suho is my English name. When I left Korea to study abroad, I was accustomed to the name Suho since that’s what everyone calls me there.”

 

If this was my artwork, how come I can’t remember it at all? If I have already met Suhoa long time ago, how come I didn’t recognize him?

 

Question after another question, everything really confuses me.

 

I buried my face on my hands and cried out loud. “W-who e-exactly am I?”

 

-

 

It was almost late when I got home; my mind floating and I look like a retard now. Once I opened the front door, Mom’s panic stricken face welcomed me.

 

“Oh god, Daeun! You scared me.” She cried and hugged me. I was too tired to respond, tired from crying all way from the school and from the park.

 

Once she loosened her hug, my eyes felt so swollen. Without thinking twice, I asked her. “Mom, who’s Kim Junmyeon?”

 

“Daeun-ah,” she called out.

 

I looked up to her with pleading eyes. “Mom, tell me. Who is he? You know him, right?”

 

She eyed me in pity. A few moments of silence and she sighed. “Why don’t you eat and take a warm bath first, dear? I’ll tell you everything. Please?” She said in concern.

 

-

 

I was in my room dazing out, waiting for my Mom to come in. I closed my eyes for a moment, muttering a little prayer. This will be the night wherein I will be able to know the truth behind these confusions bugging me. For a moment, I doubted myself if I’m ready to hear them or not. Tonight, I will be getting my answers. I had to accept whether it is something good or worst. This is the only way.

 

I opened my eyes when I heard the door opened, seeing my Mom entering the room with a glass of milk. She placed the milk on the lamp table and sat beside me on the bed.

 

“Honey, I know it’s been really hard on you. So, before I would start, I want to apologize.”

 

“Why are you saying sorry, Mom? You did nothing wrong.”

 

She shook her head. “You may seem as if l did nothing, but the truth is I have sacrificed a lot for these past two years.”

 

“What exactly happened two years ago?” I asked, a little impatient. These revelations are making it more confusing.

 

She looked at me in amazement, “You can’t really remember, right?” I shook my head. “How about high school? Tell me, you can’t even remember what class you belonged to, right?

 

“Uh-umm,” I stuttered. How come? She was right, I had forgotten.

 

“Let me start from the very first, okay?”

 

I nodded. “Please, Mom.”

 

She smiled at me in assurance. “When you started entering high school, you met this boy named Kim Junmyeon.” She started. I started to reminisce, trying to dig in deep from my memory. “He was your seatmate. Both of you were so young back then. Both of you entered the same club together, and you would always do the same stuff together. Every night, you would tell me stories about school stuff that always involvesJunmyeon in it. You always spend the time together, and he would often come along with you after school to come here in the house to do homework. Your Dad loves him so much because he felt that for once, he had a son. He would tutor you two like you were his children, and sometimes, he would spend the night here. It’s as if you got yourself an instant sibling.”

 

Mom shifted on her spot for a comfortable position. She continued. “Not until the time you confessed to me that you liked him. You two became awkward for a few days because I believe you were starting to grow likeness to each other as more than friends. So one night, your Dad called Junmyeon to come over so he could talk to him. When he arrived that night, you were so afraid to show up that you locked yourself in your room while he was here. Every time I remember those moments, I can’t help but smile at how young and innocent you two back then.”

 

I chuckled, somehow enlightening me a little. My mom smiled at me. “So your Dad interrogated Junmyeon if he likes you, so you know what happened after that? Junmyeon asked the permission of your Dad to allow him to court you. And without a second thought, he permitted him. I don’t know what happened the following days after that night but before the year ended, you and Junmyeon became a young couple.”

 

She glanced at me and continued, “So for the following years, it has been much more wonderful. I and your Dad got the chance to meet the Kim family, and since then, both families would invite each other for dinner out and even family trips. It’s as if the family got expanded, everything was happy and peaceful. You and Junmyeon were inseparable. The family had grown closer than before.”

 

I sighed. “Then why can’t I remember at all?”

 

“Here’s what happened.” Mom took in a deep breath and uttered, “It was during your senior year that something very tragic happened. You and Junmyeon participated an out of town competition along with the other club members. You rode the school bus and when you were riding the way back to city after a four-day trip, an accident occurred.”

 

She paused for a moment and next thing I knew, she was starting to cry. “While the bus was crossing the bridge on that rainy afternoon, the break suddenly wasn’t functioning and the vehicle ended up crashing towards the road barricade. The impact was so strong. Some of the passengers even flew out of the bus and got hurt badly.” She looked straight into my eyes. “One of them was you.”

 

I gasped. “You landed the asphalt ground and it hit your head so hard.” She continued, more tears welling up her eyes. “It was lucky that you survived the accident. I… I really can’t take if we’re going to lose you, dear.” She sobbed.

 

“N-no one died, right?” I stuttered, my eyes threatening for tears.

 

I was quite relieved to know when Mom shook her head. “Some passengers only got minor injuries. But lucky no one died from that accident.”

 

“What happened to Suho? I-I mean Junmyeon? Is he okay?”

 

“He injured his left hand, but he was more okay than you?”

 

“What are you talking about, Mom?”

 

She sniffled. “After you were sent to the hospital, you were in a comatose state. It worried us so much since we don’t know what will happen forin the upcoming days. We were afraid that you’re not going to wake up anymore. And J-Junmyeon,” she wiped her tears. “Even with the unhealthy condition and a casted arm, he was there with you, staying and watching you over the whole time.”

 

Then tears starts to stream down, my heart starting to ache. “He was always there beside your bed, watching you, waiting for you to wake up.”

 

Mom lifted my face to wipe my tears. “Three weeks passed and you still didn’t wake up. When Junmyeon decided to leave you for a moment to take care of school matters that certain day, a few hours later you finally woke up. We thought everything will be finally okay, but we noticed something’s not right. You were silent, unable to speak. Since what happened is a very traumatic event, we thought that anytime soon you’re going to regain your senses back.”

 

She held my hand. “Junmyeon showed up that night, and he was more than happy to hear that you finally woke up. But when you saw him entering your room, you began screaming for help and was raging uncontrollably on your bed. You keep crying and crying, and it was then the doctor said that the shock brought by the accident is still haunting on you. When you calmed down and went to sleep, Junmyeon came in and was crying the whole night. When you woke up the next morning, you looked normal already. Junmyeon showed up so he could talk to you, but then again, you started screaming and crying again, and your condition got worst.”

 

“Why do you think is that happening? I really can’t remember a single thing.” I muttered in worry, touching my forehead.

 

“The doctor told us that you were experiencing a post-traumatic amnesia wherein you still had not got over to the last scenes before you got unconscious from the accident. Since it was Junmyeon whom you were with during those last moments, that’s why you would go outrage every time you see him. In a deeper scope, it was stated that your brain is trying to forget a painful and traumatic incidents so instead, your memoriesabout Junmyeon was all completely erased. Of course, you were able to know your name, and even me and your dad. You were able to remember those moments before high school and even your childhood. But when it comes to Junmyeon, you had forgotten all of him.”

 

Are those things even possible? At first, I really don’t want to believe it. But it was Mom who was telling me these things. I continued crying.

 

“But two years mom,” I emphasized, sobbing hard. “I-I can’t believe I was in an amnesia.”

 

She nodded, eyeing me in pity. “Yes, two years. We expected that you’re going to recover soon but two years already passed, and yet you still hadn’t remembered at thing.”

 

“Then why did he left!?” I d unto my Mom’s hand, my eyes b more tears.

 

“Since you would go outrage every time you see him, he decided to momentarily not see you. A few weeks passed and you eventually got better. Junmyeon tried to get closer to you after you left the hospital, hoping that if you would see him you’ll approach him and recognize him as your boyfriend, but you didn’t. You treated him like a stranger. He tried to talk to you, but he was afraid that he will shock you.” Mom exhaled, slightly looking up. “Junmyeon that time is encountering difficulties between you about ignoring him and his family about migrating to states. I can still remember what he said to me before he finally decided to leave, how he was regretting so much about not being able to say goodbye to you, how it was hurting him that you had forgotten him. That poor boy,” she cried.

 

Mom held my hand, looking directly at me. “Daeun-ah, he loved you so much. Junmyeon really cared for you. He was like a son to us. He said to me that it will be much better if he’ll leave for the hope that someday, you’re going to remember him. Seeing that you’re getting better from the accident, he said it was best if you’ll just continue to get better without remembering him. He didn’t want to push you to remember him, because you were more than fine if you didn’t. As your mother, I couldn’t do anything.” She continued to cry. “That night before his departure with his family, I allowed him to enter your room while you were asleep. He cried so much, feeling so sorry for you not being able to see him leave, not being able to hear you say something. It was very heart aching to see him crashing down and couldn’t do anything. I told him you are going to be alright and his last wish was to keep every item that has your memory with him and hide it from you. This is to avoid confusion about your condition. When he finally left the country, everything was like anew to the family, getting back to those feeling when Junmyeon was still not in our lives.”

 

I really don’t know what to say. Everything felt so surreal. I don’t know what question to ask first.

 

“Two years passed and it has been completely normal. I’ve decided to quit my job so I can always watch over you and since your Dad really wanted to build a shop. You were completely fine and healthy. I lost contact with the Kim family after a few months since they left but I know they’re living well in the states. This year, I didn’t expect that Junmyeon will be back and it was a complete coincidence that you two had met again, right in our shop.”

 

“You know that?” I asked shocked.

 

Mom nodded. “Junmyeon called the next day after discovering our new landline and informed me that he’s back in the country to pursue Fine Arts. But he was more surprised to see you in the shop. He thought you stopped attending school and was just working as a cashier.” She chuckled tiredly, “That boy, still haven’t changed. He’s still as silly as he is.”

 

“So you mean to tell me that you were constantly seeing each other for these past weeks? Without me knowing?”

 

She nodded honestly. “He said that if he was able to keep seeing you, as a new person without telling his past with you, you will slowly remember him. I told him that you were constantly getting dreams of this guy but can’t remember how he looked. We noticed you’re progressing and able to remember things bit by bit. It was a good sign, but I know you were struggling as you slowly remember everything, it was then you were starting to get confused. Am I right, Daeun?”

 

I nodded. That’s exactly what I was experiencing.

 

Mom pulled me for a hug and sobbed, “I’m so sorry, dear. It has been really hard on you.”

 

“Mom… It was Suho, I mean Junmyeon who has been in a hard time. I’m… I’m so sorry, I can’t remember him.”

 

She rubbed my back and after a minute, she loosened the hug and took my hand.

 

I looked at her in confusion, “Mom?”

 

She pulled out a shiny item and placed it on my palm. “I hope you can remember this one,” she smiled weakly.

 

I eyed the item and gasped, choking for an air, crying harder this time. It was the ring that was identical to Suho’s, seeing that butterfly pattern. I flipped the ring and found my name carved on it, my sight getting blurry with all these tears keep flowing out.

 

“J-Junmyeon­-ah,you’re not pathetic. I am the pathetic between us.” I cried and hugged my mother.“I-I’m so-sorry, I had forgotten.”