JIYONG’S STORY

GRANDMA

When the door to the study room opened into the dark room an hour after Seunghyun left, I was sitting on the cushioned shelf of the bay window, staring into the deep, black shadow of the garden.  When Seungri and I were kids, I used to find him curled up in this window seat almost every day, waiting for our father to come home and throw him a crumb of affection or even a single moment of attention. He was always disappointed and I was always outraged by our father’s coldness.

I’d never understood why Seungri kept leaving himself open to the pain of our father’s rejection. I had learned my lesson a lot earlier than Seungri will ever be. It didn’t matter how well I behaved, how many perfect papers I brought home from school, how many scores I managed to shoot during my basketball matches or how flawlessly I played at my piano recital, the almighty Kwon Hyunsuk barely noticed and rarely praised.

Our mother, Kwon Inhwa, the busiest socialite in Seoul, had been the same. When Seungri was born, I was almost three, but I still remembered thinking ‘why?’. They barely noticed the one child they had. Why bring another one into this family so that he can be raised by the servants? That was just too heartbreaking for me to swallow.

And sure enough, within a month after Seungri’s birth, our mother, Kwon Inhwa was back to organizing charity fund-raisers and meddling in the management of Wisteria Hotels and Resorts. Kwon Hyunsuk , the so called father, didn’t pause long between business appointments and golf games to notice the birth. Kwon Soomi, our grandma wasn’t always there for us too. Being the only surviving grandparent, she left to travel the world after the death of her husband. But even if she was here in Seoul, her presence wasn’t really felt because she wasn’t a demonstrative grandmother. Her love for us grew mountain inside her heart, but she never for once let that feeling shown.

So, I had made a point of spending a few minutes every day with Seungri. I was the one who’d coaxed him his first baby steps. I was the one who read books to him at night. I was the one who lullabied him to sleep if he had nightmares. I was the one who taught him how to color inside the lines; gave him his first piano lesson and taught him how to play basketball. And in return for that brotherly devotion, Seungri had stuck to me like a well-trained puppy. He’d looked for me for approval, for guidance, for comfort whenever Kwon Hyunsuk barked at him to get out of the window seat and go to his room. Before and after our parents’ death, if Seungri got in trouble, I was always there to pick up the pieces. If Seungri was unsure what to do, I was always there to make the decision for him.

That was the pattern of our relationship and I came to realize that it wasn’t a healthy one. Seungri needed to grow up, make his own decisions and take responsibilities for his actions. And that was why I’d sent him away to Thailand. That was why he was dead.

And that was why I had a hole inside my heart so big it couldn’t possibly heal. EVER!

“Jiyong?” The dark room was only lighted by the glow of the laptop on the desk. Grandma, standing just inside the door, looked uncharacteristically tentative. “Jiyong, are you in here?”

“Yes, grandma. I’m here.” I said without getting up.

“What on earth are you doing sitting in the dark?” I detected a concerning tone from her voice but I shrugged it.

“Just trying to ruin my eyes, grandma.”

She clucked her tongue the way she always did when she was amused and trying not to show it. “Was that meant to be cheeky?”

“Yes.”

“Well, kudos to you. You’ve succeeded.” Her amuse tone almost made me smile.

She moved to the desk and flicked on the old fashioned banker’s lamp. It bathed the surface of the desk in soft green light but it did nothing to banish the darkness.  It did let me to see that my grandmother had changed out of her black suit into a pair of white slacks and long-tailed silk blouse.

She looked softer than usual, almost fragile, in fact but still wearing an armor around her heart to protect herself. You’d never know by the looking that she’d lost someone she loved very deeply. Her grief had been confined tightly inside the cold storage and would only be taken out and examine in private. I, who knew her better than anyone, had not seen more than the tiniest glimpse of her pain, nor had I been allowed the opportunity to comfort her. Not that I would know how to do it as Seungri was always the demonstrative one in our tiny family.

It was always Seungri who would provide us with love and comfort whereas grandma and I would be the ones receiving them.

“Has everyone left?” I asked my grandmother.

“Yes. Yuri wanted to stay for the night but I threatened to cut her out of my will if she didn’t go home and stop fussing.”

Her words drew a smile on my face. “Oh, I’m sure that sent her flying right away.”

“You got that right. I never should have told her that I was gonna leave her the mansion in Si Do island. Now she’s convinced that if she up to me more, I’ll leave her everything.” She moved around the desk towards the glowing laptop screen. “Jiyong, you haven’t been trying to work, have you?”

“Not really. I was just trying to have a head start on some details that Seunghyun and I will have to work out before he goes back to Thailand.”

“But Seunghyun left an hour ago and you’re still here.” She looked at the screen and frowned thoughtfully. “Kim Taeyeon…”

“Isn’t she the girl that Seunghyun mentioned this morning?” She asked. “The one who organized the memorial service for the Thailand workers?”

“Yes. She’s one of our marketing executives there. Seungri hired her a year and a half ago after Chaerin transferred back to the Seoul branch.”

“And she came all the way back to Seoul for Seungri’s service?” She questioned, her voice laced with speculation. “Wasn’t Seunghyun supposed to bring her to the mansion?”

I stood up from the window seat and crossed to the desk. “She had other plans, I believe.”

She puckered her lips thoughtfully as she gave ground, moving towards one of the leather sofas. “Kim… Kim… Is she related to the Kim family, one of the biggest conglomerates in Seoul when it comes to fashion world? If she is, then Hyoyeon would surely be happy to know that her relative is back in Seoul. You know how she’s so busy with her fashion shows lately.”

Like most of the high society people in Seoul, Madam Kwon Soomi judged people by their family lineage. I didn’t know much about this Kim Taeyeon girl but from what little Seunghyun had told me, her pedigree wasn’t going to impress anyone, especially my own grandmother.

I reached for the keyboard and cleared the laptop screen. “She’s not related to Hyoyeon, grandma. Her family came from Jeonju.”

“Oh.” I was right. She wasn’t astonished clearly. “Why were you so interested in her file?”

I set myself comfortably on one of the leather sofas. “No reason, really. Seunghyun said she was quitting and I wanted to look at her credentials, her employee evaluations. She’s going to need references…”

My grandmother shook her head as she sat in the chair that Seunghyun had occupied earlier. “I know that it’s been a dreadful day. A devastating week I might add. But Jiyong, you’re usually a hell lot better when it comes to lying straight to my face.” She paused until my gaze met hers over the desk. “Now, mind telling me what is it that you’re trying so hard to keep as a secret from me?”

“Nothing.” I replied shortly.