Title: A One-Shot Entry
Pairing: KyuMin, other side pairings
Rating: PG

A One-Shot Entry

He finds his diary under his bed. It’s been a while since he last saw it. He notices that something has changed in it. And he did not see it until he opens it and starts to read.

***

“August 16, 2011

“Warning: If you read this, especially if you are Eunhyuk or Leeteuk or Donghae, your lives are surely at stake now. If you are one of the mentioned persons above, please back off. Right now. I’m watching you. Like seriously. Go away. As in. Please go away from this diary or else I’m going to call my Starcraft space warriors. Yes, I got a plenty of time to write this so... I’ll blow you away. NOW.”

“Dear Diary,

“It has been months, right? Well, I think I need to write something here again. I just found you a while ago from a not-so-secret place – under a bed.

“Well, I can’t say anything bad about Sungmin hyung – except that he is always degrading himself and letting himself down. He always loses confidence that I get irritated at times. It seems that I have to push him forward so that his confidence will boost up. But who am I but his terrible and evil dongsaeng? I have no say against my hyung. Contrary to what others think, Sungmin hyung does not really obey everything that I say. It’s the reverse of it. I obey the things he says to me. Maybe because it is what a dongsaeng has to do – to follow a hyung. Or maybe because I am scared of him, of what he can do to me and to himself. Or maybe... because I love him so much.

“During the fourth album promotions, he lost confidence of himself because of me. I could see that. Although he said that it was alright, I knew that he was somehow angry at me. I became one of the main dancers of Super Junior despite of me being one of the main vocalists as well. His fans became mad at me. But he didn’t. He said to me that it was fine for him. It was just that he lost his confidence. He lost his faith in himself. But... I had faith in him.

“Just after our second performance, I announced to the group that my ear needed a surgery – he became extremely, or if not mildly down. We won, yet he was standing behind others, and I needed to push him forward for him to be seen. He moved a little bit forward. I was still not convinced.

“And when I tried to make an excuse – to let my surgery be done in the promotions of Bonamana -  I thought he would be happy to get my part, especially when I told everyone to assign my part to him. He didn’t. Instead, he became sadder. During the No Other promotions, I wasn’t around much in the music video, although I was already well. Again, it was my excuse. He became a little happier, although he still was sad. During the performances, I would silently look at him and smile. He was able to be happy again. He really was able to smile again. I didn’t want him to see that I was looking at him, so I looked away, trying to turn my attention to something else. But despite that, it was still him who was in my mind that time.

“And then, the UFO replies. He thought that I didn’t like ChoLee couple. Maybe because I was clinging with others more than him. I just went back in performing that time, and he was still complaining that he did not do his best in doing my part in Bonamana. I became mad at him that I tried to get away from him. I wanted him to realize that I could always be with others – that I would not rely on him. Same to him – that he would not always look upon me and praising everything that I did.

“And just because of that, he answered the fan something like that? It was ridiculous. Overly ridiculous for someone like me who loves ChoLee couple very much. Could not he know that? Was he too blinded with my current popularity? We were okay back then! We were seriously okay during the third album promotions and Super Show 2. We looked like we’re real couple back then. But what is happening now?

“Anyway, during the earlier months of 2011, we became okay again. One night I confronted him and convinced him to tell me what he thought about me. And he said everything. I was glad that he put his trust in me. The rest of the Super Show 3 concerts were memorable for us both.

“Then he became a part of Super Junior M. He didn’t know how to speak Chinese, but he still said yes. I was wondering why he and Eunhyuk became part of Super Junior M despite of not knowing the language that well. I learned that Donghae and Siwon would also be promoting with us, however they would be frequently out for their drama filming. I thought that it was the reason why Sungmin and Eunhyuk were added.

“Despite of being with Zhoumi all the time – well, we were spending time with each other during the Super Girl promotions – I was there with Sungmin. Although Zhoumi and I were still standing next to each other, my mind was literally flying to Sungmin who was with Eunhyuk that time because Donghae wasn’t there. And then Ryeowook! And then Henry! His perfection could not be handled by those three. Meanwhile, I was forever stuck with Zhoumi thinking that if we became somehow closer, Sungmin would go back to me again. I was too full of myself, no?

“But he didn’t. I tried to make him jealous since he usually becomes jealous with Zhoumi. But it didn’t work! And then it turned out that I, the ever popular evil magnae Cho Kyuhyun, became the loser. I ended up confronting Sungmin hyung again, and told him that I never wanted to be close to him ever. I was a fool in telling him that, thinking that he would come into his senses and start being close to me again. But I was wrong. He continued to be close with Henry and Ryeowook and Eunhyuk! Can you believe it, diary? He ignored me! For the first time!

“The next day, we came to a recording studio and there, I was asked who for me was the perfect boyfriend among Super Junior M. I, of course, looked directly to where Sungmin was located, and he was so quiet. He was smiling out of the blue while swaying his body like a kid who was waiting to be called by me. No, I wouldn’t want to call him. He’s a perfect girlfriend. But the fans were insisting even though Hyukjae is blocking the way, I tried to glance at Sungmin again. Yeah, if I mentioned his name would he be happy enough? Nah! My pride was at stake. I should choose him though. He was still a perfect lover for me. So I answered Sungmin. The fans went wild and my heart went wild as well when Sungmin approached me and hugged me from behind. But because I could not help but to go away again because I might do something to him at that moment, I tried to ignore him, like what I did before. Perhaps it was my specialty – avoiding his hugs, his touches, his everything. Diary, what is wrong with me? Can you tell me what’s wrong with me? After that, he became quiet again.

“At night, Super Junior M went to the restaurant, and in that restaurant, Sungmin really tried to get drunk. He drank a lots of alcohol, and I tried to stop him. He stopped, but then he drank again. What a hard-headed hyung. Our manager asked us to go to another place, since Zhoumi, Henry and Ryeowook would go somewhere else to record for a radio show. Donghae and Siwon were filming drama that time. Because Sungmin was a bit dizzy I tried to sit beside him. And I placed my arms on his seat to support him. He was so drunk that he got a bowl instead of a drinking glass. And when he realized that he got the wrong thing, he acted like, “What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Where’s it? Where’s it?” while flapping his fingers. Then at last, he got the right one and asked for our manager to put some soju for him. He was hurrying that when I was being served with soju, he kept on tapping my hand to hurry up. So I tried to be patient as I looked at him. He was too drunk that Hyukjae and the manager was laughing at him. And there was he again, his aegyo. Then he whispered something to me which I didn’t even understand.

“Then we went home. He immediately fell asleep. I actually went with him in his room to support him, but he dropped himself on the bed already. And, without him knowing it, I kissed his forehead and whispered good night to him.

“The next day, we went to another filming. He was happy again. We played games, and as usual, the mighty Cho Kyuhyun would want to win. My group, to be exact, Zhoumi, was about to answer something, but it seemed that Sungmin knew the answer as well, so he prepared himself to answer, but then I smirked and tried to grab him and pull him so that Zhoumi could answer the question. Well, I was cherishing that moment. I did it on purpose.

“Then, we went to another filming. Games again. And as usual I grabbed the chance to cheat and to win. There was one time when Sungmin went away from me and made his way to Hyukjae so when the game started, I tried to grab Hyukjae away from Sungmin and pulled him to other side. He thought that I was cheating, and Sungmin was really clueless. I was just laughing and laughing while looking at the complaining monkey, as I took a glance at Sungmin who was at that time smiling. Then after sometime, karma got me and I tripped. Sungmin accidentally did it but then he checked  for my knee if I had a bruise or wound. Instead of being pissed off, I was actually smiling the whole time, that on another round I tried to pull Sungmin away.

“It was break time and Hyukjae showed me my video camera. Sungmin and I were laughing while talking to each other, while Eunhyuk was busy filming us, the other members and ELF. Then Sungmin called his attention and told him to take a picture of us. After a while, Eunhyuk was called by our stylist and he left the video camera to me. I started filming the other members. I started to film Ryeowook then Zhoumi and filmed him for a really long time. Then, I looked at Sungmin who was pouting at that time. So I grabbed that chance to film him without him knowing it as I giggled by myself.

“And oh! I forgot that time when he tried to grab my hand for the ending. I was pissed and jealous because Sungmin was with Henry and Ryeowook all throughout, so I pretended that I was ignoring him. Well, I really was but my heart was really... soft when it came to Sungmin. I held his hand, and not only that, I squeezed it to make him realize what I really felt. I was implying by then that I didn’t want him to be close to others. Then I intertwined my fingers to him. At that time, Ryeowook went over to Sungmin and held his hand, so I was a bit irritated. But my irritation was removed when they both bowed down when it was not yet time. I laughed and asked Sungmin why did they do that. He was clueless. Again. And those clueless eyes really were making me want to hold him again when he put my hand down. I tried to hold him again.

“During Super Junior M days, I really felt that I got closer to Sungmin and we really went back to 2009 when everything seemed to be alright between us. However, when we came back to Korea again, he started feeling down again, especially during our fifth album choreography practice. He was doing Jack the Ripper as well as Daniel, while I, was doing The Three Musketeers. During our practice, Jack the Ripper’s cast went to see us, and as a friendly competition, we had a game. And the casts of the both plays were really having fun. As usual, Sungmin and I were on different teams, and there came a time when both of us needed to compete with each other. Did you know the game that they played during Full House days? We played it. And as expected, Sungmin won against me. But I didn’t have any complains or anything. I just wanted Sungmin to smile like that. He smiled his brightest. And I loved him for that.

“We were able to take a photo together but of course I wanted it to be private so I just had a photo with him and other casts.

“The Three Musketeers and Jack the Ripper had the same date of performance, so did not have the chance to watch Sungmin’s Jack the Ripper on his first performance like what he did when I first performed The Three Musketeers as D’Artagnan. In contrary to what other said, only Ryeowook went. So when Sungmin went home, I promised him that I would watch his performance on the last day of the show. It was more special, I thought. I learned that he gave tickets to his family for the last day. And Sungmin gave tickets to Changmin, to Amber, and to me. Come to think of it, on the same date as his family! He said that it was alright because he knew that I had performance as well.

“After the show, I came with Changmin and Amber directly to the musical. During the break, Sungjin, his brother approached me and he talked to me. He was complete ignoring Changmin. So I tried to be decent enough and I talked to him. After that, he returned to his parents, and I watched the musical again.

“Time came when Sungmin was about to kiss the girl, so I tried to stop myself from going up there and grab him instead for a kiss. I remembered one time. It also happened to me before. I ranted about Sungmin’s kiss in President instead. I ranted that all he could do was to drink and to kiss. I would not mind him to drink, because he does it with me. But the kiss! He doesn’t do that with me! He even practiced with Jay hyung.

“I immediately went home with Changmin and Amber after the show. I did not wait for Sungmin because I heard that he would have a celebration party with the casts. And I was still upset about the kissing scene. I did not have the kissing scene but he had? What the hell was that? It was unfair!

“When he went home, he was drunk again. I was waiting for him and I tried to be cold to him and I ranted about the kissing scenes again. I was clearly teasing him but in the end I was the one being hurt. He got somehow used to my whines that he told me to stop.

“And he used that chance to reveal me what he thought about me, and he accidentally revealed that he was in love with me even before the third album. He told me that when he chose me as a group mate for the mini-drama, he knew that by that time he already had that unexplainable feeling towards me. And Ryeowook – he knew everything – so he tried to pair me up with Sungmin, which he immediately tried to decline. But in the end, I accepted. When I kissed him on the forehead, he was blushing the whole time, and everything which he acted was real. When he was hugging me, it was real. When he was with me, he was not acting at all. Diary, you could see the difference when I tried to ‘poison’ him. He was overacting that time. But during our scenes, it was natural. After the mini-drama, my accident happened and all I could think about was to recover. Sungmin was there, not because he was asked to be there but because he wanted to be there. Then I fully recovered. He told people in his radio that the greatest thing for him was to see me and for me to perform again with them.

“After that, I called to their radio. Sooyoung and Sungmin were intriguing me. Sungmin knew me very well – I was playing games. Then he told Sooyoung about Kyuhyun and Sungmin couple which I approved. I, by that time, was on the same line as Sungmin. I agreed to that couple. And when he told me that he loved me, I was sincere in telling that I loved him too.

“Then, I found time to guest in Sukira. I, by that time, dedicated a song to Sungmin. If It Were Me. I thought that he was in love with someone else that time, so I dedicated the song. When I came home, he told me that I did very well.

“Then during the second album. That time I started having the same feeling towards him. No... much stronger. Much better. Then, during the third album, I was sure that I wanted to be with him. Forever. Even when Super Junior separate ways, I wanted to stay with him forever.

“Then he stopped telling me everything. He immediately went to his bed and slept. I sighed as I watched him overnight. The next day, we would perform in M! Countdown.

“The day came fast and Sungmin woke up with a heavy head. He seemed to forget what he said last evening. Instead of being awkward, I tried to become as normal as possible. But I failed to do so. I felt really weird to think that Sungmin forgot everything that he said last night. And I was the one who told him about it again. He was shocked. He could not look at me directly so he just went to shower and went directly to M-Net’s place.

“We performed at M! Countdown. I teased Sungmin during the ending. I kicked him lightly, and then he went away from me. I didn’t know why I actually did that. As far as I knew, we bet that if we won, he would say everything that he said yesterday. Then we won. He was walking away from me. And I continued to again and again. He avoided me that he needed to sleep with Eunhyuk in his room.

“The next day, we performed at Music Bank and during the ending, he was with Eunhyuk! Boy, I’m jealous. I wanted to talk to him and tell him that I really wanted him not to avoid me, but my jealousy overcame me. I would want to tell him that I love him too. That since that day I want us to go in public, like what EunHae or HaeHyuk or whatever do. So during our Sukira guesting, I forced the PD to let me sit beside Sungmin, and they approved it. Sungmin was overly awkward. But when it was necessary, he would talk to me. I would, of course, use the chance to get closer and closer and closer and closer as I could possibly get. It also happened during ShimShimTaPa.

“During the DMZ Peace Concert, I was the one who wanted to hold hands with him. But maybe he really held the microphone on his right hand so that he would not be able to hold my hand.

“So now diary, how can I tell him how much I love him?

“Oh, yeah, that’s my only question. Darn it. After almost three hours of writing these stuffs that I remember about us, that’s my only question. Please tell me how can I make it up to him? Will a kiss be enough? I already stole kisses before whenever he’s asleep and whenever I felt like doing it. Please diary, tell Sungmin everything. If I don’t have the courage to do so at least, tell this to him.

“Diary, I really enjoy writing in someone else’s diary. I think I have to maintain one for myself. And this is not to piss this person off. I just want to tell him what I feel.

“Sincerely loving Sungmin, Cho Kyuhyun.

“P.S. Sungmin hyung don’t be mad if I write on your diary without permission.”

***

“CHO KYUHYUN!” Sungmin shouts as he closes his diary and looks at the sleeping Kyuhyun on the other bed. Instead of waking up, the younger just moans. Sungmin can’t help it any longer. He bursts in tears and hugs Kyuhyun from his back. He holds his hands and presses them firmly.

“And I love you too, Lee Sungmin.”