My heart is a cold air

There are so many things that cannot be spoken

I’m just a stranger in front of you

I turn my head cause it hurts

My poor love that is full of scars

Even if it tries to hide, it’s in the same spot

Along this road that is made out of your tears

I walk again alone

Since my world is distant every day

I can’t look after the small heart

Step by step to my eternity

I walk alone in silence

Kai.

Today was a bad day.

"You're fired."

"Please give me another chance!" The man pleaded.

"The first time already proved everything, theres no such thing as second chance. Theres no room for mistakes"

"Please I have a family to feed! Don’t you have a heart?" The man got on his knees and pulled on my leg.

I pulled my leg away from his grasp, turn around and left him. He was causing a scene.

"Ya, Jongin. Wasn't that a little harsh?" Baekhyun quietly whispered following me to the parking lot.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Today was giving me a headache. It was already the end of the day and too many things happened.

I waved goodbye to him and got in my car.

Harsh?

That man will find another job. If he cared for his family so much then he will.

Do I have a heart?

I do. It’s only function is to pump blood through my body, to keep me alive. But to feel? I haven’t felt something in a while. My heart wasn’t used to feel. The skin was used to touch and feel.

I decided I needed a drink. I stopped at a liquor store for pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes. I needed to relax, no time to waste for useless thoughts.

As I got in the elevator to my apartment I decided to go smoke in the rooftops instead. I needed some air, and didn't want my apartment to smell like smoke either.

I found myself going up the flights of stairs carrying my beer and cigarettes. I opened the door and found her there.

Debating whether or not to leave, I decided to stay. Lighting a cigarette,  I approached her.

She looked at me to acknowledge my presence but looked straight back at the horizon again.

We stayed quiet. I knew she didn't like the smoke, I sighed and I threw it on the floor and stepped on it.

I wanted to ask her a lot of things. If she felt better, If she was still sick but I could sense that something else was wrong.

"Bad day?"

She nodded.

"Do you want to drink?" I lifted the plastic bag.

We sat there drinking. The cold wind howling in our ears but the alcohol made our bodies warm.

She looked pretty drunk and I had more than enough as well. Crushed beer cans laid at our feet.

“Do you believe in love?”

I looked at her. Slightly taken aback by her question.

“I lost every reason to feel that emotion a long time ago.”

She smiled.  For some bizarre twisted reason, I knew she knew how I felt.

I could tell she was really drunk, but I opened another can of beer and handed it to her. She needed it.

"It's because it hurted so much when it left, now we can't feel anything. It hurt so much I...I wanted to die." She pounded her chest.

True. I drank the beer and let it burn my throat a little.

"Will you ever accept it when it comes back?"

"No."

I looked at her. Is this why she was like this? She was so fragile, she looked worse than when I first saw her. She was too skinny now, her color gone. I felt empathy for her and anger for the person that made her like this.

I wanted to tell her I know how agonizing it felt. How bitter I’ve become, how I have nothing to live for.

I knew I shouldn't have opened up to a stranger but the alcohol in my system made my thoughts fuzzy.

She was drunk. Half awake, half asleep.

"I was a good person once... but that only caused me sadness." I wanted to tell her but I noticed she had fallen asleep.

How could love be cruel and do this to a person. "Don't go back to him Sena. You'll only get hurt even more. Theres no such thing as second chance for people like us. It will only take what's left of you until you have nothing left."

I picked up our empty cans.

Half conscious I let her lean on me as we walked back down to our apartment floor, my arm supporting her.  Once in awhile she would lean closer and her hair would brush on my face and I would smell lavender.

"Sena." I patted her cheeks trying to wake her up but it was no use. I sighed. I picked her up and took her inside my apartment. I placed her gently on the couch and put a blanket on her.

What do people like us do now. Some of us die from the pain, some of us continue our lives.

Other people see us smile, they think we are okay. But after all we’ve gone through we will never be the same. We can’t let another close enough to hurt us. We can’t afford to lose everything again. We live because we are told to, but inside we are dying. We continue to be strong but we fall apart at night, while the whole city sleeps we stay awake and relive those memories.

Sometimes I see that woman's face, but why was she smiling? People like them don’t deserve to smile.

I could remember seeing myself so weak. I had to shed everything so I could start over.

These eyes don’t cry anymore.

This man only lives for himself.

So do I have a heart?

I do. But now I can’t feel anything.

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Was this chapter kinda short? 

I hope you still liked it though!

Let me know what you think~ 

<3