Tao was woken the next day by his phone buzzing. He groggily reached out and read the name on the display.  Kris. Hating his morning voice, and not feeling in the mood for listening to Kris’ overprotectiveness and concerns, Tao decided to let it ring. When the phone once again was silent, he typed a short message.

To: Kris

Goodmorning ge. I am still alive, please don’t worry. I haven’t found what I was looking for, am still searching. Don’t expect me home too soon. Tao.

He knew he wasn’t being fair, after all, Kris truly cared for him. But he didn’t want to deal with how much he actually cared for him right now, he liked for once not having to worry about hurting Kris.

Reluctantly, Tao dragged himself out of bed. He pulled the curtains to the side, revealing a cool, grey sky. He thought it was good that it wasn’t extremely hot or sunny if he had to spend another day walking around town. Today, he wanted to find Baekhyun.

It was noon, and Tao had been to the city's municipal center to ask for the address of Byun Baekhyun, but had been denied the information. Walking aimlessly down the street, he could think of only one other option. Calling Minseok.

Minseok had just gotten up, so much was clear. His voice was heavy with sleep but as always, he sounded happy to hear from Tao. “I had a night shift last night… nothing much happened, but it’s still exhausting as heck. Anyway, what did you want to ask?"

“I just wanted to know if you by any chance knew whereabout Baekhyun lives. Or used to live. I didn’t get much help at the town hall."

“Ah. Let me just think for a minute.” The other end of the line went silent for a good minute, then Minseok hummed as to indicate that he was done thinking. “I think he used to live downtown, in one of those social improvement projects… Don’t know if he still lives there, but you could try going there. I’m leaving for work in an hour, and you might not be able to catch me before evening then, but good luck finding him."

Minseok told Tao the location of the apartment blocks he was talking about, and Tao wrote it down carefully. Not knowing if it was far or close, Tao opted for a cab.

The driver looked curiously at Tao when he told him his destination, but thankfully didn’t ask. The ride was about 15 minutes - taking a cab turned out to be a good idea, as it started raining halfway there. When they arrived, Tao paid the driver, exchanged what was probably his third word with him and then exited the cab.

The buildings were grey and all kinds of sad and lifeless to look at. There were four blocks, each a couple of hundred meters wide and with about seven or eight levels. Tao sighed. He just had to start at the first block and work his way through.

The first block had eight different entryways, Tao counted. At each entryway, around 10 names were listed. Some of the names were missing, and some of them Tao couldn’t decipher. He prayed and hoped that none of them were Baekhyun's.

At the fifth entryway of the third block, Tao finally read the name Byun and let out a relieved breath. The apartment was on the sixth floor. Tao breathed in and pressed the buzzer.

“Byun’s, who is it?” a hoarse, characteristic voice sounded.

“This is Huang Zitao. I am here to see Byun Baekhyun."

A moment passed. “Come on up.” A buzz sounded, and Tao pressed the door open. He walked to the sixth floor wondering what he was going to say to Baekhyun, and how he would be. Right now he just felt really content that he had actually found Baekhyun, like he was finally about to collect one of the missing pieces of his past self.

He knocked on the door and waited. One minute. Two minutes. Then he heard shuffling inside, and the door swung open to reveal a boy about half a head lower than Tao, but a few years older judging by the worn look on his face. Tao was rendered speechless as he took in the boy. His skin seemed to be glowing, almost sickly pale. His eyes were large and feminine, mouth semi-full and rose. His hair was carelessly messy and curly. Worn-out jeans and a T-shirt that was shredded at the seams gave off his financial state. Tao thought he looked perfect. Perfectly broken.

“T…Tao?” The boy spoke after a while, voice still rough, but endlessly sweet. Tao thought it was melodic.

“Are you Byun Baekhyun?” Tao asked. He thought he knew the answer, even if he couldn’t match up this broken but beautiful boy with his mental image of his old friend.

“Yes. It’s… been a while.” Baekhyun spoke unsurely.

“You remember me?"

”Yes, I remember you. You were the first one to leave.” Baekhyun looked down at his hands, as if uninterested in Tao.

“The first one?” Tao asked, puzzled.

“You left without saying anything. Chanyeol did say something before he left but it didn’t... change anything.” Baekhyun looked back up at Tao.

“I’m sorry but I… have things to do. Bye, Tao.” Baekhyun continued. Tao didn’t even get to say bye before he was staring at a closed door. He started to feel cold, standing before the door as he actually processed what Baekhyun said. He really wanted to knock and demand an explanation but he thought he had seen Baekhyun’s eyes getting shine wet as he closed the door, which made him think twice. He didn’t know what this feeling was, but he desperately wanted to see Baekhyun more. Even so, he thought, maybe it would be best to leave Baekhyun alone for now.

Back on the street, Tao still couldn’t quite comprehend the meaning of this much too short meeting. Every ten seconds he decided to turn around and run back, without ever actually doing it. He supposed that even if how he felt about Baekhyun hadn't changed since he left, maybe Baekhyun did not want anything to do with him. Hell, Tao wasn’t even sure how he felt about Baekhyun. He just wanted to see him again, that was all. He obviously couldn’t do that right now, so he decided to put his mind to work on something else. He had almost forgotten that his father had a cousin, until Minseok mentioned him the other day. Joonmyun. Tao couldn’t recall ever meeting him.

Remembering that Minseok was probably working, Tao decided to text him for info on this long lost cousin. As he waited for Minseok to respond, he entered a café and ordered a cup of coffee.

The café was nice, but the interior seemed kind of artificial. It was supposed to create a cozy atmosphere, but it ended up seeming fake and cold. Tao took a seat in a booth, mind wandering back to Baekhyun.

He had said Chanyeol had left him. And he had spoken of Tao and Chanyeol as if they had both hurt him deeply by leaving. The difference would be that Tao couldn’t help leaving. He wanted to explain that to Baekhyun, to make sure that Baekhyun knew that he had wanted to stay. He wouldn't beg for forgiveness, but try to earn it. As he thought of going back, he started wondering why this seemed so important to him. Many childhood friends grow apart with time, why did he feel like he needed to claim Baekhyun as his friend again?

His thoughts were interrupted as he caught sight of a tall, lean man in the bar. He seemed familiar, and had been looking at Tao just a moment earlier, thus catching his attention. Tao didn’t get to see his face clearly, he had turned his head just as Tao looked up. Tao shivered involuntarily. What was it about strangers that bothered him?

At that moment, his phone buzzed. He read Minseok’s reply and headed out of the café, intent on finding a cab to take him to his next destination. Joonmyun’s house.

The cab ride ended in an expensive-looking neighborhood. The villas were all twice the size of Tao’s family’s old house, and the gardens were extremely well-kept with exotic flowers and symmetrical trees. Sports cars flooded the driveways and Tao felt oddly small walking up to the veranda of a house that had the number 456 and the names Kim Joonmyun, Kim Sooyun and Kim Jongin written directly beneath it.

Tao knocked on the door. Shortly after, it opened. A dark-skinned boy, looking to be younger than Tao, stepped forward. His voice was deep when he spoke.

“Hello. I am Jongin, how may I help you?” The boy seemed oddly formal.

“My name is Huang Zitao. I am the son of Huang Jun and Huang Yan. Kim Joonmyun is the cousin of my father, and I came here to talk to him.”

“Then we are grand cousins. Joonmyun is my father. Please come in.” The handsome boy’s face brightened in a polite smile as he showed Tao the way to the living room.

Each room was heavily decorated with bouquets of flowers in ancient looking vases and pictures and paintings, the frames of which tinted with gold and silver.

“My dad is in his working space. If you would just wait here, I will go get him. Make yourself at home.” Jongin said before leaving Tao in the huge sitting area. There were three long couches and a bunch of armchairs, all of which looked incredibly soft. Tao decided he’d rather stand, not quite feeling at home in these magnificent surroundings.

“Tao! It’s been so long, my boy.” Joonmyun entered the room, wearing a business-like smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Please, sit down.” Joonmyun took a seat in an armchair, and Tao chose the one closest to him. Jongin stood behind Joonmyun, hands resting on the back of the chair. The polite smile was still fixed on his face as he stared into the air, seemingly not thinking too hard about anything. As Tao watched the two strange men he couldn’t believe he was related to them.

“I was wondering when you’d return. Oh, I’ve felt so horrible, not being able to attend the funeral and all, but I had some extremely pressing work to do.” Joonmyun rambled, attempting a sympathetic tone but failing horribly. “How are things going with your education?”

Tao wondered if he even knew what he had been studying, but didn’t really care. “I dropped out. I had to go back here to set some things right.” With that, Joonmyun’s expression changed. He didn’t look shocked, but speculative.

“I see. What things are you talking about, exactly?” Joonmyun’s brows furrowed.

“I wanted to find out why we moved.” Tao didn’t see the point of hiding his intentions. The way these people acted, he would have to be very specific if he wanted anything from them. “I don’t believe it was because of my father’s work.”

Joonmyun wore a look of deep concentration. He spoke carefully, tone almost challenging. “Why then do you think they left?”

“I don’t know. I hoped you could help me find out.”

In an almost absurd transformation,  Joonmyun’s expression changed back to the exhilarated, polite business-man. “I don’t think I can, sadly. All I was told was that your father had gotten a new job or something that required him to move.”

Tao thought for a minute. “Well, that’s what everybody I’ve spoken to has said.”

“And it appears to be the truth. I’m sorry, but seeing as I can’t really provide you the answer you want to hear, and I am quite busy, I will have to bid you farewell. Do come back if you have time before you leave.”

Tao didn’t say anything about leaving. As Jongin walked him to the door and they both bowed, Tao doubted he would come back.

Walking away from the house, Tao wondered what his next move should be. In the few days he’d been here, he had not come any closer to the truth he was sure was hiding somewhere in this city. He knew something was odd, so much had been confirmed. Especially this latest meeting with Joonmyun left him feeling like something wasn’t being said. Tao felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and fished it out to check it.

From: Sehun.

Hey Tao~! I was wondering if you wanted to come by and have dinner today? My Dad says it’ll be nice with some extra company, both for you and for us. Just text me if you’re coming, you don’t have to answer if you’re busy. Looking forward to seeing you~! xoxo Sehun.

Tao felt instantly bad about his demeanor the day before. Sehun had been eager to prove his interest in becoming Tao’s friend, and Tao hadn’t even found the courage to politely dismiss the offer. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Sehun as his friend. Tao just knew that Sehun would gain nothing from this friendship. Tao was awkward and socially underdeveloped and shy, Sehun didn’t deserve the trouble.

Even then, he was hungry and for once didn’t really want to be alone. He quickly texted Sehun back and called for a cab.

“Hey Tao! So glad you came. My dad’s not home yet, but he’ll be here in ten. Come in!” Tao continued to be amazed by the energy the small boy seemed to hold inside him at all times. He even smiled a bit at the sight of the over-eager Sehun, pulling him into the house by his wrist.

“We can go to my room and watch TV while we wait. Or just talk if you’d like?”

“Uhm ok, let’s.”

Tao thankfully didn’t feel as awkward around Sehun as he had the first time they were alone in a room together. With the television making soothing background noises and Sehun’s absent expression,Tao found it surprisingly easy to relax. Sehun was kind of cute. Every few minutes, he stuck out his tongue, his lips for no apparent reason. Tao sat in Sehun’s bed and thought of the state of his life. He didn’t notice when Sehun turned his head from the TV to watch Tao instead.

“What are you thinking about?” the puppy-like boy demanded.

“Just… my life. One year ago, I had not been able to foresee this day. I didn’t even think that much about my past before my parent’s passed away. I don’t know why it became such a huge deal suddenly. Now, both my past and my future is a mess and I don’t know what my next step should be.”

Sehun reached out to take Tao’s hand, and he found the strength not to pull away.

“Even if you’re really confused right now, I think you’re doing the right thing. Your past is a big part of you, and you need to know yourself to know what you want in life. I didn’t really know what I wanted either for a long time, but because I kept moving forward even when it was hard, I eventually learnt enough about myself to know what I want. Even if it’ll be hard to achieve, and if other’s don’t really understand.” Sehun's gaze was becoming intense as they heard the front door open and close. “That’s my Dad. We usually cook together. You can help or watch, up to you really.” Sehun offered as he got up to turn off the TV and walk downstairs.

Tao decided on watching. He did, after all, like his distance, and in a kitchen with two other people, there was bound to be a lot of bumping into one another.

The smell of food spread through the house in no time, and Tao’s stomach rumbled hungrily. Sehun chuckled and Luhan smiled. They talked about the past day, occasionally directing comments or questions at Tao, and Tao responded as well as he could.

The food really did look delicious as Sehun served it for Tao, Luhan and himself. The conversation continued as they were eating, and even if Tao didn’t really like talking while he ate, he couldn’t shrug off the content feeling in his body. He felt closer to being okay than he had been in a long time, realizing how much he’d missed family times like these. They’d been few even when his parents were alive, what with his father being a busy man. But when his family had been all together, Tao always felt full of love for life.

Tao had become rather silent, taking in the experience. “Are you enjoying the meal, Tao?” Luhan asked.

“Yes, it’s very delicious. Thank you for letting me eat with you. I appreciate it very much.” The words didn’t feel sufficient.

“It’s no problem, Tao. Sehun and I always have a good time eating together, but I should like to think the merriness is only increased with a guest. Especially one like you, Sehun is very fond of you.” Luhan explained, oblivious to Sehun’s blush.

Tao felt himself blushing as well, but, luckily, Luhan had turned his attention back to his plate. They finished in silence, and when they’d cleaned up, Sehun asked Tao if he wanted to come back with him to his room. Since it wasn’t really late, Tao agreed. He wanted to become better at this social interaction thing, and besides, he enjoyed spending time with Sehun.

Tao resumed his seat in Sehun’s bed, expecting Sehun to resume his in the chair. But Sehun sat down next to Tao when he’d the TV. Zapping through the channels to find something interesting, Sehun didn’t notice Tao inching away, pressing himself towards the wall.

Tao mentally smacked himself for being so afraid of contact, but he couldn’t help it. It was a reflex. Hopefully, Sehun wouldn’t notice how uneasy he truly was.

Sehun settled on some kind of variety show. Celebrities were quizzing on all kinds of matters, Tao didn’t really care. A large part of his attention was fixed on the space between him and Sehun - or the lack of the same. Finally, Sehun looked at Tao. Tao did his best not to look uncomfortable, but, pressed against his wall, he guessed it must have been kind of obvious.

“Do you want me to move away?” Sehun looked concerned and - hurt?

“No, it’s fine I’m just- not good with uh, being close to people. Don’t worry.” Tao regretted his words as Sehun actually moved closer. Their thighs were almost touching now.

“You know how they say practice makes perfect?” Sehun smirked and turned his attention back to the television.

Tao took a few deep breaths, trying not to breathe too loudly, and frantically attempting not to panick. Relax, he told himself. Sehun is a great guy. He’s not a bad guy, he won’t hurt you, he won’t hurt you, he won’t-

Tao’s mind screamed “RUN!” and “ABORT MISSION!” as he felt Sehun’s hand settle on his thigh. He looked at Sehun, who was still mindlessly enjoying the ridiculous television program. Without a care in the world, mouth slightly agape, this beautiful boy sitting next to him was oblivious to the trouble he caused. Somewhere, from looking at Sehun and thinking of how kind he had been to him, Tao found the strength to relax. Still pressed against the wall, Tao felt himself sinking deeper into the bed as he breathed carefully.

Sehun turned to look at Tao, and suddenly put on a serious expression. Something was on his mind by the way his eyebrows seemed to raise slightly.

“Tao.”  He simply said.

“I’m really happy I met you. I really want you to find what you’re looking for, and I wish I could help you. I really do.” The words seemed to pain him. Then, out of nowhere, Sehun leaned in to hug Tao. The hug was awkward, Tao leaning away and Sehun’s body spread over his, but Sehun didn’t seem to mind. Tao tried to raise himself, to sit more upright, and Sehun pulled away briefly at the movement, though keeping his face only a few inches from Tao’s.

“I really like you.” And with that, he pressed his soft lips against Tao’s, who only gasped in response.

A/N: I don't know what this is. I feel like I should be writing a k-drama with this kind of ending. But it was getting long so I cut it off. There you have him, Baekhyun.