A few months after the move

“Mum, do you think it would be okay if I sent Baekhyun or Chanyeol a letter? I miss them and they told me to write when I got here.” Tao approached his mother warily. Any mention of anything related to their old home had her jumping and yelling lately. But surely she wouldn’t get mad at him for wanting to keep in touch with his friends, just until he made new ones? His mother stiffened by the kitchen table, but as she turned to him, she managed a smile and when she spoke, her voice was as soft as ever.

“Darling, we don’t have their addresses. It’s too bad we had to leave so suddenly so you couldn’t write them down, but I think it’s for the best if you just forget about them. You can make new friends here. Don’t worry about them, they still have each other, right?”

Tao cried silently as he sat sleeplessly in bed and thought of his old home that night. He assumed he was just feeling sad because he missed his friends. That, eventually, he would get over it.

Nine years later

Pulling up in front of a decent-looking hotel and exiting the car, Tao noticed that it had gotten quite windy. He found and pulled on a sweatshirt before grabbing the two bags in the car and entering the square, off-white building.

The receptionist was a low, dark-haired man with doe eyes and a full mouth. Tao had a hard time estimating his age, and gave up quickly, partly because he lost interest. Tao thought he saw the man’s already big eyes widen as he caught sight of the taller male.

“Good evening sir! Welcome to Dio Hotel. My name is Do Kyungsoo, how may I help you?” The man kindly said, gesturing for Tao to come closer to his desk, eyes still wide open, but mouth all smiles.

“I need a single room… I don’t know for how many nights, but I’ll start with 2.” Tao stared at the wall behind the smaller man, despite the latter’s attempts at staring straight into Tao’s soul.

“Alright, and do you wish to include breakfast?” The small man scribbled something in a black book and looked back up at Tao.

“No thanks.” Tao stiffly responded, still exclusively flirting with the wall.

An awkward silence ensued, as Tao felt like the strange man was contemplating saying something, but finally, he shrugged off his puzzled expression. 

“Alright, here’s you key. Your room number's 85, it’s down that hallway there. Dial 123 on the phone in your room if you need anything and I’ll be right there. Goodnight, sir.”

Tao mumbled a barely audible ‘goodnight’ as he turned, grabbed his bags in one hand, the key in his other and feeling the smaller man’s gaze on his back as he left the lounge. He made a mental note for himself to find a new hotel the next day.

As he entered the room, he was pleased to see that the hotel at least had higher standards than the motel he had stayed at the previous night. Dropping off his bags on a chair, Tao when to the bathroom to wash himself before undressing. When he placed his phone on the bed table, not bothering to restrict his resting with an alarm for the next morning, he remembered that he still had not answered Kris. But as he slipped beneath the covers, placing his body on the delightfully soft bed, Tao felt genuinely exhausted from driving for two days, not bothering to fight the fatigue that won him over as he closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

Tao woke early the next morning, feeling well-rested. He wasn’t used to getting up early, but in the hopes of avoiding the creepy hotel manager, he got dressed and headed out.

As he opened the door to the reception, he saw the strange man sitting at his desk anyway. Supposing it couldn’t hurt to ask, and he really needed to find somewhere to eat, he approached the man, who looked up at him with an almost scarily happy smile.

“Hey, uh, do you know any nice places to get breakfast?” Tao didn’t know why he was nervous. He wasn’t asking the guy out or anything.

“Why yes!” The receptionist exclaimed, Tao wincing at the overdone enthusiasm. “There’s a breakfast/brunch bar just a few hundred minutes' walk down the street.” The small man pointed a short finger in the direction he was talking about.

Tao went to the restaurant. They served some of the best scrambled eggs he had ever had, and for a moment, Tao felt ambivalent towards the hotel manager. Thankfulness towards strangers was to be avoided - any kind of feelings towards stranger should, anyway. Though he supposed as long as it was not the man himself who was cooking Tao breakfast, he didn’t actually owe him anything.

When Tao returned to the hotel, the manager was still there. Tao wondered if he ever left, and sent a nod in his direction as he walked towards the hallway. He got to his room, grabbed a pair of sunglasses - the sun had been bothering him outside, his keys and some pictures of his parents' old house that he had brought, before he returned to the reception.

“Sir, may I ask why you have returned to this city?” The small manager beamed at him as he walked past making Tao feel uneasy. Tao stopped, turned slowly as he considered his answer. Why did he come back?

“I uh, I came here to investigate my background.” Tao answered before he realized what the man had said. "Wait, what do you mean by return? Do I know you?" 

“Oh no, probably not. I just thought I recognized you, but we have many guests so I must have mistaken you for someone else.” Tao thought this was weird. The manager knew his name, after all. How could he mistake him?

“Uhm, well, we- I haven’t been here since me and my parents moved 9 years ago. I don’t remember the people we used to know here.” Tao explained.

“Oh, didn’t your parents want to come with you?”

Tao froze. This man was curious in more than one sense.

“They died a couple of months ago. Car accident. There were a lot of things I never got to ask them and I came back here because I had a feeling I’d find answers here. After all, I spent half my life here.”

Tao didn’t know where the word vomit came from. He had wanted to try to avoid involving other people in his quest, but it felt good to let it out.

The manager looked as though he was deep in thought, focusing on some point on his desk, and Tao thought maybe he hadn’t been listening after all.

Finally, the man looked back up at Tao, fixing his smile that had been absent while he was thinking, so he looked as painfully friendly as ever.

“I’m sorry to hear about your parents. I hope you find the answers you seek.”

The answer sounded odd and kind of automatic, but the manager was smiling, for once with his mouth closed, looking almost human. It convinced Tao that his words were sincere.

Finding the street he used to live on proved a tougher job than he thought. He had the old pictures with him, but they portrayed mainly the house and did not reveal much about the location. The neighboring houses in the pictures were of the same style, and he remembered the endless lanes of similar houses only too well.

Having searched through two quarters of the city, the afternoon crept up on Tao. The sun settled lower in the sky and he realized he was kind of hungry. He made a deal with his rumbling stomach to stop at the next café he saw.

As he munched through his late lunch, he contemplated asking some of the inhabitants of the city for help. He did not like speaking to strangers, but he also didn’t want to spend much more time walking around clueless. He turned to look around for friendly-looking strangers in the other booths and set his eyes on a small red-headed man who looked pleasant enough. Tao up his nervousness and walked to his booth.

“Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me?”

The small man looked up, smiled and nodded; mouth full of food. Tao felt rude for interrupting him, but the man only gestured for him to sit down.

“My name is Huang Zitao. I am looking for something.”

The redheaded man raised both brows at the mention of Tao’s name, swallowed and cleared his throat before introducing himself. “I’m Kim Minseok. Are you the son of Huang Jun and Huang Yan?”

“Y-yes,” Tao stuttered, not expecting to be recognized. “You knew my parents?” 

Minseok smiled warmly at Tao and nodded slowly. “Yes, and the last time I saw you, you were a toddler. You’ve outgrown that, I see.” Minseok chuckled.

“You know, your father’s cousin, Joonmyun, still lives here. You should visit him. How are your parents these days?” Minseok said when Tao didn’t speak.

It was the second time Tao had to tell someone this day, but it wasn’t getting easier. This time, the person opposite him had actually known his parents, and it only made the words harder to find. Tao swallowed harshly.

“They passed away four months ago. Car crash.”

Tao struggled, not sure what more to say. The silence that followed was painful, and Tao looked down, overwhelmed by sorrow. He didn't want people to see him like this, but he couldn't help it when he remembered how much he missed his parents. As he found the courage to look up again, no doubt visibly red eyes from holding back tears, he tried to pull a brave expression. He did not want pity.

“Oh Tao… I’m so sorry. Jun and Yan were some of the warmest people I’ve known, it is unfair for them to be taken away from you so early. Much too early. If I can help in any way… you said you were looking for something?”

Minseok did look eager to help. Tao pulled the pictures from his pocket and slid them over the table towards Minseok. “I wanted to see our old house but I couldn’t find the address. These pictures were practically the only physical reminder that we ever lived here I was able to find in my parents’ house.” Tao cleared his throat, voice faltering.

“Oh. I guess your parents did that job of cutting all strings really well. It must’ve been hard, they always spoke so fondly of this place… but I guess it was necessary.” Minseok spoke as he looked at the pictures, the memories coming to him at the sight of the familiar house. When he looked up he gasped, almost as though he had forgotten Tao’s presence. Tao wondered what he meant, why had it been necessary?

“I know where the house is. I can take you. I’ll drop you off there before I return to my office.” Minseok raised his hand, gesturing for a waiter to come with the check.

“That’s very nice of you, but you could just tell me where it is. You don’t need to go out of your way to help me.” Tao didn’t like strangers, and much less getting in cars with strangers. Tao shivered at the thought as Minseok paid for his meal.

“It’s a short ride, it’s nearby, and so is my work. Trust me, it’s not a detour.” Minseok smiled reassuringly at Tao as he got up. Tao followed him out into the street. Tao could feel himself starting to sweat. He told himself he was foolish, that he could not be hurt by a man smaller than himself. Besides, he knew Tao’s parents. At least he knew their names, and Tao was desperate to get to know more of his past. Minseok gestured for Tao to take the passenger seat as he got in a dark, green station car. At least it wasn’t a van, Tao found himself thinking.

The ride was short, and Tao had been too focused on not panicking that he didn’t get to ask Minseok anything. Minseok pulled over in a nice neighborhood full of trees and Tao already felt the weight of his past pushing on his chest. He thought he recognized that specific lane. He looked to Minseok, who was fiddling in with some sort of card.

“Here’s my number. Call me anytime, if you need anything, ok?” Minseok placed the card in Tao’s hard, and Tao shivered involuntarily at the sudden contact. Luckily, Minseok didn't seem to notice.

“I was wondering… If you knew my parents back then- they never talked about the time when we lived here, and there are so many things I wanted to ask them…”

"I’d like to tell you about their time here, if you want. I working today and tomorrow, but you can call me in the evening if you want. We could meet up and talk?” Minseok offered. Tao was overwhelmed by his friendliness and the promise of getting to know more of his past, he was almost able to suppress his fear.

“Thank you.” He muttered, not knowing the words to sufficiently express his gratitude towards this stranger whom he barely knew.

“Good luck.” Minseok wished Tao as he exited the car, knees wobbly and unreliable. As the car drove away, Tao forced himself to gather confidence and walk straight.

The walk down the familiar lane was unlike anything Tao had ever experienced. He started remembering so many things he thought he’d forgotten. He felt like he was going home, but like a stranger nonetheless. He didn’t know any of the people who lived here. It was like he had been travelling in time and the place hadn’t changed at all, but the people were all new and unfamiliar to him.

He looked at the numbers. He was standing in front of 59, and the house in his pictures had 61 written on it. He felt the anticipation making his head fuzzy, yet his legs continued walking forward determinedly. He felt ready, but at the same time he felt like he needed to think this through before going on. His mind was in chaos, so he decided to just go on with it, no more thinking.

Actually seeing his old home had multiple effects on him. He felt content, like he had returned to the place he belonged. He felt sad, because he did not have his parents with him, and no matter what he did, his image of ‘home’ had their faces plastered all over it. He felt nervous, because he didn’t know what he would find behind the walls, and whether if it would be positive or negative. He felt curious, because he felt the truth was within his grasp.

All of these feelings made it too hard to thinkg and he got to the door faster than he liked. He knocked (it felt strange, knocking on the door to his home) before he had thought of what to say to whomever would be opening the door.

“Hello. How can I help you?” A boy, about the same age as Tao, but slightly lower, opened the door and flashed a smile. He had dark, ruffled hair and looked kind of like he had just been sleeping, but somehow gave off the vibe of keeping that look intentionally. 

“Uh,” Tao hadn’t expected for someone like him to open the door. But it made sense, he figured. If his parents hadn’t moved, that boy would be him.

“I’m Tao. Huang Zitao. I lived here, in this house, once. I just wanted to… see it.” Tao trailed off. He wouldn’t blame the boy for thinking he was crazy.

“I’m Sehun. Cool, I’ll just find my dad.” The boy disappeared, leaving the door wide open, so Tao could see the large entrance and the stairs where he had learned to climb so many years ago. His heart felt heavier with each look.

A blonde man who looked too young to be a dad appeared before Tao.

“Hello, Zitao? How may I help you?” The man looked eager to help, and Tao almost felt sorry about not really knowing what to answer.

“I… don’t know, exactly. I used to live here, but moved 9 years ago with my parents. They recently…” (third time that day) “passed away, and I’ve come back because I wanted to know more about my past. Our past. I never found out why we moved anyway, but I figured this would be a good place to start.”

Tao hoped the explanation sounded at least credible. As he looked up, he read sympathy in the blonde man’s face.

“I’m sorry to hear about your parents. I’m Luhan, please come in.”