The house looked exactly as Tao remembered. He had not seen it for 9 years, and the only things that had changed were the photos on the walls, the furniture and the people. Tao attempted to save a mental image of the rooms (in case he wouldn’t be able to come back again) as Luhan lead him to the kitchen.

Tao held the cup of tea in both hands, squeezing it lightly, as if urging the heat inside it to transfer to his own body. He felt stiff and odd and freezing even though it wasn’t cold, his eyes flickered to every corner of the kitchen as he remembered countless afternoons watching his mother cook, countless mornings of breakfast and hurry written in the face of his father as he ate his breakfast, barely exchanging a single glance with the young Tao sitting opposite him before he left for work.

“You’re an only child?” Luhan asked, as he sat down opposite Tao. Tao could feel every bit of Luhan’s attention directed towards him; he was very unlike Tao’s father.

“Yes.” Tao struggled to find some way to elaborate, but didn't know what to add.

“I bought this house 9 years ago. It must’ve been shortly after you and your parents left. I never got to see the former owners in person, but the house seemed nice and Sehun and I were eager to move in. Sehun’s mother passed away a few months prior. We needed a new start.”

Tao looked up, meaning to express his sympathy, but still at a loss for words. Luhan must’ve understood, for he nodded gratefully.

“Sehun was a strong kid. We’ve been very fond of our time here, but I suspect we might be moving on soon. Raising Sehun here was one of the best decisions I’ve made, but I think he’d like to live somewhere more central, now he’s almost a grown-up. Speaking of Sehun, he could show you around the house if you’d like. I have some work to do, unfortunately. But feel free to come back anytime you want. Sehun is usually home in the afternoons.”

Luhan finished his coffee and got up, walked to the stairway and gently called out for Sehun. Footsteps sounded from upstairs, and soon the brown-haired boy appeared. He flashed a bright smile at Tao before entering the kitchen, following his father.

“Sehun, Zitao would like a look around the house. He lived here with his parents 9 years ago, just before we moved here. Please show him around well. I’m sure you will find things to talk about.”

Sehun beamed at Tao, who almost felt sorry for not being as positive about life as the brown-haired kid. Tao felt old and intrusive, but something about the boy’s smile did make him feel just a little bit better.

Luhan left, presumably to an office to work.

“That room my dad went into is the office.” Sehun confirmed. Tao presumed it had been an office when he had lived there as well, because he did not remember spending much time in the room.

Sehun lead Tao to the living room, which was much the same as he remembered.

“I’m sorry about your parents.” Sehun said, lightly placing a hand on Tao’s shoulder. Tao wasn’t sure how he liked the contact, and flinched involuntarily, which made Sehun remove the hand.

“I lost my mother when I was 10… I remember this thing I did when I missed her too much. I thought about how she would always smile when I was happy and tell me that all she needed to feel good about life was knowing that I was safe and happy. Then I would start to smile at that memory. It felt a lot better than crying and it also felt like I was honoring her memory in a good way. I know it’s hard to see the point of things right now but trust me… things will get better.”

The dark-haired boy looked up at Tao. He had just poured a little bit of his heart out to a stranger, and he still wore an expression that told Tao that he wasn’t necessarily expecting to get anything in return. It felt like a tiny bit of Tao’s heart thawed as he looked into the smaller boy’s eyes, feeling the tears coming and barely finding the strength to keep them back. Finally, Tao forced a smile and Sehun returned it, taking it as his cue to continue the tour.

Most of the house was the same. Luhan’s bedroom was Tao’s parent’s old bedroom, the guest room was the guest room and Sehun’s room was Tao’s old room. Tao couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding when he asked if he could take a closer look at his old room. He felt completely at home in this house, but Sehun’s personal belongings were a constant reminder that he wasn’t as welcome as he wanted to be.

They talked only a little bit during the tour, and mostly about the things Tao could remember from his time in the house. Sehun briefly asked Tao what he was studying, but sensing Tao’s unwillingness to discuss his failed career, he stopped asking. Instead, Sehun started talking about some scholarship he was hoping to acquire to a famous dancing school. His voice raised and his eyes glinted when he talked about his dreams of becoming a full time dancer; he radiated passion and it fascinated Tao.

The smaller boy actually made Tao feel at ease. For the first time in months, Tao was not thinking about the things he didn’t get to tell his parents or the moment he was told that they had crashed. He was not thinking about his nightmares or his hopelessness or anything, really. He was just listening to Sehun’s voice. And as Sehun bid him farewell in the door, awkwardly resisting hugging Tao who did look somewhat fragile, Tao felt peaceful. He slept dreamlessly that night.

Tao spent the next day looking for his old school, and, when he found it, searching for info on his time there. In the office, he was able to retrieve a list of names of fellow classmates, and a group photo from his last year there. He quickly recognized Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and made a mental note to find their addresses later, now knowing their full names. In the afternoon, Tao returned to Luhan and Sehun’s house.

Tao knocked on the door nervously, not sure if anyone would be home. The door opened shortly after though to reveal a very tidy Sehun in a school uniform, hair carefully parted at the side, his messy style completely abandoned.

“Oh hey Tao! I just came home from school, come on in.” Sehun greeted Tao as an old friend, and Tao shuffled silently inside.

“I’ll just go change, wait here.” Sehun informed Tao, and before he could respond, Sehun had sprinted upstairs and out of reach.

Five minutes later, he returned, in dark shorts and a black shirt, hair back to its uncontrollable state.

“So, you came back. I’m glad you did, I wanted to show you around the neighborhood.” Sehun told him. “Just put your things on that chair there, and let’s go for a walk.” Sehun seemed to have eaten several packs of batteries, he was as energetic as ever and it was all Tao could do not to just stare in amazement.

They walked side by side, silently for the first five minutes. The silence didn’t really bother Tao. He noticed that when he increased the distance between them, Sehun would start walking closer to him, to the point where their arms brushed now and then. Tao liked his space and instinctively would have moved away, but he didn’t want to seem rude to someone who had been so sweet to him. What did Sehun get out of walking with a sad stranger, when he could be doing countless other things? He was being incredibly kind to Tao.

“You don’t look like someone who wants to be an architect. You look like someone who would become... a professional marathon runner. Or something athletic.” Sehun interrupted the silence, and Tao was taken aback by his choice of subject.

“I mean you’re tall and look reasonably muscular… well maybe you’re a bit thin, but that’s a good thing I think, if you have to run far.” Sehun stared thoughtfully into the afternoon sun.

“I, uh, I’m not really the athletic type. I guess I’ve been lucky, I don’t work out or anything but I’ve managed to stay… skinny…” Tao awkwardly trailed off. He wasn’t used to casual talk like this, and he felt terrible at it. Besides, he didn’t really care much about his body.

“I guess you have. Many people would kill to look like you.” Was that a compliment? “Anyway, was there anything you wanted to ask, or did you just drop by coincidentally?” Sehun demanded.

“I just thought I’d come by. The last time I left this place I didn’t really get to say goodbye and I kind of just want to spend some time in the neighborhood until I leave again.” Tao explained.

“How long are you staying?”

“I don’t really know.” Tao shrugged.

“But do you know what you want to do before you leave, or are you completely clueless?”

Sehun was kind of straightforward, but Tao couldn’t say it bothered him. He was used to Kris’ packing things in and being vague, and someone who spoke his mind like Sehun was much easier to read.

“I wanted to get in touch with some of my old friends, and I wanted to see if I could get to know why we moved away in the first place. My mom said it was because of my dad’s work but I don’t know if I believe that. The whole thing was so rushed and sudden.”

“Oh. Where are you staying?”

Tao wondered why he wanted to know. “A hotel downtown. It’s fine, nothing too expensive.”

“You know, you could just stay with us.” It was a kind offer, but for some reason, Tao didn’t like the thought of going back to sleeping in that house. He didn’t know how to respond. Thankfully, Sehun made it easier.

“Or if you don’t feel comfortable about it… it must be kind of weird seeing strangers calling your old home theirs.” Exactly, Tao thought.

“Yeah, it’s… strange.”

Another silence ensued. They walked past a house with a garden where two small boys played around. Tao shivered, and the familiar uneasiness crept up his spine. He shook it off and looked the other way. Why was he reacting like this? Sehun didn’t notice, he had pulled out his phone and seemed to be messaging someone.

“We’re the same age, right? I’m 18.” Sehun started, putting away his phone.

“Nearly, I’m 19.” Tao responded.

“Oh. I just thought, those old friends you talked about, maybe I know them seeing as we’re almost the same age.”

Tao hadn’t thought of that.

“Yeah, maybe… my two old best friends were named Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun.”

“I know who Park Chanyeol is! Everybody does. He’s really good at basketball; I think he got a scholarship recently. Pretty sure he already moved. Don’t know anyone called Baekhyun, though.” Sehun offered.

Tao thought it was kind of strange; in his mind those two would always stick together after he left. But maybe Baekhyun just wasn’t as popular as Chanyeol apparently had become.

“Then I should look for Baekhyun, I guess.” Tao muttered, low enough that he didn’t think Sehun heard.

They soon reached the house again, having apparently walked in a circle.

“Do you want to stay over and eat? My dad’s gonna be home soon, it won’t be a problem.” Sehun offered.

“Uh, I have an appointment, but thank you.” Tao hesitated by the garden gate.

Sehun’s face seemed to dim slightly at the rejection. Out of nowhere, he grabbed Tao’s hand to eliminate the distance between them, pulling him in for a soft hug. Tao didn’t know where to place his hands and really wanted to get out, even more as he felt Sehun’s hands resting dangerously low on his own back. He breathed a hasty “I have to go” before he pulled out of the hug and walked away, not looking back. He didn’t think he’d be able to deal with more hurt feelings right now.

As soon as Tao was sure he was out of Sehun’s sight, he pulled out his phone and dialed the number he’d been given by Minseok. Alright, so he didn’t have an appointment, but he was planning on having one. Minseok’s voice was clear and bright as he picked up.

“Hello, this is Kim Minseok. How may I help you?”

“Hello Minseok, this is Huang Zitao. I was wondering if you were able to meet up with me tonight.”

“Oh hey Zitao! Yes of course. Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I was just at my parent’s old house again. Maybe we could-“ Minseok broke him off.

“I know a great restaurant close by. You like pizza, right? Of course, all kids do. I’ll pick you up in say, 10 minutes?”

Tao didn’t get to express his slight distaste for pizza (all kinds of fastfood, really) before he had been picked up and taken to the place by a kind of tense, but seemingly fairly happy Minseok. Tao didn’t like the tenseness, but chose to ignore it.

“I don’t know if you remember, or if I told you, but I’m a cop. Most days I work in civil.” Minseok spoke as they’d sat in their booth, having given their orders. Tao supposed that explained the tenseness; that couldn’t be an easy job.

“I didn’t know.” Tao sipped at his water, and Minseok took a gulp of his cola.

“Well, Tao, have you found out how long you are staying?”

“Uhm, no. I’m taking it day by day. Tomorrow I’ll try and find some of my old friends. Byun Baekhyun, does that name sound familiar to you?” Tao didn’t know why he asked, he didn’t assume Baekhyun would be a criminal. But he guessed it was alright to check.

“Yeah, it does. Wait a minute." Minseok's brows flew to his forehead as he concentrated on remembering where he'd heard the name. "He was involved in a case on child abuse a few years ago, don’t remember the details. Came from a poor family, it was a mess.” 

Tao felt his heart sink in his chest. He couldn’t remember much about Baekhyun, but he did remember that Baekhyun had been one of his best friend, and a bright, smiling and sweet kid that had treated him well. He didn't deserve this kind of unluck. Suddenly he didn’t know if he should keep looking for Baekhyun. He really wanted to see him again.

Minseok understood, despite the silence, that Tao hadn't expected this news about his old friend.

“I’m sorry, I should have worded it differently, but that basically what I know. It’s been some years, so maybe things aren’t that bad today.”

“Should I… should I still try to find him?” Tao asked for help, not just because it was available, but because he actually trusted Minseok.

“I think you should. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. Maybe you’ll brighten up his day a bit, like you did mine.”

Tao thought about it. Other than becoming an orphan, his life since he lost contact with Baekhyun had been easy. His parents were wealthy, and even now he didn’t have to worry too much about getting a job. He had his savings to rely on. If Baekhyun truly had ended up both poor and abused, would he feel like Tao just came to brag or make him feel worse?

Their food came, and Tao looked down at his pizza with no appetite. He managed to eat half of it, as he and Minseok stayed silent. Tao liked silences like these; besides, why would you talk when your mouth is full of food?

When Tao felt like he could stuff no more greasy food down his throat, he looked up to Minseok, who had eaten twice as fast as Tao, and was close to being done with his entire pizza. He wiped his oily fingers with a napkin and folded his hands, looking at Tao.

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you look an awful lot like your father. He was a handsome man even back when I knew him. We used to joke that he should become a model, that he would make a lot more than he did as an accountant.” Minseok’s face lighted up when he talked of Tao’s father, and Tao couldn’t help but smile. His father joking with friends sounded out of place, but nice nonetheless.

“I know. He used to always brush off compliments by saying that my mother must have rubbed off on him.” Tao recalled. The long lost memory had just popped into his head out of nowhere, and Tao found himself  surprised by his own words.

“Oh yes, she was a beautiful woman.”

They both stayed silent, Tao not really knowing where he’d found the strength to smile at the thought of his parents. Maybe time did help in some way. A brown-haired kid he’s recently met popped into his mind, but Tao shoved him straight out again.

“How did you meet my parents?” Tao curiously asked.

“Your father and I went to the same school when we were around 10-15 years old. We were good friends then, and then your father moved. We lost contact, but when I moved to this city, I bumped into him on the street one day. He told me he had gotten married and was happy - this was before you were even thought of - and invited me home to meet his wife, your mother. We started seeing each other regularly and became close friends, the three of us. I helped out when they moved to the house and when you were born, and they returned the favor by giving me something like a family. I felt very alone when they left, but that’s just how things turned out. Even today I miss them a lot. Nothing compared to how you feel, obviously.”

“Do you know why they had to leave?” Tao inquired, reluctant to break the good mood of the conversation, but he wanted to know.

“Your father’s job-“ Tao broke him off. “But that’s not really it, is it?” Tao was careful not to sound aggressive or reproachful.

“Yes, your father had to move with the company or he would have lost his job. Seeing as your mother didn’t work, that would’ve meant the end of your financial well-being.” Minseok persisted.

“But couldn’t he have gotten another job then? I don’t see why they had to move.” Tao knew he was being childish, but he had to try.

“I don’t know, maybe he could. I suppose he just thought it was best to keep his job.” Minseok shrugged, thankfully not getting annoyed with Tao.

“It’s just… everybody talks about it like there was no way out. Like our lives depended on us moving. But on the other hand, I only heard good things about our time here. It’s like there’s more to it than just my dad’s work.” Tao let the words flow, let his frustration out.

 “Listen, Tao. If your parents thought that staying would be for the best, they would’ve stayed. If they thought leaving was the best idea, they would leave. I’m sure whatever they had in mind when they made the decision, your well-being was a big part of it. There doesn’t have to be more to it than that.”

It was obvious he would not get anything out of Minseok tonight. He decided to try with a new subject.

“I guess that’s right. But then, you knew me as a kid? I don’t know if I remember you that well… you did seem kind of familiar to me when I first saw you.”

“Yeah, I did know you. I held you when you were an infant. And I watched you grow into a bright, considerate, but kind of shy boy. You still are that way. I always thought that you would do well.”

Tao felt like a familiar weight was being placed on his shoulders. Doing well. Yes, getting an education. Securing his future. But right now, exploring his past seemed much more relevant to him. He couldn’t go on if he did not get this over with.

“Thank you for meeting with me tonight. I’m kind of exhausted, so I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me. It was really nice hearing about my parents; I really appreciate you taking time out for me.”

“It was the least I could do! And please, let me drive you to your hotel. It’s getting dark anyway, this is much safer.”

Tao let him, but the drive was silent and uncomfortable. Something about strangers’ cars just had a bad effect on him, he didn’t know why.

As Tao went to bed, images of a young Minseok and a young version of his father flashed through his memory. Minseok coming to visit his parents, Tao’s mom with a baby on her arm… These were the times his parents had never allowed themselves to talk about. It seemed strange. All he heard was good, why would they keep those memories from him? Tao drifted off and dreamt of grey vans rushing by childhood homes.