Day 23. It was unlike you to keep this strictly in track of time, but yes, you were counting the days. You stare up at the ceiling as you slowly wake up. Sunlight streams in from the window through the white curtains that shiver in the warm breeze which flies in. It's a beautiful feeling, waking up like this.

Except that in your head, you are screaming at the clock to please stop time. 

One can imagine how lonely you felt, despite the nice light, thinking about not being able to see Tao. Tao, Tao, Tao. You can't even get his name out of your mind. Every time you hear something, see something, even remotely like him or his name, you jump, your heart beats faster, and your breathing turns nervous and ragged. It's nerve-wracking. It's the same with listening to their music. Every time you hear that his part is about to come up as you're listening to your old iPod, you shush yourself, close your eyes, and listen to his singing or rapping. You take a moment to freeze, just to hear his voice. You find yourself obsessed with it almost; you only listen to EXO music now. You miss him, even now.

So it's no surprise to find yourself staring at your phone for a few minutes, as if it would ring any second now. But it doesn't. It won't. You know that. They had told you that they'd be busy today. Really, very busy. So what could you do? Nothing. You drag yourself out of bed. It does no good to sit and mope all day. 

After breakfast and a hot shower to calm your nerves, you sit down on your bed to ponder. What are you going to do on a boring day like this? A simple solution instantly comes to mind, your teenage instincts.

Internet.

You get your laptop and set up your blankets so you can be comfortable. And you begin your search. You're not sure what you're looking for, but you find what you want. Videos, photoshoots, interviews, concerts. EXO. EXO-K, and EXO-M. But your eyes only wanted to see Tao.

It's easy to see that you're obsessed. Utterly and completely. Easy to see that you've fallen too far in love; there's no going back. But loving him had changed you. What was once a hard shell to crack had been penetrated, and reached your heart. Something about him made you want to melt inside. Something about him made you want him so badly. So badly that it hurt to think about it. Love is a hard topic for your mind to wrap around, you can't explain how you feel. 

You close your laptop. Too much, it's all too much. So what can you do? That thought that you just had reminds you of their lyrics. So you start humming.

"I lost my mind..."

You sing one song after another.

"Careless, careless. Shoot anonymous, anonymous..."

You couldn't stop singing. You start walking around too, trying not to disturb your grandparents. You realize that they aren't home. You start singing louder, hoping that the walls are soundproof enough that you don't bother neighbors.

"Xiang ai shang ji qi ai shang ni. She’s a ma- ma- ma- ma- machine"

You can't really explain why you can't stop singing. You start blasting their music too. And you sing the whole album. And after 22 minutes, it's finally all done. You collapse at the kitchen table. You tilt your head back, and look up at the ceiling. "Why do I do this to myself? I'm such a lunatic." You whisper to nobody in particular.

Day 23 and counting. A countdown to the end. 

Day 23, and nothing. You miss them. You miss him. You don't want it to end.

At least, you start thinking a sad thought, I hope they don't forget me.