Time seems to be almost at a standstill for you. You're supposed to meet the members at 4; they plan on picking you up. Outside, it's a cloudy day, but it's bright and not raining, so you're in a fairly good mood. Actually, that's an understatement. You're in a great mood. You feel like you've been kept away from something for a long time, and now you get to see it again. You're not sure what "it" is, but you're excited to see your friends again. 

The old clock in the living room chimes four times. Finally. You wait at the window, hoping that the doorbell will ring any second. They don't fail you. You almost run to the door and you grab your purse and slip your feet into your sneakers. All six members are at the door with bright smiles. To you, this is the ideal scene. "Hey guys." You say with a breathy smile. 

All of them say hi at different times, and they all looked so happy. "Let's go!" Tao's voice. His voice. He looks at you, grinning, as if he hasn't seen you in years. You look at him with a relieved smile. He puts out his elbow, and you two link arms. One of the other members whistle at you two, and the other members laugh along. You two laugh as well, and you removed your elbow from the link. You look at him, grinning too now. "Weren't you busy?" You ask him

"I have some time off." He says, sounding happy. "Alright, let's go~!" He says this in English. It's cute, he has a pretty heavy accent, but it makes you smile even wider, if that's possible at that point.

Actually, they slightly exaggerated when they said that they wanted to go to a restaurant. In fact, it's not even a restaurant. It's just a street lined with food stalls. There's large crowds everywhere so it's easy to blend in. The smell of all the different types of genuine Chinese food served here is intoxicating. You take a deep breath as you roam around with them. "This is where you guys want to eat today?"

"Yeah!" Luhan says excitedly. "I haven't been to a place like this in a long time." He smiles at you with that little kid  expression that reminds you of a lost puppy. You chuckle at your own lame comparison. Tao looks at you funny, and grins when he sees you laughing at yourself. 

There's a lot of noise -- everywhere. To talk to the other members, who are just mere inches away from you, you have to almost yell. Then there's always the guarantee that they'll answer with "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" And then you'll have to lean in to talk (at a normal volume) into their ear, and they'll finally hear you. This happens once or twice with Tao as you make little comments about the market.

They start their pick almost immediately. It's Chen who first sees something he wants. Then the whole group follows him and you all buy one of what he say. The taste is insane, insanely good, in a sort of fresh, straight-from-the-grill, kind of way. And that's how the night got started. One member, or even you, would see something he'd want, the rest would follow, and you would experience new tastes like never before. You feel as if you've been missing out on something your whole life. Of course back at home you've been to a Chinese restaurant a few times, but this was genuine Chinese food. It was different, very different.

Eventually, all of you were full. And thirsty. So you left the street market to go to a cafe and get something to drink. You just order apple juice and pay for your drink. Turns out, Luhan also got juice and you two say "Cheers!" whilst jokingly tapping your cups. The other members laugh and call you kiddish. You just grin and laugh too. You are talking to Chen when you see a motion out of your peripheral vision. "Hey!" You say as you see Tao take a sip from your straw. He almost spits out the juice as he starts laughing when he sees your expression.

"Tao, what the heck? Hahaha!" You can't help but laugh. He swallows, then starts laughing while clapping his hands together. He looks extremely pleased to have stolen a sip from your drink, no matter how childish it seems. He grins at you, and you playfully punch his arm. He says a mocking "ow" and rubs the place where you punched him on his arm, though you know that it doesn't actually hurt him.

Everyone finishes their drinks, but doesn't budge from the table. You all stay there and talk, which is an activity that you love. None of your friends back at home seemed to get that about you; how could you just sit there and talk all day? But you love it. They all tell more pre-debut stories of each other, trying to make the other seem more embarrassing than the last. You laugh at all of them, especially the ones about Tao since you know him so well by now.

And by the time they've run out of pre-debut stories, they're moving on to debut stories. Dorm stories, backstage mess-ups, concert practices. You feel the trust they seem to give you. By the time they're all tired of talking, yet still not out of stories, it's time for you to go home. The sun has long gone sunken and the moon is high in the sky. Almost 10 PM. You usually don't stay out this late; you're a pretty conservative person.

They drive you back and give you a warm farewell as you're stepping out of the car. You give them all your brightest smile and wave, though on the inside, you're sad that it's the end of the day already. When the car is finally out of range, you sigh. Standing there for a second, you reflect and let your mind take a rest. Then you make your way up the stairs to the apartment.

Can you help but let your mind wander to Tao? The more you see him, the more you fall. Yet the more you don't see him, the more you fall as well. It's almost like a trap. Could he be more gorgeous, more adorable, more perfect, more dreamlike, than now? Could he complete your fantasies? Is it even possible. The moment you ever confess to him, you become just another fangirl. Just another fan of EXO-M's, Huang Zi Tao.

It's just not possible.

And so you heave another sigh, having feeling like the moment you leave your friends' presences, your old sad self is back in play. 5 more days left, and then who knows when I'll ever get to see them again?

It's hard for you to accept that you have 4 more days to do whatever you want, 1 day in which you plan to spend all afternoon packing, and the final day on the plane ride back to your home. Your real home. Not here. This isn't my home. I don't live here. I can't live here.

But you desperately want to. The whole trip has been like a dream. You snap yourself out of your own thoughts as you sit down on your bed, having walked into the apartment and greeted your grandparents in a trance-like state. The more you think about this, the more it feels like you're already saying goodbye. And you're definitely not doing that. Yet, with their schedules all busy, would you be able to see them again? They need to rehearse, to get on with their idol lives. Not be distracted by a mere tourist whom they happened to become acquainted with.

You check your phone before going to bed. Nothing. No messages. No emails. The screen stares back at you, blaring the numbers 10:48 PM as if trying to tell you, go to sleep and just forget about it. You know you can't just forget about it. You dream about it, want it; it's almost as if you need it. Him.

Tao.