Doojoon led me to what I assumed was his room. I stood against the wall with my arms crossed. I tried to stop my knees from shaking. 

 

A million thoughts were running through my mind. Wasn't I on cloud nine about 2 hours ago? What the hell happened. Now I'm standing here questioning whether I ever really knew Doojoon. Doojoon may not even be his real name. In the car he told me he was 'protecting me', but I don't know if I could trust him. I didn't know whether he was 'good' or 'bad'.

 

The worst part is that I feel torn. I was developing deep feelings for the guy, and that just can't be erased like that. I was angry and scared, but also worried. There were bruises developing on Doojoon's neck where the man choked him. 

 

I finally worked up the courage to look into Doojoon's eyes. He was staring back at me. We stood like that for a minute, neither one speaking. I had so many questions, but I had no clue where to begin. 

 

Finally Doojoon broke the silence. "I know you must hate me...." He trailed off.

 

"I don't hate you. Mad? Yes. Confused? Yes. Scared? Extremely." I replied.

 

"You don't need to be afraid of me. Gayoon I would never hurt you, ever. What happened back at my place....I was just trying to protect you." 

 

"You keep saying you're trying to protect me, but protecting me from what? Why did that guy break into your house?" He didn't speak. "Answer me. Why were you protecting me?" I repeated.

 

"I was protecting you from the Yakuza. They are after you." He responded.

 

"Who are the Yakuza and what do they want with me?" I asked. 

 

"The Yakuza are a gang and they are enemies to the Mafia. I was sent by my Boss, the Mafia leader here in Seoul, to protect you." He replied.

 

"So you're a part of the Mafia..." I trailed off. That explained why he had a gun, and how he effortlessly took care of that man. 

 

"Everything was a lie then, right? You were just doing your job?" I questioned. This time I couldn't meet his eyes. I wanted to know his answer, but at the same time I was too scared to hear it. To know Doojoon never truly had feelings for me would break my heart. 

 

"Originally, yes. I was just doing a job. My name is really Yoon Doojoon, not Lee, and I have never been to the states....but besides my true profession, I didn't lie to you."

 

He crossed the room and was standing right in front of me. "When we were on that balcony at Jay's...I didn't lie to you. Not once. My parents really did die when I was young. I would never lie about that. And I've tried to be as honest as possible these past few weeks. Gayoon, I care about you. I really do. Not just because it's my job, but because I have great feelings for you. I had been falling for you since the first time I saw you. I was just too scared to admit it because I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you like this." He pleaded with me. 

 

I felt a couple of tears fall down my face. I didn't know what to feel. I'll admit that my heart was beating frantically after he told me what he was feeling, but how could I still want him. I was playing with fire. He was dangerous. He was in the freakin' Mafia. He almost killed a man right in front of me. 

 

"Please say something" he said. He sounded so broken and weak.

 

"I don't know what you want me to say. I...I still feel the same about you...but I don't know if I can trust you." I replied timidly.

 

"I understand. I do...but it hurts."

 

I didn't know how to respond, so we were silent again. I wiped more of my tears away.

 

"Gayoon. There's one more thing." He said.

 

"What is it?"

 

"I think you should sit." He walked me over to his bed. I didn't have the energy to pull myself away. He looked even sadder than before. That concerned me. 

 

"The Yakuza....Gayoon I'm so sorry. I wish I wasn't the one that had to tell you this, but....the Yakuza were the ones that killed your mother. It was a planned murder."

 

I sat there frozen. Oh my god. I didn't cry, I was too shocked and didn't have the energy to cry, but it didn't hurt any less. "You knew?" I asked.

 

"Yes, I knew. I wanted to tell you..but I was ordered to keep my identity and what I knew a secret from you. When you broke down that night I felt so guilty, but under no circumstances could I reveal who I was. I've already broken so many rules telling you all this and bringing you here." He replied. He put his head in his hands.

 

"I believe you. I shouldn't...but I do. I guess I understand, sorta." I know it may be naive to believe him after everything, but I couldn't help it. 

 

"Why did they do this? Why are they ruining my life?" I asked quietly. "What do they want with me?"

 

"They are using you to get to my Boss. They sent him a tape showing your..mother's accident. It showed you too, leaving school. We believe they were sending a warning message."

 

"What does your Boss have to do with me?" Every answer led to another question.

 

"I can't tell you. I know you deserve to have all your questions answered, but if anybody knew you knew, I'd be dead. I'm sorry." He replied.

 

So some mysterious man is the reason why my life has gone to . Doojoon can't even tell me because some big, strong Mafia men would probably beat him to death. I wasn't going to argue the topic. I should be glad he told me this much, but the truth definitely hurts. 

 

"Sooo where do we go from here?' I asked.

 

"We'll have to stay the night. I'll know more tomorrow when I talk to my Boss. I guess you can sleep here in my room. You can take the bed, I'll sleep on the floor." Doojoon said.

 

"Okay...uhm can I maybe take a shower?"

 

"Sure, you can use my private bathroom." He pointed to the door on the right.

 

"Thanks...and Doojoon, do me a favor and please get rid of that shirt." I said pointing to his blood stained shirt. 

 

He muttered an okay and I closed the door to his bathroom.

 

I took a long shower. I needed time to think and clear my head. It was a lot to process and get my head around. After our talk I wasn't scared of Doojoon anymore. Before I knew what he was, he made me feel protected, and he still does. I knew he was putting a lot on the line bringing me here and admitting secrets about the Mafia. Even if it started out as a lie, I think he cares for me now. He didn't have to share any of that.

 

However, he did keep my mother a secret. I mean he told me now...but gosh he's known this whole time. I cried in the shower, finally letting the realization that my mother was murdered sink in.

 

When I got out of the shower Doojoon wasn't in his room. There was a pair of baggy sweatpants and a tshirt laid out on his bed. I put both on and then grabbed a hairbrush I saw in the bathroom and brushed my wet hair. 

 

I didn't know where Doojoon went, but I assumed he was giving me privacy to shower and change. I was too tired to go and find him. I got under the covers of his bed and shut my tired eyes.

 

Before I fell fast asleep I heard Doojoon come in. I could sense him hovering over me, even in my sleepy state. I decided to pretend I was fully asleep.

 

I felt him kiss my forehead and my hair. "Heo Gayoon you have no clue how much you mean to me." I heard him say. I couldn't help but smile. Even with all the chaos going on, he was still the Doojoon I fell for. I then fell asleep.