Peter Pan

Part IV

                Jiaheng paced his room. What was he going to wear? It had been so long since he had been on a date. He went to his drawers. He had managed to pack what little clothes he had and brought them to Zitao’s. There wasn’t much to bring over, seeing as how he didn’t have much to his name anyhow.

                He rifled through the trunk. He had three suits. The suit he had worn to work every day, the suit he wore to his friend Kyungsoo’s wedding, and his formal suit. His every day suit had tears and holes in it. The suit he had worn to the wedding was faded, and the underarms of the suit had been worn till there were holes in them. Not to mention that it was rather moth eaten.

                He sighed as he picked up his last suit. It was a plain black suit, quite boring in comparison to anything Zitao had. He wondered if Zitao found him plain? He was so nervous. He quickly got dressed, and flitted about his room, combing his hair and constantly adjusting his suit. He tripped over his untied shoelace. He sighed as he sat down and tied his shoes with shaking hands. He stood up, taking slow deep breaths.

                He was so confused. Didn’t he despise Zitao? Wasn’t he an awful person? But then again, he was sweet, and kind. Only to him. A knock came at his door. He rushed, stopped, and took a deep breath.

                 ‘You can do this, Jiaheng, hwaiting!’ he opened the door to see Zitao leaning against the wall. He looked so dashing in his own simple black suit.

                  “It seems that we match.” He stated. Jiaheng nodded.

                  “It would seem so,” he shuffled his foot against the wooden floor. Zitao grabbed him by his arm and pulled him out of the room, bringing him chest to chest. Jiaheng blushed and looked away. Zitao smiled. “You should stop acting so shy,” he said, caressing his face. Jiaheng’s cheeks flushed a light pink.

                  “I’ll try, I suppose.” He answered. Zitao took him by the arm, and led him to the car.

                  “Where are we going?” he asked. Zitao smiled.

                  “I’m not going to tell you yet.” He said playfully, backing out of the driveway, and heading down the road to the city.

*****

                 Jiaheng’s mouth hung open in awe. It was a grand opera house. It towered over them, its pillars beautifully carved with exquisite stained glass windows. The French doors slid open, revealing an elegant foyer. Zitao put his hand to his chin, shutting his mouth. Jiaheng blushed as they headed inside to take their seats.

                 The curtains opened, and the show started. It was “Peter Pan,” a traditional rendition. Even the main actor who played Peter was a female, just like in the original stage shows. He happened to look over at Zitao’s face a few times. He was wearing the most beautiful smile. His eyes fixated upon the stage, mesmerized by the story.

*****

              Once the play ended, they stood up and applauded. Jiaheng could have sworn that he saw Zitao crying, but he figured it wasn’t any of his business.

              They walked out of the theatre and over to his car. It was quite late. As they drove down the lane to get to the mansion, he made a right turn and headed through the brush. The moonlight peeked through the branches of the dark tunnel of shrubbery.

              “Where are we going now, Zitao?” Jiaheng asked. Zitao smiled.

              “Can’t you ever just be surprised without asking questions for once?” he asked. Jiaheng blushed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. Zitao brought out a side of him that he didn’t even know was there. He didn’t quite know how to feel about it either.

               They drove through the tunnel, finally seeing light. As they exited and parked near the trees. Jiaheng was speechless.

               Sprawled out before them was a massive lake. In the middle were two small islets connected by a stone bridge. There was a cherry blossom tree on each one. On one islet, there was a white gazebo. On the other, was a bench and a swing.

               Zitao opened his door and took him by his hand. He walked him over to a row boat, and lowered him inside before settling himself down. He pushed off, and began rowing.

               The water gently lapped the boat as Zitao rowed the boat. Jiaheng couldn’t help but noticed the way his arms flexed as he brought the oars to him. He looked down, embarrassed. Zitao smiled.

               He thought it was cute, how shy Jiaheng was. His naivety was a part of his charm. He docked the boat on one of the islets, and helped him out. Jiaheng stumbled, falling into Zitao.

               “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Zitao smiled.

               “Stop apologizing, there’s no need.” He said, taking his hand. He took him into the gazebo there. They sat down in awkward silence for a few moments. Jiaheng turned to Zitao.

                “Why me?” he asked. Zitao raised an eyebrow.

                “What do you mean?” he asked. Jiaheng turned to him.

                “Why did you choose me? Why not someone else?” he asked. The question had been eating at him since the first day. Zitao sat back and smiled.

                 “You didn’t take off your clothes.” He said, putting his arms behind his head.

                 “That was it? Because I didn’t take off my clothes?” he asked. Zitao shrugged.

                 “You would be surprised at how few people have ever told me no. My father, my grandmother, and my tutor. In all the situations I’ve been, all the people I’ve encountered,” he turned towards him. “I’ve never met someone quite like you.” Jiaheng blushed. “You’re so defiant, and I felt that you put me in my place. I have never experienced something like that before. Not even with him.” He explained. Jiaheng rubbed his neck. He didn’t know what to say.

                  “Did you have a lot of friends?” he asked. Zitao shook his head.

                  “No, a lot of lackeys, but nothing ever really happened. They asked for money, gifts, and I went along with it, thinking that that’s what friendship was. But it didn’t make me happy. The parties, the perks, they meant nothing to me.” He turned back to Jiaheng. “Because I knew that once I left and entered my house, I’d be alone again. Wallowing in my own self-pity, loathing my very existence.” He sat back, looking at the stars.

                 “What made you love Peter Pan?” he asked. Zitao smiled.

                 “My father would read it to me every night when I was a child,” he explained. “I remember the night he first took me to see the live performance. It was one of the most magical things I had ever experienced.” He looked down into the water, seemingly deep in thought. “I was always enthralled with the idea of being young forever. Frozen in time, never growing up. There are several instances in my life where I had wished that had happened.” He said.

                “Like when?” Jiaheng pressed.

                “When my father first took me to that play, when I met Luhan, when I met you.” He looked over at Jiaheng.

                “Me?” he blushed and turned away. “There’s nothing special about me.” He said. Zitao shook his head.

               “That’s not true. Every person is unique and special in their own way; you just need to find that spark that brings out who you really are inside.” He grabbed Jiaheng’s hand. “You’re special to me, and that’s all that matters.” He said, planting a soft kiss on his forehead. This time he didn’t jump, he didn’t pull away. His soft lips brushed up against his skin, making him yearn for more.

               “Zitao, I know it’s a pretty personal question, but, what did you do, when you figured out about your condition?” Jiaheng asked. He knew he was treading on dangerous ground, but he wanted to know. He had to know. Zitao sighed and put his arm around Jiaheng.

               “I screamed. I threw a fit. I told the doctor that he had to be wrong, that there had to be some sort of mistake. I thought I was invincible, that nothing could touch me. But slowly, my world was falling apart. Luhan had left, people were talking about me, I began drinking even more, just wanting to dull the pain, to make everything go away. I wanted it all to just stop.” He swallowed hard. He turned to Jiaheng. “I wanted to end it all. But I’m too much of a coward. I couldn’t pull the trigger, let alone slide the knife along my neck.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I lived each day as an empty shell. Not caring what happened, just wanting someone or something to just end my misery.” He turned to Jiaheng again.

               “But then I met you, and I found something worth living for.” Jiaheng smiled.

               “I’m glad I met you too, Zitao.” He said, leaning his head onto his shoulder. “You make me feel like no one has ever made me feel in my entire life.” Zitao blushed this time.

               “And how’s that?”

               “Confused.” Zitao shook his head and laughed. “In a good way.” Jiaheng added. Zitao smiled down at him.

               “I think I’ve just found another moment.” He said, running his fingers through Jiaheng’s hair.

               “For what?”

              “Where I would stop time if I could.”

              “And?”

              “Right here. Right now. With you.” He said, leaning in. He pressed his lips to Jiaheng’s. He wrapped his arm around the boy, bringing him closer. Jiaheng wrapped his arms around his back, holding on tight. He didn’t want to let go. Ever. He too wanted this moment to last forever.

              Jiaheng rested his head on Zitao’s shoulder, the both of them looking out onto the lake. Fireflies flickered as they passed by. He could hear frogs somewhere behind them while crickets chirped back on the edges of the lake.

             “Do you have a name for this place?” he asked. Zitao looked at him and smiled at him coyly.

            “Neverland.”  Jiaheng smiled.

            “What does that make you, Peter Pan?” he asked. Zitao smiled.

             “I suppose it does.”

             “What does that make me then?” Jiaheng asked. Zitao turned to him.

              “Tinkerbell.” He said. Jiaheng playfully punched him in the arm.

              “Tinkerbell? Whatever for?” he asked.

              “You are the light in my life. Without you, I am lost.” He said, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. Jiaheng’s face flushed. He didn’t know how to respond to that. He looked up at Zitao.

              “I love you.” He said. Zitao blushed, and held onto him tighter.

              “Are you sure? From what I hear, loving me hurts.”

              “I would rather love you and die a thousand deaths, than live a lifetime not knowing what loving you feels like.” Zitao blushed.

             “Really? Do I mean that much to you?” Jiaheng shyly nodded.

             “I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first,” he said. “But I’ve finally realized why you make me feel the way I feel. And I’ve also realized that I can’t bear to be without you. No other person could take your place.” Zitao took his face into his hands.

            “I love you, Jiaheng. At first you drove me crazy. I laughed and wondered how a boy like you could wander into my life. Now I see that it was you I was searching for all along. You’re the one that makes me want to be a better person. You made me want to live again. You’re the reason I want to keep on living. I don’t want to be without you either.” He passionately kissed him.

            Now that he had found him, the person he wanted to love, there didn’t seem to be much time left. Zitao wondered, could he love him the way he deserved? How much time did they have? For now, he just wanted to hold him in his arms, and never let go.

END OF PART IV