Jiaheng was afraid to go home that night. But Jong In said that it would throw this ‘Luhan’ off if he didn’t, just pretend that nothing had happened.

He was still a little nervous when he walked into his house that night. Luhan was sitting on the couch, reading a book. He turned and smiled at him. “Well, you’re home late.” He got up and walked over. “Is something wrong?” he asked. Jiaheng shook his head and smiled nervously.

“No, I’m just tired, is all.” Luhan nodded. “Take a seat then, I’ll get you some coffee.” He sat down nervously on the couch. He looked at the book Luhan had been reading. It was his own diary.

‘But why?’ he wondered. Luhan came back several minutes later, with coffee just how Jiaheng liked it, with cream, milk and sugar.

“I know you know, Jiaheng.” His eyes widened as he set the cup on the table. “I know you know that something is wrong.” He sat down. “So talk to me. We’re friends, aren’t we?” he asked.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Luhan.”

“No, really, who are you?” he asked.

“I’m Luhan. But that’s not the question you should be asking.”

“What are you really doing here?” he asked. Luhan sighed.

“See? There we go.” He ruffled his own hair. “Helping you move on.” Jiaheng raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“What were you doing before I came here? To your home?” Jiaheng thought back. “I’ll answer that for you; wallowing in self-pity and grief. Is that was Zitao would have wanted?” Jiaheng shook his head.

“No. But it doesn’t help that his notes pretty much say he loved you more than me.”

“Bull.” Jiaheng almost jumped. “He didn’t love me; I was his obsession. Some people are too blind to tell the difference. But he loved you, Jiaheng. He let you keep him here when all he wanted to do was die. He did that for you. Now get your head out of your and listen to me.”

Jiaheng’s jaw dropped. Luhan; this person, had never come off like this before.

“Stop thinking about the past. If the past is all you live for, you’ll never move forward. Zitao wanted you to live, not to just simply exist. Zitao is also buried and DEAD. Okay? He’s dead, he’s never coming back. So why don’t you face the man that actually wants to know you and talk to him.” He was breathless. His eyes b with tears.

“You have so much more to live for than your memories.” He said, cupping his face in his hands. “Love like you won’t live tomorrow to do so, you never know how long you’ll have with that person.”

“What are you?” Jiaheng blurted out. Luhan smiled back at him.

“An illusion of your psyche. You might call me a ghost.” He smiled. “Once I walk through that door,” he said, pointing to the entryway. “You’ll never see me again. You have to face the real world on your own now.”

“I’m scared, Luhan.” Luhan walked over and embraced him. “We all experience fear. It is how we overcome it, that defines us.” He wiped Jiaheng’s tears away. “Live Jiaheng. Don’t exist, live.”

He turned away, giving him one last smile, and walked out of his life.

*****

That night, Zitao was in his dreams. He was sitting with him on the bench near the lake. Zitao held him close, and for a moment, Jiaheng could smell his cologne.

“Zitao.” He said, looking up into the face of the man he had loved so much for so long.

“Yes?” he heard him respond.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Jiaheng.”

“But,” Zitao cocked his head.

“But what?” he asked.

“I…I can’t be your Tinkerbell anymore.” He said, tears streaming down his face. “I…have to move on with my life. I don’t love you any less. But I need to live for me now, not the memory of us.” Zitao smiled, and kissed his forehead.

“I have always loved you, that will never change. I understand.” Jiaheng closed his eyes. It was time to let go of the past, and be free to live in the present.

*****

Jiaheng woke up the next morning, tears staining his face. He looked around. His coffee was still on the table. He ran to the kitchen.

“Luhan?” he asked. But all he saw was the coffee pot, still on, and the cream, sugar and milk left out on the counter. The lid of the milk was left off,

“Just like…how I do it…” he said. Jiaheng slid down to the floor. Perhaps, Luhan had been the work of his psyche trying to cope with losing Zitao. He sighed.

“I live for myself now.” He said out loud. Jiaheng cleaned up last night’s mess and got ready for the day. 

He went out in the living room, taking Luhan’s diary firmly in his hands, and heading to Luhan’s old room. He set it on the bookshelf, taking a deep breath. He wouldn’t need this book any longer. But as he turned away, he was overcome with insurmountable curiosity.

He opened the book one last time, and found a huge slip of paper. And behind that paper was an envelope. He unfolded the paper.

‘I figured you would be too nosey not to look here again. Now if you had remembered to look here first, now that is the mystery to me, my dear Jiaheng.’ Jiaheng let the tears flow freely now. ‘This is goodbye, I believe? Knowing you, it was found last. You’re not the brightest light in the shed. But you are mine. And I love you.

With that being said, there should be an envelope with the deed to my house, with the bank account information in there. It is all yours. Do with it as you will.'

And even though I know I’ve caused you heartache over a certain person, I just wanted you to know; he may have had my mind, but I chose to give you my heart. And you had it, until the very end. You will always be my last love.

But now, I want you to be happy. Do not dwell on our love affair. Though short-lived, it was the best time of my life. I hope that it will just be a highlight of yours.

Love again, my dear Tinkerbell. And leave me where I belong; in your heart, tucked away with your memories.’

Jiaheng took the envelope and note, placing Luhan’s diary on the bookshelf. “I don’t need you anymore, Luhan. But thank you. For everything.”

He exited the room, and locked it. He went into Zitao’s office, and went over to the desk, pulling out one of the drawers. Just as disorganized as he had left it. He threw the key in and slammed the drawer shut.

“There’s so much crap in there, it would take too long to fish you out anyway.” He shrugged and made his way back to his bedroom. He put the note in the drawer with the rest of them, and closed it.

He took a deep breath and smiled.

“Today, I live for myself.” He ran out of the house, in search of that one person.

END OF PART 9