For the longest time, my heart returned to its normal beating. It didn’t pound hard nor did it skip a beat or race.

I was content.

I was at peace.

 A new equilibrium perhaps.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time with Onew. His sense of humor never fails to get me laughing with tears. He asked me why I was crying once, he said sorry for making me tear up again. Stupid TOFU!!! He’s trying and it’s really sweet of him. I think he is making it his daily mission for my smile to never leave my lips, he’s making an effort so I couldn’t recognize my pain. When we are not together he always find his way to give me a call, he never runs out of things to say. We even stay up until mid-night and fall asleep talking about the silliest things.

For the first time, I felt that I was wanted. I needed someone and he became that someone. The era where I am just a mere slave running after my masters crumbled and I witnessed the throne being crowned to me. It was refreshing and satisfying.

“Yah, oppa!”, Onew got drunk from a drinking game, he was heavy and I was assisting him back to his dorm. I have never been in there since I confessed. Onew never invited me over and I could only guess why. Maybe it was for the best. The dorm was still, I dragged him to his room. I was ready to leave when he locked me in his embrace. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep. When I woke up Onew wasn’t beside me anymore, I grew weary and I sprinted out of the bed. I jolted as a pair of arms suddenly fell around my waist.

“Why are you so jumpy?”, he smiled like there was no tomorrow. I like that about him. He had the capacity to unburden me. He wrapped his arms around my waist again this time facing me and I placed my arms around his neck. He smelled like coffee.

“You had your coffee already? Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You’re so cute when you sleep and I couldn’t help but watch you snore”

“Look who’s talking, I practically had to carry you to your bed”

“Speaking of which, I barely remember what happened. Are you sure you didn’t molest me?”

“The nerve, you were the one who clung to me like a monkey. That’s why I wasn’t able to leave baboya”

“I was intoxicated so excuse me if I don’t believe a word you just said. Did you kiss me? Or did I?”

I simple shook my head because I knew what was coming. He kissed me gently, it was a different kind of kiss. I could taste the bittersweet coffee and something else I couldn’t recognize. His warm kisses, the heat of the touch was very overwhelming.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for the longest time”, he detached his lips, I whined a little to show that I was dismayed.

“Really? I bet I’m only second to your chicken,”

“Chickens don’t kiss back, I wanted to kiss you the moment Taemin introduced you to me 2 years ago. I thought it was just a little crush and I could shrug it off, you were just too young for me. And then you fake boyfriend-ed Minho that’s when I noticed you had your eyes on Tae”.

I just looked at him in awe, why didn’t I see it before? And for two years at that! It was all too surreal this can’t be happening to Lee Shinye for God’s sake. It felt like I didn’t deserve this, I mean this has to be someone else’s right?

“How do you button your blouse Shinye? Top to down or the other way around?”, he whispered in my left ear before kissing it.

“Top first”, I breathe then he continued owning my lips again. This time its hunger, it was addicting, it was carnal. He began ing my blouse; he did so while kissing me. I shivered as I felt my chest being exposed to air. Before I knew it, my top fell off.

Was I ready for this? I’ve known Onew for two years now but it’s been only weeks since we started going out. I don’t even know what “we” is. Sure Onew makes me feel good about myself, he treats me like I was the dearest thing to him but are this reasons enough to give myself to him entirely? And then there’s Taemin, who hasn’t said a word to me since I confessed. I love him still, I can’t even deny it without flinching.  It wasn’t fair to Onew, but as he said before it’s unfair to everybody.

He began kissing my neck and I couldn’t help but let out a moan of pleasure. This must be the Jinki he was talking about, his alter ego perhaps, sensual and bold. I couldn’t decide which one I liked better.

“Hyung! Breakfast is ready! You won’t believe what it…………………………….”, Taemin bursted into the room, completely taken by surprise. Onew immediately pushed me behind him to shield my almost bare chest.

“When will you learn how to knock Taemin?”, he sounded a little angry.

Still somewhat surprised Taemin said, “Mianhe hyung, I didn’t know you were not alone. It’s fried chicken by the way. Bring my sister along, Key despises being kept waiting”. He left the room without even taking a glance at me. Maybe he couldn’t accept that her sister is screwing with his hyung. Why should I care what he thinks anyway? When he didn’t give a damn about me.

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So yep, the review started today and a glint of hope flashed before my eyes. It was not exactly blinding, i guess my pupils would adjust to it soon enough. I hope so.

"Positive mind programming is parallel to accomplishment"

- words by Sir. Ruel , our statue for hope.

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Please STAHP begging for kisses guys. I can't decide who to kiss first.

Call me delusional.

Because I am.