Resuscitation

I’ve existed for 19 years and I’ve spent 20 % of it miserably waiting for my feelings to be reciprocated, waiting for a mystical fairy to turn me into a picturesque swan, for a prince to stir me from my half-lived life. Who am I kidding? A happy ending isn’t my destiny, but don’t I deserve to be happy? Don’t I deserve to be loved? for the spaces between my fingers be seized by its perfect match? To experience being kissed till I’m out of air? To be imprisoned by a pair of arms that swore to never set me free? Was I just brought out of this world to wander endlessly yearning to bump to a stranger that obviously wasn’t born for me? Am I just an unintended crafted piece isolated from the already solved puzzle?

The orange fire that emanates from the sun oppressing the sky is bidding its farewell. The society branded it as a magnificent panorama but for me it is just a plain touch of nostalgia. I’ve been walking for an hour, my mind was undeniably in overdrive. Gail couldn’t join my  request for an afternoon of depression and somehow I ended up sitting by the Han river. The overwhelming calmness of the water felt like a passive company. The wind blew gently to my face causing my hair to dance to a sentimental rhythm.

“You’re not planning on jumping, are you?”, for a moment it felt like I existed in another universe entirely  and a funny voice pulled me back to the fragile realm of humanity.

“Oppa! What are you doing out in the public?”

“There’s a new chicken restaurant nearby, want some?” He offered me a leg which I instantaneously took.

“Do you come here often?” I asked him after taking a bite. He nodded because a chicken leg occupied his mouth.

“No one ever recognizes you?”

“None, Tae’s been looking for you.”

“Is he?, I didn’t notice that its already late”

“It’s a classical one sided love thing am I right?”

“I see Taemin has already told you about my desperate love for Minho”

“He didn’t have to and I know it isn’t Minho”

“Have you ever experienced that Oppa? That hateful urge to seize someone, you know you can but somehow your body refuses to conform”

“Can’t move like your soul is detached from your body? You mean crave for what you can’t have? No. Not really”

“One sided love for an idol is kind of absurd, life isn’t fair. Severus is right about that”

“It’s unfair for everyone which makes it kind of fair kiddo”

“It’s easier for other people though”

“Let me tell you a secret Shinye. There is no such thing as Onew condition, those body gags, ridiculous jokes; endless smiles are all just plain Onew. Jinki is a completely different person”

“It’s hard to take you seriously while you’re chewing Onew Oppa.”

“You can call me Jinki from now on Shinye, come on I’ll give you a ride home”.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………....

“You were with Onew hyung?” TaeMin asked, he followed me to my room.

“You’re probably ecstatic that it wasn’t Minho right? So leave me alone Tae. I won’t bother you love birds anymore, Jinki Oppa said I could hang out with him.”

“Onew only wants people he likes to call him Jinki”

“Maybe he does, he told me so”

“Told you that he liked you?”

“Told me to call him Jinki from now on, Taemin I won’t get in the way of your happiness. I want us to be normal siblings again okay”.

“You promise not to touch Minho again?”

“I swear to the milky way galaxy to the frozen yogurt in the kitchen to my year-long supply of chocolates”

“Good, then let me do my job”

Have you ever longed for something for an unbelievably long time and when you have given up it came and took you by surprise?

This one moment I vow to etch in my memory.

His lips were softer than I anticipated.

His taste was far sweeter that what I was capable of bearing but as seconds passed it became a comforting flavor. This must be how heaven tasted like. God, I want to stay in this heaven. In his heaven.

His lips molded perfectly to mine as if they were predestined to be there. An addictive sensation engulfed me and I just couldn’t stop melting into his kiss. His tongue found its way inside my mouth and I welcomed it eagerly.

If the world would erupt today, I will hold no complaints. If the sun ceases to shine tomorrow, I will not hold a grudge. If everything would be taken from me, I will choose to claim a single memory.

The memory of my first kiss.

I I know :( A friend told me that i will only succeed in telling a story if i have a first hand experience on them. I was like, what do you want me to do kiss a random guy I meet in the hall way? So yes i lack a lot of things, of experience, of adventure, of foreign emotions. When will i get to live life , like really live it?