JUNHONG’S POV

“ I’m blinded!!!!” – I smirked myself. Was it good or bad, I didn’t know! Could a blinded idiot like me do anything? Of course no. So I just wanted to die as soon as possible. I took a knife on my hand and started to cut my wrist.

First line…not too hurt, second line… a little deeper , it started  bleeding but still not too hurt. Third line… blood pured out from my wrist like a stream but I felt very comfortable, I wasn’t scared anymore, I just wanted to die and this was the best way to kill myself.

“ Come on Death, come here and bring me to the hell” – I laughed out loud like a crazy idiot. My wrist was still bleeding so bad. To a person, it might be hurt them so much but to me it comforted me so well. I had nothing to lose anymore. My life had lost when I was blinded.My love – Himchan, he didn’t love me anymore. He had cheated on me. Might be you think he was a bad guy but I didn’t think so. He was a really good guy but why he did that to me, I couldn’t find eventhough it was a single reason. Or just because I loved him and I trusted him? My god, thinking about him made my heart break. Deeply in my heart, he still remained like a un-erased tattoo. Blood was still streaming from my wrist and tears was puring out from my eyes. I cried not because of hurting my body but because of hurting in my soul. I couldn’t help this anymore.

“ Please Death take me away”- I shouted hopelessly.

Suddenly I heard a noise from the door which I had locked. I was sure that was Yong Guk.

“ Junhong ah, open the door please” – He begged me to open the door but never. I never opened it again so that I could go to the hell sooner. “ Please Junhong ah, don’t do anything stupid”. He knocked on the door very hard liked he wanted to destroy it immediately.

Yong Guk ah, I was the one who had left you on that rainy day, didn’t you remember? And now I had to pay for it. In fact, you had to be happy right ,but ,why were you so good to me like this huh? You didn’t need to take a good care of me hyung ah. Just let me in pain myself. Yong Guk ah, I wasn’t your angel anymore, I was a devil with a big black wings. Darkness was around me so stayed away from me before you got hurt.

I lifted my wrist to nose and smelted. A fishy-blood scent ran into my nose.Normally, I really wanted to vomit when I smelt this but now it was a little good. I tasted my blood… a little fishy but tasty. I went really near the Death.

“ Junhong ah, if you don’t open the door, I will break it right now” – As soon as he completed his sentence, I heard a crash from the door. I heard some hurry footsteps stepped forward me. Suddenly, I was hugged in someone arms too tight. He shook my body and asked

“ What’s wrong with you? Why are you being like this?” – It was Yong Guk.

“ Hyung ah, let me die” – I replied with a determined voice and released his hug. But he hugged me tighter. My head was on his chest and I could hear his heart beating faster and faster.

“ What the hell are you saying Choi Junhong? You want you die. Is this a good decision of a real man?” – He shouted in anger.

“ Hyung ah…”

“ Don’t say anything, I never let you die. I will be by your side eventhough you’re not belong to me anymore” – I could hear his sob. His tears fell down through my hair and I felt it. Suddenly my heart ached badly that I couldn’t help it. I felt so hard to breath then. My head got a damn hurt so that I couldn’t feel anything. And I fainted.

YONG GUK’S POV

When I opened the door, I saw him sitting in the red bed. My god, he was trying to kill himself by cutting his wrist. Junhong ah what the hell you did? I ran into him very fast as if I was flying and hugged him too tight. He told me that he wanted to die but I never let him be. I would protect him from anything.

Junhong ah, didn’t you leave me for your new love? But now why were you being like this? Where was Himchan? Did he know that you were blinded? Did he know that you want to die because of him? Or he was out side with his new love and never mind about you?

Junhong ah, letting you go on that rainy day didn’t mean I stopped loving you. It meant I was the one who always stand behind you watching your happiness. And one day, when you were tired with your love, please took a look back and I was always there. Loving some one doesn’t mean you have to have them. It is the good feeling when you see your love happy.

But now you were in trouble. You fainted in my arms. You weren’t happy like our old promises. What should I do?

***

“ Hyung ah, in the future if we are apart, will you still live happilly without me?” – Innocently, you asked.

“ Of course yes” – I answered

“  What?” – You was surprised at my answer. “ Ya, you must say no” – You beated my chest.

“ I made you disappointed?” – I frowned –“ Sorry”

“ Urddd, I don’t want to play with you anymore. You’re so cruel. Ya, cruel giant!” – Suddenly you pulled me away and turned your back on me. I just smiled lightly and gave you a back hug.

“ Everything will be heal depend on the time. I’m sure that you will also have a great life without me Junhong ah” – I whispered from your back. Hearing what I said, you turned around and hugged me back.

“ It will never happen hyung ah”

“ Promise me Junhong” – Face to face with you, I required.

“ Huh?” – You widened your eyes innocently like a puppy.

“ Promise that you will be alright eventhough there isn’t me by your side”

I put my finger in front of your face and you caught it. This was the promises of you and me.

“ Ok hyung” – You smiled.

***

I used to think that day would never happen but life was always not fair.

Junhong ah, please woke up and did your promises.

Blood…blood was streaming from your wrist. I’m so scared. You knew that I was scared of blood so please stopped bleeding. Please stopped making me feel nervous.

“ Doctor…doctor…” – I ran out side and called the doctors for a help.

I was pulled out of the room. Once again, because of me you needed to fight with Death. Seeing the doctor trying to rescuse you from the hell, I felt really regret. If that day I hadn’t seen Himchan with another guy. If that day I hadn’t called you. If that day you hadn’t found out that you were cheated and if that day I hadn’t thought of  you. You wouldn’t have been hit by me, you wouldn’t have been blinded. You would have had a great life.

But “if” is just “if”. We just can say “if” but cannot heal the pain from that word. “If” is just a word to say when you feel guilty and regret. It’s a bad word!

I knew my fault and I wanted to solve it!

I’ve got my decision, Junhong ah, you will live a happy live!