Your whole body was wrapped inside the white blankets of your bed.  In your mind they felt like a protection.  A shell that held your feelings inside and once you untangled yourself from them they will spill on the ground.  

However, the sun made its appearance again.  Its rays were shinning on the windowpane, heating up your body in the most annoying way.  You let out a groan and sat down on your bed.  Throwing your legs to the side your feet searched for your slippers tiredly.  

Every morning of this past year went like this.  You waited for the sun to warm up your room until it got so suffocating that you untangled yourself from the sheets to begin your day.   For another day you pretended that nothing has change.  Things you tried to past as unnoticed but if they went missing you would go insane.

They were forbidden to be touched.  Like his side of the bed or his favorite letterman jacket that still hanged on the doorknob of your bedroom door.  Even his shoes that were by the front door pointing together at the wall.  Those little things made you think that Yongguk was still alive.  Still by your side…

You dragged your feet to go make yourself breakfast.  But as you did this, your hip brushed Yongguk’s letterman jacket, making it fall from the doorknob.  You sighed and bent down to pick it up.  A small thud reached your ears.  Your eyes widen when you saw what it fell from one of the pockets of the jacket. 

It was envelope and it had your name on it.  You fell on the floor when you recognized the handwriting. Practically ripping the envelope you read out loud the letter. 

“Dear ____________

I know that if you’re reading this letter, I’ve passed away already.  My beloved Jagi, I don’t know how much time it has pass until you found it, but I hope you’re starting to heal.  I’ve been thinking of what it was going to happen to you.  But you know I’ve always believed you were the stronger of the two of us.

I wrote this letter not to haunt you with my memory, but to tell you things that I wanted to make sure you knew.  Things I was too afraid to speak of. From the moment the doctor told me about my condition I grew to accept it.  I was like hurricane writing songs, doing comebacks, anything I could do just to be remembered.  To leave my name in the industry until my time was up.

But then you came along…

 Remember the day we met at the studio and your laughter was filling the room.  You were that extrovert girl who noticed an introvert guy like me.  Until this day I always ask myself why you did.  Then you came more often to write songs with me.  We started to get to know each other better, even fighting to prove our point of views.  But right there I knew I could easily fall in love with you. I wasn’t quite there yet but I knew I could.  And I did _________ah.  I knew you were the one. 

But then I pushed away from me because I was so mad at the world.  So unfair that I got to meet such a wonderful person and not get to spend my whole life with them.  This selfish desire to be with you was so empowering that I couldn’t walk away from you. I just couldn’t and for that I am sorry.  

You know ______, just now as I was writing this letter, your pretty face appeared in my door. I hid the letter, and when you asked me what I was doing.  I lied and told you I was working in another song. But I couldn't tell the truth because I knew that would bring you down. How could I make you sad knowing I'd only have a little time left with you. I only wanted to see you smile for as long as I lived. And I want you to keep sharing your beautiful smile with the world. Who knows? Maybe you'll inspire others the way you inspired me.

Baby, it would break my heart if I thought you’d never be happy again. So please do that for me. Be happy again! Share that light you share with me.

And ____________, thanks. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You were there even when everyone forgot my name. 

 I love you and be happy,

Yongguk”

You chocked as you read those last words.  Saying his name out loud always left that bittersweet feeling.  You couldn’t help but cry.  It was so long ago that you cried and it left you lightheaded.  But it was the best thing you could have done. It took that numbness off your shoulders. 

Taking a deep breath you held the letter against your chest.  You looked around your apartment and you couldn’t help but frown.  What has it become of you?  The walls look so dull and lifeless.  You didn’t even dare to see your reflection, ‘cus you know that it was the same.   If Yongguk saw you right now he would be very disappointed.  The girl that was so bright and witty was silent and still.  You let him down. 

Yongguk’s words really made you think.  The way you were living it couldn’t even consider living! But you were determined to bring that girl back, to make Yongguk proud. 

You cleaned and opened the curtains to let the light in.  You even put on some music and danced around.  It felt so foreign, so the old you. And it was breaking free again.  The hardest part was when you moved Yongguk’s things around.  You weren’t ready to just let go of them. 

Days went by and they were like baby steps.  You started with his clothes and shoes. Some were given to the guys and they were more than welcome to have them.  Seeing their faces again was a blessing and it uplifted you. 

Each passing day weren't like the ones you were wrapped inside your bedroom sheets.  You were slowly untangling you from those dull feelings. You knew now that the right way to remember Yongguk wasn’t the way you were living.  The best way was to cherish the mark he left in you.  A mark so deep that no one will ever compare. 

I didn't like the ending that much but here it goes kkk. I know its a sad one shot but I've seen many people going through this situation, even myself.  It was nice to let these feelings out :3  Also I'm sorry I haven't updated that much lately.  I've been really busy with life and what not.

I will wait for you  is soon to be updated, I'm just giving it the final touches.    Until then and peace out!

Love, Luna