Chapter 6: HURTING

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

I can’t stop thinking about her. Even now when I’m sitting here, she’s filling up my mind. More than anything, my heart’s missing a big chunk of her.

As the photo shoot for the top magazine drew to a close and people started putting equipment away, the 2PM members went around thanking the staff, they’re top idols but they’re paying their respects to everybody. Their incredible performance, their work attitude, their consideration for others earned them as one of the top idols in the industry.

“Hey, there you are.” Wooyoung said and walks up to Nichkhun who is standing by himself on the rooftop of the building where they just finished their magazine shoot.

“We thought you went home ahead of us but then here you are.. having your moment by yourself yet again.” Wooyoung continued and stands beside Nichkhun.

Nichkhun just gave Wooyoung a faint smile. For the past few days, he has been in deep thought. He knows s are noticing it but they know better, so they just leave him alone for a while and not probe him hastily. It has been more than a week since Nichkhun last saw Victoria on a music show. He wanted so much to approach and talk to Victoria at that time but the fear of rejection caught up to him and besides he doesn’t even know what he will say to her.

“I’m sorry if I make you guys worry about me.” Nichkhun finally spoke. “I’ve been really stressed out with the busy schedules, with us having our comeback, doing TV guesting and all. But even though how much of a distraction this whole comeback thing is giving me, I still couldn’t stop thinking about her.”

Wooyoung did not respond but just listened to his friend. He just looks over the horizon while Nichkhun continues to finally open up to him. They have been waiting for him. He has been waiting for his best friend to share his thoughts. Finally Nichkhun seemed to have decided that in this shabby rooftop is the time and place to spill it.

“You know how it feels like when you wanted so much to see someone?  When you wanted to share all your activities for the day with that person? And even though you only get to talk on the phone you still get excited? You don’t see this person right in front of you but you still feel the strong connection you both have for each other?”

Wooyoung looks at Nichkhun this time, but didn’t speak.

“That’s what I used to feel when Victoria and I were still in a relationship… I’m scared.  I’m scared that I won’t be able to feel that ever again with her. I’m scared because I’m beginning to get use without that feeling. I don’t want to get used to it Wooyoung. I don’t want to lose that feeling. I don’t want to lose Victoria. I don’t want to lose her forever.” Nichkhun on the verge of crying looks at Wooyoung as he spoke that last sentence.

“You’re not going to lose her.” Wooyoung said to his friend with a firm. “You can still straighten things out. You just have to explain everything to her. Pursue her.” He continued.

“But I hurt her.” Nichkhun answered him sadly, still remembering that event.

“You are hurting too, hyung.”

Khun turned his gaze away to the houses there to be seen from the rooftop and continue to talk to Wooyoung, “You know that I said to her, I will never make her cry. But I did, and I regret that.”

“It’s not like you had a choice.” The younger man said to him pointing that out.

With pain in his eyes Nichkhun answered him, “I had a choice… and I chose to break her heart.”

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“Unnie!”

Krystal’s sudden voice startled Victoria. Today f(x) had a day off from all their busy schedules and she decided to just stay in their dorm while the rest of the members went out. They have moved to a bigger apartment now after their “Electric Shock” huge success and SME CEO Mr. Kim, as promised, rewarded them the new dorm. Bigger and better and prettier as what Sulli described it when they moved in on the very first day. Victoria was much more delighted when they also learned that they now have their own rooms. Now she can have her very own privacy. Well, not today since Krystal just burst in with a large smoothie cup in her hand.

“Here, I got this for you.” Krystal said as she hands Victoria the plastic cup. “You’re welcome ~.” She continued giving Victoria a playful air kiss.

“Really? Smoothie King?” Victoria looks at the younger girl and smiles.

“Gotta support your endorsements right? Hehe.”

Victoria sits up from her bed and sipped a mouthful of strawberry-vanilla flavored smoothie. Since this afternoon she has been in her room enjoying her day off. Cleaning all the clutters that had filed up from a few weeks they had been busy and never had the time to tidy up anything. Now that all is back in its place again, Victoria leisurely laid on her bed, until Krystal came in, that is. Well, it’s not like Krystal, or any other members can just barge in her room. The rule is when the door is slightly ajar, by all means come in as they like. But when the door is closed, don’t go in or at least knock and she will let them in. And today Victoria left her door slightly open.

“You’re still keeping this?” Krystal said referring to something that’s in her hand. She is now standing by Victoria’s desk rummaging all over her stuff.   

“What?” Victoria said without looking at Krystal.

“This.” Krystal said as she brought it with her and shows it in front of Victoria.

“Oh, that. It’s not like I can just throw it out, you know.” Victoria said. “His mom gave it to me.”

“On the show.” Krystal said emphasizing on the last word.

Victoria just didn’t say anything and Krystal sits on Victoria’s bed. Krystal being the youngest member in the group you wouldn’t even think that she has lots of things to say. It’s like she have become Victoria’s confidante, just like a sister as she once described her.

“Unnie, you know that I really care about you.” Krystal started. “Keeping this and everything else that you have from him will not make you get over him.”

“What if I don’t want to get over him?” Victoria said.

Krystal blinked in surprise when she heard what Victoria just said. She wasn’t expecting her unnie to utter those words. Not long ago Victoria was a wreck, crying her eyes out every night since that eventful day. When Victoria got home from the recording, she went straight to her bed without saying anything to anyone which led the rest of the group to wonder what could’ve happened. The next morning, an intricate breakfast boasts the table. They all ate together like nothing was wrong. They went about their schedules for the day and Victoria seemed to be doing fine as always with her cheerful personality, but when they come home at night, that’s when the crying begins. Every day that was how Victoria is. Cool and all smiles by day, sad and all tears at night. Amber once said that time that they need to do something for their beloved unnie to be happy once again.

They have succeeded in doing that and now Victoria seemed to be getting back on track on her usual self again. Now hearing that from her unnie is like doing all those crying at night all over again. Krystal was right about her hunch last week when they were in Music Bank. She saw Nichkhun looking intensely at Victoria when they were all on the stage and she just had to do something to break that link. She stole Victoria’s attention away and started talking with her making Victoria look at her. Krystal doesn’t want her unnie to cry again.

“What are you saying unnie? Do you still love him?” Krystal asked Victoria once she gathered all her thoughts.

“I don’t know…” Victoria answered. “You all know I got really hurt about what he did. And even though I know I could get hurt even more by not letting him go completely, I still have this strong feeling that this can’t be the end of us.”

“Maybe you just want to know why he broke up with you. You just want to know the reason, that’s why you’re still holding on to him.” Krystal said.

“It could be it, Krys. But I really don’t know…” Victoria answered looking at her friend. She knows how much her members love her. She couldn’t help but to feel so loved by them when she had to go through the break-up. Krystal, who has been like a real sister to her, Amber who has been her strong wall, Luna who always making her smile and Sulli the innocence in her just by looking at her makes her feel warm. All these girls treated her like family which Victoria is very thankful for. She doesn’t want them to feel burdened by her, but her own emotion gets her conflicted. She knows there is an unfinished business between her and Nichkhun and maybe her members can help her. She is glad that they knew about their relationship, not at the start though, she showed a light curl smile on her face as she remembers how her members found out.

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A/N: Thank you guys! I'm sorry for the late update. Thank you to my new subscribers! Wahhhh~ I really appreciate this guys. I will try my best to write and continue my story, please don't leave me! he~he~.

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