Chapter 4: RECALL pt.3

Last part of the Flashback chapter

Today’s recording for Radio Star’s “Foreigner Special” episode with three guests Robert Harley from the USA, f(x)’s leader Victoria, and 2PM’s face Nichkhun, is nearing its end as some of the staff are preparing to wrap-up the filming. Victoria talked about her love for exotic foods like chicken feet, chicken brain, cow tongues and fish eyes. Nichkhun shared his past relationship, revealing that he had a Korean girlfriend on his younger years.  Throughout the recording that lasted for about 2 hours, Nichkhun and Victoria have been very careful in their speech, choice of words and actions so that people will not raise suspicions that something might be going on between them. Although they laugh together during the filming, they kept their cover of being just ‘comrades’ to the hosts and hopefully through the television as well once the show gets aired.

“Good job everyone!” the floor director said when the recording finally got completed. “Thank you! And get home safe!” he continued.

Nickhun, Victoria and the MC’s all said their thank you’s and goodbyes, and set off separately out from the filming studio and into the hallways. Victoria walked in a faster pace than normal so she can walk beside her manager Im KuHyun. She needs to tell her manager that she forgot something in the studio and she needs to go back and get it. A lame made-up excuse.

“Oppa,” Victoria started. “I need to go back to the studio. I think I dropped one of my bracelets.” She continued while holding her right wrist.

Manager KuHyun, his eyes squinting, looked at her questioningly, but then said, “Go quickly and we’ll just wait for you in the parking lot.”

“Yes oppa.” Victoria said with a smile. “Thank you!”  

Manager KuHyun watching Victoria’s back as she walks away, let out a heavy sigh.

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While Victoria pretends to be walking back to the studio, she couldn’t help but feel shameful about lying to her manager KuHyun. She must be being so damn selfish that she lied to their manager who have been there with her since f(x)’s debut. But she just couldn’t or cannot tell him about her and Nichkhun’s secret relationship. I’m so sorry oppa. She mentally said hoping that her manager could somehow hear her apology.

Right now all Victoria’s concern is to see Nichkhun since she’s not sure when will they again have the opportunity to meet again like this. It could be for another week or so and could be even for months so she wants to make the most of every minute. She starts to type a message on her phone still walking straight down the hallway. She looks back and checks if it’s safe enough to make a detour to the meeting place they agreed upon.

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“Where are you going?” Seo Minjae asked Nichkhun while he finishes packing the remaining of their belongings inside one of MBC’s waiting room so they could leave and move on to their next destination.  Nichkhun, his hand still on the door knob mentally wants to kick himself for not having the quick thinking of what excuse he should reason to his manager. He opens the door halfway and speaks, “I’ll just go out and get some air. It’s kinda hot in here.” He then swiftly went out the room leaving Seo Minjae dumbfounded inside the completely air-conditioned room.

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Victoria leans on the off-white walls waiting for Nichkhun in the exit stairway of the MBC building. She thought that not many people use the stairs nowadays, instead they use the elevators. That’s why she suggested having their secret meeting in the shabby staircase. It doesn’t matter though since they won’t stay there for too long. Since their earlier encounter on yet another peculiar meeting place on the 3^rd floor, Nichkhun seemed weird to her. More than wanting to see him again, Victoria is really curious on what has Nichkhun has to tell her. The sound of the doorknob being twisted made Victoria look at who’s behind the door, she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Nichkhun entering and closing the door behind him.

“So….” Victoria trailed.

“What did you tell your manager?” Nichkhun asked her once they are both sitting on the steps. He still doesn’t quite know how to tell her.

“I told him I forgot my bracelet in the studio.” Victoria answered, remembering how it felt lying to her manager.

“But did you really lose it?”

“No.”

“Well, what are you going to say when he asks you if you found it or not?”

“I don’t know yet, but I don’t want to lie to him again.”

“Yeah I know…”

Silence filled the already quite stairways as both of them just sat there. Victoria is now feeling the uneasy atmosphere around. She was about to say something when Nichkhun suddenly spoke,

“I think we should break-up.”

Victoria froze.

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Victoria’s heart got crushed. As if a big concrete wall plummeted onto her. She could not believe Nichkhun will say those words.

Disappointed and hurt is what she felt. Disappointed because how could he hurt her like this?

What could she have done wrong for Nichkhun to decide to let go and give up on their relationship?  What is all just career for him? What does she really mean to him?

I thought you love me? I thought you won’t give up? I thought you said you wanted to be with me?

These thoughts kept replaying inside Victoria’s head as she sits on the moving van her manager is driving on their way to her dorm. Ever since she got in the van she has not yet spoken a single word, and they have been in the highway for about 30 minutes now.

 Her manager Im KuHyun has been glancing and observing Victoria from his rear-view mirror for the past 30 minutes. Victoria have been silent ever since they left the MBC building. KuHyun was waiting for her in the parking lot when the van’s sliding door swung open with Victoria getting in. He even asked her if they are good to go but Victoria only answered him with a nod and proceeded to look out the window. Now he’s getting worried she might get a stiff neck for looking out the window for too long. More than that though, his concern for her is getting bigger since he’s got a fairly good idea of what caused Victoria's quietness.

Nichkhun.

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Nichkhun sits on his own van on their way to yet again another schedule. All in all he did 4 activities today, 5 when this last one is done. He’s starting to feel the fatigue around his body and how he just wanted to collapse on his soft bed back at the dorm and sleep. But more significantly, his exhaustion cannot compete with what had happened in the stairways with Victoria. They had just broken up. He told her they should stop seeing each other, and stop their communication. He said all these to Victoria without looking at her. He remembers how Victoria stood up in front of him, tears falling down her eyes uncontrollably. He wanted to stand up and wipe them off of her face but he couldn’t move his body, as if he’s become numb.

Victoria asked him, “Why? Why are you doing this Nichkhun?”

“I need to do this Victoria.” He simply said. He couldn’t explain any further.

“Do you love me?” Victoria asked him straight on his face.

Nichkhun looks straight to her tears soaked eyes, hoping Victoria could see what his heart really wanted to say through his eyes.

“Answer me.” Victoria asked again, firmly.

“I’m sorry.” Was all Nichkhun could say. Victoria turns and walks out through the door leaving Nichkhun standing on the lonely stairways by himself.

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“Hey Khun!” Seo-minjae has been calling Nichkhun’s name for the 3^rd time. Driving to their next location, he himself is pretty tired. He’s been up since 4 in the morning for Nichkhun’s first schedule for the day. Nichkhun on the other hand has been spacing out inside the van. Normally Nichkhun talks and makes conversations when they go driving like this. But all had Nichkhun said today was “I want to go home and sleep already.” That was what he said when he got in the van.

“Khun!” Minjae said a bit louder this time. Nichkhun seem to look startled as he look at his manager with a “what?” look on his face.

“I’ve been calling your name for like about gazillion times.” His manager said.

“Why?” Nichkhun answered.

“I wanna just ask if you want to grab something to eat first before we arrive at the place.” His manager can finally ask.

“Yeah, sure.” Nichkhun simply answered.

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Nichkhun didn’t even hear his manager call his name. He was so engrossed with his thoughts. This day is going to be hard to forget, he thought.

 He looks out the window and stares at the clouds afar, it’s as if saying these words to the egg yolk-colored sun setting on the horizon, he lets his heart speak:  

I’ll make you understand, when the time comes. I promise. Just wait. I love you, Victoria.

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