SECRET had won #1 w/ “Love is Move” for that week’s Inkigayo and for the various music shows that had followed. When they had won at Inkigayo, Doojoon had walked towards Hyosung, he was about to hug her but thought against it and instead gave her a high five, when the winner was being announced, Kikwang had not said anything. She, of course, had glanced towards him many times, she felt that he acted different, not once did he look at her, he acted like she wasn’t there, he looked…solemn. Kikwang had left immediately w/ the crowd of idols as soon as the winner was called out, only Dojoon lingered w/ them until their encore stage, she didn’t care, she had thought then but the way Kikwang acted, honestly, actually puzzled her. . A week has passed since then, Hyosung was at their company’s dance studio on a Friday night, she wanted to spend the night dancing. She plopped down on the floor, breathing heavily. She and Dojoon had not seen each other since Sunday, well, he did invite her out for coffee twice but the week was too busy that she couldn’t squeeze in any time for him. They had continually been texting each other through the week though. She felt happy that she had found a friend in him but she was feeling that he wanted them to be more than just friends and that kinda scared her because she did like him but not like “like” him but, if she had to admit it to herself, it was going towards that kind of “like”. She felt torn because she knew that if she let her guard down, she might turn out to be in another relationship w/ her ex’s close friend and although she hated Kikwang’s guts, it felt unfair for him that she be in a relationship w/ Dojoon. She got up and did some stretches, her phone rang.

“Yes?” she answered.

“Unnie! Karaoke, now! Hongdae, you know the place.” It was Sunhwa.

Hyosung laughed, “All right, be there in an hour.” She smiled.

“Now! Unnie, now!” Sunhwa insisted. Hyosung laughed again and dropped the call. She picked up her bag and headed straight to the shower rooms. “Sunhwa can wait, I’m not showing up there smelling like socks.” She said to herself.

The week at BEAST’s dorm was still quiet although almost everything was back to normal. Dojoon and Kikwang still hadn’t spoken a single word to each other though. Dojoon and the other members had noticed a change in Kikwang, in the week that passed, not once did he go out drinking, he just was mostly in the dorm, in his room, he didn’t look pissed off all the time anymore, he was quiet and looked..defeated but solemn, it was an eerie combination. He moved like nobody else lived their w/ him. The other members were freaked but welcomed the peace just the same.

Sunhwa had called Dojoon earlier to invite him for Karaoke night. He knew Hyosung was going to be there so he had meticulously dressed up. He went towards their living room and caught a glimpse of Kikwang smoking in the veranda. He sighed, although Kikwang had stopped drinking, his smoking had increased. Dojoon had avoided Kikwang so they wouldn’t talk about what was happening but seeing his friend like that, at that moment, he decided that it was time.

Dojoon walked towards the veranda, “Kikwang-ah” he called out softly. Kikwang didn’t look back or answer him but Dojoon knew he heard him w/ the way Kikwang’s shoulder tensed up.

Dojoon sat on one of the sun chairs and watched Kikwangs back, he continued smoking while looking towards the view of the city. Dojoon sighed, “Let’s talk.”

After what seemed like a minute of silence, Kikwang answered, “Talk then.” He said tonelessly.

“Is this about Hyosung?.....or me?” Dojoon asked carefully.

“Are you together finally?” Kikwang answered w/ a question, again tonelessly.

“No….I haven’t…” Dojoon faltered “…I haven’t confessed to her…yet..” he said slowly.

Kikwang went towards the sun chair beside him and sat down. He nodded slowly, “You really like her huh.” He stated matter-of-factly.

Dojoon stared at him and began to nod, “I do.” He said w/ caution. Then for the first time in a long time, he saw Kikwang smile, it looked like a really sad smile though, but that was such an improvement from the ghost he had been this past week. “You still have feelings for her?” Dojoon asked, again being careful.

Kikwang lay on the sun chair making a sound while stretching his arms, “Stupid huh? I was the one who broke up w/ her but I still have feelings for her. Guess that , Karma, is real after all.” He laughed bitterly. Dojoon stayed quiet, “So when did you start liking her?” he asked, changing the subject. “Because I sure as hell don’t want to believe that you suddenly just woke up one day deciding to go after my ex…Why her of all people?” Kikwang asked sincerely, what Dojoon noted was that it was asked w/ a little bitterness but more of curiosity.

Dojoon smiled slowly, “I think I liked her from the first time I saw her.” Thinking of the memory in the coffee shop years ago,he decided to share his story, “ When I was a trainee at JYP, the other trainees and I went to this random coffee shop, she was there at the cash register.”

“Hyosung?” Kikwang asked, amused.
 

Dojoon nodded, “I made a move towards her but failed. I didn’t see her anymore after that, I did go back to the coffee shop more than once but she wasn’t there anymore. Then we debuted and they did after a month. I was honestly surprised but I couldn’t do anything about it though..”

Kikwang nodded slowly, realization dawned on him “Because you’re the leader..”

Dojoon sighed “..yeah..”

Kikwang stared at nothing in particular. Dojoon glancing at him from time to time. They were both quiet after a while.

“So you believe in love at first sight?” Kikwang suddenly asked.

“I do.” answered Dojoon.

Kikwang sighed. “It was love at first sight with her too, you know…”

Dojoon watched him warily.

“I was sitting in the hallway and there she was, walking towards me….I confessed to her instantly but she didn’t take me seriously.” Kikwang chuckled. “It might sound cheesy and cliché but, like, there was this glow of light around her.”

Dojoon nodded in agreement.

“You may not really know anything about how our relationship was because I never told anyone.. I just..I just really wanted her to myself. She was my precious secret..” Kikwang stood up looking over the ledge. “We were so ing good together.” He turned to Dojoon. “..and I ed it up.” A bitter laugh leaving his mouth.

Dojoon stood up and looked at Kikwang straight in the eyes. “Now, it’s my turn to have a shot at a relationship with her and I’m asking for your permission right now.”

Kikwang smirked although he looked sad. “Don’t it up. She deserves to be happy.” Kikwang said.

Dojoon nodded once and turned his back, leaving.

“Doojon-ah.” Kikwang called. Dojoon stopped but didn’t look back. “If you up, I’ll be there for her.”

“Fair enough.” Dojoon said while grinning. Leaving to meet the girls.

Kikwang watched his retreating form, when he was gone, he let the tears, he was holding back, free.

“.” He muttered.